Please take a shower.  I am so tired of walking into school and being hit by a wave of foot stink.  People will walk into school smelling like fried onions that got left out overnight and then shoved into a sweaty sock and left to marinate in the locker room.  I am not even exaggerating.  You smell. 

            People love to say, “what about depression?”.  What about it? So, you’re so sad that you can’t force yourself to shower, yet you can make time to put on your uneven eyeliner and iron your drug rug every morning.  I do get it, you have no motivation for anything, I’ve been there.  But why does the stench of others have to be my problem?  Some days I feel like going home early because I can’t stop gagging.  One bar of soap costs $1.47 at Walmart.  If you can afford discord nitro and a manga collection, you can pay the two dollars at Walmart for a bar of soap.

            “Oh, but what if they just have no motivation to go to the store?”  not my problem.  What is my problem is that I have to smell stinky feet five days a week.  Sometimes MORE than five days a week because I have to pick up my sister from ORAD (Oak Ridge Academy of Dance).  Have you ever been inside there? It smells like someone ran a marathon and stuck their sweaty running socks in a microwave and put the resulting foot water in a spray bottle and used it to season their asparagus and tuna fish dinner. 

            “Well, what do you suggest?” segregation.  Every day at the beginning of school we have a smell test.  If you don’t pass the test, you are given a bar of soap and deodorant and sent home.  Depression can only be an excuse for so long.  There is no way all of you stinkies have clinical depression that is that bad, and even if you did, I have clinical depression, several of my friends and family members have it, my enemies have it, but we never smell like some of these fart huffers.

            “Some people are too busy after school to shower.”  No, you’re not.  Going on your dangonronpa discord server is not being busy, it’s wasting your life.  If the sports teams, Masquers, and Dance cats can come to school not smelling like they have skid marks in their pants, so can you.  Look at some of these Masquers kids.  Last year the lead in the spring musical was on stage under those hot lights for the entire show, she sweat the so much mic tape, and still came to school the next day not smelling like deep fried hair. 

            “Some people are too poor.”  Like I said earlier, one bar of dove soap costs $1.47 at Walmart.  If you are so poor that your whole family cannot shell out two dollars for SOAP, then there are bigger problems at hand, and you need a professional to take care of you. 

            I haven’t even touched on ROTC kids.  I quit that cult sophomore year, because everyone in there was so entitled despite the fact that they couldn’t pass algebra 1 as a junior, as well as the fact that so many of them smelled like fresh vomit.  And it has only gotten worse.  You walk down that hallway and the door opens up and you are hit by a wave of the foulest, eye watering, heart stopping, jaw dropping stench known to man. Once during Masquers, the door to that room was propped open, and the entire PA hallway stunk, and I’m not even joking.  I do spotlight for Masquers, I am crammed in a hotbox with no AC from 3:15-5:30 every afternoon this week, and it will only be longer when the musical rolls around, but rest assured I will show up tomorrow and the next day smelling like soap. 

            Let’s talk about the football team, because this is the perfect example of why one shouldn’t stink.  Straight after school they put on all these layers and go out in the hot sun and roll around on each other, they then go home and manage to shower.  We all know that that entire demographic has poor personal hygiene, but they manage to at least mask their lack of cleanliness somehow.  Which again begs the question.  Are the stinkies even trying?  I don’t care why they stink; they shouldn’t stink.  If you are living in this town and going to this school, then you can afford the two dollar dove soap at Walmart.  And Walmart is maybe a ten-minute walk from the school.  Or better yet go to the Kroger that is literally next door.  I have walked to Kroger right after school and made it back over here by 3:30. There is no excuse, no exception, no reason, or need, to smell like sweaty Butt crack.  It has not been like this anywhere else I have gone to school.  When I lived in Virginia, everybody was going home and taking a shower.  My cousin lives in Wartburg, the town of hicks and rednecks, and she told me many times that even the weird rednecks who don’t like black people can at least manage to clean themselves.  You don’t even have to deep clean every inch of your body, run a two dollar bar of soap over your body for five minutes and you’ll at least smell like nothing. 

            People love to throw out depression as an excuse, but they’re missing the entire point.  Not showering because of depression, IS BAD.  These are bad habits caused by a mental illness.  Not quirky little side effects of your quirky little thoughts.  You need help.  They all need help.  I had half a mind to graduate early this year purely and entirely because I didn’t want to smell butt sweat.  You stink.