Blood boils up in the seams between nail and skin as I rip away at my numerous hangnails, my legs fidgeting uncomfortably on the school’s cold seats. In my chemistry class, students hurriedly get seated around me, gossiping over who’s dating and the newest fashion trends, but I don’t engage. Instead, my head hangs low, meticulously examining the rough, lead-stained wood grain of my desk.  

“Ivy, hey, hand me your homework.” My head instinctively shot up upon hearing my name, but once I made eye contact with Axel, his head craned backwards, eyes wide looking back at me, I froze.

“Ivy, hurry up, Ms. Boone is staring at us.” Axel was in obvious distress, but my episode had already commenced. My brain swiveled atop my spinal cord, and hot white light flashed across my central vision, leaving me mentally nauseated. As Axel struggled against the deep pulling of the sea, his distant voice begging for my paper rang from a distance. His arms flailing against the strong waves of the current, he gave in, and he slowly sunk downwards. Before his lifeless body touched the ocean floor, my eyes shot open.

“Uhh, Ivy? You okay?” Axel’s eyes glared at my spasmic hand, clutching my now broken pencil. Shaking the splintery pieces into the floor, I reach into my backpack and shove my homework into Axel’s chest. 

“Here, I was daydreaming about lunch, my bad.” Axel’s head tilted hearing my lame excuse, but he shrugged his shoulders and swiftly turned back around in his seat, passing my paper forward. Axel seemed to be the only one who paid no mind to my incident, for I could hear my classmates fail to whisper.

“I’ve seen Ivy do the same thing in Mr. Hale’s class before, it freaked me out.”

“Do you think she has trauma? She probably needs to invest in therapy or something.”

“Do you know Ivy’s address? I’m going to send her my old clothes, she’s in desperate need of a new closet. Ohh, and I’ll count it as community service on my college application!”

Cowering into my chair, I stifle back my tears. Their comments leave my face uncomfortably warm, a sensation I should be used to by now. Ms. Boone begins the quantum mechanics lesson, but I never look up at the board, trembling from the thought of another episode.

The courtyard was swarming with kids of all ages celebrating the weekend. Squeezing my way through the crowd, the sound of friends laughing together filled my ears, and envy flooded my soul. A fire was alight in a crevice of my body not yet discovered, and there was no controlling it. Grabbing the nearest person by the forearm, I forcefully dragged them to a secluded alleyway in between the school buildings.

“Hey! I-Ivy, let me go! You’re hurting me!” Recognizing Eva’s voice, I let go, noting the quivering of her skin under my touch. I knew it was due to the fact everyone was afraid of me, and no-one desired to be friends with me. Eva turned to escape, but I clutched her shoulder and spun her around, her face just inches from mine. 

“Se-seriously Ivy, you’re scari-” I smack my hand against Eva’s mouth, and look up into her eyes. A scene of young Eva crouching in the corner of a room danced in my head. Eva folded her head in her knees, almost as if surrendering, as an intimidating stranger slowly approached her. My eyes opened, and a smirk planted itself on my lips.

“Tell me Eva, who's that man from your childhood?” Eva’s eyes bulged as I brought up her past trauma, and I felt no sympathy. 

“Oh you know, tall, very broad shoulders… A-ha! I do believe his hands were bruised significantly if I remember correc-”

“Ho-how do you know him, Ivy? No, no… this isn’t happening…” Eva’s head dropped, and tears exploded from her eyes, dotting spots on the dry concrete below her. 

“Eva, don’t cry. Just, be on the lookout, okay? I’ve heard he’s back in town and I-” Cutting my sentence off, Eva sprinted from the alleyway and around the corner, and I’m positive she wouldn’t stop soon. Chuckling, I tightened the straps of my backpack and walked out from behind the buildings. Crossing the courtyard to the road leading home, I notice a slight pep in my step. 

“Everyone despises me, so why not make them pay for it?” I laugh to myself, planning who my next victims would be as I make my way home.

Skipping around the tall pines, looking across the horizon of the cold Washington coast, I beam with happiness. The docks and surrounding roads are barren, but I feel less alone at this moment than ever before. As I kick pebbles from the sidewalk onto the saltwater soaked boulders below, I feel as if this moment will forever be unmatched. Smiling out towards the ocean, I feel an unfamiliar chill run across my right ankle, and I’m jerked downwards below the ground.

