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March 30, 2012
By Behind_a_Plastic_Smile GOLD, Roseville, California
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Behind_a_Plastic_Smile GOLD, Roseville, California
17 articles 1 photo 129 comments

Favorite Quote:
"if you're not 1st you're last"

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I hope the death will stick
That my lights will go black
And the blast will be quick

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Lived life like a dog
Laying down
My greatest trick

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This gun, my escape
No bridge to jump
Or poison to lick

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Went through all my options
Checked off my list
This is all I have left to pick

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No pain
No shame
No one to make my sick

BANG!

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This article has 7 comments.

thatunknownthing DIAMOND said...
on Apr. 7 2013 at 6:45 am
thatunknownthing DIAMOND, Dubai, Other
67 articles 0 photos 208 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift; that's why they call it the present"

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Your descriptions were impressive, but you stuck  such a  negative message, quite morbid, the execution of death.Even if the poem was meant to be this pessimistic way, thats all right,  but I reckon you could add some tinge of humour, if not moral, somewhere in it's body. 
snowleopard100 PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 13 2012 at 7:51 pm
snowleopard100 PLATINUM, New York City, New York
33 articles 1 photo 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, but I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."

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I'm really disturbed by this which means that it was written with great passion. I like the minimal options that you give this man and how he copes with the idea of death in a positive way-interesting. Nice job.
loveissmiles GOLD said...
on Apr. 5 2012 at 7:06 am
loveissmiles GOLD, Lynn, Indiana
13 articles 0 photos 102 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I live for the nights I can&#039;t remember with the people I will never forget.&quot; -Carassisa M-&lt;3<br /> <br /> &quot;What the mind can perceive, the body can achieve.&quot; -Softball Coach Steve B-

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oh wow this is awesome. I really understood it so much better after i read your thoughts about it. I wish you would have put this in the little side quote. Anyway you have commented on a lot of my work, so just anything you haven't commented on will work. :)
AgentOrange789 GOLD said...
on Apr. 2 2012 at 10:53 pm
AgentOrange789 GOLD, Friendswood, Texas
16 articles 0 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;It&#039;s a saying they have, that a man has a false heart in his mouth for the world to see, another in his breast to show to his special friends and his family, and the real one, the true one, the secret one, which is never known to anyone except to himself alone, hidden only God knows where.&quot;<br /> -James Clavell, &quot;Shogun&quot;

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Did you mean "me" instead of "my" in the last stanza? That sort of threw me for a loop. Other than that though, I really like it. I'm a big fan of short, snappy "shocker" lines, and I feel like you did that perfectly.
Behind_a_Plastic_Smile GOLD said...
on Apr. 2 2012 at 10:52 pm
Behind_a_Plastic_Smile GOLD, Roseville, California
17 articles 1 photo 129 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;if you&#039;re not 1st you&#039;re last&quot;

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so my thought process was this:

you have your standard six shooter=six stanzas

five blanks, one bullet+ five clicks, one bang

Its a suicide and this is basicly the thoughts between pulling the trigger. Everything that brought them to this moment. Everything their thinking. And just trying to convince themself to go through with it, that its for the best, and that this is all they have left.

beautifulspirit PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 2 2012 at 6:42 pm
beautifulspirit PLATINUM, Alpharetta, Georgia
35 articles 0 photos 1398 comments

Favorite Quote:
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.<br /> --Eleanor Roosevelt

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The use of onomatopoeia was clever and different~ Now my confusion is about your poem's intent. Is this told from both points of view--the victim and the shooter with alternating stanzas? Also I don't understand the last stanza---is it the thought of the shooter?