I tell you I remember you, and you look at me as if I’m crazy. I am crazy, but I won’t tell you that, that would be too obvious. I want to seem outstanding and witty. Wonderful and charming. So I can’t tell you the obvious. That would be crazy.

You tell me that you’ve never seen me before in your life, and you give me a strange look with your blue eyes. I laugh it off, and tell you that I must have mistaken you for somebody else. I lied, and you know it, so you just start walking away and I try to follow you, but you’re a fast walker. Unfortunately, we do not have that in common. The crowds of people are heavy, and there is nothing better to do but wish you would come back and talk to me. Talk to the girl who you don’t know.

It’s for-casted that it’s going to rain. The sky appears to be gray, and the wind is tossing the trees back and forth. I really never know what’s going to happen because most things aren’t as they seem, and I know that, but I pull out my umbrella anyway. It’s a Tweety bird umbrella; the one with the painted plastic character on the top that looks rusted and badly molted, but I’ve always loved it. I place it to my side, waiting for my moms red mini van to pull up. Its gets grayer, the breeze gets faster. I feel a small raindrop fall on my nose, and I try to reach my umbrella but I don’t see the point, since now its down pouring and I’m soaked through and through. I hear steps behind me, but I don’t make anything of it, and I stay sitting in the rain that soaks through my jacket. I hear you say then that I’m crazy with a small smile in your voice, and I feel the whoosh of an umbrella opening behind my back. Then there’s no more rain. It’s gone, and even though the sun isn’t shining, I feel bright. I see the gleam of your blonde curls as you sit beside me, ignoring the fact that there was a puddle right where you’ve positioned yourself, and I grin as you tell me that you remember me. You laugh to yourself and I cant help thinking that maybe being crazy isn’t so bad. I’ve never had anyone sit in a puddle for me, after all.

I curse you under my breath as I look in the mirror. You are so beautiful, you and those gorgeous blue eyes and bouncy blonde curls that I could play with and sing Ring Around the Rosy. I curse you even more, as I note my dark brown eyes and straight wisps of brown hair and my simple lack of confidence. I think to myself that maybe a box of hair dye, a perm, and colored contacts could fix this problem. Then I think that maybe I don’t want to look like you. Maybe I just want to hold you, and sing Ring Around the Rosy with you, and have you let me straighten your hair so I wont be that jealous anymore.

You text me in the morning while I’m still asleep. At first, I’m angry. It’s a Saturday, and now I will never be able to get back to sleep. I look down at my phone – guns ready- and you’re name is sprawled across the screen. I’m almost to excited to open it, but I decide that it’s only for the best, and my fingers flip the lid open faster then my mind can think.

“Good Morning.” It read.






My heart thumped so hard, it hurt.
I couldn’t think of anything to say. What did this good morning mean? Could you mean that I secretly love you? Maybe you’re saying that you’re the only one for me. But tell me, how could I possibly respond to you, when I don’t even know what you mean? Then I found myself thinking that maybe men shouldn’t be so complicated. Maybe they should say what they mean instead of making us woman have to wait all day to guess the secret, and in the end, never respond to the text at all.

That night, you text me “Good night.”

I may have been crazy from the start, but now you’re making me insane.

On Monday I come to school with my usual grumpy attitude. My hair tossed into a ponytail, swishing on the back of my head. My t-shirt sticks to my side. I hear the regular clatter of freshman girls, gossiping and freighting about. They tug and pull at their clothes, applying eyeliner to the base of their eyes. All I do is walk in my sweats and t-shirt to my locker and slump down to the floor, my backpack beside me. In fact, I am so tired this morning that I don’t even notice whistling. A soft whistle, and its pretty, I know that. Maybe I thought I was dreaming. But there I see you, grinning down at me with that wide smile of yours. Beautiful, of course. You squat down next to me and you tug at my pony-tail. An overlapping hush in the freshman hallway, like signs of alert going off in every girls head.

… a junior boy has entered the hallway… quick! Grab and run!

