I’ve been crying today

my words clogged, pulling me into the sink

a black sucking ooze of despair,

refusing to look outside my blankets and see the sky,

I only wanted to pull them over my head and hide myself.

I couldn’t tell you why I cried

but I cried all morning

all of Christmas morning

I’ve been riding my bike today

down a long stretch of silent pavement.

when everyone was closed inside their curtains

angel voices hummed of day

but I cried

for you

and time

and all the chances we had

and this chance we missed

that will never slip from my fingers again.

don’t tell me I’ve forgotten what it was all about

I have not forgotten

failures and confrontations

there are many.

if I seem evasive and forgetful

if I refuse to say what’s on my mind

I’m not wrong—

it’s only how I hold my spirit up

after living in the dirty sink of mind

and fighting against myself

for so so long.

I’ve been bike riding more than ever

I’ve been flowing like a lost river

lately

always escaping, never talking

avoiding you.

I write bold flowers in my poems

but I’m afraid to live it out.

life has become a song that I’m never done singing

always another verse, another stanza

trying to resolve itself into consonance

and the song that falters

and eventually fades out

is one I must sing alone.

if I seem confusing

it’s just that I’ve been choosing

for so so long

sad

weary

oh, I pray you’ll understand.

lately

I run with all my might into a glass sky of illusions

crack my head open in all innocence

and it hurts, it hurts.

and when I wait up for the sky

apparitions come

dark thoughts filter through my mind

and there’s no end of them

so I close myself off and count the raindrops

focusing my mind on small things far away

it’s hard to clean up my shattered illusions

they cut my hands

I bleed.

well, I keep moving on

the distance never lies.

if you should ask me what’s the matter

I’ll tell you life is getting better

it is.

through life and death,

the inner angel sweetly sings to me of day

so I keep moving on

the angels will come

seeing me with my packs and my sky faith.

I keep moving on

past the people I love

I keep moving on

past everyone who influences me.

I keep moving on

improving as I go along

no matter what I’m feeling

my sky is healing

slow, so slow.