I'm fascinated by fears, things that we know will horrifyus, yet we part the fingers covering our eyes to watch. Scary movies and hauntedhouses are examples. I have written of nuclear holocausts, horrors of the mind; Ihave peered in the darkness of my psyche and been frightened by what I saw.

Yet when I try to imagine my future, I am confronted by a fear I do notwish to look at. It is then that I realize that every choice I make determineswhat will happen to me and what I will become. I feel as if I'm on a runawaytrain; I can look down the track at where I have been but I can't see aheadthrough all the fog. It might be a wild ride, or a straight stretch of track.What concerns me is the stop at the end; the brick wall that sooner or laterderails us all. Will I be able to look back and be proud of my achievements? Willanyone miss me when I'm gone, or remember me?

The earth is billions ofyears old and humans have only existed for a blink of an eye, with my life just aflash within that. Yet if nothing I do exists after I'm gone, what was thepurpose of my life? Did I just take up space? In 100 years, will anything I donow matter? Probably not. And while I see myself as insignificant, I also takecomfort in that. The universe is constantly expanding and there is nothing I cando to stop that. As a whole the human race is constantly changing history and itwould not be exactly the same if it had been missing even one person. So maybebeing insignificant is significant. But being significant is what I fear, makingthe wrong choice, destroying my own future.