My body crashes into a frigid, dark marble flooring, my head spinning from the rapid change of environment. I struggle to pry my eyes open, but once my vision clears, I find myself in a boardroom. The room was lit with a handful of wall-lining candles, and the air felt musky from the lack of sunlight. Clothed in a red velvet drape, the long-stretched meeting table seemed fit for discussing evil propositions of sorts. I felt as if I was in nothingness, for the walls were just as pitch black as the flooring. As an attempt to rid my stomach of its unsettledness, I stood, my body aching from the fall. Once my feet had stabilized and I could stand straight, a door creaked behind me. Instead of swerving around, I hastily shut my eyes, the thought of witnessing my own murder squashing my heart. To my surprise, numerous footsteps passed me, seemingly unbothered by my presence, and were seated at the table. Figuratively breathing out my distress, I build the confidence to open my eyes. 

“Welcome, Ivy.” I jumped from shock as the eerie group announced my name in sync. As if that was a signal, the door creaked once more. This time I turned to face the sound, and I found myself face-to-face with an intriguing boy. A mess of jet black curls rested atop his head, perfectly framing his chiseled face, and his bright jade eyes split me in two. 

“Hello Ivy,” the boy greeted with a smirk, then motioned towards the chair nearest to the table, “please, have a seat. There is much to discuss, and I’m positive that you have numerous questions in that head of yours. Would you like some water? Evelyn, go fetch Ivy something to drink, the passage between the Human World and The Void is parching.” 

“The what?” The question slips from my mouth, out of my control.

“Oh, darling. Please, sit, I’ll explain everything. Does your head throb from the fall? Ambrose quickly, get Ivy a cold compress for that lump starting to form upon her forehead, it’s horrific.” Self-consciously putting a hand over my swelling, I limp over and crumble into my seat. Examining the group before me, I notice they are wearing matching black silk robes, each detailed with a different foreign crest. Dark hollows swallowed the member’s eyes, yet they were all strangely attractive, made beautiful with their imperfections. Once Evelyn and Ambrose retrieved and brought forward my water and cloth, the boy nodded in delight and seated himself on the opposite end of the table from me. 

“Ivy, let’s begin wit-”

“How do you know my name? No, who even are you all? What… where is this place? I’m not sure how you brought me here, but I would appreciate it if someone would take me bac-”

“Ivy, settle down.” The boy caught me off the same as I did him. “Now, let us do this formally, and with no restraints, shall we?” I gulped loudly, sucking down my complaints and biting my tongue. “Where you are located now is known as The Void, the gateway world between the Human World, the Afterlife, and the Lands of the Supernatural. The Void is home to the Gods that control all four realms, however, we are gifted with the ability to jump from one world to another. Here, seated with you, are the Gods of Truth, and each of us is in control of a significant universal truth that is shared between all realms, not just of the Human World. I, myself, am the God of Sin, a God with the grandest power, in equal measure to the God of Morality, for our powers cancel one another.” My gaping mouth must have been obvious, because a few of the board members, no, a few of the Gods stifled their laughter. The boy grinned at this, then hopped with a realization. “Oh, I almost forgot, my sincere apologies Ivy. My name is Xander.”

Xander and the rest of the Gods continued on with the meeting, explaining to me that Xander was responsible for gifting, or, in my mind, more like cursing, me with this strange ability. Xander described how he witnessed the treatment I was receiving from my classmates, which he believed justified my ownership of supernatural power, defying the balance between the realms. Although I had been unaware of the true meaning behind my ability, the Gods clarified that my episodes were illustrations of my victim’s worst fear. Xander, along with the rest of the Gods, believed this power would allow me to avenge myself against my bullies, and upon viewing my recent actions with Eva, the time to strike was now. With the Gods’ assistance, and Xander by my side, my peers’ executions would spare me against any more reticulation, and revenge would be mine. My mouth watered around its edges as I imagined murdering my cruel schoolmates one by one, but I needed to assure I would have security.

“If I agree to these terms, this contract will forever be intact, no? I can’t do that, not unless you can agree to these terms.” Surveying one God to the next, I hoped to find no angry reactions. In the corner of my sight, I saw Xander, smiling wickedly at me, astonishingly satisfied with my unwillingness to conform. “If each God present can promise to me that if I request anything, no matter the costs, you will accept this... if you will, favor, and provide. Now, is this a deal?” The Gods discuss amongst each other, but their thoughts don’t matter, for Xander is already rising from his seat, his decision made.

