I pull myself out of the memory, swallowing. Natalia. No, I can’t think of her. Niall was a completely different person before she was murdered. He was brash, hurtful before she was murdered. I understand. I’d be a different version of myself for a while too if my twin had been murdered right in front of me.
“Alyson, Niall, are you two ready to be escorted?” The kind police officer asks, very, very delicately, as if we’re glass falling, falling, falling towards the ground.
“Yes,” I reply, trying to sound stronger than I feel.
The kind police officer grabs my stretcher/bed and begins to wheel me out of the room. I hear Niall’s bed following me along. I’m more than scared. I mean, seriously, I can’t bear to see…disgust in their eyes when they look at me. It’s terrifying. What if they decide they don’t want me anymore?
“Okay, Alyson, your parents will be coming in shortly. A police officer, Daniel Smith, will accompany them into the room and then he will leave when he deems it safe to do so. Niall, we just got word of your parents. They’re twenty minutes away and will be here shortly. Your father says he’s sorry it took so long, they had to stop driving because they were crying too hard, and that they love you very much. Your mother said to add that they do not blame you for Natalia’s kidnapping or her death,” the kind police officer says. “By the way, my name is Karen Scott.”
Niall looks at me, a clear look of desperation. Now that he knows his parents are almost here, he’s feeling the same way that I am.
“Together,” I say softly.
“Together,” he confirms, holding his hand out.
I take it, entwining our fingers slowly, relishing in the feeling of his hand on mine.
“I’m scared,” I blurt. “I…I don’t want to see how disgusted they are of me. I look nothing like I used too. What if they decide I’m too messed up or damaged for them to love?”
Niall brings my hand to his lips, kissing it ever so sweetly, before staring at me with his intense blue eyes.
“They won’t,” he states. Sensing my protest about to occur, he continues, “but if they do, which they won’t, but if they do, you will always have me. And the others,” he adds hastily, a hint of a blush appearing on his cheeks.
“Thank you.”
He goes to say something, but the door opens and in walks an officer, presumably Daniel Smith. I freeze up, swallowing heavily. He steps out of the way and there, right before me, are my mother and father. I forget how to breathe for a moment. I forgot how beautiful they are. I forgot how much they loved me. I forgot my mom’s long, brown hair that is silky and smooth.
I forgot about my dad’s blue eye and his green eye. I forgot how my mom’s eyes twinkled when she was happy. I forgot how much my dad smiled and joked. In my almost four months of captivity, I had thrust away memories of my parents, too scared to even dream of seeing them again. But now…here they are.
A tear rolls down my cheek, and that is what sends my parents into motion. Mom rushes forwards a few steps, stopping abruptly about four feet away from me, Dad right behind her.
“Can I hold you?” She asks, voice full of unshed tears.
No one besides for them and my friends have touched me…
“Please,” I sob, letting the tears stream down my cheeks as everything catches up to me.
The fear of what would happen next, the exhilaration of the run through the woods when we escaped, seeing Bradley almost dead, watching Emma die, seeing the change in Niall once he saw Natalia’s death…it all catches up to me right then and there.
My mom collapses onto me, hurting me by the action, but there is so much relief all over her that I don’t even care that she is. Dad folds the two of us into his arms, holding me so firmly that it almost feels like the broken pieces of my heart and soul are being physically pushed back together.
“I’m so sorry,” I sob. “I am so sorry!”
“Shh, don’t apologize,” Mom whispers, stroking my hair gently.
We stay this way for a while, Mom stroking my hair, Dad holding me tight, and Niall holding my hand until I finally realize Niall might be frightened of them.
“Oh, um,” I start, cueing my parents into the fact they need to let go of me. “Mom, Dad, this is Niall Lockwood. He…he helped me through a lot. Niall, this is my mom and dad, Sarah and Clark Winters. Don’t worry, they won’t hurt you, I promise.”
“Nice to meet you both,” he says kindly, but warily. “But Alyson, don’t give me too much credit. Sebastian helped you through more than I did. I was dead weight.”
I’m already speaking before I even start shaking my head, “no, you weren’t, Niall. You were a leader. You’re the one who organized the whole plan of escaping! We’d both probably be dead right now if you hadn’t have done that. We were saved because of you. As for Sebastian helping me more, I understand why. Your twin died, Niall. You saw her die. Don’t ever say that you’re dead weight.”
He doesn’t say anything, instead, he offers me a watery smile.
“Thank you,” Mom tells him emotionally. “Thank you for saving my Ally.”
Before he can say anything, the door opens and in comes Sebastian, without his bed.
“Sebastian? What are you doing in here?” I ask in slight shock. There are tears running down his face and he looks a mess. “Sebastian?! What’s wrong? What happened?” He hobbles over to my side, looking completely damaged and broken.
“My parents—” he begins to say, but he starts sobbing before he can finish.
“Come here,” I whisper, tears springing to my eyes as well. He climbs into the bed with me, laying on me like a pillow, holding me tight as he breaks in my arms. I kiss his forehead before stroking his hair like he always did with me. He calms down after a few minutes but still clings to me. “What happened?”
“Ally…my parents came. They—they took one look at me and said I was too messed up for them to love,” he admits, his voice broken and his face haggard.
I swallow, holding him even tighter, though it causes me immense pain to do so.
“Bash, I’m so sorry.”
“I have nowhere to go,” he murmurs, eyes glazing over with pain.
“Yes, you do,” I say vehemently. “You’re family. You all are my family. We are all staying together. Mom, Dad, can he—”
“Yes,” Mom replies instantly, Dad nodding. “Yes. How many of you are there, again?”
“Seven,” Niall whispers, a haunted look overcoming his face.
“Well, we have the carriage-house. We can renovate it to fit seven people and then some,” Dad suggests, a determined look crossing his face. “We need to get started right away. Ally, are you okay if I leave for a few minutes to make some calls?”
“Of course. Thank you.” He nods, kissing my forehead. “Dad, I love you.”
“I love you too, sweetheart.” He is already calling someone as he walks out of the room, phone pressed firmly to his ear.
“Mom…who all is here?” I ask, holding my hand out for Niall to take without even realizing it.
He holds my hand firmly, his hand slightly shaky. His parents will be here any minute now.
“Your father and I, your sisters, Granddaddy, Jamie, Aunt Kathy, Jenna, Brent, Uncle Max, Uncle Sean, your group, and a whole bunch of other people from school and the community,” she tells me.
“Oh.”
The door opens and in walks Daniel Smith again. Wow, I hadn’t even noticed he had left.
“Niall,” he says, stepping away to reveal a supermodel-like woman and an equally model-like father.
“Niall!” The woman shouts, clear relief and love all over her face.
“Son,” the man says gruffly, a tear already rolling down his cheek.
Sebastian clutches me tighter to him, his body shaking with silent tears again.
“Mom, Dad,” Niall whispers, releasing my hand to open his arms to his parents. They share an emotional reunion, before Niall introduces us. “Mom, Dad, this is Alyson. She’s…she’s probably the most gorgeous person I’ve ever met, inside and out. She’s the heart of us all, keeping us all together. And this is Sebastian. He kept us all going, even on the worst days. I’m closest to these two. Ally, Bash, this is my mom, Lana Lockwood, and my dad, Luke Lockwood. Oh, Mom, Dad, this is Alyson’s mother, Sarah Winters.”
“Nice to meet you both,” Mom says politely, shaking their hands, but Mrs. Lockwood pulls her into a tight hug, which my mother gladly returns.
“If only it were under better circumstances,” Mr. Lockwood says, to which my mother quickly agrees.
“Oh, my husband is outside talking on the phone to someone who is going to renovate our carriage-house into a huge place for them all to live in. Apparently, they all want to stay together here. Or, at least, that’s what Ally told me.” Gee, Mom, way to throw me under the bus.
