A Sympathetic Proposal for winnowing out those impecunious and destitute members of society who are exasperating burdens on functioning citizens and transforming them all into useful members of society.

While making a peregrination through our great nation, one always encounters the flotsam that darkens our golden streets, begging for money, food, or alcohol. It is embarrassing for both citizens and tourists to witness those indigent people littering our nation, pompously refusing to take any sort of aide that will help them to better themselves. Instead, they ignorantly take the easy way out, and as we all know, that is not the American way. Hardworking citizens are guilt-tripped into giving away their earnings to those who are inferiorly slothful. Many humanitarians spend resources, providing temporary shelters and soup kitchens for those whose choices in life have not been the best. Usually, it is a wasted effort, seeing as the homeless come in like a swarm of piranhas, inhaling every thing they can grasp, then swarming back out to continue lead their rather mundane lives of lying around, drinking, and doing illegal drugs.
According to the Washington Profile, I have discovered that the number of homeless people is estimated to be around 3.5 million; the number is always increasing and estimated, seeing as some homeless people are too justifiably ashamed to report their destitute state in the census. Shelters report that it costs an average of 20,000 dollars a year to house one homeless person. My solution will begin a process that allows the itinerant people to pay back the 20,000 dollars and more. Therefore, these citizens are in debt to their country. My proposal is to put these inadequate members of society into forced labor for the Common Good of the United States.

The enslaved homeless could serve many financial purposes. They could be looked at as a new cargo for profit, or as servants. Their main purpose, however, will be for mass production of food; of which 2% will be set aside for them, while the remaining 98% will be for the global market. The food will be grown, harvested, and prepared by the workhorses. Many may wonder whether the Emancipation Proclamation of 1863 will deter the salutary affects of this proposal, but the document was clearly issued to abolish the slavery of African Americans under the pretense of discrimination towards the race. My proposal, however, enslaves those who are indigent- basing those who are worthy of freedom by economic status rather than by race. This is further indicated when looking at the fact that the majority of the people in America who are homeless are, in fact, Caucasian. I'd never propose to infringe on people's civil rights; this is America, and to be judged by one's economic status is our way.


Some 1.35 million children are reported as homeless due to irresponsible parents. Most of these children go on to be homeless themselves, growing up with a work ethic that only consists of demanding charity. Living a transient life, does not make it easy to be educated, so the children have little to no chance of becoming articulate members of society. Through my proposal, however, the children will be trained and honed from an early age to become sturdy workers. Precocious children who happen to be born of unsuitable birth will receive amnesty and allowed to lead free lives, as long as they go on to be tax-paying citizens. The more obtuse children, will undoubtedly continue down the same path as their parents otherwise, so are not offered amnesty from their birth conditions, and are enslaved for life.

I can think of not one objection to my proposal, seeing as it is uniform to the way majority of the nation already treats the flotsam of our nation. Even though our current economic times have now rendered us all to one mere step above homelessness, we continue to turn our noses up against those who have made one bad choice too many. When determining whether our not to lend out our charity, we already mentally debate as to whether they deserve it. Why should we not debate as to whether they deserve freedom? They, unlike us faultless taxpayers, do not pay for it; even though our forefather's main reason of establishing our great nation was to escape taxes in the first place. Their children are shunned to be nothing more than falling apples, which happen to land precariously close to the tree.

Again, my proposal should yield no skeptics to its beneficial affects. Streets will be rid of unsightly vagabonds and their roughly cherubic children. Instead they will be fabricated into salutary substances to keep our economic society up float. My proposal is quite humane when compared to England's archaic practice of jailing the destitute. They will be fed, provided shelter and clothed as long as they work for the bettering of the social order. Though the term slavery may scrunch up a few noses, any intelligent person could not deny the benefits. I, myself, am African American and feel no sort of bitterness to the idea of enslaving the more worthless members of society, even if my distant ancestors lived through the same fate. I look at myself as a future functioning member of society and perceive my proposal as the only plausible cause of action to solve America's unsavory problem.