Dear My Sweet Enemy,
How I would love to strangle your neck oh so tight
You make my stomach flutter as if I’ve just inhaled calcite
Your mud brown eyes shun the daylight
When I’m around you my feet itch with a million fleabites
When I look into your cold-hearted soul I am full of spite

Your dimwitted comebacks ignite my heart
Sometimes at night I dream about pelting you with a dart
From the minute my eyes settle on you I know its time to depart
Whenever you pass by me I am reminded of the most beautiful fart
Your frizzy hair and yellow teeth remind me of the most extravagant art
I hope through this letter I can express how I feel about you though again and again I am reminded that you are not smart

Whenever you want something you are as discreet as my uncle Bob who fills in his bald spot with a sharpie
Have I mentioned that your Sasquatch feet are beastly?
They make my intestines feel wonderfully bubbly
You are the worlds’ best bully
Though you couldn’t scare a 2 month old bunny
It makes my heart jump when I watch you chew and can see day old chili
You are as clean as a chimney

In conclusion you are the most annoying person I have ever met
Getting to rile you up ever day is like an asset
My greatest ambition is to beat you up under the glowing sunlight
But please before you read my letter of adoration give me time to run away while you shake out your mane like a dog that’s wet


With Love,
The Enemy