"Hey Cat, wait for me!" I heard Sammie call to me.
He was late this morning so I decided to start walking without him. I watched as by the time he caught up to me, he was totally out of breath.
"What happened this morning?” I asked him. “Why weren't you at my house at the record time you set for yourself?"
Since he was my best friend I kept tabs on him.
"My parents had a party last night and kept me up until almost 1:30 in the morning." he told me.
"You could've come over to my house; you know my parents don't mind."
I saw Sammie look away from me and I knew immediately that he was hiding something from me.
"What aren't you telling me?" I asked him.
When he didn't say anything I asked again.
"I can't tell you!” he told me.
"Come on, I'm your best friend! Just tell me." I insisted.
He still didn’t say anything and then I got an idea.
“Well, the longer you're silent, the longer you don't have me as a best friend."
A tear or two had formed in my right eye and I couldn’t take the chances of breaking down in front of Sammie like that, so I just ran away from him and the rest of the way to school. I met up with Jess at out lockers. Mine was right in the middle of hers and Sammie’s.
"Sara, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Jess asked me.
"Don't worry about it, it's nothing." I told her.
I then grabbed books and other things I would need for my first three classes and walked away from Jess before she could say anything or join me.
When I got to homeroom, I noticed that I was the only person in there. I waited for Jess and Sammie to walk in and sit down. We didn't have assigned seats so you could sit wherever you chose, which was why I always loved homeroom. They came and sat down, and I sat as far away from them as possible. After a few minutes, the bell rang and I took my time getting out of my seat when I saw Jess get up and walk towards the door. I was hoping she wasn’t waiting outside for me. Sammie slipped me note on the way out the door as he passed my desk. On the front it said 'I'm Sorry'.

In my first class, which was Art, I read the note secretly when I knew that the teacher wasn’t watching.

'Dear Cat,

I'm sorry I can't tell you what's going on right now. I just don't want anyone to know. When the time's right I promise I'll tell you everything. If it was up to me I'd tell you right now. But I just can't. My parents said I could stay with a friend for a few weeks, while they're away for some time. And no it's not to jail, if that’s what you’re thinking. They said they would ask your parents if I could stay at your house. But, only if that’s ok with you. Please forgive me if you can.

Love Sammie'

When Sammie wrote you a letter, called you by your nickname, and put a heart at the end of his name, he was really sorry. I decided to forgive him. I already knew my parents would say yes to him staying with us.

Sammie would be staying in the guest room, and act like he was a part of the family as well, when he came over. That meant he could mess with my little brother too. I always made him cry, not always on purpose though, I’m not that mean of an older sister, you know. I knew that I would also have to suspend myself from cutting. It wasn’t something I chose to do, but it was my parents that drove me to it. My dad would always pressure me to keep my grades up and study every night for at least twenty minutes before I could do anything else. He wanted his only daughter to be the most perfect one in the whole town. And my mom, she was just as worse! Instead of helping me and keeping dad chilled down, she would just pressure me more to do exactly what my dad said. Or else she was going to ship me to an all-girl boarding school in England. And one night I just couldn’t take anymore, so I took the knife from the kitchen and went into the bathroom. I pressed it to my wrist and just sliced it. When the blood started to pour out, it just felt so good. I couldn’t explain the feeling, but it made me feel better and better about myself than ever before. And ever since then I’ve been cutting. I usually cut myself like three times a day and I tend to keep the cuts on my wrists, upper thighs, and my stomach. That’s why I never wore a bikini so no one would know. But, I always wore shorts when I went swimming anyway. I cut when I wake up, after school, and before I went to sleep. It was like a daily routine to me. A routine that was hard to stop. Sometimes if I didn’t cut I would start to feel woozy or I would have a huge headache. I wore so many wrist bands it was impossible to see the cuts. I would only remove them when I cut, but otherwise they are always there.

Anyway, the bell rang and art was over. My next class was history with Mr. Spit. His name was really Mr. Smitt, but he spits with every word he says, so we call him that instead. I usually sit near the back so I don’t get sprayed with his saliva, but I feel bad for the kids that do sit in the front. I watched as Jess came in with me and sat down on my right, while Sammie sat down on my left. I took my phone then out of my bag and started to text both Sammie and Jess, while hiding my phone behind my generic blue history binder.

‘Hey.’ I texted them.

