It had begun to rain, thick and heavy on the window pane. The wind howled outside, a sound like a child’s screams. The bus wheels turned over mud and spit out rocks and gravel. The sun was hidden by the dark storm clouds over head.
I caught my reflection in the glass. I looked anxious. The rain reflected in my eyes, causing them to look a bluish-gray color. I felt hollow and pale, but some color was on my cheeks, a deep rosy hue.
Emory still held onto my hand as we pulled into the camp. A large chain link fence surrounded the area, cutting off the outside world. We had arrived.

“Okay everyone, to your feet and off the bus.” Father Emmitt called from the driver’s seat. He was the eldest here and in charged with taking us to the camp. He was a kind, silly man who had taught an English class at the school. He smiled at each of us as we passed, but there was a tone of somberness in his voice.

“Why do you think they didn’t tell us to pack anything?” I heard Sister Mirabelle murmur to her partner Amia.

“I suppose they have everything we will need here, don’t you think?” I turned to the two girls and watched them cling to each other. They were nervous as well. I was glad not to be the only one a little bit frightened.
I noticed, in the little sunlight that had managed to peek through the rain, how strangely beautiful Sister Mirabelle was. She had dark skin, as deep and rich as the night sky, and piercing blue eyes. Her curly black hair was held up by a white sash. She and Sister Amia wore similar white dresses that hung evenly at their knees. It was always funny to see Amia next to Mirabelle for they were so different in appearance. Sister Amia had eggshell white skin and strawberry blonde hair. Her eyes were a deep hazel.
They held on to each other hands and looked around, dazed and afraid, like the rest of us. I noticed Brother Joel and Sister Adele standing next to Mirabelle and Amia. He was kissing her forehead softly, murmuring gently words. He seemed unfazed by all this. She, however, did not.
I knew Adele and Joel well, like the rest of them. They were the only other partner besides Emory and I who had a pair of the opposite sex. It wasn’t common to be paired with a partner of the other gender.
I watched Brother Joel comfort Adele, hold and caress her. They were romantic with each other, which wasn’t very unusual to find in very close pairs. Joel was handsome and Adele was stunningly beautiful. They were good fit for each other, almost like they were created for one another. Joel had dark eyes and rust colored hair. Adele had honey gold curls and emerald green eyes.
I turned away to give them their privacy.
“Are you okay?” Emory asked, tugging at my arm. I nodded and shivered. Unlike with Brother Joel and Sister Adele, I didn’t love Emory, at least not in that sense. He was more than just a friend, but it was nothing romantic. It had never been that way. I loved Emory, but I loved him in the way you love the sun; because by it, you can see everything else.
The rain poured down harder. Brother Isaac and Maki stood next to us, fidgeting. When all twenty-four of us had stepped off the bus we were led by Father Emmitt to the large building just outside the camp.
We filed into the building one pair after another. The inside was different than I imagined it to be. There were no chairs like in a normal assembly hall, only a small stage in the back of the room. Father Emmitt directed us to stand in front of the stage at attention and then he left, wishing us good luck.
The stage light came on and illumined a single figure. It was a man we were not familiar with. He wore simple dark clothes and rounded glasses. Everyone turned to one another and whispered speculations and fears of what would happen next.
“Hello young brothers and sisters, today you start your three week trial. Twenty-one days from now you will all return here with questions and accusations, but know this trial is done for your benefit and yours alone. We are all sorry for what you must face, but trust it does serve a purpose. In our society you have been raised and taught one single truth, to love your brother and sister, no matter what race, religion, or gender. This trial will test your love of your fellow man and your trust of your partner. Not all of you will pass and there is no second chance. If you fail, you fail. If you succeed, you succeed. This will be the harshest test any of you will ever face. After your trial, you have the choice to stay or leave, but know this is not permanent. If you choose to leave you may always return and if you choose to stay you have the choose to go. Are there any questions?”
We all stood in mute silence. No one knew what to say or do. I look around at the other partners. They all were like Emory and I, standing together, clinging to one another.
The man stood watching us for a few silent minutes. Then he said “As soon as you leave these doors, your trial begins. I will announce the names of the partners to leave first and so on. Good luck and God bless.” He pulled a single white piece of paper from his pocket and read off the first names. “Nadia Farrah. Isa Mabel.”
The girls stepped forward and were ushered out the door.
“Isaac Valdus. Maki Farrah.” They two stepped forward and were escorted out. The list went on, calling the pairs forward and leading them out the door until only six of us remained.
“Joel Cedric. Adele Kenna.” They left.
“Eren Cale. Emory Morgan.”
We shuffled forward and walked slowly towards the door. My heart pounded with each step I took. I held my breath and counted the seconds. His arm brushed against my own and Emory whispered “We’ll make it.” I believed him.
The door opened and we stepped out into the rain. It soaked quickly through our clothes, chilling us to the very bone. Then we saw them. Six men and three women stood before a small stage in the middle of the camp. It looked like the kind that would hold the gallows or a guillotine, but at that moment it was free from any torture device. They are what frightened me.
Black mask with slits cut out for eyes covered their faces. They looked like executioners, draped entirely in black. To me, they were the faces of death.
I looked around the small camp. It reminded me of a book I read once. When we were younger we were encouraged to read novels that told of our history, man’s history. We read to learn of the cruel and unchanging past so many men had created because of fear, and money, and power. It was all so terrible, but one part stayed in my mind more vividly than the rest, the Holocaust. I remembered reading about concentration camps that kept thousands of men and women and children. The descriptions were very detailed. I could almost picture them in my head. That is what our camp looked like. I could see two single row of units in the distance, barely enough to fit all twenty-four of us. The side of one building read Block A and the other Block B.
We stood in silence as we waited for the last pair. The hooded men said nothing. Eventually Brother Wyatt and Brother Eric arrived. They two were surprised as they stepped into the light. None of us were expecting this. All were quiet. None of us could breathe or speak. My heart beat so loudly in my chest I was sure Emory could hear it.
“Excuse me, Father?” Brother Isaac asked; bold enough to speak to one of the hooded figures. “What are your instructions for—?” The man raised his hand. It too was hidden behind a leather glove. He swung down hard, striking Isaac across his face.
Brother Isaac stumbled back, trying to find his footing. “Isaac!” Maki screamed, grabbing his arm as he tried to steady him. Once Isaac had stopped shaking he looked up, bewildered and baring a red hand on his cheek. Everyone was quiet. No one could believe what we had just witnessed.
“What did I do?” Isaac asked. He stood tall, holding his injured jaw. “What did I do?” We understood his confusion. Of course we had been punished before, but only when we were children and when we had deserved it.
