We lived in the Alps of Switzerland-my mother Skylar, Billy, Irina, and I. It was cold, even when the sun glistened on the snow tops. The wind was fridged, the rain hailed like ice and no one liked it there. Although many stayed. Mom was trying to find “Somewhere,” but there was nowhere to go. I wondered, where is “Somewhere?” We were lost souls. But before that, I spent most of my time with Lani.

“I can jump higher than you Levi,” she laughed. As she leaped off the rock her hooves clicked as her four legs stumbled across the mountain. Her brown coat shined in the sun. As I jumped mom came to get me.

“It is time to go,” and we rushed away. 

“Where are we going?” I asked, but she didn't answer. I looked back at Lani, her small face, and sad eyes were fading, but the sounds of the mountains stayed the same, and the wind screeched. She was the only one I loved. I didn’t even say goodbye.

It seemed like my family didn't care about me, especially Billy. Mom left the pack to give birth to me while Billy was left with his father. Billy told me he got into a fight with his father, who broke one of his horns. It never grew back after the incident and it stayed a stub. Before that, Billy's father didn't know I wasn't his, and when he found out he left. Billy said I made his father hate him so Billy treated me badly because of it. My father disappeared and when mom got with another mate he left too. Really there was no father in the pack. Mom had Irina with the third mate. After that mom stopped looking so she was alone. Most of the time she cared for Irina but didn't pay attention to Billy or me. It was lonely, even with a big brother and a little sister. Mom would listen to Irina's demands but she never listened to me.

Skylar was looking at the sunset one night. I could tell she was crying. She had cried in her sleep every night since Irina was born. When she cared mostly for Irina she drained the last of her energy. Billy would try to act like the father to help out telling me what to do and helping find something for everyone to eat. But Skylar didn’t seem to notice. Billy would yell at me-tell me to try harder, and we needed to take care of ourselves in order to help. He said I didn’t care about Skylar or the rest of the family, but that wasn’t true-I loved them. I didn’t know what to do. Watching the sunset Skylar looked peaceful but there was a war through those eyes. Irina was resting beside her on the cliff. Suddenly Skylar wasn’t there anymore. Irina was confused as a two-year-old would be with a mother who had vanished off the face of the earth. She needed her mother and as a kid, she followed, but she didn’t know what she was doing, then she was gone too. Billy and I rushed over. It felt like we were running in slow motion. I asked Billy, ¨What are we going to do?¨

“Can't you see?-” Billy was steamed, “Nothing.”

By the time Billy was twenty-three, Billy found a mate named Celina. I was eighteen then still had no one, but Billy found a mate. She was beautiful with brown fur, and big eyes.

“I am going to marry her,” he told me. Billy was challenged over the mating season to win over Celina by another ibex. We met up at GreyStone where the challenge took place. He was big with two large horns. It was especially cloudy and rainy that day-Billy had no chance.

“Don’t do it,” I told Billy. “You only have one horn.”

“I don’t care this is what I want! I love her!” Billy screamed, “It is time for you to move on! I have no one! Can’t I just have this one thing! You take away everything from me!” 

“You have me,” I sighed.

“You are hardly my brother,” Billy sneered at me. “Skylar is dead, Irina is too-”

“You don’t think I know that!” I screamed, but he ignored me and turned to face his opponent. There was no reasoning with him. Packs gathered to watch as the rain hailed and the sky got dark, Billy took the first hit. The other ibex took another hit-on and on they went. I was in pain just watching. The sounds of their heads hit like bricks. The other ibex locked horns with Billy’s single horn and threw him on the ground. I knew he wouldn't be able to take another hit.

“Stop Billy,” I screamed, “You can’t win this one!”

“Shut up Levi! Never!” Billy took another hit. As the other ibex locked his horns with Billy’s he threw Billy into a rick and Billy stopped. Celina then walked off with that other ibex. It all happened so fast. Billy stopped breathing and I couldn’t do anything about it. It was done. I missed Billy already. Then I was truly alone-I had no one.

The rain had cleared but I had nowhere to go so I kept walking. I walked a couple of days till I found a stream. “Levi?” a female ibex called. I thought I was hallucinating. “Is that you?” The voice called again. She was beautiful. Her fur shined in the sun.  “It has been forever! How are you? How is Billy? Where is Skylar?” excitedly she ran over. It was Lani.