‘Do u forgive me?’ -S

‘What happened this morning?’ –J

‘I forgive u but u will have 2 tell me’ –me to S

‘Nothing Sammie was keeping something from me’ –me to J

‘What did u do 2 Sara?’ –J to S

‘Nothing we walked to school together’ –S to J

‘Something happened, she came in crying’ –J to S

‘I’ll tell you when the times right like I said in the letter’ –S to me

‘I’ll tell you in lunch’ –S to J

History went on and on. I had to pay some attention or more pressure will happen at home. I put my phone away and took out a blank sheet of paper and a pencil. I began to doodle little stars and hearts. In one of the hearts I wrote Sammie’s name. I quickly realized what I was doing and I erased it. I didn’t think of Sammie that way. Did I? My heart thumped loud in my ears. When the bell rang I jumped.

Lunch time. Today was taco day. I love taco day but only because the rest of their lunches taste like s***. I swear one day my pizza moved by itself. I didn’t eat it. It was so disgusting. The lunch line was short when I got there and I saved a space in line for both Jess and Sammie. They got there before it was my turn. I put sour cream and cheese on top of the taco meat. Everyone knew that the taco meat was fake and the wraps they put them on were generic. Jess only put a little lettuce on hers and Sammie put sour cream and salsa. We sat down at our usual table, in the last row and the last table on the right side. Our cafeteria was a little confusing as to what table you were sitting at. So we just sat where we were comfortable. Our seats never changed. New kids got talked into sitting with the “popular” kids. I had fun just sitting with Jess and Sammie.
“What happened at the end of history? You seemed jumpy.” Sammie said while wrapping his taco and taking a bite.
“Oh. Uh nothing I just wasn’t keeping track of the time. The bell scared me, that’s all.” I said nervously. I hope Sammie didn’t notice I was keeping something from him now.
“Now you spill Sam. What did you say to Sara that made her cry?”
“We were walking to school with each other and uh I couldn’t tell her something. And she ran off crying. Don’t worry I’ll tell both of you. When the time’s right.” He kept saying when the time’s right. When was that time? We ate the rest of our lunch in silence. I sat in the rest of my classes with Sammie. And the last one with Jess. Jess lived the opposite way of me and Sammie. So we said our goodbye’s at the entrance of the school. As I walked with Sammie I thought of the doodles I drew in history. Not really all the doodles. Just the one heart with his name in it. I erased it and shaded the heart in so no one could see it after I threw it out. My dad would kill me if he saw that I was doodling during a class. I started to delete the texts during history. I wouldn’t have another phone unless I could pay for it. My dad would take the phone after I walked in the door. Six houses before mine I asked Sammie for his phone. When he gave it to me I erased the text messages to and from me and Jess.
“What are you doing?”
“Erasing the text messages that were during school.”
“Why?”
“My dad will take your phone when we walk in the door and he will look at what we’ve been texting. If we’ve been texting during school say goodbye to your phone for two weeks. If you’ve been texting inappropriate things then delete those too. You’ll get your phone back after you finish your homework. Also no texting during dinner, no texting after midnight, no texting before 5 am. He was looking down at his phone, deleting inappropriate text messages. When he was done we kept walking to the house. Across the street there was a figure dressed in all black. It looked like a woman. When Sammie looked he grabbed my hand and pulled me up the steps. I knocked on the door.

