This is an apology to my own body. 
I’m truly sorry 
for the times I deprived you, 
for the times I pointed out every one of your flaws 
for the times I felt ashamed of you 
for the times I made you suffer, and  
putting you through all this just to get to the point of what I thought would be perfection. 
My mind was consumed with the idea of making you perfect, 
because if you were perfect then I could finally be happy. 
I tried so hard to fall in love with what I saw in the mirror, 
acting blind to the fact that all I was doing was breaking you even more than before. 
I treated you as if I was ashamed of you. 
I wanted you to be that perfect skinny 
I made you believe that being skinny would finally make me happy,  
but then I began to see how much I was breaking you. 
I let my mind control my actions and pushed you over the edge. 
Depriving you, I told myself that this was the only way. 
Ignoring the damage I was doing to you,  
workout after workout, 
looking at food as if it was my enemy, 
tracking all calories and always reading labels,  
avoiding anything that would be too filling, 
training you to shrink my own appetite. 
You filled with bruises from the low iron and nutrients I was lacking to give you. 
I pushed you until I had nothing left. 
You got weaker and weaker, 
But my mind did not care, I saw it as progress. 
My weight dropping and seeing these results are what my mind fell in love with. 
Soon I learned that I did not fall in love with myself, 
but instead I fell in love with the idea of making you “perfect.” 
So please be patient with me. 
I’m learning to recover my mind and become stronger. 
I’m learning to love the uniqueness of you, 
every curve, and every flaw. 
You didn’t deserve this.  
I’m sorry.