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Sanity and the Other
Wind and rain,
Pounding down,
Hear the all
Unbroken sound.
Love and life
Hidden now,
Beneath the soft
And soaking ground.
Lost and tormented
Are we all.
Buried so deep
We missed the call.
Hope and loss
So intricately intertwined,
Loss of hope,
Hope of time.
Worn out faces
All around.
Faces caked in dirt
From the ground.
Whispers and cries
Of aching loss.
Now we wonder,
Was it worth the cost?
Dead and breathing
Our broken hearts beat
Beneath the chest
Of broken feats.
The dreams and promises
We all had,
Until we lost
What was truly mad.
Sanity and the other,
Which shall it be?
Both treated with
Such enormity….
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This article has 8 comments.
(disclaimer: this is not feedback for feedback. I don't believe in feedback for feedback but since you were so honest I figured your stuff might be good and interesting. And it is. That's why I'm looking at it)
So I'm not really an expert on poetry but I really liked this and I can see that it's meaningful and like Lusis said it has good rythm. It really reminds me of Pete Loefler's lyrics (he's the singer of Chevelle) because they're really awesome, choppy but hardly make sense to me. But the not making sense has to do with my inability to understand poetry at times lol. Awesome stuff!
Your title immediately caught my eye, and I thought maybe you were referring to "the Other" in terms of philosophy. I can see how it could fit in, although I don't know if it was intentional or not :D
Overall, I love the rhythm to this. The lines are short, but the whole poem's got a nice flow to it. I actually like the "intricately intertwined." Alliteration! I guess the reader just has to read faster mentally, lol. And you have these nice little parallelisms too! Like hope and loss, loss of hope, hope of time. I forget what the official terms are, but I like your use of them :)
Pretty good, just one hting that bugged me.
the line "so intricately intertwined" doesnt really fit the beat of the rest of the poem. I'm not sure how you could change that to fit, but I'm sure you'll think of something :)
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Favorite Quote:
"Soon we must all choose between what is right and what is easy." - Dumbledore (Goblet of Fire)