From lens to flash…A memory is made.


I see a photograph, a moment in time,
TAKEN
For a memory to remain.
Not burned in my mind…but printed on paper,
for only my eyes to see.
What I see is a man and a child.
A tender soul in a child, a BOY.

Square lights shine from the ceiling…
I see people watching, waiting.
The darkness of the room surrounds the boy and man.
The boy is dressed in Karate clothes and
A yellow belt was being tied tightly’ around his waist -
Helping hands…tying belt, the boy’s little hand holding his mouth guard.
The man, a father, muscles and beard…
That is what I see,
But what I feel about this picture is more that what can be seen.

I feel the nervousness of little Christopher, about to test his skills.
The father, CJ, looking determined and proud of his son,
I feel an excitement and love for this man
Who filled an empty hole in my heart.
Whether he knew it or not, he was my father to me.

But what I didn’t know was the thoughts of that man…
My mom’s boyfriend had so much to hide.
I thought he had such a love for life,
So many goals, so much to live for.
As time passed, my love grew stronger and I found hope.
My empty hole was filled,
But the “Secret” he was thinking, feeling, keeping inside
Like a huge mountain, like a BRICK WALL,
He could not overcome…

The man in the picture took his own life -
Not an explanation… not an answer…
WHY?

I feel my heart ripped away, that filled hole, empty AGAIN!
He left so much behind: two sons, a loving girlfriend - my mom -
How could he do this to us?
My hope for a father…GONE!!!