1
Hello, my name is Green,

Green Jacobs.
I will swing on that swing today.
The yellow one swaying in the tall oak

Tree under the



Luminesince




Of the green leaves,
On the curb.



The sun shone through my

Dull yellow curtains this morning,


Creating golden waves on my pale



Walls,

Like the color of that swing swaying,





On that curb.


I wore my favorite clothes
Today, because


I would




Meet that swing

On that curb.
Green courderoy overalls, and my perfectly

Worn in t-shirt,



Perfect old sneakers,


No socks.
I opened the screen door

On that porch



With the dog,
Always the dog, Cass.


I looked out from my curtain

Of brown stringy hair

And saw the fields billowing,
Like the waves of the sea not far


From here,





Like that golden swing,
On the curb,



Under the mellow green





Light.
Hopping down those stairs


Was usual,

The creek on the left of
The second stair,


And the dandelion
Peeking through


that crack in the last stair,

shaving it right through




the middle.
I lingered on the dirt road,

Peering at the little flys on
The daises,




Looping through the telephone
Poles, for what seemed like


Miles and miles apart.





I began to hum,

Like that sound you hear in your ears


On a hot summer day,




That’s the sun,

Hot days are the days it has



The stage to itself.
I rounded a big oak,

After redundantly trying
To hug it,

A full hug.
I had given up and skipped


Towards the curb,

And halfway there,



I eyed something in the road,
Finally I found my button.


I squatted, and dusted



Off the button,
That green button.


I jogged to the swing,

Suddenly ready and eager to



Sit.

The place,



The swing on the curb,
Is suffocated with evenets,

Like the first time I ripped my jeans,
The first time I caught a
grass hopper,

and tried to use chalk on
the dry, orange-brown dirt



road.
The place where it started


And ended,

Where my best and only friend,
Died on that swing,


That happy golden swing,

Swaying under the same oak tree


That, together, we were able
To give it a


Full hug.
She wore her hair in braids,

Always chewing on something,
A new stick,

A beatle,
Her thumb,


And sometimes she even tried

Mine.

She was holding these ropes,
So tight on that swing,


Her propeller being me,
Pushing her,

Creating moments, the you
Felt like you could


Fly.
Then she crashed,


The swing fell
And with a smash her body was

Flung onto a rock, dead.

So quickly,

Gone.
How could this happen?
Now I feel like an atom,
That lost all it’s protons, and electrons,


Leaving the neutrons, all alone,
Negatively sitting in a world
Of an abandoned atom.
I held on to that swing,

Looking up at the sky,
Pumping my legs to move as

Fast as I could,
Losing myself,
In the spontaneous,


Rhythm.
I wanted a granted wish,

Someone to say,
“You can end it whenever you think it


Should.”
And I know,
You know,
Where I would have.


2
The sound of the ropes
Snapping


Pierced my brain
And it is permantly there;

A background of my thoughts.
The curb was too far away for help,

And she had roughly whispered,
“Don’t leave, don’t worry, it’s too far…



I’m happy here, with you.”
It was the longest minutes of my

Life,
And always will be.
She died there in my arms,


Life slowly fading,
With a flutter of lashes,

Or silenced breaths,
Making it all the more unbearable.
I kept my hand on


Her heart,
The wind blew


Swirls of dust around

Us,
One so big and swift

That I couldn’t see her,
And then, when it left us,

It was clear her soul went


With it,
Because the breathing stopped.



3
I walked back to my house,


The same way I had come.
Lingering through the


Heat waves of the late morning.

Finally, I reached the coolness


Of my porch.
That was my daily routine,
Wake up,

Go to the swing,
Come back to do chores,
And lay out in the middle of


The fields,
To do my daily emptying


Of all my thoughts,
Never before was I


Interrupted,
But I guess today is


Different.
A car had pulled up into the driveway,


Turning the gravel for the
First time in

Many years.
The sound was unfamiliar
To me,
At first I glanced up
Expecting pebbled to hurtle

Down
Upon me.

I looked around,
Peering towards the

Driveway.
There it was,
A car and
I will never forget what
Was brought with it.


4
It was a boy.
He had silky brown hair,

And bright gray eyes,


Soft yet alert.
He wore a white t-shirt,

And shorts,
Simple.
At dinner Dad said that he

Was going to be
Around to work about

The farm,
I had the mornings,
And he got the rest.
I shrugged to ward off


The butterflies
In my stomach.

I didn’t want things to change,
He was two years older than i

And the order of things was
Already shuffled,

Today,
Being disturbed in my field never

Ever happened.
An extra plate was

Set on the table.
The screen door rocked
With the wind, creeking:
Get me off these hinges!

Ben Ry was washing his hands
In the bathroom

And after the most awkward
Dinner and conversation of

My life,
Dad released me…
But only to show
Ben around the farm.

We stepped outside,
The mountains in a haze,

Far, far away.
We started towards the


Chicken house,

And walking with someone other

Than my dad
Felt like walking on the

Rough stones on a beach,
Waiting to be softened by
The waves.
The wind was soft

Like his eyes
And I secretly hoped

He’d stay.
I told him to never

Go out to the fields,
Because rats were always

Around.
But, really, it was
My place
To be,
No his,
Not Ben’s.

5
There was a loft
In the barn where Ben
Now sleeps.
He told me the horses and

Sheep would keep him company;
I smiled and released

A laugh from my throat
For the first time since


Ever.
The night was cool and clear

The stars high in the sky,
Looking able to touch.
I walked down to our house

Stepping over stones.
I washed my face

In the water,
In the cool, soft, silkiness.

My night gown
Was scratchy,
But I fell asleep
Within seconds.


