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They Don't Know, They Don't See
I watch everyday
As though I’m separate from my body
I go through in a haze
My mind is clouded in a fog
Can they hear?
My heart is as loud as a piercing shriek
Pounding hard against my ribs
Can they see?
The tremors wracking my body?
My breath coming fast and short
I see
In the mirror
Not who I used to be
Now I see a frightened girl
Trying on so many faces to please everyone else
They don’t know
They don’t see
Both of my parents are dying
I look at them and see them withering away
None of us talk about it
I guess it’s good I’m good at hiding my crybaby fits
And then I plant a smile of a mask
On my face when I pull up to school
Suck in my breath and hide all my fears
Swallow back all my tears
They don’t know
They don’t see
I’m told I never let anyone in
But how can I?
When all I know is betrayal and pain?
I suddenly turn bind
When I get to school
I pretend everything is fine
But I know
Its not, none of it is
I’m struggling at night
I cry myself to sleep
Thinking over my day
I tell myself
Their bullies
They always have been
And always will be
I tell myself
They were never your true friends in the first place
I see
Their snickers behind their hands
Their taunting faces when I look at them
I hear
Their taunting voices as they comment about me
Their shrill laughter ringing in my ears
I tell myself
They’re bullies
I’m glad they’ve got nothing else to do
But make me the center of their world
Because
They don’t know
They don’t see
My parents are dying
My brother is out of control
Every night I crumble to my knees
Face to the sky, tears on my cheeks
Everyday I pull up to school
It’s hard to leave my parents
But I can’t stand to watch it anymore so I do leave
Everyday I pull up to school
A lightening streak of fear strikes my heart
I don’t want to be there anymore
They don’t know
They don’t see
They’re only bullies
I tell myself
I’m flattered to be the center of their world
I’m glad they think I’m famous
Famous enough for them to be obsessed with
They don’t know
They don’t see
A mask on my face
Mouth taped shut
Can they see?
I’m still crumbling
Can they hear?
These unending silent cries?
I see
In the mirror
Not who I used to be
Now I see a frightened girl
Trying on so many faces to please everyone else
I remind myself
Their only bullies
With nothing better to do
I remind myself
It’s their fault
There’s nothing I can do now
And yet I feel,
So useless
So helpless
My hands are ties
Mouth zipped closed
And they don’t know
And they don’t see
How much fiery pain I endure
And yet, sometimes,
I manage a real smile
And just for awhile
I forget it all
And then the bell shrieks in my ear
I blow a kiss and race to class
To where it’s all back again
And then the bell shrieks in my ear
I blow a kiss and rush home
To where its al back again
They don’t know
They don’t see
I remind myself
At day
They’re only bullies
I remind myself
At night
No one here wants my help
Why should I keep trying anymore?
And I remind myself
Because
They don’t know
They don’t see
Then I realize
I’m only lying to myself
I should tell myself the truth
So I try
I know
They don’t know
They don’t see
I realize
I’m so tired
So tired of no sleep
So tired of crying myself to sleep
So tired of not being able to trust
So tired of not telling, of keeping all my worries in
They don’t know
They don’t see
That unending fight I was in
I just got up and walked from
I got tired of it
The pain that envelops my heart
24/7 365 days a year
It really throws me into a pitch of fear
Tears are in my eyes
No one hears my pleading cries
They don’t know
They don’t see
I won’t let them
I don’t trust them
They have given me every reason not to
My parents are withering away
I have nightmares over them
I don’t say anything
There isn’t anything I can do
I see
In the mirror
Not who I used to be
Now I see a frightened girl
Trying on so many faces to please everyone else
Because
They don’t know
They don’t see
All this pain and hurt in me
All the terror I face
They don’t know
They don’t see
Until it’s their time
I’m walking in silence
But in their eyes
I’m on the red carpet
Because I’m just that famous
They don’t know
And they don’t see
This is my story
They know nothing about me
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Favorite Quote:
Time only numbs all pain, it does not heal the wounds created by, nor does it heal the pain