I woke up from my nightmare in a panic. I thrashed on my bed and had thrown my pillows. The dream…like so many of mine, felt real. Even if the story was a bit odd the emotions felt too real to be fake. I took one of the pillows off the floor and dug my face into it. It was only 2:30 AM and I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep for a while so I headed out into my living room. Images of me murdering my mom flashed before my eyes once I entered the room.

I quickly rubbed them and headed into the kitchen for some water. For some odd reason water seemed to help me…even when my night terrors were at their worst. I pulled a glass off the shelf and used the water dispenser on our fridge to fill it up.

My mom, groggy, came out of her room with some folders and glared at me. I didn’t speak…I just backed away from the drawer with the knives in it.

“I had a nightmare. I just needed some water.” She rolled her eyes and looked like she was about to give me a lecture on how water doesn’t make your nightmares go away…it just makes me need to go to pee.

“Do you need to be so loud about it?” she grumbled. She walked past me and got on her computer. I sighed and I gulped down my water quickly and headed into my room. I knew there was no reason to talk to my mom. She was still working and probably was in a grumpy mood.


I fell against my door completely exhausted and pulled my phone off my shelf. It was flashing with a text from around 2:25 AM. Five minutes before I woke up. It was from my boyfriend Jared. I flopped on my bed and decided to text him back.

Jared -hey babe, You awake yet?- 2:25 AM

Me – just woke up. What ya wanna talk about?- 2:36 AM

Jared - Lol. New record babe. And idk…what was ur dream about?- 2:39 AM

Me – I accidently killed my mom with a knife because I thought she was some sort of monster inside of my mom’s skin. Laura was crying and screaming at me….she even called the cops. :( It was so realistic!!! – 2:45 AM

Jared – oh wow. That sounds horrible. Want me to come over? I can cuddle with you and make the nightmares go away ;) – 2:47 AM

Me – hahahahaha you don’t even know where I live sweetie. :P but I could use a hug right now x) – 2:50 AM

Jared – Hahaha me too. So you going to go back to sleep? I’m going to try to in like five minutes. – 2:52 AM

Me – You know you don’t have to wake up this early for me. <3 – 2:55 AM

Jared – I want to though. I want to make sure you’re okay and not hurting yourself because of your nightmares. – 3:01 AM

Me – That will never happen again. I promise <333 – 3:02 AM

Jared – I hope not. I love you too much to lose you. – 3:04 AM

Me – awwwwwe. I love you too <333 – 3:05 AM

Me – you there??? – 3:20 AM

Jared – Yeah srry. Fell asleep a bit. - 3:22 AM

Me – Go to sleep hunny. Love you XOXO – 3:25 AM

Jared – Love you to. Try to sleep. :) – 3:26 AM

Me – mmmmk. Night. – 3:28 AM

I stared at my phone in my hand. All that love felt pointless… like as if it wasn’t real. I sighed, put my phone on my night stand and curled up into my blankets. Even if the love wasn’t real at least I felt better now. I closed my eyes and started to drift off and instead of the normal nightmare I dreamt of Jared. What a pleasant change.

I woke up to the screaming of my alarm two hours later. The dang thing’s shrill cry pierced my ears even as I stuffed my pillow into them.

“Ugh….Can’t believe it’s already five.” I hit my alarm and sat on my bed allowing myself to wake up a bit. The smell of coffee was already seeping through the crack in my door. That meant my older sister was already awake.

The bed sheets tempted me and tried to drag me back into their warmth…but I wasn’t a fool. Ten minutes bliss was an hour torture as my mother lectured me on the way to my school. I got up and pulled out my clothes. Black shirt…black jeans…and, hey look at that, black converse. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked bland…like shredded wheat cracker bland. That’s how I liked it though. Before when I wore makeup and low cut shirts I use to have a ton of fake friends that ditched me by the end of 10th grade. Now I was starting over. I gave myself a new appearance, one that conflicted with the old me. Now I was pale, wore no makeup and rarely smiled. I felt like me, the real me, the one who doesn’t need to hide her pain.

“Hey, you want coffee? I can make more.” I acknowledged my sister and nodded.

“Yeah…Hey Clarrisa, can you add some of the hazelnut stuff to it?” She nodded and closed my door. It was nice having someone who attended college in your house. Here’s a fact about college kids; they make AMAZING coffee. Must be something you have to learn when you have a major deadline every single day.

I decided to spice myself up today. I added a paint splattered, spiked, neon colored, belt. Now I have been upgraded from the shredded wheat cracker to the Ritz cracker. Oh yes.

I straightened my hair and only applied mascara. Now I was finished. I walked into the kitchen and saw my sis mixing my coffee.

“Here you go.” She held out the cup to me and smiled. I hesitated, remembering previous nightmares I’ve had about her poisoning me to the point where blood clots were coming out of my throat. She noticed my hesitation. “You told me to put hazelnut in it. Did I hear you wrong?”

