It truly is a sad day when the vampire is no longer associated with Dracula, but Edward Cullen, the male protagonist of Stephenie Meyer’s bestselling ‘Twilight’ series. Thanks to her novels, the perception of a vampire has gone from villainous and horrific to romantic and dazzling. There is a myriad of reasons why the series is rubbish. Sparkly skin as a vampire’s consequence for walking in sunlight is just one example. In the end, however, the true ludicrousness of ‘Twilight’ is not actually the Disney Channel nature of the books or predictable plot lines but of the cult-like following that it conceived. Consisting of both hormonal teenagers and adults, the phenomenon is a combination of frightening and pathetic.

Readers have a tendency to succumb to the intelligence, eloquence, and gorgeousness of the vampire Edward Cullen. So blinded by his seductiveness are fans that they fail to realize that he is merely a despondent dead guy that spends all his time brooding over his emotional baggage and hating himself. After all, he confesses to Bella that she alone is what stops him from killing himself entirely. In fact, in chapter one of ‘New Moon’ Edward tells Bella, “Last spring, when you were…nearly killed…Of course I was trying to focus on finding you alive, but part of my mind was making contingency plans. Like I said, it’s not as easy for me as it is for a human” (that is, it is not as easy for Edward to commit suicide as it is for a human). The reality of this walking corpse is that his handsomeness is the sole aspect that prevents him from being considered an emotionally-impaired freak. With such evidence proving Edward’s self-loathing and indifferent personality, why readers hope to be Mrs. Cullen is unfathomable. Those that are love sick should also keep in mind that he is not real and never will be real, and it is impractical to expect anyone to live up to his “perfection”.

Regarding the melodramatic feud between supporters of Edward and supporters of Jacob, who is possibly the one realistic and decent character in Stephenie Meyer’s series, the debate is completely futile. Bella was obviously going to end up with Edward in the end and become a vampire, as noted in Alice Cullen’s vision. Anyone who thought differently must not have comprehended the story at all.

The series has had an effect on many aspects of life. The small Washington town of Forks, the setting of Meyer’s series, is now a tourist location and where several “Twihards” make a pilgrimage. Nordstom has a cosmetic and clothing line dedicated to ‘Twilight’. Fans can purchase make-up inspired by Bella, Rosalie, Alice, and Victoria or don shirts stating their alliance (Team Edward/Jacob) or designed with a quote. Beauty specialists in London and writers for Cosmopolitan have written instructions for how to look like the vampires in ‘Twilight’. The list goes on with absurd ways culture has been impacted by sparkly vampire books.

No, I do not hate the books. They are decent reads, not badly composed though certainly not akin to the works of other female authors such as Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte. While I do find the Twilight Saga to be a pleasant read, I do not identify myself with Team Edward, Team Jacob, or Team Switzerland. I’m Team Go-Read-Something-Else.