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A Strange Journey
The Preamble
In other news besides the weather
Two great necromancers have joined together
With plans to spread terror so wide
That there’d be no place on earth to hide
Atrocities deemed to be hiding dim
Famine and drought among the grim
Such torment will fill history
But they prefer a mystery
Posing as two nice boys down wrong paths
But still with evil laughs
They without mercy
Welcome you on a Strange Journey!
The Beginning
Of Achilles:
Unleashed and never ceased
Ripped from the cord, destined to feast
It was like Zeus kicked off his release
Achilles never knew any peace
Typical and cynical, sure
Whilst hated gods brought plagues and war
And Hades summoned shades that carried blades
Cursed and dated, in serrated parades
Achilles, surrounded and alone
Pulled a hilt out of a stone
The Quick Steel, and old sword
Long ignored, but now a sweet reward
Monsters with glizzies packing heat
Arrived in the dismal city street
Most would leave and concede defeat
Yet for Achilles, he’d compete
No grave was made to fit his stature
No opponent would survive his dagger
Like Mercury, the beasts were deadly
But now they were deceased, just like Freddie.
The Lightning Mother
The Lightning Mother’s back from hell
With a flashing blunderbuss and special spells
Lightning never struck twice before
But now it’s at the door once more
With seven heads and eleven eyes
She shoots Heaven’s lead, leveling guys
A thunderous zap, and boom it goes
Damage levels, nobody knows
Achilles, ready to make some monsters pay
Had a lightning lady to slay
Our hero looked around, somewhat stressed
Steadied himself, then ran into the chest
Of the thunder, and fell low
But thought, “Some fine lips, though”
“To wine and dine would be fine”
“Enough to feel beyond divine”
He acted quickly, greeted neatly
And attacked sweetly - “I think she likes me”
Lightning never spiced up in the past
But brightening now, love moving fast
With a wondrous clap and a bell
The Lightning Mother’s back to tell
A generous, grand, smothering quell
Seven heads, eleven eyes well
Accompanying both of these:
Heaven’s head, and lucky Achilles.
King Ghidora
King G, never one to back down
Lest he was just clowning around
How did Achilles, skinny, skinny, weak
Shimmy into Lightning’s fine meats?
King G, all of his sights were set
Ahead, to smite a threat
An informant, provider of information
Told him this morning of Achilles’ location
So Ghidora set up his rifle for a quick shot
Then, “Lightning, what’s up? You’re looking hot”
Exciting, with swagger and strut,
Prepared to provide a fresh cut
...
Quit it, go and get it
Grit it, lay low and set it
It’s dawn already, where he at?
“Darn, my hair be…” POW! Splat.
King G’s head now set on spikes
One more mighty has fallen, yikes
The Dreaded Magnificent
All written on the path ahead:
“Beware! It is the Beast of Dread!
Don’t come yonder; you should leave instead”
But Achilles won’t break a sweat
No monster will remain a threat
An old man stood out in the rain
Suggesting to “Hold man, restrain
And refrain, or sustain great pain!”
Advice taken
Achilles, slightly shaken
But all of a sudden, a surprise
Something that might be our hero’s demise
“I’m the Magnificent! Deflowerer of innocents!
The sole flowering omnipotent!
You stand no chance!
I command: do not advance!
You misunderstand, leave or I-I’ll
I’ve got business to tend to for a while!”
The Bistro
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the
Styx Bistro Bed, Breakfast Bar, and Grill
Cafe Lounge, with views over our lovely river
Where we offer you the finest of the finer things,
No coinage needed, free of charge,
For the rest of your eternity here.
Entertainment, live, we’ve got Prince G-Dora,
No, not his greaseball dad,
And a final gig from The Eye before he gets called up
We’d like to congratulate Lightning on her recent engagement,
And promote Morpheus’ new special, straight from the River Lethe
Just lay back and have a good time
And remember to praise Death
The Big Bad All-Seeing Eye of Darkness and Sin
I’m the darkest pain, a real Sauron,
Mind sucking till you’re a moron,
More on the side, yes pretty please,
I need hot memories and cheese
Warring on the normal people
My forces excessively lethal
My methods completely illegal
They can only cry: “How evil!”
At least that’s what they opt to say
Before they give their blunt “okay”
For a “Bomb’s away!” What do you say,
No need to fight, okay?
Go with the flow, more than a sway
It’s done now, let's just walk away…
Morpheus, the God of the Snooze
Drunk on the Lethe
Late to work and fast asleep
Forgetting the past and doing it fast
No one knows how long his nap’ll last
Oh, sleep and dreams, or so it seems
Is where he loves to flex his seams
Our hero will just tip-toe around
Until the god became aroused
“Behold, it is Ol’ Morpheus!
I am slick, notorious
Consistently so glorious
My battles are -hic-
victorious… ’ness…”
Death, the God of ... Death
Approaching the elaborate throne
Through a long path of varied stones
Great bones lay littered and thrown
Bleached by winds and dusty cyclones
“Achilles, we meet, finally
I’m your ultimate enemy.
A noble fight has been destined
Neither of us leaves untested.”
Swords unsheathed, clinking on the tiles
A fiery rage, roars ring for miles
Fatal spear after fatal strike,
Faster than mortal eyes, alike
“Ugh, close, Achilles! Truly,
An equal force to battle me!
This is our final stand and pose
Can you outlast my hands and blows?”
A most climactic brave exchange
Neither prepared to lose their range
Both stood firm, afraid to be tamed,
But finally, the true death came.
The Totally Witty Meta-Critic
Har har, but I’m the Metal Cricket
Rupturing your rhymes like a hydrolysate
You’re an amateur, you’ll need a janitor
Or at least an examiner to clean this up
It feels like a catheter
Is this supposed to be a parody?
I am frightened by your vulgarity.
Your Beginning is dimming, not sticking
And your Lightning certainly ain't clicking,
Safe to say, King G’s a little different,
But the whole thing feels “Magnificent”!
Hm, a B at best. Ha! Joking, I jest!
To say with respect, as an iron-clad insect,
This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen before
Call Morpheus, I need to sip some more
River Lethe to let my mind run free
And when it does, you’ll see the way it’s ‘posed to be.
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