I find it very strange how you can hide so much behind a smile.
You surely fooled me.
The truth I'm slowly revealing about you scares me.
I feel as if I haven't fulfill my purpose yet.
I haven't saved you or changed you for the better.
I merely stood aside and watched.
It's odd for me to do so, because of all the people God sent to me for help, you are of the rare that I've let go without doing a thing.
I'm confused on what to think.
A part of me feels like its not my place to step up and lend a hand because I'm afraid you may not want it.
But doing nothing creates a guilt in me that weighs heavy on my heart.
Do I care too much?
Or not enough?

You are gone, yet still here.
Why is that so?
I thought it was a goodbye, not a "talk to you later".
But I honestly cannot let go when I see you like this, I want to help but I don't know how and I'm afraid to do so.
I know you won't be rude about any of this, but something is still holding me back.
Am I afraid to fall deeper, when the struggle to climb back up is already hard enough.
I am unsure of the reason or source of my fear.
I really thought all this was in the past and that we can, I can, move forward but it's almost impossible to do so knowing that you are still struggling to see what I see.
I really wish you could see what I see in you.

How is it that you are hiding so much pain and hurt behind that smile of yours.
And your eyes, hold tears that long to shed.
I want to know what's wrong but I'm afraid to ask.
I'm unclear about where we stand, and it hurts to think about what could have been.

I want nothing more than for you to be happy, and find yourself smiling like you deserve to.
I wish you could seek help but from those who will actually do something, like me.
Can't you see that I am willing to help?
I want to help but you need to show that you want the help.
You are not this person full of hate that you portray to be.
You are so much more.
I can see it in your eyes.
I can hear it in your voice.
I can feel it in your hug.
You felt safe and loved and you didn't want to let go.
And you didn't have to.
You still don't have to.
I'm still here.
Just say something.
I'm always here.
Please just say something.
Anything.
I want you to reach out and say something.
I can mend the pain because I care.
Love can heal all wounds with time.
Let me help and save you.
I know I can.
I've done it before.
And it will be no different from you.
Just say so and I'm here.
No but, if, or anything about it.
Just say it.
Don't be afraid.
You know I care.
Or at least I wish you did.
I wish you knew it all and that you could read this.