you turn five

you want to be ten 

it’s the big girl numbers

it’s when you meet your first taste of freedom

your first independence

it's when you feel 

like maybe

just maybe

you’re starting to live life

but then you turn ten

and you wish to be thirteen

because you didn’t get enough of that freedom

and you wanna be a teenager

because that’s the real freedom

that’s when you really taste the first independence

that’s when you have more responsibilities

and you’re trusted with those responsibilities

but then you turn thirteen

and you wish to be sixteen

that’s when you taste real freedom

you crave the freedom that you’re given

because you’re tired of your parents

and your siblings are annoying

so you get to work and earn your own money

you get to drive and hang out with your friends

even though you aren’t really sure who is real or who is fake

but it’s okay 

because being lonely is worse than having friends that don’t care

but then you’re sixteen 

and you wish to be eighteen

because you’re struggling

and you still don’t know who you’re friends are

and you’re constantly fighting with your mom

and you hate your dad

because nobody in this small town understands you

and you can’t wait to get away

even if it’s just for a little while

and even your mom wants you out

she would never admit it to your face

but she secretly wishes you were more like your “friends”

who are respectful and beautiful

and to be honest

so do you

but then you’re eighteen 

and you wish to go back to when it wasn’t so stressful

back to when your biggest worry was if you were sent to time-out

back to when you never had to worry about your mental health

or if you were going to be accepted into your first choice

or at this point even your fourth

because lately, you’re not yourself 

and you run away from your problems

because they’re bigger than getting bubblegum stuck in your hair

and you can’t run to Mom because you see her struggling now

so you can’t add your stress to hers

and drive her insane

to isolate herself

because she is the only thing that matters anymore

and she’s your only motivation

and you realize how unhappy you are

now that you’re twenty

and you stopped wishing for the future

because it’s really only caused you pain

but even at twenty

you can’t seem to ask for help

because you don’t want to cause a fight

but you can’t even voice your feelings

even if it didn’t cause a fight 

because you don’t understand it

and you can’t expect them to understand it either

because it’s happening inside of you

and you’re just as clueless as they are

so now you’re stuck 

wondering what you’re supposed to do

because you feel like you wasted all your pennies in the wishing well