“We do,” Niall sticks up for me. Thank you, Niall Lockwood. “Mom, Dad, I know this is weird, but I can’t leave any of them. We were all each other knew for four months. We went through so much together…they’re a part of me. I mean, Alyson is my heart and soft side, Sebastian is my brain, Camilla is my strength, James is my social side, Bradley is my fighting skills, Cole is my wit, Emma is my compassion, and Natalia…Natalia is my soul.”
“We’ll get a house down here,” Mr. Lockwood decides, his wife agreeing. “We’ll live close to Mr. and Mrs. Winters and you can stay in their carriage-house if it’s what you want. You all can come over any time you’d like. Lana loves to bake.” He smiles lovingly at her. She places a manicured hand on his shoulder, stepping a bit closer to Niall as well.
“I could really use some of your homemade croissants right about now,” Niall mutters, shooting me a look.
I return it easily, my eyes glistening with tears. He called me his heart and soft side…
“Hey, Mom? I never got told my injuries. How bad are they?” I ask, my curiosity peaked now.
I’m feeling more normal than I have in a long time. I look down at Sebastian to see he’s asleep. Good. He doesn’t deserve to see how happy we are with our families when he doesn’t have his parents anymore.
“Sweetheart, they’re bad. You’re um…” She trails off, looking at Niall.
“Mom, it’s okay. We’ve all…it’s okay,” I say lamely, not wanting to explain that we have all seen each other naked on multiple occasions.
When they actually did shower us, we had to all strip. They’d have us in a line, facing each other before spraying us down with a very pressurized water hose. It hurt so badly, but it was actually kind of worth it, because we were clean.
“Your uterus was extremely damaged. Luckily, the surgeons and doctors here fixed it in surgery. You’ll be in recovery from that for about two weeks. Your vocal cords were ruptured, but again, they fixed it in surgery. You’ll start to sound like yourself again in a few days.” When did I rupture my vocal cords? I don’t remember sounding any different than I do now… “You have a bunch of stitches all over you, but they’ll dissolve ranging from a few days to a month. Your right knee was dislocated, which they fixed. You’ll be in a knee brace for about six to eight weeks for that. Your left foot was shattered. Your doctor said it’s a miracle you made it as long as you did with that injury. They mended the bones in surgery, but you’ll be recovering from that for three months, if not longer. Your last major injury is that two of your ribs were fractured. It will take about six weeks to heal. You had a minor concussion, but everything is okay with that now. Other than that, you just have bumps and bruises.”
“That’s actually better than I thought it would be,” I mutter.
Mom’s face shows a look of slight horror, and she quickly looks away. I frown, looking down at Sebastian’s sleeping face.
“Son, I hate to ask this,” Mr. Lockwood says in a low voice, obviously not intending for me to hear. “But, if you and that sweet girl right there are together, why is Sebastian on her chest holding her so tightly?”
I pretend as if I hadn’t heard, instead focusing on my mom as she answers a phone call, sending me an apologetic glance.
“We’re…we’re not together. I—I think I love her, Dad. We all treated her so badly because we had no idea what she was suffering, but she still helped us every single time we got hurt. She was always there, helping, healing, fighting back. As for Sebastian…he was there first. Why is he there right now? Is that what you’re asking?” Mr. Lockwood must give his son some kind of confirmation because Niall continues, “his parents came. They took one look at him and abandoned him. He’s pretty messed up right now. All that all of us could think of while being there was coming home to our parents, being reunited with our families. And right when he thinks he has his, they leave. I can’t imagine…but, in all honesty, I thought you guys would leave, too. Alyson was a wreck before she saw her parents. As I’m sure you already know, they sent a video to her parents of her being…”
“Yes, yes, we already know,” Mrs. Lockwood states quickly, obviously upset about it.
“She thought her parents would be disgusted with her because they saw that video of her being…anyways, we all have our doubts about our families, our friends, our lives now,” Niall finishes.
“You said you all treated Alyson badly because you didn’t know what she was going through. What did you mean by that?” Mrs. Lockwood asks, voice a little louder now.
I turn, pretending I just now heard the conversation.
“She was being hurt the worst,” Niall mutters angrily. “They thought she was the weakest, so they hurt her the worst. I still remember the day we all found out she was being hurt worse than all of us…it was the day that the video had been filmed and sent to her parents. It was also the day that Emma was murdered. I was awful to her that day. After that day, I tried to be kind to her, but every time I saw her, I could think only of Natalia and how similar they are. Alyson is just as headstrong, strong, and lovely as Natty was.”
“Niall,” I whisper, causing him to look at me.
I put everything I feel for him in my gaze and he easily understands it, grabbing my hand again. Sebastian stirs, waking up.
“Ally,” he whimpers.
I have to let go of Niall, sending him a remorseful look before giving the boy in my arms my full attention.
“Sh, sh, sh, it’s okay, Bash,” I comfort him, stroking his head and rubbing his back. “I promise everything will be okay.”
“What if it’s not?”
“I’ll make it okay.”
“Promise?” He holds out his pinky.
I interlock it with my own.
“I promise.”
A doctor walks into the room, introducing herself as Laura Simmons.
“Alyson, I need to speak with you in private for a few moments. Would it be alright if I were to take you into a separate room? It shouldn’t take but a few minutes and then you can come back in here. It is urgent,” she tells me.
I look at my mom, whose eyes are wide as she wonders what could be urgent enough to interrupt this.
“Sure, it’s fine,” I agree. “Mom, could you help Sebastian while I’m gone?”
“Don’t you want me with you?” She asks in bewilderment and if I’m not mistaking, a little hurt.
I take a deep breath, ready to hurt her some more. I feel awful. We used to do everything together, but now I just…don’t feel the same about anything.
“I think this is something I have to do alone.”
Silence reigns in the room, Niall quirking his eyebrow, and Sebastian raises his head from my chest to stare at me inquisitively. I swallow heavily, a tick I do way too often. Even though I feel the weight of everyone’s stares, I don’t change my response.
A long silence stretches around us all. No one knows what to say.
“Um, I’m Sebastian,” Sebastian begins, looking at me for encouragement. I nod at him, that being the best I can offer. “This is Alyson, Niall, and Natalia.”
Niall glares at Sebastian for a moment, “what if they’re part of the people who took us?”
“Don’t be so brash,” Natalia chides her younger twin by three minutes and thirty-two seconds. “What are your names?”
“I’m Camilla and this is Emma,” a girl says from the darkness.
She slowly comes into the light, her features coming into view. She has dark brown hair that is shiny and luxurious. She must have come from money or maybe she just takes really good care of her hair. Her eyes are a dark brown, her nose centered directly between them.
Her nose is small but fits her face. It has a slight bump on the bridge, but it suits her. Her mouth is small, her lips following suite. She’s on the heavier side, her body curving gorgeously. Her skin is a dark brown, just lighter than her eyes which are the color of chocolate. She has a heart locket around her neck, which she is clutching tightly.
Emma follows Camilla into the light. She’s as skinny as a stick, no curves on her body. Her hair is a light brown, blonde highlights peeking in. She has green eyes and freckles all over her face and from what I can see, her arms and hands as well.
Her nose is big, but she doesn’t seem to care. I think it adds to her beauty. Her lips are full and plump, glossed with sparkles. She doesn’t seem to be wearing any jewelry, but she is wearing a worn-down scarf, which must hold some value to her.
“I’m James,” a guy offers, shyly going over to stand next to Camilla. “I like your locket.”
She looks up at him with furrowed eyebrows, looking as if she’s trying to decide if he’s kidding or not.
“Thanks,” she mutters, hurriedly looking away to her shoes.
James is a tall guy with brown hair and brown eyes, freckles on his cheeks. He also has a mole right beside his nose and a birthmark on his left cheek which looks like a small drop of rain splattered on a sidewalk. He’s skinnier than Emma is, which is saying a lot, but he doesn’t seem to notice or care about it. His skin is dark too, but he seems to be more Mexican than black.
