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Sent Away
April 29, 2009
One hour to pack,
Our lives into bags,
We may never come back,
So what can I put in the bags?
They are not large enough,
For all that I treasure,
I start packing my stuff,
But I can't pack pleasure.
How do they expect us,
To pack all of our things,
And sit quietly on a bus,
Waiting for what the next day brings?
When we have only a suitcase or two,
And no time or moving trucks,
Can you blame me for whispering anew,
"Sometimes the government really sucks!"?
© Maria B., Boston, MA
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 9 comments.
I can really feel the emotions behind this poem. You did a good job with rhyming, but one thing to avoid is to not repeat the same word at the end of a sentance. Differnt words that mean the same thing can make the poem more interesting.
When there is no substitue for a word you can try leaving the word out altogether by creating a sentance that is similar in meaning.
When there is no substitue for a word you can try leaving the word out altogether by creating a sentance that is similar in meaning.
Schubster said...
on Aug. 28 2009 at 10:53 pm
haha, loved it. thanx for checking out my work.
ErumK said...
on Aug. 28 2009 at 1:05 pm
I love the first stanza. =)
FreakyEyed DIAMOND said...
on Jun. 8 2009 at 4:28 am
I really love the first line: "One hour to pack,
Our lives into bags..." Very beautiful and hidden, but in a straight-forward manner... five stars!
Our lives into bags..." Very beautiful and hidden, but in a straight-forward manner... five stars!
this poem is really good, it shows strong emotion, and even though there was nothing about being sad mentioned i still got the heavy feeling of sadness. if you dont mind me asking, how long ago was this when it happend? i know exactly what the feeling is.
RheaD.Ravenfinger BRONZE said...
on May. 22 2009 at 12:51 am
I like the rythmn in this poem and it's a sad poem but a good poem. I like it. I didn't know even Canada did that. I knew China did.