“You don’t have keys?” he said anxiously.
“No my dad doesn’t leave until I finish my homework so someone’s always home. I never need keys.”
My dad answered.
“Hey kids.” We walked in and he closed the door. He held out both his hands. “Phones please.” We gave him our phones. “You can work on your homework in Sara’s room. Music is allowed.”
We walked upstairs. “Oh and Sam, your parents asked if you can stay here and I said it’s okay, so your things are in the guest room across from Sara’s room.” My dad yelled up the stairs.
“Thanks Mr. Forman.”
When we got to my room my usual cd’s were put away and the ones I listen to when I was without my friends were sitting by the stereo. They have never seen those cd’s. Before I could get to the stereo Sammie got there first. When I shot my hand out to grab the cd’s my wristbands slid down. My cuts were visible. Sammie saw them and got wide eyed.
“Sara. You have cuts on your arm.”
“I know.” I moved the wristbands to cover the cuts. Sammie moved them back so he could see them again.
“What’s going on?” he looked at the cd’s. “Paramore, Black Veil Brides, Evanescence, Slipknot, A Day to Remember?”
“Yeah. I like that music.”
“Are you emo?”
“Um yeah.”
“Were you ever going to tell us?” Us being him and Jess.
“I thought you guys would stop being my friends if you found out I was emo.”
“Sara.” He pulled me into a gentle hug. When he let go he pulled up his wristbands. I never noticed that he always wore his wristbands too. So did Jess. He had cuts as well. “Jess cuts too. Her wristbands slid down when she got the lettuce on her taco earlier today. I didn’t say anything though.” My head stared to throb.
“I’ll be right back.” I grabbed a pair of scissors off my bed from when I cut this morning, and took off my wristbands. I went into the bathroom, closed the door, and locked it. I pressed the sharp part of the blade against my wrist. I let the blood pour out of my wrist. It felt good and refreshing. The throbbing went away. I heard a knock on the door.
“Sarwa! I gotta go potty!”
“Alright hold on.” I cleaned the cut on my wrist, rinsed the scissors off, hid them behind my back, and unlocked the door. He ran in and I turned around quickly and ran back to my room. The door slammed closed as I slowly closed mine. “Back.” I went over to my bed and put my wristbands back on.
“Why are you covering them up?”
“Because my family doesn’t know that I cut.”
“Oh. Well we better get that homework done then.”
“Yeah.”
We sat on my bed and worked on our Math homework, which was all we had on Monday’s. Tuesday we had History and English. Wednesday: Science. Thursday: Geography. Friday: more Math. We were listening to Paramore the whole time we were doing homework. Sammie looked at me.
“What?”
“When do I get my phone back?”
“Wait about five minutes and he’ll come upstairs.” I said after looking at the clock. We waited listening to Misery Business by Paramore. He came upstairs with our phones and set them on my nightstand. Sammie and I laid on my bed and pretended not to notice him. When he shut the door. We immediately picked up our phones. Jess had texted Sammie and no one had texted me. Everyone in school knew no to text me unless I texted them. He had at least 10 messages from Jess. I called her.
*Hello?
*Hey Jess.
*Do you know where Sam is? I’ve been trying to reach him.
*He’s right next to me.
*Why is he at your house and I’m not?
*Hold on.
I put my phone on the bed and walk to the top of the stairs.
“Dad can Jess come over?” I yelled.
“Sure.” He yelled back. I walked back into my room and told Jess she could come over.

I looked at Sammie. I couldn’t have put Sammie’s name in that heart. But I did and I have no idea why. I didn’t like him like that. He’s my best friend. It wouldn’t be weird if we went out. Did I just think wouldn’t? With a ‘n’ and an apostrophe‘t’? That’s wrong. Sammie looked at me. He leaned closer. Our lips touched. He started to kiss me. I kissed him back. We continued to kiss until I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. I pulled back and smiled. Jess opened the door.
“What are you guys smiling about?” she asked. We both took off our wristbands.
“Jess we know you cut. So do we.” Sammie said.
“Hey is that Paramore?” she asked excitedly.
“Yeah it is.” I said,
Can't make my own decisions or make any with precision
Well maybe you should tie me up so I don't go where you don't want me
You say that I been changing, that I'm not just simply aging
Yeah, how could that be logical?
Just keep on cramming ideas down my throat
Whoa oh oh ohhhh
You don't have to believe me,
But the way I way I see it
Next time you point a finger,
I might have to bend it back
Or break it break it off
(Whoa)
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror.
Jess sang along with the song ‘Playing God’.
“Anymore secrets?” I asked.
“Jess, Sara and I are now living across the hall from each other.”
“Oh. That’s new. I’ll be right back. I have to go to the bathroom.” Jess said. She set her bag down by my door. I let out a deep breath.
“We can’t tell her about….” I didn’t finish.
“I know. I wasn’t going to. I’m sorry Sara. I just-” I cut him off.
“Don’t be sorry. I liked it.” I wanted to kiss him again but I knew Jess would come back any second.
“Later.” He said reading my mind. Jess walked in and she looked like she heard something strange.
“Hey. Again.” I said.
“Hey.” She said back. “Are you two not telling me something because both of you look suspicious?”
“Sam! I would like your help setting up for dinner.” My dad called upstairs.
“Coming Mr. Forman!” Sammie yelled back.
“You can call me ‘dad’ while you’re here.” My dad said less loudly.
“Okay. Dad.” Sammie said awkwardly. He looked at both of us and got up to go downstairs.
“Seriously Sara. What going on?”
“Nothing why?”
“Both you and Sammie have been acting weird ever since I got here.”
“No we haven’t. We’ve been acting normal. We all just found out that we all cut. That’s big news.”
“So what. I know that’s not why you’ve been acting weird. Just tell me.”
“I can’t tell you because nothing’s going on. Trust me if there was I would tell you.” I lied straight to her face. She didn’t say anything. She changed the cd to Black Veil Brides and started to sing along to Knives and Pens.
Alone at last, we can sit and fight
And I've lost all faith in this blurring light,
Stay right here we can change our plight
Storming through this despite what's right
One final fight, for this tonight
Whoa....
With knives and pens we made our plight
Lay your heart down the ends in sight
Conscience begs for you to do what's right
Everyday it's still the same dull knife,
Stab it through and justify your pride
She sang the screamo part regularly though.