His wrists are bandaged, a bit of blood peeking through. Are they from himself or from the people who kidnapped us all? Would our kidnappers have bandaged him up? He looks up to meet my gaze, guilt in his eyes when he saw where I was looking. Self-inflicted then. But why? I shake my head at him with a small smile, trying to let him know he doesn’t need to explain himself to me even if I am curious.
It may be a trick of the artificial and dim lighting, but he seems to look super relieved.
“I’m Cole,” another guy sighs, not looking happy at all.
Cole has black hair, brown eyes, and a seemingly flawless face besides for the smattering of acne on his forehead and nose. He wears a silver band on his right wrist, it glinting in the light. He’s muscular and proud of it, by his dominant stance.
His arms are crossed, his head is high, his eyes are set in a glare, and he is standing tall and mighty. He is very intimidating. I shudder a bit, creeping a bit closer to Natalia, who looks at me, my same fears in her eyes. I like Natalia a lot.
She’s super nice and seems to be able to control Niall, which is good because he is a firecracker.
“And I suppose I’m the only one who hasn’t introduced themselves,” a new voice flits over to us from the farthest corner of The Hole. He struts out of the corner, head high just like Cole’s. “I’m Bradley, but you, Natalia, can call me anytime.”
My jaw actually drops. We were just kidnapped and thrust into this hole thing and he wants to flirt? The thought it dismissed before it is even thought of. How can I be such a hypocrite? Sebastian? And Niall? I’ve been flirting with both of them, I’ve got no room to talk.
But Bradley flirting with Natalia right in front of her brother…probably not his brightest idea. Bradley has dyed blonde hair, his brown roots peeking through. He’s wearing what seem to be colored contacts but could be a trick of the light.
He’s skinny and not that muscular but he’s definitely flaunting the muscle he has. I’m definitely judging the book by its cover here: I don’t like him. He’s too arrogant for someone in our situation.
“Don’t,” Niall snaps. “She’s my sister. Back off.”
He sounds defensive but also tired. Now that I think about it, I’m tired as well.
“Is that everyone?” I ask, looking around. No one else comes out of the shadows or speaks up so I’m assuming I’m correct. I nod to myself before looking at Niall and Sebastian. “What now?” I aim it at them, but everyone absorbs my words.
No one has an answer for me.
I snap out of the memory when Sebastian grudgingly gets up and hobbles over to my mom, who takes him over to a couch and talks to him, sneaking looks at me. Wow…I had almost forgotten meeting Camilla, Emma, James, Cole, and Bradley for the first time.
Of course, I remember meeting Sebastian, Niall, and Natalia most vividly. Speaking of Natalia…
The car door opens, screaming being heard from the opposite side. I perk up, eyes wide. I exchange a horrified glance with Sebastian, but Niall’s attention is elsewhere. He stares intensely at the open door, our freedom. But he doesn’t seem interested in that.
“Get your bloody hands off of me, you wankers!” A sharp yell echoes throughout the tiny space, leaving me staring just as intensely as Niall. That’s a girl yelling for her freedom, her accent thicker than Niall’s.
“Natalia?” He breathes, peeking out a bit. His question is answered when a girl is thrown into him, knocking him to the side.
“Hey!” I shout, rushing forwards to make sure the girl is okay. “Are you okay?”
“Thanks, love,” Niall says sarcastically since I didn’t ask him if he was alright, but then he quickly gets serious. “Natty, are you alright?”
The car door slams shut, and we begin moving again. Sebastian stays put, but his stare is fiery hot on the back of my head. Why is he staring at me like that? Shouldn’t he be worried about this poor girl who was just put in the same situation as us?
“You know her?” I ask curiously after she sits up, rubbing her forehead as if she’s in pain.
“She’s my twin sister,” Niall deadpans. I whip around to look at Sebastian, who looks even more shocked than I am, the fire in his eyes extinguished for now. “Natalia, are you okay?”
“Yes, Niall, I’m just dandy!” She spits, her English accent shocking me with how strong it is. “I wasn’t just kidnapped or anything. Who are you?” She suddenly fawns over me, causing me to be a little shocked. She just pulled a complete one-eighty. One second, she’s irritated with her brother, the next she’s nice as can be to me.
“That’s Alyson,” Niall sighs, looking frazzled as he runs a hand through his hair. He shakes his head at her, but she doesn’t seem to notice.
“Hi,” I whisper. “Natalia, right?”
She nods, smiling a bit, “I’m glad I got a girl with me! If I was just with Niall and that other guy, I’d be right pissed.”
She has honey-colored hair and beautiful blue eyes. Her lips are small but plump which really helps to enhance her beauty. She’s curvy, like an hourglass. The only word I can think of for her is gorgeous. I smile warmly at her, despite our awful situation.
“Me too,” I agree, liking her immediately.
Doctor Simmons gets my bed and begins wheeling me out of the room, walking quickly and efficiently, jolting me out of my memory of Natalia. Tears rush in my eyes, but I hurriedly shake them off. I won’t cry. Not right now.
Doctor Simmons takes me into an office of some sorts. My bed fits in there easily, her shutting the door behind her.
“We ran a bunch of additional tests on you once you got out of surgery, and we just got the results in. Alyson, I hate to say this, but you’re pregnant,” she tells me, sounding sincerely sorry.
The words barely register in my mind, my brain only focusing on one word: pregnant. Oh God, I’m pregnant. I’m only sixteen. I was kidnapped, tortured, mentally and physically scarred, raped, and now I’m pregnant.
“How far along am I, exactly?”
I’ll know who it is just based on this information. Please, don’t let it be him…He’s the one who scared me the most. I shudder, just thinking about him.
“Twelve weeks,” Doctor Simmons whispers.
Two weeks after I was kidnapped. So, the very first time I was raped. It was him. I should’ve known.
“Wait, so that means I’m almost into the second trimester?” I ask in shock, just now realizing what she had said. She nods, pain on her face. “Awesome. Just great. Can I go back now?”
“Alyson…you have options,” she tells me.
“No, I don’t. I already feel attached to the baby growing inside of me. I couldn’t abort my child,” I snap, my anger dying down when I see her face. “I’m sorry…it’s just…I thought I was in the clear after being rescued. But now…now it feels like I’m back in the hole, dying slowly.”
“You can make it through this,” she murmurs quietly. “Do you want to go back now?”
No, not in the slightest.
“Yes.”
But even though I have no desire to go back to that room with my mom and the boys I am in love with, I have to go back now.
Completely against my will, I’m sucked into another memory, one that fills me with pain.
“What if they rape us?” Camilla asks worriedly, Natalia quickly nodding her agreement. Emma looks at me, pure fear in her eyes.
“And what if we get pregnant? I’m not having a baby with one of them!” Emma voices her fears. “My parents believe in waiting until marriage! If I got pregnant, they’d never forgive me!”
My heartbeat quickens as I realize this is something that we actually have to worry about. The guys have it easier. They only seem to want to beat them up, but us girls…they might want something completely different with us.
“Alyson, what do we do?” Natalia asks, her voice in a bit of a wail.
“What’s going on?” Niall booms across The Hole.
We look over at him, startled by the anger in his voice.
“It’s none of your concern, Niall,” Natalia spits at him. “Nothing that we talk about is none of your concern until you grow up and stop blaming Ally for everything!”
He snorts, turning back to Cole and Bradley, but they don’t seem to want to talk to him. Instead, they’re staring at us in worry. So is Sebastian and James.
“Alyson,” Emma hisses. “What do we do?”
“I-I don’t know,” I stammer, making sure my voice is loud enough for everyone to hear. “I don’t know what to do. I really wish I did. We just…we just have to be strong.”
“We have to be strong?” Niall mocks. A twinge of pain hits my heart and I grimace, backing down immediately. “No, you have to be strong, Alyson. You’re the weakest one here.”