Maki held tightly onto Isaac. The hooded men hadn’t moved or said a single word. We waited. Finally, one stepped forward.
“We will be only addressed as Keeper. We are not your Father or Mother here. Understood?” No one moved. He continued. “Males to the right. Females to the left.” Everyone but Emory, Adele, Joel, and I moved. When we hadn’t separated, the Keeper stepped forward. “Males to the right. Females to the left.” His voice was hoarse, loud, but controlled. I didn’t want to leave Emory. I was too afraid to move. He squeezed my hand.
“It’s okay,” he murmured softly and let go. He moved to stand with the boys and I forced myself to go to the left with the girls. Adele and Joel still hadn’t moved.
“I said boys to the right and girls to the left!” the Keeper demanded, growing impatience.
“But why?” Adele asked, clinging to her partner. The Keeper took a step towards them and lifted his hand. Adele flinched; afraid he was going to hit her like Brother Isaac. Instead, he grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled her to the left. She let out a little scream as he yanked her towards the other girls.
“Let go of her!” Joel demanded, running towards the Keeper. Before he could reach her, two others were on him, holding him back. He fought against them, calling to Adele, but they ignored his request and dragged him to the right. Adele was on her knees, the Keeper still holding her hair in tightly his hand.
“Listen,” the Keeper demanded, his voice harsh and cold. “The trial begins now. Right now! I don’t care what rules you lived by outside of here. You are in my home now and you will do things the way I see fit! No questions. Understood?”
Some nodded. The rest stood still, too afraid to move. This was our test? This was the trial? I didn’t understand. What were they testing? What were they going to do to us?
“Your first test begins here.” The Keeper pulled Adele roughly by the hair, forcing her to stand. He led her onto the makeshift stage and gestured for the other Keepers to bring something to him. Two keepers quickly obeyed, carrying onto the stage a metal pole and a thick coil of rope. The Keeper forced Adele to her knees and threw her head back. They set the pole standing up straight in the middle of the stage and attached it to something to keep it firmly in place. The two other keepers then tied her wrist behind her back to the pole. Adele scowled at the Keeper pulling at her hair. He took a large bunch of her curls and tied her golden tresses to the pole, forcing her head to arch up to the sky. She cried out in sudden pain.
“Adele!” Joel screamed. “Let her go!” Keepers still held tightly to him, not letting him take a step near her. He clenched his fist. I could see his nails biting into his skin. His eyes were on fire.
“No one will try to untie her and no one is permitted to give her food or water until I say so.” We were shocked. I wanted to scream out against him, to protest the way they were treating her, but I couldn’t find my voice. We had never been exposed to such cruelty. “If anyone tries to give her any help at all without my permission, she and her rescuer will be punished. Severely.”
“No,” someone spoke out. “No. You can’t do this.” I turned to see where the voice came from and saw Brother Eric. His hands were raised to his sides. “You can’t do this to her. It’s wrong.” His bottom lip quivered.
The Keeper gestured his head towards Eric and two keepers were on him, dragging him to the front of the stage. The Keeper jumped off the platform and cupped Eric’s cheek. He recoiled from his touch. “Listen here and listen well,” the Keeper whispered. “For the next three weeks, twenty-one days, your mine. All of you are. I can do whatever I’d like to any of you, any time I wish. Don’t forget that. You aren’t human here. None of you are.” He pushed Eric away and he fell to the ground. “Take care of him,” the Keeper told one of the others. They soon were on him like flies buzzing around a corpse. They picked Eric up and hauled him behind another building.
I heard his screams from behind the office block, but I did nothing. What could I do? This wasn’t right. This couldn’t be right.
“As for the rest of you,” the Keeper addressed us. “You will all be escorted to the barracks and given new clothes and a number.” He turned to walk away then stopped. “Oh and remember, here you play by my rules. If you try to go against them… well.” I stared at Adele. I saw Joel being held back by the keepers. I heard Eric screaming. He didn’t need to finish. We knew what would happen.
I met Emory’s eyes in the crowd. They had lost their warmth. It will be okay, he mouthed, but this time… I wasn’t so sure.

They marched us forward. The rain fell to the ground in heavy, dense droplets. My white blouse clung to my body. I was wet and cold. The wind whistled past, causing me to shiver. The keepers demanded we moved faster and we did, running through the mud and the muck. Some slipped and fell to the ground. Their white clothes became stained with filth.
I tried to keep my footing as I ran. I forced each step to haul through the sludge clinging to my shoes. I wouldn’t trip. I wouldn’t suffer the keepers graze as they watched me fall. Sister Nida ran by my side. She had always been a gifted athlete. She was Brother Mika’s twin sister. She shared his sandy blonde hair and fair skin, but her eyes were entirely her own. They were a rich caramel brown. Her dark pupils looked like they could swallow the sun. I struggled to match her stride. She was strong and fast, moving swiftly through the rain. I fell behind.
They stopped us when we had reach the two units reading Block A and Block B. The keepers directed females to go to Block A and males to Block B. We filed into two lines, boys on one side, girls on the other. They then separated us and marched us all into the buildings.
Once inside a female keeper ordered us to strip down and throw off our wet clothes. We did so without complaint. It wasn’t awkward. We had changed in front of each other before. We had been taught not to judge someone by their body and we felt comfortable in front of our sisters.
Once undressed, the keepers handed us new clothes. “You have five minutes to change. Be quick.” The uniforms were a dark grey and the sides read numbers in large black print. Mine read 0244. I threw the clothes on, a little grateful to have a warm new outfit. The fabric was itchy and coarse. The arms and legs of the uniform were stiff.
“What are we going to do?” Sister Amia whispered. I saw that she and Mirabelle were still holding hands.
“We’re going to find a way to help Adele and Joel. We have to find a way to help them,” Sister Nida said, her voice measured.
“And Brother Eric?” Mirabelle muttered, hopelessly. “We’ll help him too?”
“Of course,” Nida said. We all knew how Mirabelle cared for him.
“But how? How are we going to do anything? You heard what the Keeper said. We will be punished and we don’t know what they are capable of doing,” Isa asked. We turned to her. She had always been a quiet person. I couldn’t believe how openly she was speaking out.
Nida faced her partner. “We can’t worry about that. This is a test. Remember that. None of this is real.”
“It seemed pretty real when Adele was forced upon that stage,” I muttered. There was a harshness to my voice that surprised me.
Nida faced me, her face turning white. “No one said the trial was going to be easy. We have to help them, all of them. They are our brothers and sister. We have to do something.” Nida spoke firmly. She knew she was in charge and we all would gladly follow her. Nida had always been a leader.