“uh no. I’m just sluggish today.” I took the coffee and smelled it. She looked slightly concerned but just shrugged it off.

“Alright. I’m going to head off to my school. See ya.” She pulled her laptop case off of the counter and took two folders off of the table. Then she left me with only a cup of coffee. Not even a hug. Figures. She never bothered anymore. Within minutes the coffee was downed and I was out the door waiting for my bus.


The bus rolled to my house slowly, taking it’s time now that we were only five minutes from the school. I stepped onto the bus and tripped at the top step, but I have the reflexes of a cat…a very slow, probably dead, cat. So instead of catching the rail I did a complete faceplant right at my bus driver’s feet. She looked at me surprised. I get up, not speaking, and go into my seat.

“Hello Grace.” Matt peeks over my seat and grins.

“Shut up. Ugh…I think I dented my face.” I felt my nose and got a bit of blood on my hand. I went into my purse and pulled out some tissues. I held them to my nose and turned to face Matt.

“Looks like you dented your nose. You okay? Besides the bleeding of course.” I tapped my nose a bit. There wasn’t any pain that said it was broken, so I nodded my head.

“Yeah. It’s not broken.” I pulled away the tissues and winced at the sight of my blood on them. It reminded me of all my night terrors and in no time I was entranced by the red.


“Hey….Heyyy…Amara!....AMARA! you’re getting blood on your clothes….Amara?... hello???” I look up at him and shivered. The blood was flowing pretty well from my nose and had dripped on my arms and shirt. I lifted the tissues back up and shook my head.

“I don’t feel well. I think it’s the blood.” Matt got out of his seat and sat with me. He took some tissues from my purse and started wiping the blood off of my arms.

“You don’t look good. I’m going to go tell the bus driver.”

“No. Don’t. I’m already failing Chemistry…I can’t miss another day of school.” I grabbed his sleeve and held as firmly as I could. “I just need to clear my head.” I tried to smile but blood seeped into my mouth through the tissue. Yuck.

“Okay fine.” He handed over the tissues and went back into his seat. A few girls giggled and my mood immediately went sour.

“So..ummm… Amara right?” One of the giggling backstabbing preps asked me.

“Yeah…”

“You know if you’re trying to get a guy this isn’t the best plan right?” I glowered at her. Did she seriously think me faceplanting was a way to pick up guys? “, Especially when you do it to my soon-to-be boyfriend.” Her smile from before turned into a grin. She thought she had me completely caught in her trap. A trap she could use to humiliate me even more.

“Actually all I did was trip but hey if I attract guys in the process what can I do right?” I snickered and looked over to Matt. “Anyways… I have a boyfriend. You can keep Matt.”

Her face twisted a bit but her smile didn’t falter. “Oh okay. Just thought you should know for future reference. I mean I know sometimes desperate girls will go for anything.” She laughed a bit and I did to.

“I don’t know many girls like that so it must be in your group of friends but I agree with you. Desperate girls will just about do anything…like attack there crushes friends.” I emphasized it just right to get my point across that what she was doing to me right now was making her look desperate. Her face twisted into a snarl.


“yeah…” She turned from me to her friend then quickly started whispering something into her ear. I was curious about what they were saying but leaning over to hear them would just give them more to talk about so I decided to just sit still and plan my revenge.

I don’t even think I had to plan….

“Hey Matt… I was just wondering if you would like to hang out some time, maybe with some other friends or something. I thought it would be neat.” Matt thought a bit and then grinned.

“Yeah. I’m open this Saturday if you’re cool with it. Mind if I invite Brandon?” I smiled at him and then shifted my gaze over to the preps. They were hearing the whole thing.

“No problem. I was going to invite Jared too. Your cool with him right?” He paused for a minute. Anxiety decided to start messing with me because I knew that if he said no I would either have to go with him on a technical “date” (without my boyfriend) or I would have to embarrass myself in front of the preps by basically ruining my own revenge plot.

“Your boyfriend right? Not that Jared Fidle?” I smiled at him and nodded.

“Yeah and why would I invite Jared Fidle? I barely know him.” I laughed slightly and he just shrugged.

“Eh I don’t know. But hey, I guess I’ll see you Saturday. Want to hang out at the waterfall?” I thought about the waterfall. It was a popular place around here especially during this time of year. I nodded.

“Yeah that’ll be fine.” I grinned. “Well I’m going to listen to my music now. Text me later ‘kay?” He nodded and a put in my ear buds. I didn’t turn on my music though. Instead I listened to the preps murmurs and the clicking of their phones as they texted furiously. Something about their hostile tones amused me. I smiled to myself and pulled out a mirror from my purse. I caught their eyes in my mirror and I knew I was in for something later.

