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my memories of you
My wounds are sticky.
Gushing blood
Leaks out of my body like ink.
I stuff cotton balls into the emptying space
Like
If I fill it with enough sweet nothings,
The red will cease
We soak in the pools of time and let them heal us.
These hot tubs of pain,
Memories of kicking and screaming.
This won’t matter in five years.
But we are in the now.
The now is like matter.
Unable to be created or destroyed.
You once told me,
You wished I could love myself one day.
Like I hadn’t been taught to scoff at my
Cellulite,
Bulging thighs,
Fat arms,
Skin I wish
I could take a knife to and filet.
You once told me,
You wished I were gone long enough to leave you alone.
Like
I hadn’t been waiting for the other foot to drop anyways.
There has always been something
So beautiful in your steady hands
Being the same hands that
Push me to my
End.
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For the people chosen last, for the people with worn in scales, and for the people who long to be wanted.