There was a hushed murmur of agreement. Once we finished changing the keepers returned and ordered us outside. We obeyed. They told us to stand in a straight line facing them. The boys were out too, standing a few feet away in a similar formation. I searched the crowd for Emory. When I found him relief washed over me. He was safe. For now.
The keepers forced us to perform grueling exercises. They pushed our bodies to their limits. We weren’t used to such physical torture. Nida easily stayed on her feet. Sweat beaded on her brow, dripping down her forehead and off her nose. The rest of us weren’t in such perfect physical condition. Many bent to their knees and stared to vomit. The smell was unbearable. A sickly sweet stench filled the air every time someone gave up and heaved.
Those who were too weak to continue fell to the ground. The earth was still wet from the earlier rain. There they lay, breathing in quick, sharp breathes. Sister Amia was the first to fall. She was soon followed by Sister Isa, then Brother Wyatt. The numbers dropped, twenty-one… nineteen… twelve… until only ten remained standing.
Those who fell or vomited were not permitted food or water tonight or in the morning. Their meal privileges provoked until further notice. I pushed myself. My heart beat quickly against my ribs. It felt like it would give out any minute. My legs shook beneath me, too weak to stand.
I dropped, my cheek resting against the cool mud. I breathed in the cool air. The sun was setting, the sky burning a deep red. My body burned with it. I tried to pick myself, but I found I couldn’t move. “Eren!” Emory called. I felt his hands at my side, trying to pull me to my feet. The keepers were screaming orders, commanding him to leave me, but he didn’t move. He bent down and whispered into my ear. “Get up. You have to get up, come on. Eren, come on.”

I got to my knees before a keeper had pulled Emory away from me. They pushed him to the other side and were on him like dogs, making him do double the drills. A sharp stab of guilt cut through me. If I had been strong enough, they wouldn’t be doing this to him. “I’m sorry,” I muttered, though I knew he couldn’t hear me. “I’m sorry.”
***
The sun had set before they made us stop. When they gave the order, we dropped to the ground, praying we would never have to stand again. My body ached in ways I never knew possible, but despite the hurt, in the back of my mind I kept thinking Eric, Joel, and Adele and what they were suffering through.
We rose shakily to our feet and were ordered to stand in lines, boys on the right, girls on the left. That’s when I saw them. Eric and Joel were being led by two keepers towards our barracks. Eric was limping; his face was swollen and purple. One of his eyes was completely shut. Joel was in worst condition. Dried blood trickled down from his nose to his upper lip. He hobbled forward, clutching his fist at his sides. His face was blue and beaten.
They were pushed into the line with the other boys. No one made a sound. I wanted to run to them, to ask what had happened. What had they done to them? Adele was nowhere in sight.
The keepers ordered us into our barracks. As we marched forward I heard someone calling my name softly. I looked up and saw Emory. He was only a few feet away from me. “Don’t help her,” he whispered. “Save yourself. Don’t try to help Adele.” His words surprised me. How could he say that? We had been trained all our lives to help those who needed us, especially our brothers and sisters. How could I not help if given the opportunity? Then, I realized he didn’t want to see me hurt the way Adele was. I thought for a moment what could happen to me if I tried, what could happen to him, and I nodded. If it was only me I had to worry about I’d like to think I would have done differently, but I couldn’t stand the thought of Emory being punished because of my actions.
As we walked into the unit, the door shut and locked behind us. It was like we were animals, forced to be kept in cages. There were no beds, only a cold pine floor to rest upon. They didn’t see us as humans. Why would we need such comforts? I remembered the Keeper’s words. You aren’t human here. None of you are.
***
“We have to do something and do it now,” Nida said, standing in the middle of the barracks. “I’m going to free Adele. I know Joel will try to help. Will any of you?”
She spoke to an empty audience. No one said a word of answer. “I’ll help,” Isa finally murmured. “I won’t let you go into this alone.” It was understandable. Isa was Nida’s partner. She would go with her to the ends of the earth, like I would for Emory.
“Adele is our sister, but she is more than that. She is our friend. Or at least she’s mine. Please. Anyone? Sister Mirabelle?” No answer. “Sister Amia?” Nothing. “We are stronger in numbers, my sisters. Please. Someone.” Nida looked to me. “Eren I know you want to help. You’re strong enough for this. Please.” I looked down, casting away my gaze. I couldn’t face her.
“I’m sorry. I made a promise to Emory. I can’t go back on it,” I muttered softly, my stomach churning. Nida nodded.
“I understand,” she murmured. “… I made a promise to protect my sisters.” Nida turned and Isa followed. They went to the back of the barracks where there was a small window. Nida pushed Isa up and she crawled through, nudging against the bottom of the frame. Nida pulled herself up afterwards without as much as a backwards glance. We were quiet, too ashamed to speak. We were cowards and we couldn’t stand it.
***
A sharp whistle awoke us. I jumped, throwing myself out of slumber. Sleep was still heavy on my eyes and dreams still lingered in my mind as the keepers entered the barracks. “Get up!” They ordered. “Up now!” Some kicked the girls who were too slow to get to their feet.
We pulled ourselves up and ran. The keepers ordered us to go faster. “Faster!” they screamed. “You lazy pigs! Faster!” A few keepers held riding whips. If you fell behind they wouldn’t hastate to give you a quick slap of the lash. I wasn’t fast enough. A keeper kept riding me, swatting my thighs and lower back with the crop. The switch stung and sent in waves of pain through my already aching body. I forced myself to go faster. I flew, my feet scurrying over the earth, trying to avoid another whip of the lash.
They ran us back to the area where we had arrived the day before. The boys were ahead of us. I saw Emory leading the pack. They ordered us to stop once we reached the middle of the camp, where the stage still stood, and I froze. In all the haste of the morning I hadn’t thought if Nida and Isa had been successful or not in their mission.
I searched the crowd and saw Nida and Isa standing by one another. I wondered how had they made it and looked for Joel among the boys. He was there. I quickly turned to the stage, expecting to find Adele, but she was nowhere to be found. Had they been successful? I turned, searching the crowd for Adele, and I found her. How had I not noticed before? She stood behind Sister Amia and Mirabelle. Her hair was cut down just past her chin. I realized they must have cut it to free her from the pole. She looked miserable. Her green eyes were downcast and she was a sickly pale color. What had they done to her?
