Part 1

In bored leisure I watch as millions die gruesome violent deaths
Now and then I'll laugh spitefully as someone suffers a particularly horrifying end

After awhile I get tired
So I surf the channel for something else

Torment is old
Sex played out
Violence?... Naw, maybe later

I give a long drawn out sigh as I abandon the T.V. for the latest action packed video game

As I fight my way through a zombie packed room with my shotgun
I yell unconciously, "Die mother f*****s! Die, Die!"
Unaware of my 2 yr. old brother watching in fascination

He comes up to me with a delighted smile on his face
Waving his favorite worn teddy bear, blocking my view
I barely spare him a glance as I shove him out of the way

He falls down on his rump cushioned by his pamper, unhurt
Undeterred he grabs my right hand
Still trying to gain my attention

In the game I'm overpowered then killed
Swearing in anger I ball up my fist
Then punch his tiny little chin
Sending him sprawling on the floor

He cries out in pain
I hear him hyperventilating, fighting for air
I watch him ball up in a tight ball
Then he throws his tiny little hands in the air as if to ward off any more blows

I stare in shocked amazement
Then I'm thoroughly disgusted with myself
I pick him up saying sorry over and over again trying to soothe the racking sobs

He calms down, looks at me and slowly smiles
There's a swollen bruise building up on his chin
I can't stand the forgiveness I see in his eyes
I look away, self-loathing building up, choking my throat

Wordlessly I hand him to my mother not bothering to explain
Walk blindingly out the door
And keep walking till I reach the thawing bay
Silently survey the dangerous ice and waves crash onto the beach

Pain to a dizzying degree stabs my heart
How could I hit him?
He's my brother!
How could he still love me?

Thoughts of suicide attack my viciously
I'm scared but the hatred I have for myself is stronger
No one loves a bully, a violent one at that

Slowly I walk towards the enraged waters
Sucking in my breath as the bone chilling water rises high up my thighs
Then to my chest, then over my head completely

The waves push and pull at me
Driving what little air I have out
Sense of gravity is gone as floor becomes roof and roof becomes floor
I can't think, I'm too terrified

My lungs burn as my body convulses, wanting air
Can't hold it in anymore, I open my mouth and salt water rushes in
Just like the angry waves tear at my body
The water in my mouth tears at my throat
The pain! Such pain

The water is completly clouded and dark
But amazingly my sight becomes darker
I become lightheaded, than slowly lose conciousness
Giving into silent arms of dark's embrace