“Ivy, your wish is forever my command.” Xander smiled as he ordered the rest of the Gods to rise, and they all bowed to my presence. Xander and I shared a momentary glance, and I swiftly lowered my head, trying to conceal my blushed face. When I looked back up, Xander was, to my amazement, blushing too. Wiping the flattery from his face, Xander stands tall. “Amazing. Now, let’s get to work, shall we?”

Time seemed to pass as kindly as the clouds did on the day I found the new part of myself, the day I harassed Eva, and the day I met Xander. The team the Gods and I had formed worked swiftly, taking out a classmate a week at a time. I would choose my victim the day before the start of the school week, then I found a way to make eye contact with this bully, and I now had their worst fear in my clutches. Meeting the Gods in The Void, I informed them of their fear, and the mission is now in the hands of the Gods. Depending on the context of the certain fear, a particular God would be tasked with the victim’s assassination. My work was over and done, and before I knew it, the news of my bully’s death would be cried over the school’s morning announcements. Suppressing my laughter became tough after weeks of these sappy death reports, but I managed, knowing that if I gave away any essence of guiltiness, these righteous killings would stop. Nevertheless, containing my feelings towards Xander was a chore. We were together daily, not only plotting deaths but also building a friendship. Oftentimes, we were distracted from business, and we found ourselves chasing each other along the coast, swimming fully clothed in the iced seawater, and sitting side by side on a random dock, talking about my life, and even his life before he was selected for Godsmenship. Examining his features, lust bubbled inside of me, only to be forced down by worry that I would put a split in not only our contract but our friendship. 

At the dinner table, I drooled over my mother’s homemade chicken pot pie as I wondered who I would exterminate next. My focus was shattered when my mother abruptly started screaming over the obituaries, a carrot flying from my now shocked open mouth. 

“I-Ivy, what’s to come of this!” My head craned sideways in confusion, and she noticed. “The obituaries! The deaths of your classmates! Week after week, a new student dies, and I-I’m so… I’m so worried that… that…”

“That what, mom?”

“That you’ll be next!” My mother’s eyes protruded from her face, lining with the beginning of tears. 

“Mom, I’ll… I’ll be okay, I-I promise mom… Nothing is-” Convincing my mother, without giving away that I knew more than I should, was impossible.

“See, but you can’t promise that Ivy! If I… if I lose you, just like the loved ones of all the dead students, I don’t…” She trailed off from her sentence, and her mind seemed to go blank for a moment.

“Wait, mom? What do you mean by next? All of the students died from natural caus-”

“Ivy, don’t you understand? These deaths are too structured to be coincidences, how can you not see that? There is a murderer in Sequim, I just don’t know who yet.” My mind starts to falter, overthinking that my mother may suspect me. “Ivy, I want you…  I want you to imagine with me for a moment, okay?” Nodding yes, I play along with her, I want to seem as inconspicuous as possible. “You know how much you want to be an archeologist, and just how much you desire to travel the world, to different countries with different cultures. You dream... of seeing and understanding the world. Now imagine if these possibilities were stolen from you, and your life ended far shorter than you ever wanted, and yet... you have no control. Your aspirations are left to… to rot… to be swept away like dust with a broom. Your aspirations are now… meaningless.” I choked on my breath. I never saw my actions from this perspective, and now I felt an emotion rare to this new me. Was I… is this regret? 

“Ivy, I know love isn’t something you ever want to touch on but, you need to listen.” My face flushed, for my mind instantly went to Xander. “If you were… or dare I say are… one of these victims, your chance at love is… is ruined, Ivy.” My breathing halted, my thoughts halted, and my hearing halted. The very thought of losing Xander, no matter if these feelings were mutual or not, shattered my soul into bits. Xander was my other half, and did the students I murdered have other halves too? 

“X-Xan...No, Xand-” The words poured from my lips unconsciously, and they were followed with tears that spoiled the dinner below me.

“Ivy, who’s X… Xan-” She didn’t need to finish his name, for even the beginning letters were enough to break my hypnosis. Knocking over my chair, I sloppily dashed for the door, spilling over the water pitcher on the counter, sending it colliding with the floor. Glass shards punctured the bottoms of my bare feet, but I kept running, out the front door, off the porch, and to the coast. My mother’s voice beckoned for me, yelling, pleading for me to come back and explain myself, but her voice faded into the back of my mind. All I could think about was Xander, and I knew he would come to me, at our home.

Xander’s back managed to send chills down my body as I approached our dock. Hearing my footsteps creak the old, weathered wooden planks, he turned around, flashing the goofy smile that belonged to me. Plopping down beside him, I can’t fight my emotions any longer. Xander embraced me, placing my head in the crane of his neck, my tears spilling down his shoulder. 