You walk me to class. I have discovered the more you whistle, the happier you are. I don’t know why I think this, I just do. But I know I’m right. We walk a few minutes quietly as we hear the minute bell ring, then I ask you what’s been on my mind all morning… you smile at my question. Maybe your smiling at my ignorance, I guess I’ll never know. But you smile, and you tell me that you came by my locker for a certain task. You give me the same look that you gave me when I told you I knew you, daring me to guess. Asking me to guess. And a little cliché, I get it, and like a light bulb it clicks. I lean in slightly, smelling your unwavering scent, and whisper:

good morning

You laugh, and ever so slyly slip your arm around my shoulders.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The TV stays blank. I haven’t even turned it on; I don’t think I will either. My hand creeps to my hair, tugs, then back to my side again. It repeats over and over again, but I guess I tend to repeat. It’s always been my way. I repeat, and repeat, and I wait. I wait, repeat, and wait some more until the slight buzz and regular flash appears on the screen of my phone, and my tugging hands can finally relax enough to touch the piece of dull plastic and read the words. As I read it, I sigh, because I knew what would be on it. You complain of the beautiful girl that you went out with late that night. You tell me that she was just like all the others, that maybe your looking at the wrong group, and that you just cant figure out why you cant find the one. Then you text me again, after I curl my head into my chest, that you’re so lucky that you have such a good best friend like me. I don’t respond. Instead, I stare at the TV screen that I won’t turn on.

I told you, how stupid I was to tell you. I should have kept the thoughts to myself. I should have hid the feelings. You stare at me blankly, through the sheet of snow that falls around our faces in the frigid air. I can see my breathe in the fog, and I can see yours. They flow through the wind in sync with each other. Your eyes match the blue of the ice… I can’t stop staring at your eyes. You don’t’ say anything, and I wish you would. You simply stare, your ice eyes wide and face flushed from what I know isn’t the bitter cold. You back away a few steps, still staring, and whisper you’re sorry. Your eyes grow wider with each word, and you turn your back on me as you sprint away. My scarf flies in the wind, the flap sounding from the whip of the frost, and I watch as you leave. I watch as you run away. Then I fall to the ground, and I never think of looking up to see if you’re watching me too.

I wait for you to text me. I couldn’t do it, I’ve already said a thousand things to you in my mind. I’m waiting for you to do the honors. Let me know that you were wrong, that maybe you could consider me as more then a friend. Maybe you already have. As I wait a write a song. Why not? Maybe one day I will sing it loud and clear in front of a thousand screaming fans. Maybe I’ll make your name the title. When you hear it, you will think of me… that is, if you never text back. But my song turns into a story, and my story turns into two pages, and soon three, then four, and I feel no buzz, and see no light, and I realize that I couldn’t sing my song anyway because I wrote it with pen and the words keep running off the page.

I wake up early this Saturday morning, as I have been for the last sixth months. I search my phone, but I see no good mornings or I miss you’s. That’s when I realize that maybe you really aren’t coming back, so I put my phone back down beside my pillow and I try to fall asleep again. I know I wont, and I know if I do that I won’t want to wake up until I feel the familiar shake upon the side of my head, and I feel my safe life sinking back in, just like it would have been if I hadn’t ruined it.

I keep staring at the note, reading it over and over again in my head. I don’t believe in fairy tales, so this is some joke. Some very sick joke. That’s all it is, I’m sure. But you come up to my locker anyways, resting your arm around my shoulder like every other day, but something is different. Maybe it’s the way your staring at the note that’s still laced in my fingers, or maybe it’s the way your staring at me so nervously and uncertain; Something so different, something so unusual from your usual demeanor that it’s hard to think that maybe this note isn’t some joke that friends play on friends. Maybe fairy tales can come true. I stare at you, and you stare at me, and we both stare at each other, and I gasp as your other arm slips from your side and draws me in closer to your wonderful, familiar scent. Closer and closer, so close now that I feel the small prickles on your chin that I’ve admired for so long, and your lips go against mine as if they belong and we move as if we belong and together I feel we belong. But eventually you break apart, and there goes are togetherness, and the feel of belonging and you slip away down the hall, whistling all the way.