“Stop it!” Natalia growls. “Stop hurting her like this! She’s in this as much as we are. You used to have a crush on her, Niall. Stop treating her like s***.”
“She deserves it,” he retorts quickly.
“Just leave it,” I tell Natalia. “In tough situations, people need someone to blame and let their frustrations out. I’m okay with being that person. Better me than anyone else here.” I try to smile at her, but I can’t help the tears that cloud my eyes. I stand up quickly, “sorry, I think I’m going to get some sleep.” My voice is choked, not my own.
“I’m sick of this,” Natalia snaps. “You don’t deserve his hatred.”
“Everyone hated me at one point. It’s okay, I’m fine,” I hurriedly say. “I have you, Camilla, and Emma. That’s more than enough.” I nod at them before going over to a corner in the darkness, sitting down and letting out a short breath. “I’m fine,” I whisper to myself.
But I’m not. What if I do get raped and become pregnant? What if Natty is raped? And Camilla and Emma? What would I do? What could I do? A grating sound echoes throughout the air, one that fills me with pure fear.
The Hole is being opened.

-
She wheels me back into the room, walking too fast, putting me back with my mother and the two guys I’m torn between in what feels like five seconds. Niall’s parents are gone. Doctor Simmons offers me one last sympathetic look before walking out of the room and shutting the door.
“So, what happened?” Mom asks worriedly.
Niall and Sebastian both stare at me, observing me. I can’t tell them yet, but at the same time, they will find out if I don’t tell them. I open my mouth, but no words come out. I close my mouth again, mentally preparing myself.
“I…they took some tests when I got out of surgery, just to be sure of everything,” I start, voice wavering. My hand twitches, wanting to go toward my stomach. I close it into a fist, refusing to show them any signs of the news until I tell them. “And they got results back today. One came back positive, the others I’m assuming are negative.”
“Which one came back positive?” Niall asks breathlessly, fear coating his voice.
Oh God, they might think I have cancer or something! I have to tell them and just get it over with.
“I’m twelve weeks pregnant,” I blurt, eyes widening when I realize just how badly I broke the news to them. I open my mouth to fix it but shut it quickly after. I can’t fix what I just said. It’s out in the open, and there is no going back from it. “That’s the test that came back positive.”
Mom claps her hand over her mouth, tears in her eyes. She turns around, holding herself. I close my eyes, wanting to scream and cry and shout until I can’t anymore. Sebastian puts his hands on his face as he lays on the couch, refusing to look at me.
Niall, however, puts the rail down on his bed and then puts the rail down on my bed. I look at him, tears blurring my vision. What is he doing? He slowly and carefully pulls himself onto my bed. My lip wobbles as I look at him. Oh, Niall…sweet, sweet Niall.
He adjusts himself, getting under the blankets with me. He cautiously and carefully puts his arm around me, and then his other arm, pulling me to his chest firmly. I wrap my arms around him tightly, squeezing my eyes shut.
“It will be okay, love, I promise. You have many people in your life that will help you through this, including me,” he tells me soothingly, kissing the top of my head. I want to ask him to promise it to me, but Sebastian might get angry. That’s our thing… “I swear it.”
Thank you, Niall. I can’t say the words aloud. I can barely breathe. As Niall’s arms tighten a bit more around me, and I let myself relax into his embrace, I realize I’m breathing just fine.
“You should sleep some,” he tells me.
I make a sound that might have been confirming it, but I’m not sure. I’m already falling into the best sleep I’ve had in months…
-
Who will they take now? Please don’t let it be me…I’m the only who’s been taken the past four times.
“Oh, Alyson,” he sings, walking down the stairs. The lights come on full force, a drastic difference from the dim lighting only mere seconds ago. “Time to go!”
I shut my eyes for a moment, my heart hammering against my ribcage. I will be brave.
“Okay,” I say, voice strong, unbreakable.
He finally reaches me, holding out his hand. I take it, allowing him to pull me up. He switches his grip from my hand to my forearm, gripping me tightly. I hold my head high. I will not allow anyone to see me break.
I am strong. I can do this. What’s the worst he can do?
Famous last words, right?

-
When I wake up next, I’m back with everyone else, still in Niall’s arms. James is laying in his bed, Camilla sitting cross-legged on the edge of it. They’re having a sweet conversation, the two smiling warmly at each other. Sebastian is on a phone, talking to someone. His face is emotionless.
What’s wrong with him? Oh. He’s probably still crushed by his parent’s rejection. I want to say something, anything, but I can’t. Not when I’m lying in another’s arms. Bradley and Cole are in their own beds playing a card game.
Niall’s arms move a bit, tapping against something. I hear the familiar clicks of a phone keyboard. We must have gotten our phones back. I perk up a bit, shifting in his arms to face him eagerly. He smiles at me, no, that’s not right.
He looks at me for a moment, the corners of his lips slowly turning up until there is a full, beaming smile on his face. I’m bathed in sunlight, warmth coursing through me. His blue eyes are a pool of water, his smile the sun. I’m not drowning, I’m swimming, I’m living.
I have the sudden desire to kiss him, shocking myself by that thought. I swallow, breaking his gaze to focus on literally anything else. His chest rumbles a bit, a small bit of laughter escaping his lips. My cheeks warm up as I realize he must’ve followed my train of thought.
“Did we get our phones back?” I ask, excitement clear in my voice. Niall nods, a smirk on his face as he hands me my phone. “Oh, I forgot how pretty it is…” I immediately log into my phone, seeing the hundreds of notifications. “Oh.”
I curl up further into Niall, never wanting to leave his arms. There are a few knocks on the door before a few people come in. People that I recognize.
“Oh my God, hi!” I say in complete shock as they come closer.
“You look awful,” George Davies comments, making me laugh a bit.
“Tell me about it,” I respond lightly, Niall tensing slightly. I put my hand on his, letting him know that George was kidding.
“Ally,” Penny Patterson, my best friend, chokes up slightly as she says me name.
“Don’t you dare get sappy on me,” I warn, already feeling slightly choked up myself. “If you cry, I’ll cry, and I’ve done enough crying already.”
“It’s true, she has,” Cole calls teasingly.
“Shut up,” I call back, laughing a bit. I face my friends again, seeing their faces change a bit. “What’s wrong?”
“Oh, nothing,” Ellie Jacobs says quickly. Courtney Smith, right behind her, smiles at me warmly.
“It’s good to see you,” she tells me. “We’re all really glad you’re okay.”
Caleb Hemp and Allie Andrews nod their assent.
“Thanks. It’s really good to see you all. Oh, right! Guys, this is Niall Lockwood, Sebastian Collins, Camilla Jones, James Cross, Cole Briar, and Bradley Waterson. You lot, this is George Davies, Penny Patterson, Ellie Jacobs, Courtney Smith, Caleb Hemp, and Allie Andrews. They’re my friends from school.”
Penny shifts uneasily, looking as if she really wants to say something, but George beats her to the chase, “are you pregnant?”
My happy smile drops, a frown developing on my face as I look away.
“Really?” Bradley snaps, Niall’s body tense and angry. “That’s the first thing you ask? No ‘glad you’re alive’, no ‘are you okay’? That’s awful. Are you guys even her friends?”
“Seriously,” Niall continues for Bradley, his voice soft but full of menace. “You really think she wants to think about that right now? She was just kidnapped and tortured for almost four months and you want to ask her if she’s pregnant? Maybe you all should go. We were all doing fine before you came in.”
“Alyson?” Allie asks in wide-eyed shock.
“It’s hard enough to be facing you all after what I went through,” I say quietly, not looking at them. “But it hurts extremely badly to feel like all you care about is knowing the best gossip about me to sell to reporters.”
“That’s not—” Ellie starts, but I silence her.
“Then why is your phone recording this whole thing?” I ask, pointing to her phone, which displays a recorder. “After being put into a dark hole where you can barely see, barely breathe, barely survive, you learn to pick up on the smallest of details. Please, leave. This is hard enough as it is.”