6
The trees are full of buds,

And I glanced up at the clouds,


High in the sky.
I wish I could live up there

And drift.
I wore my green overalls today,

A perfectly worn in t-shirt,
Perfect old sneakers,

No socks.
You know here

I’m going.




7
Dark clouds crawled up
To my path and it began to pour.


Thundered roared,



And the oak tree
On that curb
Violently swayed in the wind.

I ran to it,
To that swing,

On the curb.
It was uncontrollable,
And I stuck my hand out
To stop it.
I smiled


And sat on that
Golden, wet swing.
Again, I pumped my

Legs, and it
Felt like flying.
Before I knew it,
My hair was drenched

Full of sweet rain.
And then I slipped,
My hands let go and

I fell,
To reality.


8
Hollowed light shone,

Hazy like beams
Through a forest.

A figure,
Gray and smeared

Drifted to me.
A blur,
Everything a blur.
Hands, running footsteps,
The creak on the second

Stait,
Shouting that stund my head,

And then my bed.



9
It was Ben.
That figure gray and smeared

Did not belong
On that curb.
No. Why did he come?


No.
I want to leave this


World
And find


A place with

That big oak tree,
That golden swing,

That curb,
And that girl


Who always was chewing
On something.
I want her.

Who is she?
Fierce heat pounded

Pummeled
Me down a pit


Of darkness.

A cold grasp fought back.


I groaned.
Stop it!


Stop, Stop, Stop, Stop, STOP!
I want to go

Don’t pull me back
I’ve already gone


Too far.
10
A bitter liquid

Trickled down my throat
My eyes were able



To open,
But I didn’t want to.
Leave me alone,





Life.
I don’t want you.

I’m not opening my



Eyes.


11
Light.

It created red
Dots blinking


Within my shut eyes,
Like my yellow curtains,

Yet now open.
I hadn’t moved a muscle


Since yesterday.
Dark.
Now I could relax
I unclenched my fists,

Loosened my shoulders
And unlocked my knees.
Darn it…life is coming.

Darn it…why’d you
Have to pull me all of

Those miles?



12
I smiled at that girl,

With braids.
I hooked my overall buckles

Onto hers
And we ran to

That yellow swing swaying



On that curb.
“Green?” she said simply.

“Green?”





“Green?”


“Green?”

You can say it forever


As long as it’s you.

A tornado shuffled through



My body.

It tugged and ripped



Me apart.
I squeezed my eyes tighter.


No way.

I pulled away.
I kicked and punched,

But life pinned me down.
In anger I forced my eyes


Open.
Thank God it was dark.

The sun would have



Killed me…
Pierced me like those

Ropes snapping.
I couldn’t focus on anything,


But I knew one thing.
Life happened to be Dad and Ben.

13
Life.
Let’s just put it this way:


The devil that




Pulled
Me until
I was gone from

The angels of death.
Like my self,


Trying to hug
That big oak tree

Towering over


That golden swing swaying

On that curb.

14
There’s only 1 place
I want to be

Right now.
Those fields

Billowing with
Each wind swiftly

Moving


Across.
I felt groggy,

Drunk.
But I knew that
I needed to get there.

Armadillo.
I rolled out of my

Bed protected

In my shell
Of vagueness.
No, I wasn’t a coward,
But currently,
I’m thinking death

Is easier,



Than living.

15
My hair whipped

Around my face,
It lapped playfully

Around my neck.
My night gown was

Scratchy.
I took it off

Leaving myself
In a tank top
And a short pair of shorts.
No overalls,

No swing.
No girl.
Just me.
I hated me!
I jogged over

To my old spot
In the field.
One day,
Before Ben,
I had made a clearing
And I thrust

My self



Into it,
My eyes squinting,
I waited…

For everything to
Blow into my head.
The sun began to
Sink, finishing it’s


Solo.
Nothing came,
Everything went.

16
Dad has gray hair,

I got nervous
Around
Ben.
Does that mean I
Like him?

More than like?
I’m 12 he’s 14.
I can’t think!
I can’t remember.
2 years passed.

The swing.
That golden swing,
On that curb,
Under that big

Oak tree.
Green overalls,
Perfect
Sneakers and no socks.
Where was I going?

17
I began to leak.
Tears came
Every night, but why?
I didn’t know.
I didn’t want
To be here.
Where do I belong?
Where is my swing


My girl

My overalls, shirt and sneakers
My old dad
When Ben wasn’t here.
Stupid Ben.
I hate him.
No, I like him,

Remember?
No, Green, I don’t

Remember.

18
No more Green.
I’m Black Jacobs.
I wear dark,
Heavy mascara,

Pants,
Long-sleeved shirts,

Shoes,
Socks,
No more Green Jacobs,


Good-bye.

19
The dog isn’t on
The porch,
I chopped hat daisy,
I filled that crack.
I closed myself
In
I gave up.
I hate

Dad,

Ben,

Life.

20
Nothing is wrong.

I’m okay.

21
I’m-I’m
Not okay.
Where’s Ben?
Ben!
I grabbed
Him.
He just nodded,

Took my had,
And brought me down
This road.

He and I
Peered at flowers,
The bugs,
And stared at
Each other.
The telephone poles


Seemed
Miles and


Miles apart.

22
Almost there.
I didn’t know
Where
I was,

But I was

Almost there.
Ben stopped,
Let go of my soggy hand,
And then
I saw it.
I ran and ran
To that swing,
On that curb,
Under that
Big oak tree.
I stayed there
For hours,
Forever it seemed.
Ben stood in the
Rolling fog.
I swung

And it rained.
It revived me,
Ben revived me.
Mascara fell off my

Face,
My clothes

Lost their black
Ink
And I was
Green Jacobs

Again.