I don’t want you to go.

I realized this,
As I sat on my toilet.
That’s where I tend to do the most of my thinking,
Which may seem perverted,
But it still seems
To get the work done.

I was thinking about you as always.
Thinking about those long kisses
And long hugs.
Thinking about those heated words,
And happy smiles.
All those moments seemed to combine into one,
And I swear to you,
I saw a vision.
I saw you and me together, with a house.
I saw us dancing in the rain,
And in the kitchen.
I saw us making tender love on every surface
But the bed.
I saw us both blanket-hogging
On each opposite side of the mattress
With pinky’s still intertwined.

I don’t want you to go.

It may be a little premature,
Me day dreaming
Of promises that will probably never happen.
It may also be premature
Of feeling the pain
That you’ll make
When you leave.
Maybe its because I know,
If I think to myself
That my hopes of our love
Will grow into not just a flower
But an entire garden where
We can pick and pick
And just keep picking from,
Until old age takes either you
Or me
Away,
I will learn to let go my fear.
And love in replacement.

I don’t want you to go.

Maybe,
When I’ve finished
Thinking, and wiping
Ill realize that one day
You will leave.
My fantasies
Will never come true.
At least not with you.
But I know you will have taught me
What love always was.
And with that,
I will never love alone.

A slight starry night on a pile of grass
A leathery hand that’s sits in my own
Holding on to the moment, I wont let it pass
With the great hollow moon, that lays there alone

Still, I lay here, in the smooth of his side
A slight starry night on a pile of grass
The quiet is whispering un-told’s inside
Holding on to the moment, I won’t let it pass

The chill of a heartbeat, my hand on his chest
Still, I lay here, in the smooth of his side
An ongoing feeling that gives me no rest
The quiet is whispering un-told’s inside.

A sweet scented breeze flitters around
The chill of a heartbeat, my hand on his chest
This passionate longing that speaks not a sound
An ongoing feeling that gives me no rest

A simple night, with only one moon
A sweet scented breeze flitters around
It tugs at my hair, and breaks down the walls
This passionate longing that speaks not a sound

You kiss me when I’m sleeping
:D

And you also play with my toes,
Purposefully taking your socks off
Just because you know
I don’t like feet.
>.<

And you tease me,
Because every little thing that happens
Puts a XD
On my face,
And for some reason,
You find that utterly :P

There are days
Of course,
Where I can’t take it!
Days,
Where I am so >:O
That I shout and scream and pout
For no reason at all!
And all you ever do
Is listen
And :(
And let me sleep on your chest.

…And then you kiss me when I sleep
:D
But there are some reasons that I know I am completely ^_^ with you.


The way you laugh so hard when I trip
Or say something so stupid,
I feel like that’s truly when I know
That I <3 you.

Because no matter how
Stupid
Ridiculous
Or boring I may be.
Your still there
Giving me
:)

The sun was setting that glorious day. The sky was clashing in a weave of red and orange and a slight yellow stretched down below the horizon, creating a dip of
lemon throughout the mass of gray mountains lining against the sky.

Her hair was the color of silver, and it flittered through the winds creating a matted set of curls on her shoulder as she faced the brace of the cold. It blew her lips pink, and frayed her cheeks red, and her face fell golden in the ink of the sun. She looked like a porcelain doll… a beautiful, older version of a porcelain doll.

I scooted my bottom closer to her, feeling the aches of my legs bouncing beside the dirt, and placed my arm on her shoulders. I felt the fleeting frailness of her breath and the crinkle of her skin, and she shrugged beneath me, leaning closer into the leather jacket that etched into my side. I kissed her head and felt her smile… peaceful… so peaceful.
After years of ridiculous fights, and raising children, we had succeeded. Although life may have been unbearable at times, we always had the other’s arms to sink into whenever there was little hope left to settle.
I sunk my cheek into the softness of her skull, and watched as the first twinkle of droplets entered into the darkened sky. We sat in silence; our bottoms clasped to the ground as if dirt had the effect of glue, and listened to the cicadas singing and the slight bust of the wind against the trees.
And as I leaned in to kiss her- my wife, my lover, the darling mother of my children- I realized that the pool of dark splashed upon the clouds would lighten into another day, and give me just a little more time to hold her in my arms.

