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To Be Fixed

April 19, 2017
By _musicandwriting_4 DIAMOND, Simms, Texas
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_musicandwriting_4 DIAMOND, Simms, Texas
57 articles 2 photos 15 comments
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You say you'd do anything to make things right

Yet, every word you say makes me want to write

Write down my every feeling and breath

When I found out about her I felt like I was living death

The pain was real and my thoughts we surreal

She and I feel the same about this misdeal

I think things can be fixed

But both have to want to fix things, and possibly after a betwixt

This isn't my last writing to bespoken

And this triangle will soon be broken

© Ariana R., New Orleans, LA

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This article has 1 comment.

addictwithapen PLATINUM said...
on May. 17 2017 at 9:13 pm
addictwithapen PLATINUM, Norfolk, Virginia
21 articles 14 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I&#039;m at it again as an addict with a pen.&quot; - twenty one pilots, addict with a pen

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I really like the line: "When I found out about her I felt like I was living death". The paradox of that statement is thought provoking and powerful. I feel that the fifth line would be stronger if you changed "and" to "but" to contrast the ideas of "real" and "surreal". Also, in the second-to-last line, do you mean, "be spoken"? Overall, this poem makes its meaning clear and leaves the reader with a sense of impending action, making it nice and dynamic. Good job.