I feel a rush.
This big wave of hormones and lust,
but, also, confusion and ...
A certain agony.
There's an overall average of about 3 of them,
Just coming at me constantly.
But there's about 7 in all that are involved ...
Only 1 of whom I wish would come at me constantly.
Then there's my past.
Just 1 who is persistently at the forefront of my thoughts ...
Taunting me, keeping me conscious about every thought that involves ...
Him.
Him, that 1 of whom I wish would come at me constantly.
That one, from that summer, just keeps coming back.
I want the image, the memory, the experience,
All of it, to be gone!
I don't want to remember anymore!
I just want to be with ...
Him.
But those 3 (or more) hold me back,
Make me feel ...
Dirty, and unfixable.
I want to be fixed, stuck, glued ...
To him.
He makes me feel ...
Right, and able ...
And real.
I like being real.
But real doesn't last very long.
I'm drowning in this overcrowded mind of that past,
That summer.
I can't breathe right.
I can't focus straight.
Everything is colliding, and I'm sinking.
Because of that past, that summer,
That memory, that experience,
I am forever malfunctioned ...
And I feel forever ...
... ..
Unfixable.