pigtailed five year old 

bare feet leaving deep tracks

in the muddy backyard

hand-me-down overalls

trees climbed

fences jumped

knees skinned

intrinsically pure

unmarred by the indelible truth

that the world is unkind

back when you were still tangible

before the only things i had left of you

were my blue eyes that mirrored your own

the ever present looming

of your absence 

the fading whisper of your voice

telling me you’re proud

the christmas cards we still 

don’t know what to do with

the spiderman bedsheets

we’ll never get rid of

the superhero cape 

you never took off

the memory of the little boy you were

and the yearning for the adult you’ll never be

i am the culmination of

all the lessons

you never got to teach me

the aftershock of the havoc

wreaked upon our childhood 

the wake of the 

years we shared

~avery-grace payne