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Existence
Sartre
said we are responsible
burdened by the crushing weight of freedom
Murphy killed a man
who ran out onto the road
a suicide attempt
so how was it Murphy's fault?
then again
no excuses
This is the burden of
True Freedom
The woman across the street
with white blonde hair and
black pools
that search the trees
for meaning
felt this burden
So she sat still on her porch
for seven days and seven nights
not moving,
not drinking,
not eating,
soiling herself
as she sat calmly
keeping her mind clear
but
her decision to not make a decision
was still a weight
on her
unconscious
trembling
shoulders
and
she was hauled off to the insanitarium
in the wake of the eighth morning
I feel that burden now
feel the strain on my mind
from the inbuilt library
of knowledge
that institutions drag out
book by book
page by page
kicking and screaming
dead and living
Apocalypse comes
the day when a human
finally drags open
the doors to the library
Sartre says
"existence before essence"
a mighty depressing fellow
they say
but they don't understand
why Murphy shot himself
two months after the accident
they don't understand
why the woman across the street
sat so still and calmly
for seven days and seven nights
in her own filth
No
they don't understand
why I can't express myself
through the inhibitions of words
or images
this parasite in my head
is knawing away at the doors
wood crumbling away
and deeper and deeper I dig
a masochistic fantasy
until I hit the surface again
Because
it's not me
that will bring
the end.
It's them.
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It may be masochistic; but it's better than being blind and safe.
As Socrates says: "A life not examined, is a life not worth living."