“Skylar isn’t here anymore.” My head stooped to the ground to look at my hooves. 

She got serious clearing her throat, “I’m sorry. What happened?” 

“Skylar fell off a cliff. I also had a sister, she fell too. Billy is gone.” I looked down to where there were other ibex who followed Lani.

“I am sorry for your loss.” she truly was sorry, you could tell. I forgot how beautiful Lani was. She had big beautiful horns. I couldn’t help but love her more and more. To break the silence I asked, “Are those your kids?” I watched as their heir hooves clicked as they stumbled across the mountain. 

“Yes! This one is Buck, and over there is Charlotte. That is my husband Gilbert.

“Congrats!” I sighed, trying to act excited. Lani’s husband came over. He had longhorns and was much stronger than I.

“Hello!” he greeted me, I just smiled. Lani said,

“We are leaving tomorrow to go to Gilbert’s home pack. You are welcome to come.”

“I suppose.” I needed a place to stay.

We traveled for days-it was cold and although I was with what seemed like friends, even family, I felt alone. Lani and Gilbert’s kids played in the day and slept peacefully at night- I remember when I was a young kid like them-I felt free. Thoughts kept coming-maybe I shouldn’t be here. Being with Lani, and their kids made me feel worse. I thought, ¨that could’ve been us.¨ I wish I had a nice family and I asked myself, ¨do I have a future for myself?¨ Maybe it should’ve been me who fell off the cliff.

The further we got from the mountains the warmer it got. It was spring, there were lots of wildflowers, and the sun always shined. It was like fields of gold. Ibex played and packs gathered. I felt like there was hope for me, where this could be my future-a somewhere.

There seemed to be so many different families with kids running around all over the place. There were beautiful ibex-their coats were light and well-groomed. They were like angels and I was in a haven-where the sunset over the water, the weather was always warm, and I liked the things we did. We played games, laughed and sang.

Once everyone gathered around the stream we called “Forever.” There laid an ibex whose fur coat was flowing gently with the current, but her face was down in the water and there was no breath in her chest.

“What happened?” I turned to Gilbert.

“It was a natural death. She had a disease in the heart,” he gave a sigh.

“She is so young though,” I looked in dismay.

“Everyone dies at some point. It shouldn’t be something we are scared of. When you lose someone it doesn’t mean you can’t live your life. Sometimes we can’t choose some of life’s circumstances but we can choose how to live it.” Gilbert smiled.

“Did you know her?” Looking at the still kid who was about five.

“Yeah, she was my sisters’, but her mate passed from a heart disease before their kid was born,” Gilbert said in a hushed voice. There stood there as another ibex who talked about the kid and her life. When the funeral was over Gilbert introduced me to the speaker. “This is my sister Lori.” Her coat shined and she had the most beautiful horns. 

“Hi, my name is Levi.” I straightened up. It was the first time I had been embarrassed about how I looked like a mess and she was so perfect.

“Hello.”  Although she seemed sad, she was a ray of sunshine. I cleared my throat smiling,

“Sorry about everything. I am not good with my word, and I don’t know you, but I can feel what you feel. I have lost in my life-it is taking a long time to find something else to be happy about. If you want to talk about anything-” I stopped.

“Thank you. It means a lot to me really. I am not too sad about it. I had a lot of time to think about it. I don’t want the circumstances in my life to define who I am. I want the best for everyone. I think my presence is just enlightening for others, it gives others hope and inspiration. I don’t want others to see me struggle because many look up to me, but everyone struggles-it is natural in life.” Her wise words really touched me where no one had been able to get to before.

“I wish I was more like you. I want to have kids. I lost my mom, brother, and sister.”

“You don’t have to let that get you down. When you have kids, you can inspire them and make them a life you hope to make a Somewhere that is better.” Lori smiled.

We talked every day after that moment, and it wasn’t long before we got married. I vowed to not let my kids fall onto the path of my past family. We then had a fresh start. My horns fully grew not long after meeting Lori. We now have three kids-Billy, Skylar, and Irina. I hope they grow up to be just like Lorri, and finish the lives of mine who passed. I found My Somewhere.