I tapped the pencil on the desk playing a beat that I could only truly hear in my mind. I already had finished my science test and I was waiting for the others to finish. My eyes drift over to Cassidy and to Amber. They were the two preps from the bus and were whispering to each other. Of course, it probably wasn’t about me but I still felt like I was part of their conversation. I growled in my throat and went back to tapping my pencil against the desk.

“Amara? Don’t you have a book to read?” I looked up at Mrs. Reil. The truth was I DID have a book but it was on my Kindle Fire and electronics weren’t allowed in the classroom.

“Yes…but I can’t read it.” I pulled out my kindle. “It’s on here.” She looked at it with an odd look in her eye. She obviously was puzzling over why I would even consider buying an electronic book.

“If you know that electronics are forbidden in school then why not buy an actual book?” See what did I say? I sigh and put away my kindle. I smile at her and explained my reasoning in the politest way I could.

“The books are cheaper and I can carry more books at the same time while it still weighs barely anything. Not to include that the kindle includes a calculator and other useful apps.” The teacher cuts my reasoning off by handing me a text book.
“Read that until the bell rings. If you come in here without a book again I’m going to have to knock points off your grade for being unprepared.” Once she turned her back I scowled at her. I wouldn’t be unprepared if she let me read on my freakin Kindle. I looked at the text book and propped it up against my legs. Jace, who sat next to me, grinned and handed me a book. It looked like one of those really stupid books that are based off a TV show but what the heck. I bet it’s better than DNA proteins and cell functions.

“Thanks.” I whispered. I put the textbook on the desk and flipped to the first page of Storm Front: Book One of the Dresden Files.

After about a half hour of reading Jace tapped on my shoulder. “Am I going to get that back?” I looked at him and glared.

“Hell no, this book is amazing. If you want it back you’re going to have to kill me.” He grinned and pulled out book two of the same series.

“Here, I have the whole series so far. Just return the books when you’re done.” I nodded happily. This book had an addicting character with an amazing taste for irony and sarcasm.

“Yeah no problem” I smiled and continued reading.

Within a few minutes I came across a part in the book where Harry Dresden had a “nightmare.” I scoffed at it. Did he seriously call THAT a nightmare? Though I guess I couldn’t be TOO hard on him. He wasn’t me and probably didn’t have PTSD. I sighed and put down the book. Jace looked over puzzled.

“Don’t like it after all?” I turned my head and smiled at him.

“The books amazing…I just don’t feel good today.” I stretched my arms and yawned. “I’m ready to go home and sleep.”

He grinned and then turned back to his book, “Me too.”
I decided to let my eyes drift around the room. Cassidy and Amber were busy passing notes to each other. Jordan, Laura, and Allison were finishing up there test. Jeff was texting his girlfriend Maria who was across the table (I could tell by how they would look down at their phones and then look up and smile at the other person). Evelyn was sleeping (AND DROOLING). The rest were either reading or staring at the wall with blank expressions. I turned back to my book.
Within minutes Amber came up behind me and took the book from my hands. I stared at her for a second, determining if I should verbally attack her or wait. Waiting won……..barely. She sat down next to me and gave me her fakest smile yet.
“So…I heard you were going to the waterfall on Saturday. Cassidy and I might be heading there too. Maybe we can meet up?” She put my book down on the table, losing my page. That b****.
“I don’t think it’s in your best interest to meet up with me at a place with so many…. drowning hazards.” I said dully.
She feigned shock. “Is that a threat Amara? I was just trying to be helpful. You going to the waterfall with three guys all alone could give you a very bad image.”
“True…though I could safely assume that no matter what I do you will ruin my reputation anyways…right?” She tilted her head to the side……….then laughed.
“You know…we could be friends Amara. You’re very observant, very keen on the way people work and think. You ace your classes too… I’d call you a nerd but that wouldn’t be appropriate for you. You don’t study….Your just naturally intelligent.” I raised my eyebrows. Amber wasn’t stupid. If it wasn’t for her being emotionally unbalanced, and a total slutty b**** I probably would find something I liked in her.
“Yes... I suppose we could be friends…. But I don’t like you…. And isn’t liking your friends the whole thing behind friendship?” Amber grinned at me and lowered her voice to a whisper.
“Not necessarily…. You would know better than me though. Wouldn’t you? Backstabbing preps…. calling you a whore, a devious scumbag slut. I WOULD have believed them but this Jared guy.” She shook her finger at me. “You seem loyal to him…. though you are trying to take my guy. That could always just be a small burst of revenge in this case though. Do you have problems controlling your emotions Amara?”
To tell the truth I was enjoying this conversation with Amber a lot. I’ve never heard a prep talk so intelligently….though in the same token I grew wary of her. She was a dangerous enemy and she wanted me to know it. She was trying to piece together exactly who I am so that she could predict my next move.
“No. Not usually. Only when family is concerned….or Jared.” I eyed her closely. Her eyes glittered and teeth showed through her lips, as if I just gave her a brilliant idea. I did though…on purpose. I wanted her to go after my man. I wanted to have a reason to start a true battle between us. I wanted to fight her and win.
She didn’t reply right away. “I have liked Matt for three years. Just remember that. If you go after my man…I will go after yours.” She started to walk away and then turned her head over her shoulder. “Page 68.”
She sat back down with Cassidy and read the note Cassidy had left at her seat. Amber grinned at it and then wrote back. I mulled over Amber. It was clear she was ten times smarter than Cassidy. Smarter than any prep I’ve known. It’s clear how she got so far up the popularity scale… though brains only get you so far. Amber might be smart and a slut but she wasn’t drop dead gorgeous. THAT is the only thing that held her back. That’s why she had Cassidy though. With Cassidy’s pig nosed face it made Amber look really pretty and therefore Amber was promoted to the third most popular girl in the school.
I looked down at my book and turned to page 68 but the thought still lingered in my mind. Was I going to win this fight?

