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Light a Fire
What soft light, a frozen rose gives off;
on a desolate pathway to our
mind; our soul.
And the sun drenches us;
with its flame kissed rays that
light a fire within our body.
What a day tis is to sit and watch,
the swirling amber of these
Flaming leaves.
A snap of a dragon en-cages us
like a puppet of mind.
Tis flame is beast like yet warm and
Kind,
the words of which it speak,
is like a flame;
That lights a fire
Within us.
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This article has 1 comment.
1.'what a day tis is to..' the tis sounds out of place. i suggest this or a it after is if the first one doesnt work.
2.'a snap of a dragon' i dont know what that means. a little clarification or symbolizum would work great.
3.'like a puppet of mind' maybe should be like a puppet of it's ensnaring soul/mind. just sounds awkward.
4.'tis flame is beast...' maybe... beastly yet warm and kind.
and thats it! love you lots!