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Cigarette Smoke
Some days my mind is clear as day,
no thoughts, no sounds, no emotion.
But it is the days that my mind is filled with fog like cigarette smoke,
that I tend to fear the most.
Those days I cannot tell friend from foe,
I'd walk with my enemy and not even know.
On those days, the voices fill the void and create an eternal echo.
An echo that neither has beginning nor end.
Like cigarette smoke, on those days, my mind is a toxic place.
Calm at first, it'll do no harm, but linger around and you might find what is unsound.
On my sunny days, I can hear every sound. It strings me up so, tightly I'm wound.
So I fill my thoughts with music and let the smoke gather. For when my mind is full of cigarette smoke, I feel no anger.
Welcome to the innerworld! There are no mirrors here, so you'll have to do without. We've got tons of people, gather round, get to know us before we're drowned out.
When the mind is like cigarette smoke, there's no single person to blame for our actions. Everything will soon begin to blur and spin when you let the cigarette smoke in.
minutes become hours, hours become days, and when the smoke clears you'll realize- four days you've been dissociated not knowing who you are.
I see you've had enough; Looking for the door? well it's over there, but wait! you cannot open it yet, you'll let the smoke out, and who will that hurt but everyone else?
Five days dissociated, your body has had enough, time for the smoke to clear, and with it, your knowledge of us.
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This piece is about what it's like to be stuck dissociating with a system that has hidden itself.