“You really found your strength, Ally,” James says fondly.
“I feel like a proud mother,” Camilla jokes.
As the door shuts behind my ex-friends, I make my own first joke, “isn’t that me?” Surprisingly, everyone starts laughing, even Sebastian, and we can’t seem to stop. “I love you guys.”
“Hormones,” Bradley teases me, to which I snort unattractively. “But I love you too.”
-
He escorts me into The Hole, smiling wickedly. I feel lifeless, empty, broken. I feel nothing, but I also feel everything. I can feel every single thing he did to me. Everyone stands, observing me closely. I don’t look at them, instead keep my eyes on the ground.
“Goodbye, Alyson,” he sing-songs. “I look forward to our next meeting.” He brushes my cheek with his hand before leaving, the grating of The Hole all that can be heard.
“Alyson?” Natalia asks hesitantly, coming forward a step.
“I’m fine,” I say, voice hard. “Nothing happened. He just talked to me.”
“What the hell do you mean by that?” Niall yells, having reached his breaking point. “While the rest of us are getting beat until we aren’t even conscious, he just talked to you?”
I’ve had enough. I’ve tried to be strong, I’ve tried to be his punching bag, but I can’t do it anymore.
“You want to know what really happened, Niall?” I seethe, looking him straight in the eye. He visibly backs off, but I don’t back down. I won’t. He’s been too rude for too long. “I can’t breathe, I can’t feel, I feel empty! I don’t want to live anymore!”
“What did he do to you?” Natalia asks, gently now, as if she already knows.
I look at her, my eyes filling with tears. I shakily bring my hand up to my head, trying to calm myself down.
“Oh, Alyson,” Emma gasps, figuring it out quickly. Camilla catches on, her hand flying to her mouth.
“No,” she whispers, voice raw.
“Can I come hold you?” Natalia asks, her hands up in the air.
I take an immediate step back, my entire body filling with fear. I rapidly shake my head, freaking out.
“No, no, no, no,” I chant, bumping into the wall. I shriek a bit, jumping away.
“What the hell happened to her, Natalia?” Niall asks, sounding more shocked than angry.
“I was…I was…I was raped,” I admit, voice empty again. The guys visibly recoil, pity all over their faces. “Natalia, what do I do?”
“You let me hold you while you cry and let it all out, and then we figure it out from there, okay?” She says very gently, as if I’m a child that she is responsible for.
“O-okay.”
She slowly walks forward, making sure her arms remain in the air, so I see her hands at all times. Finally, she reaches me, her arms circling me firmly. I stiffen, but she keeps her hands where they are. I suddenly fall into her, sobs erupting from my throat uncontrollably.
“It was awful,” I cry. “He would hold me down, but then he’d let me go. As soon as I tried to get away, he would choke me.”
“I’ve got you,” Natalia whispers, holding me a little tighter. She sounds strong. I believe her. She’s got me.
-

Two weeks go by, all seven of us hating the hospital more and more. Finally, we’re told that our families are signing the release forms. My parents were signing for Sebastian, which did little to improve his disastrous mood.
He’s been horrible. All he does is make belittling comments and such. Just this morning he told me he could really see how fat I was getting. I’m fourteen weeks pregnant! I’m simply showing! I’ve grown way closer to Niall as a result of that, which he doesn’t like at all.
Even now, he’s glaring at the two of us as we try to decide which picture I’ll post on my Instagram page as a way to show everyone that I’m back.
“I like this one,” he says, pointing to a picture of us. His arms are wrapped around my waist, accentuating my pregnant belly even more. He’s kissing my cheek, his eyes closed and relaxed. I’m beaming, my hands over his.
“I look so pregnant it in though,” I pout.
Camilla overhears and laughs, “Alyson, you are pregnant.”
I pout even more. Niall leans in and kisses my cheek, lingering there for a moment.
“Better?” He teases, hand on my thigh.
“Way better,” I agree, picking that picture. “What caption should I use? Never mind, I have one.”
I type quickly: I’ll be answering all questions here at once! I was kidnapped for three months and two weeks along with eight other people, two of those people were murdered but their lives still live on in us, I’m fourteen weeks pregnant, and the man in the picture is Niall Lockwood, my best friend. Yes, he was kidnapped, too. Thanks :)
“Too brash,” Niall instantly says, taking my phone from me and typing his own caption.
Hey, everyone. These past few months have been the hardest in my life, but I assure you, I’m okay. I went through a lot of physical and mental pain, and things are harder than they ever have been, but I’m trying very hard to return to some sense of normalcy, hence me posting this on social media. Please don’t treat me any differently than you used too. PS – yes, I’m fourteen weeks pregnant and extremely self-conscious about it so don’t call me out on it. PPS – this is my boyfriend, Niall Lockwood, who will mess you up if you mess with me :) PPPS – this was written by said boyfriend, Niall Lockwood.
Before I can even say anything, he hits post. A phone dings on the other side of the room. Sebastian’s phone. I look up at him, gauging his reaction. He glares at his phone, putting it away in a huff before storming over to us. Oh, why does he have my post notifications on? Wait, how did he get my Instagram username?
“You two are together, then?” He asks angrily.
“Sebastian,” I say gently, but Niall has other plans.
“No, not yet, not officially, but that is the direction in which things are heading. Now, mate, you better choose your next words very carefully, especially if they are aimed towards Alyson,” he says dangerously.
They’ve switched bodies. Sebastian used to be the one to defend me like that. Niall used to speak to me like that. I don’t know what to do anymore. I swallow heavily, standing up with slight difficulty. I sit down in my wheelchair.
“Sebastian, can I talk to you in private please?” I ask him, being gentle and sweet.
“Sure,” he agrees, grabbing the handles of my wheelchair with a frown. My legs couldn’t withstand the crutches, since I’m super weak from malnourishment and repetitive torture. It’s awful. My body doesn’t feel like my own anymore. He escorts me out of the room, where I tell him it’s okay for us to stop.
“You can’t get angry about this,” I tell him. “I understand that your parents abandoned you, and I am sorry for that, but it’s not my fault, and you can’t take it out on me. I’m sorry that in a short span of time I’ve gotten extremely close to Niall, but he’s helped me through everything since we got here, and I can’t let him go.”
“But you can let me go?” He asks, pain clear in his voice. There’s a desperation in his eyes, begging me to take my words back.
“That’s not what I said,” I say, voice wobbling. “I didn’t say that. You helped me through everything when we were held in that hole, Sebastian, I can’t let you go either.”
“You have to choose, Ally,” he says, looking away, extreme pain on his face.
“Choose between you?” I ask incredulously. “I can’t choose! I won’t choose! Niall and I aren’t together, Sebastian.”
Niall chose that exact moment to appear, giving me a wounded look as he shuts the door behind him.
“Then what are we?” Niall asks, face blank.
“Niall, I—”
“No, Alyson, please explain,” he says, sounding emotionless. The boy who just called himself my boyfriend and kissed my cheek is long gone, replaced by the boy I had known in The Hole. “I’d be pleased to hear what you have to say.”
“Yeah, Alyson, please tell us what you mean to say,” Sebastian states, crossing his arms over his chest, mimicking Niall.
“You know what? I’m tired of being nice,” I snap, tears rising to my eyes as I realize I may be losing both of them right now, at this moment. I’m not strong enough to lose them. I can’t lose them, but I know it might be my only option. “Sebastian, you’ve been horrid to me for two weeks! Yes, your parents left, but you still had me and everyone else here. I understand that you’re hurt, but all of us are. You have no excuse to be horrid! And Niall, you know how big Sebastian’s role in my life is, and you have to get used to it. I am so tired of being stuck in between the both of you. If you want to behave like immature fools, please go right on ahead! But I refuse to play into it. I am going to be a mother soon, and I can’t deal with this. I have to try to make a good future for my child, a child that I don’t want to have at sixteen, a child that I got because I was raped. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go freshen up.”
