With Winter at my side
Cold thoughts invade my mind
‘Cause Autumn stepped aside
And Summer’s far behind.

With Winter at my side
I find it hard to hide
My sorrow greater
Than that of our creator

For sorrowful He must be!
Guilty and ashamed
For having created me
Since my mistakes are his to blame

Oh, but if I’d been a bird,
What a change in history!
Always free and never bored,
Keeping my pain a mystery!

Were I a snowflake, I’d be glad
To never stumble on my feet,
To hold beauty like I’ve never had,
And with open arms accept defeat.

For the Sun will dominate,
Whether I be rain or snow or both.
But it’s better than to hate
Your own soul and God loathe.

So even as a rotten tree trunk or snapped branch,
As a broken seashell in the open sea,
Or sick cow in a lost ranch
All of this is better than simply being “me”

What a delight it must’ve been
To live a life of tigers.
Never ugly, only beauty on my skin.
Not afraid, but a brave fighter.

And what such peace
I could’ve found
Either with bees
Or basset hounds.

And wouldn’t it be grand
To be a flower or a weed
Planted on fertile land,
Growing from the seeds?

Even a leaf I’d loved to be
With only purpose to be blown,
Without all the mess of “me”
Having to be shown.

If only I could be a fish or shark.
Be killed, I wouldn’t mind.
‘Cause it’s better than the dark
Of this life I’ve been assigned.

Each day I shake my head.
“What is this you show, Mirror?”
Only the face I greatly dread.
But each day it just gets clearer:

I need to die.
- Just to revive.
Be purified.
And satisfied.

Maybe then I’ll be at peace.
Maybe then I’ll fly with bees,
Or howl in a wolf pack,
Or as a humming bird fly front and back.

Maybe with a tail
I’ll get simplicity.
I’ll trade this soul so frail
For one without complexity.

Had I these qualities
Maybe God won’t be ashamed of me.
Even make a place for me in heaven,
See me as His child without a question.

So maybe then will He have love for me
And maybe I will love me too.
For don’t you know that loving me
Is such a hard and painful thing to do?

Don’t you know that knowing me
Comes with “F***!” and “Damn”
And, plain to see,
A disgrace for every man?

Don’t you know that people hide
And are afraid
To have “me” by their side
And wish for “me” to fade?

Won’t you, please, understand
That I can’t be human,
But still creature by God’s hand?
- Animal instead of man.

So maybe then…

When Winter’s at my side,
When Autumn’s stepped aside,
And Summer’s far behind,
I will not lose my mind.

Maybe then…

When Winter’s at my side,
I won’t be shy,
Or in shadows try to hide
‘Cause I’ll be free and that WILL suffice
Whether I be bird or tree,
Whether I be frog or seed.
For I, for once… won't be "me".