The Keeper from yesterday stepped onto the stage. They all still wore their black masks. I could see their eyes sparkle underneath the dark disguises. “Some of you have been disobedient. Last night Number 1837 was freed from her bonds.” I knew he was talking about Sister Adele without looking at her number. The crowd took in a sharp breath, not daring to exhale. “I will call out the numbers of the transgressors and ask that they come up on stage.” His voice was soft, controlled. “Number 3398,” he called. Nida moved forward, never taking her eyes off the Keeper. She was proud. Nida would never let the Keeper bully her into submission. The Keeper continued. “Number 4887.” Isa trembled, her hands shaking at her side. She wasn’t as strong as her partner.
Nida and Isa walked onto the stage. Nida looked bravely out to the crowd. Isa was shuddering. Her dark hair draped over her face, hiding her eyes. She was small next to her partner, with a skinny waist and boney arms and legs.
“You two were reported freeing Number 1837.” I was waiting for him to call Joel’s number, but he never did. Did Joel not go to help Adele? Was it only Nida and Isa that were caught? “Number 1837?” The Keeper called. Adele froze in the crowd. “Would you please join us?” Adele started to cry. Tears dripped from her eyes like blood. She was so broken. She walked forward. The crowd parted for her, letting her past us all without saying a word. It was like watching a corpse shuffle forward, returning to its grave.
Once on stage the Keeper gestured her to come closer. He made her stand by his side. She continued to cry. I saw Joel in the crowd. His fist shook at his side. He was fighting not to scream.
“You see I spoke to Number 1837.” Adele sobbed, throwing a hand over her mouth to soften her cries. “And I made a little compromise with her. I told her if someone tried to help her that she would report it to me immediately. She did so after these two so blatantly defied me.” He gestured towards Nida and Isa. “And because she reported this to me I am going reward her.” Adele sobbed harder. Nida and Isa looked confused. We all couldn’t understand. Had Adele betrayed her sisters? The very girls who had gone to save her?
The Keeper continued. “She will be given extra bread and water to her and to her partner. Number 8994,” Joel froze at the mention of his number. “…will be rewarded as well for when I spoke to him yesterday he agreed to let his partner stay on stage for the night and not attempt to rescue her.” Everyone turned to stare at Joel. Was the Keeper lying? How could Joel ever do that to her? How could he just leave her there? The Keeper turned to Adele. “You may leave. You and your partner will be given your rations later.”
Adele rushed off the stage. We all watched her. We couldn’t understand. Adele had betrayed her sisters for her own benefit. I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t believe it.
“Adele?” Nida cried. “Adele!” She wouldn’t look back. Nida stepped forward, hate burning in her eyes. “How could you! We did this for you! To help you! How-”
Adele turned quickly and screamed “How could you be so stupid!” Nida stopped. Her eyes were wide and clear, tears threatening to overwhelm them. Adele sobbed harder. “How could you…” she slurred. “I’m… sorry.” Adele turned and ran to Joel. He took her in one stride, engulfing her in his embrace. Everyone watched them in hushed silence. Joel stared back. There was shame in his eyes as he pulled Adele away from the crowd.

They were the first I learned not to trust.

The Keeper returned his attention to Nida and Isa. He called a few other keepers on stage to deliver the punishment he saw suitable for their crime. The keepers carried onto the stage two hot branding irons. The girls were quickly grabbed by two keepers. Isa screamed. Nida had lost her composure and was shaking.
“No!” Isa screamed. “Please. Don’t!” She started to cry. My face felt wet. I reached up and brushed away tears. I hadn’t realized I was crying. The Keeper lifted her forearm and pressed the searing metal into her flesh. She screamed. I flinched at the sound of her cries. I couldn’t watch.
Sister Amia bent down and started to heave. She would have vomited if there was anything in her stomach. When the Keeper was finished he moved on to Nida and repeated the action. She tried not to cry out, but eventually she couldn’t hold on anymore. Her screams were like that of a pig going to slaughter.
Bile rose in my throat. I stared at Adele and Joel. He held her head against his chest so that she wouldn’t have to watch.
I remembered Maki. I saw him in the crowd. Isaac held tightly onto him, keeping him from running forward to help his sister. Tears rushed down his cheeks and off his chin. He was screaming out to her, his fist clenched to his side. He saw Adele and anger rose in his eyes. He let go of Isaac and ran towards Joel. He threw his hand out, grabbing Adele by the back of her neck. He yanked her from Joel and forced her to her knees. She cried out.
“You watch!” he screamed, holding her head back. “You watch what you did!”
“Joel!” she shrieked, but he did nothing. He watched as Maki held her back. He knew she deserved it.
When the branding was finished, the keepers pushed Nida and Isa off stage. Maki ran to his sister and held her in his arms. Isaac was at his side, comforting Isa. They wouldn’t stop crying. They couldn’t. They had realized a hard truth. We all had that day. Trust could be easily betrayed.
***
A few days passed, then a week. We had been there eleven days. Ten days were left. Ten days. I didn’t know if I could even survive one more.
Every morning we would eat what little rations we had. Some days I would go without food as punishment for some small transgression. After we ate, we would be forced to do hard labor. They kept waiting for us to break and when we did, hell was to pay. No one trusted each other anymore.
At the beginning, we all slowly started to mistrust other pairs, but gradually we even started to doubt our own partners. Emory and I were lucky enough to avoid the scrutiny of the keepers. We were still safe. So many pairs, though, were not.
Sister Mirabelle and Amia had been the first bond to break. Joel and Adele broke three days later followed by Brother Wyatt and Eric. Partners were dropping like flies. The keepers would put pairs under tests. Each day we all would face some new trial to overcome and each day someone would fail. Every day they would introduce to us some new torture device. Their favorite recently had been a bed with the springs replaced by barbed wire. They would force you to lay on the bed, your arms and legs tied down to the metal frame. Then they would lay down heavy stones on your stomach, causing you to sink deeper into the wire. It was horrifying.
There were only six out of the original twelve partners that still trusted one another.
We had been in the middle of another round of punishing exercises. I noticed each day that I was growing stronger. I was able to keep up with Nida and the other athletic students. I kept hope. I told myself I could make it.
They ordered us to stop suddenly and we did so, awaiting further instructions. We had become like well trained dogs. The keepers led us to the middle of the camp. Back to where it all began. The stage.
A single wooden post stood displayed for us all to see. Rope lay coiled next to the pillar. The Keeper was waiting for us. Every day he would wait, watching us all file before him. Then he would call out the numbers of two pairs, ordering them on to the stage. Their test would then begin.