Tears streak down my face as I wheel away in a rush. My hand is on my stomach, holding my baby through the thick layer of skin. It’s at that moment exactly that I realize I don’t get to get off easy just because I survived my kidnapping.
A piece of me thought that since I went through actual hell I’d be happy for the rest of my life. I used to think that if I got out of the hole and away from hell, I’d be fine. I didn’t realize there would be an inevitable aftermath.
I didn’t realize I would get pregnant, that I would lose the two boys who mean the world to me. I didn’t know I’d lose my friends. I didn’t know that I would lose everything I used to have. After everything I’ve been through, I don’t know if I can make it through this.
Somehow, someway, in some form, this may be even worse than constant torture. No, why did I even think that? I’m out of the hole, away from my kidnappers, away from that damn forest. I am in the clearing. But there is no food or water.
I need to stop thinking like this. I’m putting myself down and making the situation way worse than it is. I sigh, going into the waiting room to see if my parents are in there. They’re not. But someone else is.
“Uh, hi?” I ask, it coming out as a question.
“Hello, you must be Alyson Winters, correct?” The man asks, holding his hand out for me to shake, which I do, somewhat hesitantly.
“Yes, I am. May I ask who you are?”
He facepalms quickly, looking as if he’s angry with himself, “right, sorry! I got a bit too excited there. My name is Lawson Leeman. I’m an independent journalist. I blog on a website called, ‘Truths Uncovered.’ Have you heard of it? No, probably not, ha. I know I may be overstepping by a lot here, but is there any chance you would allow me to interview you? I feel you have a lot that needs to be said. I was also informed that you want to be a journalist and are already an author.”
I trust my gut on this one. I’ve never heard of this Lawson Leeman and his blog, but my gut is telling me that I can trust him. I do have a lot that needs to be said. There are many truths that have been hidden, and it is my job to reveal them to the world.
“When can we begin?” I ask.
“Right now,” he says excitedly, helping me over to two chairs. “Now, please, if I ever overstep or make you feel uncomfortable at any time, tell me. You don’t mind if I record this, do you?” I shake my head, indicating I don’t mind in the slightest. “First question. Where were you all kept?”
“We were kept in a hole. It was hidden underneath a sewer lid and that’s why no one ever found us. Our kidnappers made it specifically for keeping us in there. They had dug underground and renovated it into their own personal torture chamber. I can still hear the grating of the lid being opened and closed.”
“That sounds horrific. Some people that were kidnapped forget about their old lives and focus in on their new one. Did that ever happen to you?”
I hesitate, not entirely sure of how to answer the question, but I do, “Sort of. I never forgot of my old life and my old experiences, but I began to block out pieces of it. I blocked out my parents, my family, my friends, because thinking of them made it harder to breathe.”
“Harder to breathe? How so?”
“I realize now that some of it could be related to a pregnancy symptom, but I would get so overwhelmed sometimes that I wasn’t able to breathe. Elaborating on the whole pregnancy symptom thing, shortness of breath is commonly reported during pregnancy, but I don’t know, maybe I didn’t experience it or maybe I did. I don’t really know. I had panic attacks all the time. It was awful.”
Lawson opens his mouth to ask another question, but the door opens suddenly, stopping him from doing so. Two police officers walk inside, weapons in hand but not raised.
“Alyson, I want you to back away slowly,” the female officer states firmly.
“Why? He’s okay, he hasn’t done anything!” I fight back against them. “I’d know if he was one of my kidnappers. I’ve memorized every single detail about them. Believe me when I say he has no part of any of it.”
I’m harsh even though the officers don’t deserve it. They’re just doing their job. A bad feeling sits in my stomach. Who have I become?
“No, Alyson, it’s quite alright,” Lawson says slightly nervously. “You are under constant supervision since your kidnappers haven’t been caught. Anyone could be dangerous towards you and the others. I’d be perfectly happy to let them search me.”
“Alyson, dammit, there you are!” Camilla snaps unhappily as she comes into the room, seemingly unfazed by the situation. “Come on. We’re leaving.” She’s wearing normal clothing, which looks weird. She’s in a blue short-sleeved shirt with black skinny jeans. “You have to change first.”
“Wait a moment,” I plead before turning to Lawson. “Your blog. Is it a way for me to contact you to finish our interview?”
“Yes, it is,” he tells me, sounding pleased that I want to continue it. “Have a nice day.”
“You too,” I reply, finding that slightly odd for him to say. Camilla grabs my wheelchair and wheels me towards the door, bidding the officers a goodbye. She takes me into our old room, where no one is in. “Where are the others?”
“Waiting for you,” she mutters. “Come on, let’s get changed.”
“Why are you so angry?” I exclaim, hurt. She drops the bag of clothes on the couch angrily, turning to me in a huff.
“We just got our lives back, Alyson. We’re in the clear now. But all you want to do is start drama and make everyone turn on each other! Niall and Sebastian were right good friends before you came along!” She yells.
I can’t help but miss Natalia more than ever in this moment. She wouldn’t have blown up at me like this. She’d understand. But, sadly, Camilla is not Natalia as much as I wish she were and as awful as that sounds, I can’t help it.
I rear back, hurt flying in my chest. I swallow back tears as I reach a shaky hand past her and grab the bag. I take out a red maternity shirt and blue maternity jeans. I undo my hospital gown and slowly change, taking my time to get out of it as it’s a bit hard to get out of a gown while in a wheelchair.
She doesn’t look at me. She just stands there while I struggle.
“I didn’t want any of this, Camilla,” I say quietly. “I never wanted any of this to ever happen. We may have gotten out of the hole, but we did not get our lives back. We are not in the clear. Things get worse before they get better. I am sorry that I cause too much drama for you, but I don’t do it intentionally. Niall posted the picture with that caption this morning, not me. Sebastian made a big deal over it, not me. I am partly to blame because I’m in love with both of them, but I don’t know what to do. I’m sorry.”
Niall and Natalia have been gone for hours. I’m starting to get really worried about them. No one’s ever taken for longer than two hours. It has to have been around four or five by now. Emma and Camilla have asked me multiple times when I think Natalia is coming back to which I didn’t have an answer too.
Sebastian is currently sitting beside me, his head in my lap. Our pinkies are interlocked, a small but comforting reminder of all the promises we’ve made to each other.
“I’m sorry I can’t save you from all of this,” he sighs, sitting up now. He releases my pinky, instead pulling me into his lap. He rests his head on mine, our faces dangerously close. “If I could get you out of here, I would in a heartbeat.”
“There’s no use wishing for the impossible,” I remind him, my hand moving to his chest. His grip tightens on my waist, as if not agreeing with what I said.
“It keeps me sane,” he admits quietly. Our noses brush, but I don’t mind. He’s the only guy that I can stand to be close too after being raped. It took a few days which I think is still pretty damn impressive. “What keeps you sane?”
“You and Natalia,” I tell him honestly. “Whenever I feel bad, I just think about the two of you. I think of how much you care for me and how angry Natty would be if I just gave up.”
“She’d be so pissed,” he chuckles a bit, making me perk up instantly.
“You just laughed,” I say in amazement, a smile crossing my face. “Oh my god, I’m smiling. Maybe we can get through this. With you and Natty by my side, anything is possible, right?”
“We are going to get through this. Me, you, and Natalia,” he agrees, rubbing my back comfortingly.
The grating is suddenly heard and we both stiffen.
“Natalia,” I breathe, scrambling off of Niall’s lap to a standing position. He quickly follows, wincing. I don’t ask him if he’s okay. I’m more focused on the light pouring into The Hole.
“Hey, let go of me!” Niall sobs. My eyes widen. Is Niall crying? “Let go of me, you monster! Natalia, Natalia, please! Please, Natty, you’re okay!” His cries are cut off as he’s shoved down the stairs, landing in a heap on the ground.
The grating suddenly picks up again, The Hole closing.
