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Reality
People act like they know me
In reality, they don’t
They cover up who I really am with lies
The truth is hidden behind a mask of rumors
And because of this, very few talk to me
Who would want to be friends with someone
Someone so “horrible?” As they might say
Really though,
When I was little, in preschool and kindergarten
I got bullied
I switched schools in third grade
I was known as the new girl
Life got easier as I made new friends
But it got flipped upside down again
My sister died in fifth grade
It was unexpected, and my life changed forever
I lost many friends
My mom became an alcoholic
The pandemic started
I was depressed
I went into middle school
I made new friends
I didn’t know how to act around these new friends
My social skills weren’t the best
I was suicidal
But despite it all, I tried
I tried my hardest, but was it enough?
No, it wasn’t. I always had to change for them
Something was always wrong with me
They would never really tell me what though
I had to figure it out myself
I felt crazy, but I soon found out
They weren’t my friends
Eventually, I made new friends
But for some reason, I went back to the old ones
Maybe something is wrong with me?
I graduated middle school
I stopped talking to my old friends
We drifted apart
Things changed again
I started high school
I made new friends
But of course, new problems arose
I made mistakes like any human would
I gossiped about some girls
One of my friends called me a “red flag”
I apologized over and over but it was never enough
No matter how many times I tried
They wouldn’t accept me
In return, they gossiped about me
They treated me like an alien
And again, I became suicidal
These are the same people who say
“Mental health matters!”
But why do they treat me like this
Why won’t they forgive me
For a mistake I made nearly a year ago?
People don’t know me
They can act like it
But I know myself the best
All I can do is love myself
I can’t rely on others for happiness
What will happen when they turn their backs on me?
I have to love myself if no one else will
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