I want to stop.

(stop what?)

I want to leave.

(where would I go?)

I want to stay.

(why here?)

Do I want to protect you?

(or myself?)

I sit on the edge—

(of your bed?)

              No, mine.

                             And I wonder—

(is it worthwhile?)

              Your words twist in my mind.

                             And I wonder—

(am I what you say I am?)

                             And I wonder—

(am I confined to this house?)

(If your home caught on fire what three things would you take?)

You

                             would be at the top of my list

                                           (Self-preservation is out of question)

                             And I wonder—

(if you would berate me for that too.)

(the memory of you near drowning continues to gnaw;

I know it’s my fault)

I stare

out into the

bleak

              murky

                             grey

                                           damp

                                                          cold

day and I

cleared my mind

least I remember something I would regret

come morning