Though it began with only a
Crack in a mirror,
I become shattered
With every ounce of pressure the pain spreads
And from that imperfection
We see a torn reflection
Now revealing a torn mind
A torn heart
And torn thoughts
These thoughts have been providing
Fuel for the fire that’s residing
Behind my reactions
Which you only see
By the view of my branches
But you forget how they began in my roots
Deep down beneath the weeds and scars
The dirt, grime and regrets
There is a soul
And now this supposed tree of my life
Is not only in need of water
It’s in need of realizations
Yes I’m sure you’ve all heard the story
that was played to you in movies.
But instead of receiving my happy ending
I receive more and more temptations
Which change the story to
The girl with the broken heart
The tree with the snapped limb
The mirror with the shattered glass.
And Over and over
I replay this movie
As these feelings
Turn to inclinations
Leading to more or less hesitation as
My gut says walk
My heart says stop
My mind says talk
But life has it’s own agenda
And I’ve memorized the feeling of falling
As I’m kicked down
But no one listens when I’m calling
For help.
For love.
For happiness.
For hope.
For a family that I don’t have to watch crumble apart
For the strength to stop the self harm
Or to stop it before it starts
And no, self harm doesn’t mean I’m slitting my wrists
It means I’m looking in the mirror
Hating myself because that dress wouldn’t fit
Skipping meals because of how my mother looks at me
Up and down and says, “You should really get back to running”
The self-harm is when I blame myself
Because you put me on your shelf
As the girl to just keep around
Until you get bored
The self-harm
Is when I say sorry
For things that are clearly not my fault
And I’m tired of
Getting pushed down
Landing on asphalt
And I shatter
Those hundreds of glass pieces
Spread out across the ground
Showing my reflection
Revealing a torn mind
A torn heart
And torn thoughts
And a year ago
I would have waited to be found
I would have sat and waited
For someone to come around
To try to put me back together
But I know
The glue they’d use wouldn’t hold forever
But now reality has dealt me a different hand
I don’t need to rely on another woman or man
If I say I can do something then I can
And I grab those tinny shattered pieces
And put them back together with

My sound mind,
My sown heart
And my sane thoughts