I get get off the bus
and head to my room
I lay on my bed
my fingers claw the covers
I use my other hand to gently remove the mask

and the painted smile
from my lips
i sigh
a sigh
of relief
and of pain

I let the loneliness consume me
like the inky darkness of my room
tendrils of pain lick my ankles and wrists
taunting me

the vultures love my painted smiles
they lap up my occasionally visual suffering like ambrosia
letting it drip off their chins like the animals they are

the mask is my armor
but also my burden
I choose it over living as I wish
to protect my heart from the beasts

maybe one day I will change my mind
or have it changed for me
but until that day comes
I will wear my mask
and painted smile
but not today
or tomorrow