He stood for a moment, his eyes trained on every one of us. I prayed he wouldn’t call out my number. Then he said “Numbers 1183 and 8876.” Brother Isaac and Maki. My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach, but, disgusted with myself, I was reviled it wasn’t me. They walked onto the stage, heads held high. Nida watched her brother brave the stage, trembling.
The Keeper didn’t say a word. He only motioned for Maki to step forward. The Keeper grabbed his wrist and bound them with the rope and then forced him to his knees. The Keeper tied Maki to the post, his back facing us. His cheek rested against the smooth surface of the stake. The Keeper made a motion for the others to come on stage. The keepers obeyed. He motioned to Maki and turned away. One of the keepers stepped forward and lifted knife. I held my breath. The keeper cut through his shirt, revealing his bare back. Another keeper carried a leather whip onto stage and gave it the main Keeper.
“No…” I muttered. I threw a hand over my mouth to keep from crying out. The Keeper walked across the stage, passing Maki, and handed the whip to Isaac. He revolted from the weapon, throwing it to the ground. The Keeper picked it up and gave it back to Isaac.

“No. I won’t do this. I don’t care what you do to me,” Isaac said.
“If you don’t do this I promise we will make your partner suffer worse.”
Isaac shook with anger. He gripped the whip tightly in his hands. “If your hurt him I swear I’ll-” Isaac was cut short.
“You’ll what? You can’t do anything Number 1183. You are worthless. You mean nothing. Now do this before I lose my patience.” His voice was harsh, cold and unfeeling.
Isaac’s grasp was so firm on the whip that his knuckles were beginning to turn white. “Isaac,” Maki murmured. “Just do it. I’ll be okay. Don’t make this harder for yourself.” Isaac looked down at the weapon and shuddered.
“A man is ethical only when life, as such, is sacred to him,” he whispered softly. “…and when he devotes himself to all life that is need of help.” We watched in silence as he repeated the words we had been taught the entirety of our young lives. We had never heard them spoke with such passion and integrity. Isaac looked up to face the Keeper.
“I will not lay a hand against my brother!” he cried, throwing the whip to his feet.
The Keeper met his eyes and in low voice, he muttered “Then you give me no choice.” He bent and swept up the whip, wrapping its coils around his palm. He gestured for the other keepers to remove Maki from the post. When he was freed the Keeper forced Isaac into his place. Isaac did so without a word, letting his shirt be stripped form his body and his hands to be tied around the stake. Two keepers held on to Maki.
“NO! PLEASE!” Maki screamed. “ISAAC DON’T! DON’T DO THIS!” Isaac didn’t move. He couldn’t if he tried. The Keeper raised the rod high above his head, letting the leather straps fall from his hand, and he swung, hitting Isaac across his cheek. The gash was deep and cut through his face in one ragged laceration. Isaac screamed in pain. Tears dripped down his face, mixing with the blood.
The Keeper swept his hand across the whip, cleaning the leather hide, the blood staining his palm. He flicked his fingers and the crimson droplets flew, hitting Maki in the face. He flinched. Some blood drops caught the corners of his eyes, making it look like he was crying crimson tears.
The Keeper swung again and real tears began to form in the corner of Maki’s eyes. He dropped to his knees and held his hands up, begging for the Keeper to stop, to take him instead. He pleaded and cried out to him, his voice breaking with each word.
The Keeper stopped abruptly, bringing his shaking hand to his side. He threw his hand to his mouth, letting go of the whip, and bit his knuckles, as if he was trying not to cry. He turned away from Isaac and Maki and walked towards the edge of the stage.
“Stop,” another keeper called, grabbing the Keeper by his shoulder. The man pulled the Keeper to him, whispering in his ear. The man murmured a few words to the Keeper and he began to weep. We could not see it, but we could hear his sobs. His chest heaved. He struggled to breath. The other guard seemed to be trying to comfort him, reassuring him. It was the first time we had seen one break and I relished in the thought of him being too weak to carry on.
In that moment it dawned on me that these ‘Keepers’ were still human, but it didn’t matter who they were or how they felt about what they were doing. I hated them. I hated them for what they were doing to us and I would never forgive them.
The other keeper took the whip from him and turned back to Isaac. The Keeper stood by the edge of the stage, trying to compose himself. The man who now held the whip lifted it high above Isaac, preparing to swing again.
Maki threw himself in front of his partner. “Stop! He’ll do it! Please! JUST STOP!”
“No Maki. Don’t,” Isaac muttered. Maki turned to him.
“No. I’m not going to let you do this. I can’t just stand by! Isaac you’ve always been there to protect me, to be my savoir. I’m not going to let that happen this time! I’m going to protect you!” Maki untied the rope around his wrist and helped Isaac to his feet.
He held his partner, supporting his weight against his shoulder. When Isaac could stand, Maki let go and stood before the Keeper. Maki met his eyes, but said nothing. He only bent down and picked up the whip. Maki held the lash loosely in his hand and turned to Isaac.
“Take it,” he whispered. “Please Isaac. Take it.” Maki had his head bowed to his partner. He held the whip out to him. Isaac was crying. His tears were washing the blood of his wounded cheek. “Please,” Maki begged. “Please.”
“I can’t,” Isaac sobbed. “I won’t hurt you Maki!” His whole body shook as he cried.
Maki met his partner’s eyes. “I trust you Isaac. I trust that you can do this. For us.” He took Isaac’s hand and held it gently in his own. Maki never took his eyes off his partner. He carefully placed the whip in his hand and forced his palm to curl around the handle. “I trust you.”
Maki let go of Isaac and threw himself to his feet. He bent down in submission, giving himself over to his partner’s will. His bare back glistened in the sun. Sweat dripped from the nape of his neck and down his shoulders. Isaac stood still. His was body erect, but trembling. I stared at the whelps on his back. Six lashed cut across his shoulders. There were beginning to blister.
“Do it, Isaac!” Maki screamed.
“No!” Isaac was shaking harder, tears spilling off his nose.
“DO IT!”
Isaac cried out and swung. The whip cracked and cut into Maki. He shrieked and clenched his fist. Tears fell from his eyes heavily to the stage. Isaac swung again… and again... and again. The leather hide of the crop beat against Maki’s back. He was biting his lips, trying not to scream. Blood stained the stage.
“STOP!” Nida cried out. I turned to see Isa and a few others holding her back. She screamed to Isaac, begging him to stop. “PLEASE STOP!” Isaac dropped his hand to his side. Blood stained his palm.
“Please,” he begged the Keeper. “Please let this stop!” Isaac was shaking. The Keeper wouldn’t look at him. “Make this stop!” Isaac cried. The Keeper raised his hand and took the whip from Isaac. He let go and fell to his knees, crawling to Maki. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Isaac wept, holding his partner. Maki, too weak to speak, nodded and held his partner back.
