i wore a dress today

about a fortnight

after i first turned on the ultraviolet light

i arrived in a burst of blue floral

with a low neckline

and i was being complimented

so i thought it was fine

but there was an uneasiness

that i think i've actually felt

all my life

but didn't notice until

that fateful roll of the dice

i wore a dress today

a season after

i foolishly believed

that the uneasiness that came

from how other people saw me

was gone

i was free; liberated

no longer had to be strong

so i went out

cloaked in long pink and green

blissfully ignorant to what it would mean

before learning the hard way

that the uneasiness

would not be so quickly swayed

i wore a dress today

the following vacation

i was trying on identities more than a secret agent

could 'he' be the right fit for me?

is a man what i am>

did i take on this title because it felt safer

and wasn't really doing all i can?

that must be the reason why i still so often cry

but it doesn't explain the burning in my chest

at the absolute ways of the world

the uneasiness

the burning

is because i don't perfectly fit

never have, never will

an anomaly, abnormality, mutation

a freak

a confused teenager

a brainwashed victim

someone losing their sanity

because a completely stable, sound of mind individual

could never possibly not be happy

with the gender they were assigned.

i wore a dress today

for th first time in a while

almost thought i didn't have any

but searched after an impulse at dawn

and there it was

along with courage

i didn't know i had.

in truth

i never wished to abandon

the colorful, glittery draping of my youth

i merely felt i should

thought it was expected of me

but since when have i let others expectations

decide who i am going to be?

since when have i let the lens through which a stranger gazed

influence what i see?

because i know my own reflection

and i am

nonbinary

not a girl or boy

not woman or man

i am nonbinary

and not all will know the steps to my dance

but that's okay

i know my rhythm

at the end of the day

those who matter know my heartbeat

and they're here to stay

so i will wear a dress today

and tomorrow, and next week

and whenever i have the urge to change

because i cannot be limited

i cannot be easily defined

i am nonbinary

and that is not a crime.