“Where’s Natalia?” I ask.
“Thanks, love,” Niall spits out. “I’m glad to see you care about me.”
“Now’s not the time for a fight. Where is Natty?” I ask, my heart beating in my chest.
“She’s dead,” he forces out, choking up again. “They killed her right in front of me. My sister…my sister is dead.”
Natalia…is dead? No, no, this can’t be happening. Natalia cannot be dead. I forget how to breathe for a moment. Emma begins to cry, holding onto Camilla for support, who looks just as shocked as I do.
Cole shakes his head, sitting down and putting his face in his hands. James puts his head against the stone wall, shaking slightly. Bradley stares at Niall in openmouthed shock.
I go over to Niall and fall into him, crying with him. His arms surround me. Even though he hates me, and I’ve grown to loathe him, we’ve both lost Natalia and that’s more important than anything. He cries into my neck, my tears hitting his shirt.
She can’t be gone...but she is. Natalia is dead. She was so warm, so strong, so full of light. And now she’ll never go home again. She’ll never see her boyfriend, or her mom, or her dad again. She’ll never get to cheer or dance again. She’ll never be able to grow up. She’s dead.
I pull the shirt over my head carefully, remembering my concussion and my fractured ribs. Camilla turns around, tears in her eyes.
“I’m sorry, Ally,” she blurts, hugging me. “I’ve been ignoring you and not even calling for how you might be feeling in all of this. Here, let me help with the jeans.” I look at her gratefully, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget how mad she sounded or how distraught she looked when she yelled at me.
A few minutes later and she’s helping me out of the wheelchair. I don’t want it anymore. She gives me the crutches and I being using them, finding it difficult, but I know I can manage. I have to be able to manage.
Camilla is abnormally quiet as we walk towards the elevator. I want to ask why, but I’m a little afraid she’ll lash out and be angry with me again. We take the elevator down to the lobby in silence. Neither of us are happy.
I want to reach out to her, let her know I’m still here for her, but the words don’t leave my mouth. Instead, I keep them inside of me, making my heart shrivel a little. It’s harder than words can explain, being so close to my closest friend, yet feeling so far away.
I know that things are different now, with Sebastian and Niall and I being in this weird drama slash romance circle. I want to make try to change that, to go back to how things used to be. But by doing that, I’m allowing negativity and pain and cruelty into my heart. Can things really ever go back to normal?
The last time we were as we were was when we were kidnapped, stuck in a hole that promised nothing but devastation and fear and pain. Now that we’re out of The Hole, I guess we’re all slowly turning back into the people we were before we were forced together. I don’t even remember what normal feels like.
Who was Camilla before our kidnapping? Was she bold and sassy? Smart and sweet? A daredevil? A rule-breaker? Who was Sebastian? Broody and angry? Happy and kind? Athletic and popular? And who was Niall? Handsome and perfect? Amazing and shy? Bold and athletic? Who were they before it all?
Who was I before it all? That mere question almost makes me stop walking out of the elevator. Luckily, I catch myself and continue moving forwards. Who was I? I remember being happy and sweet. I remember getting overly angry over dumb things. I remember arguing a lot.
But it feels like those memories aren’t even mine. Like they’re someone else’s, being forced into my own brain because that person didn’t want them. I know I’m Alyson Skye Winters, but maybe I’m just that: a name. My name is everywhere lately. My story, my rescue, my daunting captivity, my love triangle, my pregnancy, everything that is supposed to be mine is now everyone else’s.
Am I going to be more than my name? Am I going to be more than the girl that was kidnapped and pregnant? Can I be more than that? How do I distance myself from Alyson Winters, survivor, and become Alyson Winters, person? People treat me like an object rather than a person nowadays.
“Ally, what’s wrong?” Mom asks gently, putting a hand on my shoulder. All eyes are on me. Mom’s thumb swipes my cheek, and I suddenly realize I’m crying. I bring my own hand up, wiping the tears away immediately.
“Nothing,” I say, voice harder than intended. “Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine. It’s just hormones.”
Bradley and Cole exchange an uneasy look. They both know for a fact that I hate it when people say I’m acting out because of my hormones. I’d never use that as an excuse. Dammit, why didn’t I think of something else to say?
Luckily for me, no one challenges me on what I said. Good, they know not to mess with me right now. I don’t think I would be able to control my temper if someone had said something to me about it. As we all walk towards the doors that grant us freedom from the hospital we’ve been confined in, all I can think about is what things will be like when I actually get home.
Everyone else gets to start over at a new school, new house, new place. Me? I’m just coming back to the place I was kidnapped from. I don’t know how to feel about it all. All I know is that there is a child inside of me that I am responsible and many wounds that need to heal.
“Ally, you can open up to me,” Mom says quietly as we reach the double doors that grant us freedom. All of us stop, staring outside of the hospital in stunned silence. There have to be at least three hundred people, reporters, and officers out there. “Don’t worry, the car is right there, and the police are blocking off the public.”
“I don’t want too,” I mutter, pushing past her. At that moment, I become the first person to break back into reality, limping my way out of the doors and out of the hospital. I didn’t do it to be the first or out of spite, but because I didn’t want to be near my mom or near any of them at that moment in time.
I got what I wanted. Screams erupt around me, my name is called and screamed, and the police are holding back crowds of people that won’t leave me alone. Panic wells in my stomach, a flutter erupting in my mind. I must stay calm. I cannot break down.
But what if they are watching? I shudder involuntarily, reaching the car and struggling to open the door myself. As I struggle to open the door, the screams still around me, I have the sudden urge to throw my middle finger up in the air.
Who was there when we were all kidnapped? We were in Charlottesville the whole damn time! What’s stopping me? Absolutely nothing. On a whim, my middle finger soars up in the air, flipping everyone that’s screaming, recording, or even just standing there off. And it feels great.
“Leave us alone!” I yell back at them.
“I’ve got it,” Niall says from next to me, opening the door and helping me into the front seat.
“Thanks,” I whisper, looking away from him and focusing my gaze onto the ground resolutely. A small sigh escapes his lips and he gets into the car as well, sitting in the very back. Everyone slowly piles in, looking wary and nervous.
“That was actually pretty badass,” Cole says, sounding pretty happy.
“Thanks,” I say, a little warmth in my voice. “It felt pretty damn nice. You should try it. It’s a good way to let out your frustrations.”
“I think I will try it,” he muses.
I get out my phone. I see a text from my ex-boyfriend, Seth Beck.
Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry for everything you endured. I really hope you get better soon. I’m so proud of you.
I squint at the text in confusion.
Thanks. But why are you proud of me?
The three dots show up, indicating he’s typing a reply. After about a minute, a text pops up.
Do you not see what you’ve done? You conquered hell, you beat it. You are now free and are standing up for yourself. You protect all of your friends like they’re your family. You are pregnant and taking it all in stride. You’re doing so great. You’re amazing, A, never forget it.
“Who’s that?” Sebastian asks, snooping. I jerk my phone away, turning to glare at him.
“No one,” I hiss, typing a reply and sending it, tears in my eyes from Seth’s response.
Thank you.
“Come on, I know we fought earlier but it’s all good now,” he insists.
“No, Sebastian, it’s not all good now. You can’t blow up at me for no reason and then act like everything is fine. You don’t get to do that.”
An awkward silence reigns in the car, until Niall breaks it.
“Look, Alyson, we’re sorry. We didn’t mean to cause you stress. We just…want to know where we stand with you and what you want,” he tries to explain but I shake my head.
“I get that you want to know what we are, but the way in which it happened is not okay, and for right now, I’m not going to just let it slide without so much as an actual apology,” I state flatly, frankly upset they feel as if they can just demand who I want and gang up on me like that. “Discussion over until we’re in private.”
I face forwards resolutely, extremely unhappy at this moment. I hate to say it, but it’s hard coming to terms with all of this. I was supposed to be happy after everything that happened. Don’t I deserve to be? I was kidnapped and taken hostage, tortured for over three months.