“Hello Amara…” I sat facing a reflection of myself, smart, charming, and dangerous. She was biting her fingertips in a slightly seductive way. She didn’t want me or anything but that’s just how she operates.

“Lillith,” I had given her this name because it seems that I constantly dream about her.

“That’s not my name.” Her eyes narrowed slightly. She stood up and allowed her dress to whisper across the floor as she walked towards me. “I am you Amara. You need to learn to accept that…I don’t understand why we grew so far apart.” Her fingers melted into my skin and I shivered.

“You’re NOT me Lillith. Your fake, an image that I dream up.” She looked at me with anger and she started cutting at her flesh with her nails.

“I’m not fake!” Blood seeped out of her wrist and she moaned as if the pain felt good. Then she grinned at me. “If you don’t believe me then wake up.”

“What would that prove?” She licked the blood that slowly dripped off of her arm. I tasted iron in my mouth and watched in distaste as she smiled at me with bloody teeth.

“Enough…It will prove just enough.” She pushed me down and laughed. “Oh Amara… soon will we will be friends once again. Us against the world…remember?” She turned and started walking away.

“Lillith!” I ended up calling to nothing for she was already gone.

“Lillith!” I called out. I heard nothing though. All I heard were drips coming from below me. I look down at my wrist. They were cut open and pouring out blood. I screamed. Was this a continuation of my dream? No…No this was real. I called to my mother but the blood was getting to me. I stumbled and fell on the floor. My mind raced to different conclusions. I was either going to die here or someone heard me call out. I prayed that someone had heard.
My prayers were answered.
Feet stood next to me and when I looked up my little sister was staring at me wide eyed. I tried to say something anything. “L….Lau….” I couldn’t speak though. My body shook uncontrollably.
“MOM!!!!!!” Laura ran off to fetch the one who might know what to do. My mom wouldn’t be able to comprehend the situation either but at least she’ll be able to see the options available.
A shadow flicked in a mirror on the wall. It was Lillith. Lillith stared through the mirror with pure delight. She pointed to her own wrist as if I didn’t know this was the proof she was talking about. How immature.
Lillith suddenly disappeared and appeared next to me. She bent down low and moved the hair out of my eyes. “You cut a little too deep. How stupid. If I would have known you would have gone this far I would have chosen a different form of proof… but here we are.”
What was this? I was awake! She shouldn’t be here!
She tilted her head. “You should calm yourself. Your quickened heartbeat will only speed up your death. To answer your question though I will again repeat our former conversation; I am you Amara. True I am a you buried deep inside but I’m still there. I am Amara Emmet as are you.” She smiled at me. Could she be right? If she was, that would mean I could talk to her at any time. Why was she appearing so much now though?
“Oh Amara… you don’t know? Your night terrors have been slowly surfacing me. You are becoming more like me after each nightmare you have. Therefore the veil between us had become thin, nearly transparent. Tonight though, I took a knife to that veil. I took over your bodily functions and caused you to cut your wrist. Unfortunately, I forgot that you had more strength than you did when you were a young child so the cut went to deep. Silly me.” A hallucination….this is what this is, only a hallucination. The lack of blood was surely the cause.
I heard Lillith’s laughter as she stepped away from me. She was making room for my mother though for no reason. My mom couldn’t see Lillith. “Amara, when you awake in the hospital look into the mirror; I will be there waiting.” The mirror? “Why of course. Though, I wouldn’t speak. You wouldn’t want them to put you in the psyche ward would you? A mirror would give you a good reason to look at me intently and focus on what I say. You won’t even have to speak. I can hear what you say if you speak it inside your head.” The ambulance came through and lifted me onto a stretcher.
See you then Lillith. Lillith bowed her head at me and disappeared.