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April 5, 2010
By sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
More by this author
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

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When I was little
I would ride and ride
On a beautiful white horse
With tassels in his mane.
I was a queen,
Smiling at the
People below me,
Moving and giggling
To the sound of
Music.
The notes twirled,
Dancing with a
Happy smile
Audibly seen.
They sent me
Into a dreamland
That was pure…
Simplistic…
Real.

But it wasn’t.
It was just your
Quarters
Continuously feeding me
False dreams.
And when they stopped,
Fed me harsh
Realities.

© Julie P., Rochdale, MA

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 10 comments.

fadingaway1324 SILVER said...
on Aug. 16 2010 at 4:29 pm
fadingaway1324 SILVER, Latrobe, Pennsylvania
7 articles 4 photos 24 comments
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i dont have an open mind like you for critique. its written the way its written and i love it the way it is
HeatherBee BRONZE said...
on Aug. 16 2010 at 8:03 am
HeatherBee BRONZE, I Live In, Texas
1 article 0 photos 1979 comments

Favorite Quote:
Go on and try to tear me down. I will be rising from the ground, like a skyscraper<br /> <br /> Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect

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awww, that was a really good poem. i liked the idea of it...ur a good writer dude ^^
babigerl1194 PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 13 2010 at 12:15 pm
babigerl1194 PLATINUM, Margaretville, New York
23 articles 10 photos 155 comments

Favorite Quote:
wat doesnt kill you only makes you stronger

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OMG! I just LOVE this. the way you wrote sounds like its from a book or a movie. a quote that would become notorious. But it totally fits as poetry. one word having its own line just screams to me and pops. excellent!
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 7 2010 at 11:08 pm
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, &#039;I have always thought that but never found the words for it.&#039;&quot; -anonymous

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Ok.... yeah... Thanks!!!
cheyenneduhon PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 3 2010 at 10:10 pm
cheyenneduhon PLATINUM, Lumberton, Texas
31 articles 0 photos 144 comments
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But it wasn't.

It was just your

Quarters

Continuously feeding me

False dreams.

And when they stopped,

My eyes focused

On the world surrounding me.

Spotting mistakes,

And misfortunes,

The little girls dreams faded,

Feeding me harsh

Realities.

sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 3 2010 at 9:05 pm
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, &#039;I have always thought that but never found the words for it.&#039;&quot; -anonymous

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Thank you for the feedback and then suggestion. I really love it when people tell me the critiques. I'm just curious to see what you have in mind for the fillers between those lines. I definitely can see what you mean about something being missing, but I'm wondering about your take.

 

cheyenneduhon PLATINUM said...
on Aug. 3 2010 at 12:56 pm
cheyenneduhon PLATINUM, Lumberton, Texas
31 articles 0 photos 144 comments
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I really liked this one, i understadn now what you were saying about some of my poetry. Yours has a better flow without all the commas i would have put.

The end of the last stanza;

"And when they stopped

Fed me harsh

Realities."

It just seems like something more is needed in between the lines..Like its just missing a little someting. Just take that into consideration.

Inherinerd GOLD said...
on Jul. 27 2010 at 3:18 pm
Inherinerd GOLD, Ashland, Ohio
16 articles 9 photos 302 comments

Favorite Quote:
A word to the wise ain&#039;t nessecary it&#039;s the stupid ones that need the advise

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I really like the emotion in all of your pieces. The flow was pretty good except for a few places where the end of the line broke in an odd place. I like how the whole time you conveyed the joy and the confidence and then in the end i liked how reality came crashing down on you.
NeverClarity SILVER said...
on Jul. 18 2010 at 1:32 pm
NeverClarity SILVER, Bensalem, Pennsylvania
8 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Tell me, tell me what makes you think that you are invincible? I can see it in your eyes that you&#039;re so sure. Please don&#039;t tell me that I&#039;m the only one that&#039;s vulnerable. Impossible.&quot; - Secondhand Serenade

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This is amazing. I love that you stress the "invincible" feeling, like anything can happen and you're living in a dream before reality sets in. I also like that you allude to the fact that the quarters fed into the carousel are like lies fed to the rider. Nicejob!
TheRealAriel1995 PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 16 2010 at 6:59 pm
TheRealAriel1995 PLATINUM, Highland Village, Texas
30 articles 6 photos 203 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;See in what peace a Christian can die.&quot; - Joseph Addison<br /> &quot;How come everyone will come to your funeral, but nobody will come see you when you are living?&quot;

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so well worded. u hav such a beautiful talent