The Keeper left them without saying a word. He gestured for the other keepers to do the same. They walked off the stage. One stopped and gave us the order to return to our barracks until further instructions. Many did so, but a few stayed, including me. The keepers said nothing to us and keep walking.
Nida ran onto the stage to help her brother. Together she and Isa took care of Maki and Isaac. Nida, with the small jug of water she was given for rations, cleaned their wounds and bandaged them with strips of fabric they had torn from their shirts.
I stared at Isaac and Maki. They whispered to one another and I saw Maki smile weakly. How could he smile? How could he find the strength to smile after what had happened to him? I realized he was stronger than us. Both of them were. They were stronger than all of us. They were able to trust one another. They were still able to love one another even after what had happened. I admired how brave they were and I wondered if it had been Emory and I, would we have been able to do the same?

That night the rain returned. The water leaked through the ceiling of our barracks. I was awake and cold. I sat against the corner of our small unit and watched the few others try to sleep. I remembered how Sister Mirabelle and Amia used to cuddle up with one another. I remembered how they held each other and promised to always take care of one another. Now they slept on two separate sides of the barracks. They wanted to be as far away from each other as possible. They loathed each other.
How? How could two people who loved one another so completely and fully suddenly hate each other? I asked again and again with no answer to soothe my thoughts. So many of us had turned away from our brothers and sisters. We couldn’t even stand to face one another. How would Emory and I make it? Could we stay strong enough? Or would our bond be broken too?
***
Familiar hands awoke me from a restless sleep. I opened my eyes to find Emory standing over me. “Emory!” I cried, throwing my hands over his neck. He embraced me with strong hands.
“Shush,” he murmured softly. “We can’t wake the others.”
“How? Why?” He gently placed his hand over my mouth.
“No questions now. Here.” He pulled out a loaf of bread from behind his back.
“Emory what is this? How did you-”
“Hush. Just trust me okay. No one will know I took it. I was very careful.” He broke the bread in half and handed me my share. I bit into the bread, my mouth salivating. It was hard and the crust was burned, but that didn’t matter to me. It was food and it was good. “Careful now. Don’t eat too much. Save some for later,” Emory whispered. I took my bites slower and let the bread hit my stomach before taking more of it.
When we were finished with our shares, Emory took me in his arms. We held each other, never wanting to let go. I felt safe in his arms. My hand held onto his own and I laced my fingers around his. His strong fingers curled, tightly gripping my hand. I kissed his ring finger and his pinkie.
He brushed his hand against my cheek and kissed my forehead. “I love you, Eren. We can make it. I know we can.” I nodded, resting my head against his chest. We held each other for hours, or maybe it was just minutes. I couldn’t keep track of time. All I knew was that I was safe in his arms.
“Don’t let go,” I murmured. “Promise you won’t leave me.” He nodded.
“I promise.”
***
When I woke up the next morning, he was gone. He had not kept his promise, but I understood that he had to leave eventually. At least he hadn’t left until I had fallen asleep. I ate the rest of my rations before the keepers could discover that I had more than the others. We were ushered out of our barracks like the days before. Nine more days. We would make it.
***
Though the days were brutal, the nights were the hardest. Every few nights, Emory would risk seeing me and although it was good to be with him, if only for a moment, I became so afraid to lose him. The mornings when I woke and he wasn’t there almost killed me.
Three more days. Only three more days until the trial was over. The only partners that were still left were Nida and Isa, Isaac and Maki, and Emory and me. We had still managed to avoid the Keepers. Our numbers had not yet been called onto the stage, but our luck was beginning to run short. It was only a matter of time before it ran out.
We were in the midst of our usual morning exercises. By now we had become use to the extreme strain on our bodies. To keep hope, I kept muttering to myself “Three days. Only three days.”
The keepers gave the command to stop and we marched towards the center of the camp. They didn’t need to tell us where to go anymore. Their orders had become like clockwork to us. We stood in front of the stage at attention.
I stood in the back of the crowd, searching the stage for the Keeper, but he wasn’t to be found. I was surprised. He had always waited on the stage, watching us stand before him. The other keepers said nothing. It was quiet.
I felt someone wrap their hand around my wrist. I turned to find the familiar black mask staring back at me. I screamed, trying to get out of the Keeper’s grip. “Let go!” My voice was shrill and afraid. I sounded weak. He pulled me forward. The crowd did nothing to stop him.
I passed Sister Mirabelle. She only stared down at me coldly, her blue eyes piercing. The Keeper kept dragging me forward. Isaac met my gaze and he mouthed “Be strong.” It was the only advice anyone offered.
“Eren!” Emory screamed. He pushed through the crowd. Two keepers grabbed him before he could reach me. The Keeper forced me onto the stage. He removed his hand from around my wrist and grabbed a fistful of my curls, like he had done to Adele the very first day we had arrived.
“Number 0244 is a thief. She stole from our rations nearly six days ago. We waited for her punishment to give her the time to come forward and admit to her crime. Since she did not come to us and confess what she had done, her punishment will be harsher than if she had. Let this be a warning to all of you.”
He motioned for some keepers to bring a large table to the stage. They did so and set it before us. He thrust my head to face him. “Confess to your crime Number 0244 and your punishment will be lessened.” I knew they were talking about the bread Emory had stolen days before. I saw him in the crowd. Keepers still held him back. Tears were in his eyes. He was screaming my name.
I opened my mouth to confess that I had done it and stopped. I couldn’t bring myself to form the words. My speech was stuck, the words thick on my tongue.
“I did it!” Emory screamed. “I stole the bread. Please, let her go!” The keepers released him. He stumbled forward and ran onto the stage. The Keeper still held me by my hair. He pulled tighter on my hair and I yelped in pain.
“Is what he says true?” the Keeper asked, my curls taunt in his hand. I nodded before I could stop myself.
“Yes,” I gasped. “Yes.” I couldn’t believe what I was saying. I tried to take back my words, but couldn’t. They were already gone.
Emory stepped forward. “Let her go. I took the rations. Please. Just let her go.” I waited for the Keeper to loosen his grip, but he never did. Instead he took my wrist and held it against the table.
“You may have stolen it Number 7846, but she did eat of it. Did she not?” I froze, my heart sinking to the pit of my stomach.
“No. I ate it all. She had none of it.” Emory replied, standing firmly at attention.