Sammie came back upstairs and called Jess and I for dinner. I walked behind Jess down the stairs. At the dinner table I sat between Sammie and Johnny, my brother. I held Sammie's hand and let my other hand sit limply on my leg. I saw Jess "accidentally" drop her for on the ground. We let go of each other's hand and Jess looked mad when she lifted her head up. My mom excused herself from the table to get Jess a new fork. Jess handed her the old fork on her way to the kitchen. When she got back Jess said thanks for the new fork. I grabbed both Johnny and Sammie's hand as my dad said the grace over our food. It was Johnny's favorite dinner. Broiled fish, corn, mashed potatoes, and salad. My mom believed in vegetables. My dad believed in a full meal. I believed in pizza. So did a lot of teenage kids. My parents didn't order take out. Every day we ate inside the house. If we did go out to eat we only went to fancy places. Apparently McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's, and Long John Silver's weren't fancy. Johnny was the only kid that I knew who has never tasted a cheeseburger. He was going to be homeschooled as I was told by my mother. He would get a private tutor. I was already in high school so she said I could stay unless I started hanging with the wrong people. Jess and Sammie weren't the wrong people and those were the only people I hung out with.
Anyways, dinner began. No talking. Just eating. My father and his strict rules. When Sammie and Jess were over he had friendly conversation. He asked about school and our future. Of course always made up some things. I still had no idea what I wanted to be when I go to college. I had some things I was interested in but my dad would never let me do any of those things. I wanted to be a guidance counselor for middle schoolers, and in the summer time be a book writer and get a part time job as a waitress. He wanted me to be something that pays a lot. Like a doctor, lawyer, or a dentist. No thank you. I don't want to look at people's bodies and operate on them. I definitely don't want to pull out someone's tooth and hear them scream at me because it hurts. Why doesn't he get Johnny into the profession when he's young? But the lawyer thing might work. I just don't want clients that lost the case to hunt me down after their days of jail and kill me. Dad assures me that won't happen, but we all know eventually it will.
When we finished dinner my mom announced that dessert would be in an hour because our stomachs would be fully digested by then. Sammie, Jess, and I went back up to my room. I didn't notice that the stereo was still playing. If I was alone my dad would punish me for being stupid. He punishes me the only fashioned way. He puts grits on the floor and makes me kneel in them.

Nah, I’m only kidding. He grounds me like any normal parent does. Whatever I was being stupid for he takes it away. Like he would take my stereo if the music was up too loud, the book I was reading if the title sounded strange or inappropriate. My father never made me stay in the house when I was grounded and he would never take my phone. He was kinda strange like that.
“Okay now really. What going on with you two? I know both of you have been lying to me.” Jess said.
“Jess it’s nothing I swear. Sammie and I will tell you when it’s something.”
“Whatever. I’m leaving. Don’t even think about talking to me until you want to tell me.” Jess said as she grabbed her bag and walked out the room. “Bye Mr. and Mrs. Forman!” I heard her yell. At least she didn’t slam the door behind her.
“What are we going to do? I can’t keep lying to her Sammie. It’s killing me. I’ve never lied to her before.”
“You have too lied.” He accused.
“Neither of you asked if I was emo or if I cut myself.”
“Well we can’t tell her yet. Especially since we don’t know what’s going on with either of us.”
“Well I know what’s about to go on.” I kissed him with no warning. He didn’t seem to care, he just kissed me back. Basically we had a make out session during ‘The Only Exception’ by Paramore. When we were done neither of us could catch a deep breath. Luckily when Sammie and/or Jess were here, no one bothered us. Like I said, my dad trusts Sammie. He used to know he wouldn’t try anything with me or Jess. He will never know until one day I would come home and introduce Sammie as my boyfriend. That wouldn’t be a problem. My father would make Sammie sleep in the basement, which was our hangout zone when we had sleepovers. My dad would also put a chair under my doorknob until 5am. So then again maybe I should never introduce Sammie as my boyfriend until I move out of this place.
Anyway he did knock on the door before he came in.
“Sam, Sara, time for bed. Say goodnight.”
I hugged Sammie until my dad walked away. I immediately pulled backed and kissed Sammie again until I heard more footsteps approaching my door.
“Night Sammie.”
Sammie got up and went to his room across the hall. He closed his door and I suppose got dressed for bed and went to sleep. I did the same and quickly fell asleep thinking of him.