Why am I unhappy? Why do I get dealt yet another short stick? Do I really deserve this? I thought I deserved happiness after everything I’ve been through, after everything I’ve gone through, everything I’ve experienced. So, why am I forced to deal with everything I have to be dealing with?
I’m pregnant at sixteen, I’m in a fight with two boys that apparently are in love with me, I just got rescued from being kidnapped, I’m going back to my hometown with the people I was kidnapped with. Is this really the right decision for me to be making?
I can’t just be thinking about me now, I have to remember I have an unborn child in my stomach. This isn’t just about me. I have a baby now.
Laughter springs up from the back of the car, causing unwanted tears to rise in my eyes. I want that. The unbridled laughter they’re having right now. A piece of me wants to turn, ask what they’re laughing about. It’s surprising. Their laughter.
It’s still such a new sound to me. The only laughter I heard from when I was kidnapped was from him. He would laugh at the destruction, at the obvious pain he was causing me. It would make me feel even more helpless, even more hopeless.
I would give up a little more each time he laughed at my defenselessness. I didn’t think it was funny. What about raping a sixteen-year-old girl is funny? None of it is, it never will be. I can’t come to terms with anything these days.
My mind is a jumble, scrambled up into teensy-tiny knots I just can’t seem to pick out no matter how hard I try. All of this is just insane. I mean, the whole concept of me getting kidnapped is crazy, right? You never think it will happen to you until it happens to you.
Until suddenly, you’re not the carefree girl you’re supposed to be. You’re suddenly trapped in a hole with a whole bunch of strangers and then you’re being taken out of that hole and you’re put in the outdoors, with miles and miles of woods around you as you’re brutally tortured and you’re screaming, and screaming, and screaming, but no one can hear you.
No one will ever hear you. And that’s what I was. It’s what I still am. I’m still screaming my head off, begging for help, but no one sees me, no one hears me. No one can save me if they can’t hear or see me. I can’t make sense of it.
I’m so obviously begging for help but not obviously enough apparently. Apparently, I’m fine. Just hormonal. It’s just my pregnant body making me scream, making me cry, making me lash out. Maybe some of it is.
But most of it isn’t. I am recovering from a traumatic experience that I don’t know how to deal with, how to fix. Can I even fix myself? Is that even a possibility at this point? How can I fix myself when everyone expects me to be ‘okay,’ after what I just went through?
I don’t know what to do. I’m trapped in those endless miles of woods, screaming, begging, fighting, calling for help. I don’t think I can ever leave them. How can you? There’s no exit. Even if I start running, can I find the exit? Is it a possibility? Is there even a way out?
Maybe there’s not. Maybe there’s no way out. I’m doomed to stay in these woods, these endless miles of woods, never to come out, never to be free, never to be happy. How am I supposed to be a good mother? A good daughter? A good friend? A good anything when I’m stuck like this? Forever. I’ll never get out.
“Ally?” My dad’s voice is quiet, trying not to alert any of the others to our conversation, but everyone is suddenly quiet. “I know that all of this is really hard for you. I know that you just went through absolute hell. But you need to understand that not everyone is against you. You can open up to me and your mother. We’re here for you, just like we always have been.”
Frustration wells in my stomach. Can everyone just stop suffocating me for two minutes? I just want to be left alone! I haven’t been truly by myself in four months! I force myself to calm down, though, because it’s painfully obvious how hard Dad is trying.
“I know you guys are,” I whisper, looking at my bulging belly. “It’s just hard. For right now, I can’t talk about any of it.”
“You can,” he argues.
“What do you want me to say, Dad? Do you want me to go into detail about being raped and tortured? Because I will. There were eight men who kidnapped all of us. One of those men fell for me, apparently, because I was the only one he touched, the only one he wanted hurt. He loved hurting me. He loved hearing my screams. He would laugh at me when I cried. He would continuously belittle me. Sometimes he wouldn’t even physically touch me, he’d just talk to me. He would lure me into a false sense of security by telling me he had plans to release me, and I fell for it every time. As soon as he knew I was believing it, he would then smile at me, and tell me what he would do to me once I was released. He would let me go into the woods and then follow me, hunting me. He actually did it one time. I tried so hard…I made it about ten steps before he shot an arrow into my side. And oh, how he loved to rape me—”
“That’s enough,” Bradley snaps. I stop ranting, breathing heavily.
-
The unfamiliar sound of The Hole opening hits me ears. A grating sound that is way too loud echoes around the large sewer space. Footsteps hit the metal steps, clanging in my ears. Bright white light suddenly comes on, making me shut my eyes in pain.  I edge closer to Sebastian and Niall, them both stepping in front of me and Natalia protectively.
“Welcome!” A man says, grinning broadly at us. He seems to be around the age of forty, maybe a bit younger. He’s muscular, overly so. He seems to be one of those guys who drink too much protein shakes and constantly work out.
He’s bald, his head dark. His face is light, however, the look in his eyes show nothing but darkness and evil. His eyes seem black. I don’t look any closer to see the color they might actually be. He’s shockingly handsome, but the guys around him are anything but.
There are about seven or eight people surrounding him, all in their late fifties to sixties. Most of them are large men, balding and ugly. Only one of them are skinny, but his looks are frankly terrifying. They look like poster kidnappers and murderers slash molesters.
I don’t know what scares me more. The fact that the main man is eerily gorgeous or the fact that the other guys are terrifyingly hideous.
“My name is Adolf,” the man continues, smiling at us charmingly now, grin long gone. “After Adolf Hitler, obviously. I had my name illegally changed about four years ago that way no police could track me down.” He looks directly at me now, “Alyson! Pleasure to finally meet you. You’re even more beautiful in real life. We’re going to have lots of fun!”
“H-how do you know my name?” I stammer aloud, my voice small compared to his booming voice.
He narrows his eyes at me, suddenly strolling forwards menacingly.
“Did I give you permission to speak?” He spits out, forcing Sebastian and Niall out of the way. He looms over me by a good two feet, intimidating me and scaring me to no end. I quickly shake my head. “No, you don’t get off that easy, sweetheart. There are rules around here. If they are broken, there are punishments. Here’s yours.”
He doesn’t do anything for a moment. What is he--? An excruciating pain hits my face somewhere, and I am suddenly falling to the ground, clutching my face in pain.
“Nice meeting you all,” he sneers, walking out with his cronies following him.
That’s the exact moment he became he and they became they.
-
“Isn’t this what you all want? Me to open up? To tell you all what happened to me? You can’t ask me to do something and then interrupt and get pissed off when I actually do it!” I snap, reverting back to reality.
This argument is going too far, I can stop it, but I won’t, especially when fueled by the moment I met him and them. People are pushing me too far today, and I refuse to back down this time or sit in silence.
“Sorry for asking,” Dad says stiffly, hands tight on the steering wheel.
“Sorry for answering,” I sneer. “You don’t get to act like the victim here. I went through hell. I was kidnapped. I was raped. I’m pregnant at sixteen years old!” I’m breathing heavily, losing it a little bit.
“Who are you?” Dad asks softly, his eyes never once leaving the road. “I don’t see any trace of the girl I raised. The girl I raised was grateful, kind, loving. She never once raised her voice or got angry when people tried to help her.”
For some reason, those words hit me hard. A breath leaves my lips, desperate. He looks over at me, regret clear in his eyes.
“Ally…”
I shake my head, looking at my fingers now, heart beating fast. I don’t say a word, though there are many in my head. A desperation clings to my mind. I want to be normal. I don’t want to be pregnant. I don’t want any of this. Yet, this is my life. I don’t have a choice in this anymore.
I pull out my phone and go onto Instagram, looking at the picture Niall posted onto my account. It has over three hundred likes and about one hundred comments. I click on the comments and scroll through them.
You’re so strong.
You’re great, mama.