Kurt Cobain was a true musician. He was not an exceptional guitar player. He was not a great singer. His performances, though they stood out because of speaker bashing and guitar cracking, were not an awesome spectacle. So then you might ask what was he? Why should we care? His fans loved him because he stood out. I am not a fan but I am a musician and I think I understand something about him that others may have missed.

Kurt Cobain had something that all musicians have. I call it "something" because it is undefinable. For me it feels like a large bulge in my stomach filled with music. It is so big and under so much pressure that it never goes unnoticed. It makes you practice every day. It hurts if you leave your instrument untouched for too long. Sitting down and making music relieves it by letting out a microscopic amount of this "something" which keeps the pressure in your body at a tolerable level. Kurt Cobain had a version of that feeling, and that is why I respect him, as a musician. But it takes a lot to be able to handle this animal inside. It enables you to hear a beautiful, colorful sound, but it doesn't show you how to make it on your instrument. The frustration which results can tear you apart. I think that Kurt, aside from his other problems, had a really bad case of this "animal." He was not that good on his guitar so the sounds he made could never match the music in his head. This has almost driven me to kill myself lots of times but when my frustration drives me to the edge, I have been able to resist suicide.

I know that Kurt had a lot to deal with: a bad childhood, problems in his marriage, problems dealing with fame and drug addiction. But for me Kurt was just another musician who fell prey to the killing beast inside his creative mind. ?