“Lying will not get you anywhere,” the Keeper said, motioning for the other keeper to bring something to him. A keeper handed him a sharp knife. The Keeper then motioned for two others to hold me down. They did so. The Keeper then stepped away and handed the blade to Emory. “Since you stole the rations and she ate of the bread, you must both be punished. Cut off one of her fingers and she will then cut off one of yours. This is your penance.”
“No…” I muttered. I was crying and shaking. I tried to fight against the keepers grip, but they were too strong. “No. Please.”
Emory stepped forward, welding the knife in his right hand. He approached the table, his eyes heavy and burdened. “Emory!” I cried. “Don’t. Don’t do this!” Fear seized me. I wanted to be strong, but I couldn’t find the strength. “Don’t hurt me!” Tears were beginning to blur my vision. I saw a dim image of Emory standing over me.
He slammed the knife into the table, stabbing it into the wooden surface. “No. I won’t hurt her.” They let go of me. I flung myself away from them, but the Keeper grabbed me before I could run off the stage. Other keepers grabbed hold of Emory and forced his hand onto the table. His fingers flexed against the surface, struggling to push away.
“Number 0244 this is your test. These are you choices. Cut off two of his fingers and be done with it, or refuse and both of you will face a worst fate.” He pulled the blade from the table and handed me the knife. I curled my fingers around its leather handle and stepped forward.
I knew what they were capable of doing. I knew if I refused what could happen to Emory, to me. I saw the whelps on Isaac’s back blistering the in summer sun. I heard Adele’s screams. I understood the consequences of my choice. So I did the only thing I could.
Emory looked up at me, his eyes warm and full of light. He trusted me. “It will be okay,” he murmured. “We can both suffer together. Whatever they may do to us, we will be okay. Together. Eren, we can make it.” He smiled that kind, gentle smile I had seen so many times before. I trusted it. I loved it. I closed my eyes and saw a thousand of those smiles. One lifetime of those smiles could never be enough.
“Maybe you can,” I murmured softly. “… but I can’t.” I took another step closer.
“Eren?” Another step. “Eren what are you doing? Eren we can do this together! It doesn’t matter what they do to us. We’ll survive! I know we can! Eren-”
“I’m sorry, Emory. I’m so sorry. It will be quick, I promise, and then we will be fine. Together.” He shook. Tears bubbled from his brown eyes. They were hurt, betrayed. “I’m sorry.” I lowered the knife. He was crying out, pleading with me.
“Eren! Please don’t do this! We can make it to-” I began to saw through his ring finger. His screams will forever be etched into my memory. When at the edge of sleep, they are what I will hear. Whenever I see that kind smile or his warm, hopeful eyes, his screams are what I will remember. Emory. I am so sorry.

On the Twenty- first day I woke up empty, hollow of all feelings and emotions. I could not cry or sob or feel any sort of pity. I was alone. I had betrayed my partner, my pair… my friend. My soul felt like it was missing. I had lost everything.
In the end, I was not strong enough. I sawed through his ring finger and his pinkie and I cried as I listened to him scream. I stare at the other girls in the barracks. They are all awake now. The early morning sun filled the unit with a blessed light. Everyone was so different. We had all changed so much. I couldn’t believe it was only three weeks ago that all of it had started.
Amia sat in the corner. She was sobbing softly. Her strawberry blonde hair was stringy and clump in tangled tufts. She was rocking herself back and forth, murmuring to herself. Mirabelle was staring at her, watching her partner break with disbelief in her eyes. I’m sure she, like the rest of us, was asking why? Why had we not been strong enough? We had been taught to love, but in one single moment of vulnerability, we had betrayed the very ones we had chosen to love above all others. We hated our partners and we hated the keepers and most of all, we hated ourselves.
Nida and Isa were the only ones out of the twelve girls who had come here that still had their self-respect and their sanity. They sat farther away from the rest of us. They were holding one another. Their hands clasped like they were in prayer. They were crying tears of joy, happy that this was all finally over.
Three keepers entered our bunk. They said nothing and placed new clothes by the door. They left. We all slowly approached the door, took the new clothes, and huddled back to our corners. We turned our backs as we changed, not wishing to face each other at our most exposed state.
I remembered the clothes I came here in, a white, silk blouse and white dress pants. Then we had been given the grey uniforms with our numbers issued on the side in large black print. Now, we dressed all in black. My gown was simple. It fell to my knees and had two loose straps that were held up by my shoulders. I raked my fingers through my hair, trying to straighten out the knots and pinched my cheeks to give them color. I hadn’t thought about seeing my parents again. I couldn’t stand the thought of them seeing me like this.
Once dressed, we walked to the center of the camp. No keepers were in sight. The boys left their barracks, wearing matching black shirts and pants. It was like one long funeral procession. We were a parade of damned souls marching forward to Judgment Day. Here we were, the black parade.
The sun was warm and bright, unfitting for the mood surrounding us. I remembered how it rained the day we came here. Was it foreboding? Warning us of what was to happen to us here? And if that was true, than did it mean that the sun was trying to say there was still some good to come? Was there any hope left to cling to?
I saw Emory in the crowd and I heard his screams. I instinctively looked to his right hand. Two fingers were missing and always would be because of my weakness. I remembered how he used to hold my hand in his. How our fingers used to curl together. I remembered the night I kissed his strong fingers and how he had held me in his arms. I was so sorry for what I had done and I wished I could go back and change it, but I knew it wouldn’t do anything. If I had the chance to go back I would still do the same. I wished that it wasn’t true, but I knew it was. The truth is the hardest fact any of else will ever face and it kills us all a little inside every time we submit to it.
I stumbled forward. Isaac and Maki stood tall by one another. They had made it. Out of the twenty-four of us, they had passed.
Our parade passed the stage. It was empty of anything. No keeper stood there to punish us for our transgressions. No new torture was presented. It was utterly empty. I felt no remorse leaving that place.
The doors we had entered three weeks ago were open once again, beckoning us to welcome its embrace. We all filed through the doors. No words were spoken. Everything was quiet. A deathly silence had ushered over us all.
The assembly hall was the same as the last time. There was the stage with the single light and the open floor. We stood in front of the platform, waiting for someone, anyone to explain to us why this had happened. The man from three weeks ago stepped onto the stage. He was wearing the same glasses and the same pained expression. “With a heavy heart, I welcome you all back.”
We said nothing. All was quiet until a small voice spoke. “Why?” We turned to face who was speaking. I saw Emory. He was staring at the floor. “Why did this happen to us? What did we do to deserve this?” he asked.
