On the list of "Worst Things I Can Experience", growing up definitely makes the top five. It's especially worse if you're a girl. Nothing about growing up is glamorous (special thanks to Nickelodeon and Disney Channel for getting my hopes up). Between going through puberty, trying to keep your grades up, fighting with people, gaining responsibility, getting a job, applying to college and dealing with anything else life decides to throw your way,  growing up basically becomes a D grade balancing act. D+ on a good day, I guess. However, being a girl myself, I can honestly say that everything else is better when you have supportive parents. I cannot stress how important it is to have loving parents that are there to educate you every step of the way. If you're a parent and you don't do this for your little girl, do not fret. That's what I'm here for. Below you will find a detailed list on how to properly raise your girls. Before you know it, you'll be the World's Best Parents (mug not included).

1. Demand them to sit like ladies. Teach your girls the proper way to sit, with their legs crossed or closed tightly together, and remind them that people will judge their whole character based on the way they sit. They must NEVER sit with their legs open or in Indian Style, because then that would suggest they engage in promiscuous activities or that they have masculine tendencies. No one would ever think that your girl is just trying to be comfortable. That thought is preposterous. I once knew a girl who sat in class in a carefree manner, with her legs all jumbled up onto her chair. The teacher stopped the class to tell the girl to sit ladylike, and she responded with, "Sitting like this doesn't make me any less of a lady." As a reply to that comment, the teacher told her that she should think again. So remember, tell your girls that no matter how intelligent, courageous, independent, generous or confident they are, it all goes to s*** if they don't sit correctly.

2.   Control their interests. If your girl wants to play with cars, tell her no and hand her a Barbie. If your daughter wants to watch Pokemon, tell her no and play a princess movie. If your daughter wants to go outside and play in the dirt, tell her no and make her stay inside and practice braiding her hair. Don't allow her to engage in anything that will make her sweat too much, think too much, or will make her independent. You need to keep an obvious separation at all times of BLUE and PINK because they are representative of two distinct genders, even though: 1. Pink and blue have the ability to mix to become other colors, such as a nice lilac or other purple of some sort, and 2. Colors aren't animals or people so they don't really have a gender. But either way you assign girls the color pink from the minute they were born and paint their mind and bodies with it for the rest of their lives. Don't let your little girls even dip their paintbrushes in blue paint - you can't risk them creating bigger and better pictures with the newfound lilac.

3. Limit sport participation. This is very important. Sports are too manly and aggressive for girls. Forget that sports develop important skills such as leadership skills, social skills, and self-discipline. Forget the fact that your daughter could use a sport as an emotional outlet or that they make great exercise that keep both her mind and body healthy. Forget that sports could make your daughter happy. But do remember that they could potentially get hurt, they get sweaty and they could lose a nail! The horror! Besides, sports develop muscles that take away from looking dainty and ladylike. If you must place your girl in a sport, place them in ballet. Nothing is more feminine than tutus, graceful dance steps, Tchaikovsky, rigorous exercise, sweat and muscular bodies!

4. Police their clothing. Don't allow them to wear anything provocative. Instead of teaching them to defend themselves when a man decides to behave inappropriately towards them, teach them to cover up and live in fear of the possibility of men looking at them. Yet, at the same time, teach them to dress for others. Why should they dress for themselves? Why should they be happy with what they're wearing? That doesn't make sense. They obviously need to dress in order to impress others, even though most of the time, nobody is paying attention and what others think shouldn't be more important than your daughter feeling good and feeling her best.

5. Enforce makeup. Your girls should always be able to embrace their natural beauty and be comfortable in their own skin, right? Wrong! Teach your girl from a young age that she cannot leave the house without a full face of makeup on. Buy her makeup as soon as possible, at around the age of ten maybe, and tell her to use it not to accent her natural beauty, but "to make herself look better." Why would you want to boost your girl's self esteem by telling her she is naturally beautiful? Just crush all her hopes, hand her a foundation brush and teach her how to do her makeup so she can be a carbon copy of everyone else. And don't tell her makeup is an option. FORCE her to put it on, even if she doesn't want to. Who cares what she wants to do anyways?

6. Forbid cursing. Cursing is terrible and sounds atrocious. A girl should never curse, even though boys are allowed to do it all the time. It just doesn't sound proper when a girl does it. The same way a girl must look elegant, she must sound elegant. God forbid if a girl were to EVER reveal that she's human by cursing!

7. Encourage them to work in "feminine" jobs. In fact, it would be ideal if you could train your daughter to just not work and stay in the house all day. Why would she need to go out into the world and make a living of her own when she can just stay inside grooming herself or cleaning the house? Just let the men do all the work! If your daughter MUST work, encourage her to do easier jobs, such as working at a department store, even though she is perfectly capable of working as a carpenter, a lawyer, an engineer or basically anything else a man can do. If she insists on doing something harder, such as being a doctor, don't let her specialize in what she wants - tell her that she can't do it because she's a girl and that she should find something easier. There was once a girl who told her father that she wanted to be a psychiatrist or a surgeon of some sort. Instead of being supportive, he told her that that's "too tough" for her, and that she should look into dermatology or optometry because those are "prettier careers for a girl like her." It's funny how this is coming from a man who wasn't even "man" enough to not cheat on his wife. What an encouraging father!

8.  Never leave them alone with a boy. Imagine how much people will talk if they see your girl alone with a boy. No, no, they can't just be friends. That's ridiculous. Immediately everyone will think that they're messing around. But it's fine on the boy's part - a boy can do whatever he wants and it will just seem "cool" or "manly". However, if it were to even look like a girl was involved in some sort of sexual activity with a guy, she's deemed a "s***" or a "w****." Instead of encouraging your girl to stand up against these errors in society and defend herself, just tell her to stay away from boys. In fact, teach them to not stand up for themselves, for if they do, people will instantly refer to her as a b****.

Hopefully, these few guidelines will enlighten you and guide you in properly raising your daughters. I could go on further and explain how to raise your boys, but I prefer to leave that for another day because that's COMPLETELY different. Boys are conceived, created and brought into this world the exact same way as girls, but they're boys which gives them a different set of guidelines and, more often than not, more leeway. So for now I give you these rules, and remember: forcing your girls to act a certain way and to like certain things won't make them happy, but will make society happy. You choose what you want to do.