It’s been more than 1 week and I still find myself up wide awake at night
I don’t know when it all gets better but I really hope soon.
I guess I still just don’t understand why you had to take your life,
You were only sixteen; you had so many more things to do. So many more memories to make and look back on.
But I guess that’s what depression does; it slowly eats away your thoughts until the only thing you can think about is death, your own death...
I still don’t know how to accept it or ever comprehend the fact that I will never see you again.
How... I was supposed to start school with you, go to parties with you and be the loudest at lunch like last year. Everybody tells me “things will get better I promise” but is that even true.. How can it get better without you? And when people tell me oh she wouldn’t want to see you cry, well I have a reason too because you are not with me anymore. I guess I just can’t really believe it’s true. Better yet I don’t want to believe it’s true. I need to know I can see you tomorrow. And hear your crazy laugh. Without it life’s so dull. I bet heaven is treating you like a princess! I wish you could have lived a better life, one where depression wasn’t even a part of.
I remember when I was so upset one night that you stayed up until three in the morning just tickling my back until I fell asleep, you were the best friend. Or when we hid under the table because we didn’t want to take the final or take pictures for our self portraits. All the crazy parties I went to and just hung with you. I will never ever forget the one time I slept over on a Friday and the next day we woke up around 10:30, right after that we went right into the bonus room and watched One Tree Hill all day hours after hours. You were the best cuddle buddy, with your super fuzzy purple blanket.
Just the little things that made me cherish you.
Somehow you made an attempt to impact everybody’s life. Not everybody can do that, you were something real special. Everybody knew your name, and how crazy you really were.
Sports were an automatic with you. You were a beast on the soccer field and baseball. You even wrestled! Even though you always had something hurt, I always found you smiling. You truly were beautiful, with those big green eyes and crazy hair. And for some reason you never saw your body as awesome even though everybody was jealous of it!
I think about you every day and I wonder what you’re crazy self could be up to. I hope you’re having tons of fun. I just wish it was down here with all of us.
The past few weeks haven’t been the best for me. I now have nobody to talk to. And my friends are slowly fading from me. I guess its life though, it’ll always keep moving. I don’t know j, I really don’t. Maybe it’s just me who pushes people away. I’m scared to invite new people into my life so I end up pushing the old ones away.
Everywhere I look reminds me of you. Everything I see, do, or say.
Every time I pass by my mind just wanders and it doesn’t stop.
Why couldn’t I have done something
Why didn’t I see your tweet early enough
Why didn’t I go to your party and notice something
Why didn’t I ever ask you to hang more
Why did you do this
Could it really be true