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Find Me Something That Tastes This Bitter
Blooming
The explosion of flowers
That I had cultivated, in the sink
Terrain of a foreign planet
I wonder if the people there
Hate their reflections like I do
Magenta
Is too pretty a word
To describe the mixture
Of kool aid and ice cream
And cheerios, that i choked
Out of my closing throat.
But it's not a word
Pretty enough to describe
How clean i finally feel
After i see it before me,
And can feel, empty
Violet
Head hurts and hands
Even more, purple marks
Creased landscape
Of bruises gained
Gripping porcelain
Toilet bowls for too long
Rancor
Walking into the
Cafeteria, repulsive
A battle ground
Where I tell myself
I need nutrients, food
But my stomach
Says I am too sick
Charybdis
Stomach, churning.
What monster lives in me?
Only lunch, the first eaten
In two days. I hope more.
A whirlpool of mistakes
Lead me to this
But the only one I remember
Is the ugly sandwich.
And Scylla
When it becomes too strong
The urge to retch, eject, expel
When the white tiles smelling
Of disinfectant call for me
To fill the room with food
Smells. Piercing my nose
Sliding down my throat
Until it makes me sick again
Keeps me on my knees
Falling against the wall
Cycles
It's only been hours,
And I find myself
In the same white hall
Bustling with people –
Normal people– piling
Food on their plates
And I do the same.
Do even more, beat them
At their own game
Put more than I need
Way more than I want
And shove it down my
Crying throat.
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I wrote this piece in a moment of turmoil. I hope it finds other people who need to read this and reminds them that other people are having experiences similar to them, or perhaps diffrent in the details but similar in the emotions.