“Xan-Xander, I… I can’t… I can’t do this an-” Xander cut my sentence with his lips, his body oddly shaking against mine. My body electrocuted with this simple kiss, but I needed to pull away, to see what was wrong with Xander.

  “Xander, what’s wron-'' There I was, alone, sitting on a random dock, staring out at the Washington coast. A weird tingling sensation sat on my lips, and dried tears itched at my face. My mind ran blank as I racked through my brain to remember why I was here, crying, a longing for someone rushing through my veins. I stood and turned to return home. The sun was setting, my stomach rumbled for dinner, and I’m sure my mother was concerned about my whereabouts. 

Exploding through The Void, I barged into the meeting room.

“Xander, your Godliness, why didn’t you bring Ivy toda-”

“Ivy is done! Her job… is done!” The Gods gasped as I wiped away the wet streaks on my face.

“Xander, sir, you’re not making any sense. Where is Ivy?” Evelyn stood from her seat as if she was demanding an explanation from me. 

“Evelyn, sit… now!” Shrinking back into her seat, the rest of the Gods followed in suit. “Now, let me explain the current situation. Ivy wanted nothing more than to be rid of the inescapable contract we practically forced her into. And, if you all don’t recall in those feeble minds of yours, we agreed to fulfill one request she may have. So, that’s what I did.”

“Xander, you didn’t address this to the rest of us Gods, therefore I find your actions ill-tempered, and Ivy is obligated to come back and finish-”

“I asked for silence!” My scream sliced through the room like a blade, slitting the throats of the Gods. “Since you so-called Gods seem to wish to exempt my actions and presence, I propose a deal. If you deny… I still hold high authority in this room, and I will no longer hesitate to execute the last of you scum.” The tension was at a high, and the Gods were too petrified to interrupt my bargaining. “As you, all know and hate, I am in possession of the highest God title, equal to Ida’s God of Morality. Now, I will give my title to the court, and allow you each to decide the next successor, and I will have no input. The only thing I ask is to return to the Human World at 17… the same age I left. I will live out my mortal days until I die, with no underlying connections to The Void, Godsmanship, any of this buffoonery. Do we have a deal?” The Gods remained silent, afraid to speak, or even move an inch. 

“Xander, it has been my pleasure to work alongside you, and for that, I hope for your happiness in the Human World.” Ida stood from her seat, and the Gods followed, bowing in sync. A smile played on my lips as I removed my God of Sin cloak, practically leaping out the boardroom door, floating from The Void forever.

My body shivering against the coldness of the school desk, I compare homework answers with Axel before we must pass our work forward. 

“Ivy, hey! Want to grab coffee after school?” Smiling at May, I gladly accept, pondering over how peacefully I’ve built friendships over the past month. While Sequim has been investigating the case of a vanished, unidentified murderer, as well as my mother’s constant berating over if I had a secret boyfriend, I’ve grown out of an introverted shell I’m not certain when, or even how, I developed. Every time I go to question my past self, and why I don’t remember much about her, I end up empty-handed. So instead, I hold my head high, a movement that feels unfamiliar, yet a rush of assurance creeps into my heart like an applaud from someone hidden deep within my unconscious soul.

From time to time, I revisit the bizarre memory of discovering myself alone on the dock, a place that has become my safe haven in the past weeks. Tingles scurry along my skin when I’m standing on that dock, for reasons I’m not sure. Shaking my head, I return to my homework, but my focus disintegrates when I see him. 

“Class, today we have a new student joining us. Go ahead, introduce yourself.” The boy stands with confidence as he speaks to the class, his messy black curls bobbing with each word, his emerald eyes sparkling under the frigid white light. Ms. Boone points to the empty seat next to me, the boy’s eyes landing on mine, my hands prickling with excitement, the same feeling I have on the dock. I adjust my posture as he takes a seat inches from me, his attention trained to catch my every move.

“Umm... hel-hello, my name is I-Ivy.” I cringe at the mess of words I blurted out, hoping the boy wouldn’t notice my anxiety. The boy smiled goofily, a feeling of dejavu blistering my body. “Oh, I-I’m so dumb, I didn’t catch your name during… during your introduction.”

“Oh…  my sincere apologies, Ivy.” The boy spoke strangely, but his words fluttered off his lips, and when he said my name, ecstasy flooded from my pores. “My name is Xander.”