“Humans are sinful by nature,” the man started, his voice gentle and soft. “Ever since Eve first took of the forbidden fruit, we have been slaves to our own eccentrics. From our first sin against God, when his first children disobeyed his commands and were cast out of Eden, to the first sin against our fellow man, our brother, when Abe was slain by Cain, we have been cursed to carry the burden of our own and our people’s evils. Like Cain, we wandered the earth, never to rest, never to grow weary, until the blood of our sins is washed from our hands.” We said nothing. No one breathed. We clung to his every word. He continued.
“We ask for freedom and liberty and to us it is given. We say it is our God given right to be free, but how can anyone be free before the sins of our past is atoned for? We are slaves to our sin and we are sinful by nature. We will always falter before God, but we can be cleansed of our sins against our brothers. Though the past cannot be rewritten, if we can only learn to love our brother, our sister, we will have a bright and better tomorrow. This is our future. This… is why.”
“That doesn’t explain anything!” someone screamed. I saw Wyatt standing towards the front of the crowd. “How was this supposed to teach us to love one another? This only taught us who we shouldn’t trust!” He pointed an accusing finger towards the man. “I loved my brother! I did! Eric was my partner. He meant everything to me! But I can’t even look at him anymore!” Wyatt was sobbing as he screamed at the man. “How was this supposed to teach us to love?”
The man on stage had begun to weep. In a shaky voice he answered “All of your lives you have been taught to love your brothers and sisters, but never have you been given any reason to doubt them. This was the trial’s purpose. It was testing how strong your love was. Many of you wish to leave after this and I don’t blame you, but you must realize that this is the real world. In the place outside these walls no one loves or cares about each other. They don’t stand up for their brothers and sisters because their afraid, or their selfish. They will gladly betray each other for false happiness and petty spoils. Man will deceive man for money, for power, for lust, and for greed. The world you experienced inside the camp is the real world. No one cares for anyone else besides themselves. This is why we tested you, so you know how weak you are. So you know why you need each other. So you know… why you need to love. That is the purpose of the trial.”
We were silent, taking in his words. I looked up to meet the other faces of my brothers and sisters. They all stared back. Everyone was crying. Silent tears dripped from our eyes and down our cheeks. I saw Mirabelle and Amia staring at one another, unspoken words passing between them. I saw Adele and Joel in the crowd, their eyes burning with equal passion and remorse. Eric and Wyatt met in the hoard and Wyatt took his hand, never saying a word. I wondered for a moment if we could heal the broken bonds that separated us. I read a book once by a man named Herman Melville. He said “We cannot only live for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men.” And I knew what he said was true, but those thousands of fibers can be cut. It is a slow and painful separation unraveling the web of time, but it can be done in only a moment, in one second of vulnerability. I realized that my brothers and sisters were not trying to mend the ties between themselves and their partners. They were merely saying goodbye.
I looked up and saw Emory staring back. One lone tear ran down my cheek, the only tear I had left to cry. His eyes were cold, the warmth long since taken away from them. There was no smile on his lips, nor was there a scowl. There was only hurt indifference.
I looked down to his hand and I wondered what had happened to his fingers. The fingers I had once laced with my own. Then I remembered, like remembering a distance dream, what I had done. I almost collapsed. I threw a hand over my mouth to keep from vomiting. I bent over and fell to my knees. Emory? What had I done to you?

We left the building and the camp, never looking back. There were two buses waiting for us. I knew one would take us back home to where our Mothers and Fathers and younger Brothers and Sisters waited for our return. The other would take us outside the walls into the world that waited detached from our small existence.
Twenty-four of us entered that camp. Only four made it out. Nida and Isa stepped bravely into the light of the day. The sun shined on their faces, blessing them with its warmth. Nida’s sandy curls fell down from a long ponytail to her shoulders. She was smiling and holding her partner’s hand. Isa was gazing up at the bright blue sky. Her black hair was tucked behind her ears. I noticed the brands on their forearms and remembered what Adele had done to them. What we had all let happen.
Next to Nida, her brother and Isaac stood laughing. Maki was grinning. His impish green eyes twinkled, reflecting the sun’s grace. Isaac was raking his fingers through his dark hair, laughing from relief, relief that it was all over. For them. The rest of us would never again know relief. Every night we will hear the screams and remember the pain and the doubt. We will remember how it felt to be betrayed and what it was like to betray. We will remember the pain of fear and the fear of uncertainty. We will remember because we will never be able to forget.
The others filed onto the buses, one after the other, until only a few of us were left. I watched who chose to stay and who chose to leave. Isaac and Maki were leaving. Wyatt was leaving. Mirabelle was staying. Amia was leaving. Nida and Isa were leaving. Adele was staying. Joel was leaving. Eric was staying.
I searched the crowd and finally saw him. Emory was standing away from the buses. He was still considering where he wanted to go. I pushed my way through the crowd until I stood next to him. “Emory…”
He didn’t turn. “I’m... sorry. I’m so sorry.” He said nothing. I continued. “I know these words seem hallow and fake, but I am. I was so scared. I was weak. I’m sorry.”
“We all are,” he murmured softly.
“What?”
“We all are weak, Eren. That’s the point. We have to be strong for each other.” He still hadn’t turned.
“I wasn’t strong enough for you,” I muttered weakly.
“I wasn’t strong enough either. I should have fought for you, for all of us, but I didn’t. I was too afraid.” His voice was low, defeated.
“Can we ever make it up to each other?” I asked. “Can we ever forgive one another? Can you ever forgive me?”
“I’ve already forgiven you, Eren,” he murmured. “…and eventually I’ll forgive the others too.”
“Emory can we still… make it? Will everything be okay… like you promised?” Finally, he turned to face me. He looked tired; swollen purple bags hung beneath his eyes. He was broken. My Emory, who had always been so strong, was broken.
“No,” he said simply. “We can’t.” His words cut into me like the knife I had welded that day.
“Emory… I need you. I need you.” He shook his head.
“No, Eren. You don’t.” He turned away and stepped onto the bus that would take him away from me forever. I fell to my knees. I was the only one left. I was the only one left to make a choice. To stay or to leave.
I started to sob, but no tears relieved me of my pain. I was alone, utterly and completely alone. I wondered if the pain would ever fade, but I knew the answer. The wound may scab over and become dull, but the memories will never leave me. I will always remember his screams.
“How?” I asked no one. “How can we ever get better?” But I knew the answer to that as well. We can only become bigger than we have been. More courageous. Greater in love. Larger than ourselves. We must become members of a new race, overcoming petty prejudice and owning our allegiance not to ourselves, but to all of our brothers and sisters. We must strive to love, most of all love, and we must remember that we don’t live in a world all on our own.
Are brothers are here too.