I like it when
You lay on my shoulder.
The soft silence
Echoes throughout the room.
My blanket is warm,
And it’s wrapped around our bodies
Like the stretch of our clothes
Sticking to our skin
In ninety degree weather.
My hands,
Touch your body.
Softly stroking
Little circles
In your hair
And on your thigh.
I feel your shoulders
Turn from tense
To relaxed.
Your eyes are closed,
Breathing deep and strong.
No words are spoken.
You have fallen asleep
In the comfort of my body.
And my hand continues to stroke,
Like I am singing a lullaby
To a sweet, simple
Sleeping
Child,
With the need to be loved.

“Have you ever eaten Swiss cheese?”

“Yes.”

My hand
Curls inside of yours,
My knees resting on your body.
And our heads sit together,
Noses touching.

“Have you ever worn cherry flavored lip gloss?”

You laugh,
Mold your lips into mine
For a quick second.
Then,
You return
To your earlier position.

“Yes.”

“Have you ever seen an airplane, and thought it was a star?”

“Yes.”

You’re playing
With my curls now.
Brushing them
Off my face
And
Staring intently at the lock
Between your fingers.

“Have you ever seen an elephant and imagined what it would be like as a pet?”

You have that grin,
Where your eyes are smiling.
You look down at the hair
Interlocked in your hands.

“Have you realized you ask a lot of questions?”

I laugh,
Take your hands into mine,
And kiss your nose.

“Yes.”

It’s lukewarm love that melts over me when I first wake up. Like the tantalizing sweetness of the stretch of sunlight
Photo credit: Jordan K., Oxford, GA
in the morning, stirring itself in the folds of carpet, and warming the mold of my body in the velvet overlap I sleep inside. That peace that fills itself inside the silence of the bedroom; The sheer sunshine that presents colors of silver and white, spilling itself on the freedom of my walls and creating dances of patterns. It’s love that overwhelms me, like the rush of the tide. The cold shiny black racing against the bare of my skin knocking me down on my back, and engulfing me in its power and passion.

It carries in the wind, its smell, smothering me with the scent of wild berries. Strawberries, blueberries, raspberries. All fresh, free, and full with the scent of ripe juices, dripping off the end. The scent carries, and it whisks its gusty pleasure, like a hanging curtain, over me. It drapes me in a silk robe, lacing the essence of love in every movement I make.

And it’s only when I think of you, my love, that I feel this innocent and gentle; this indecent and guilty. It is only with you, my dear that I turn from a purple tinted Tulip to a little Lilly. Pink etching every wilted petal, swaying in the bite of the moonlight.

The air is filled with warmth
And sun.
The wind
Is a mixture
Between the smell
Of flowers,
Gasoline
And McDonalds French fires from across the street.
Your hand
Rests on my knee
While your fingers stroke
Little circles,
Almost hypnotically,
Almost distractingly
Across my thigh.

My rearview mirror is turned
In a direction
That I am not looking.
Your hair is
Flying into a mess
And I laugh as I flatten
The specks of brown colored mop
Back onto your forehead.
It just zips back again,
So I keep my hand
By your neck,
Just in case.

Your eyes are
Insanely distracting.
Look!
Red light!
Ill bring them closer to me,
Just so I can kiss you.
Kiss you on your lips,
Then look into your eyes.
I know I should probably look
At the road,
But they are insanely distracting.

I sing along to a song,
And you wont say a thing.
Just listen, calmly,
With that smile of content
Spread across your handsome face,
As if my voice
Really was that important,
As if my voice,
Really was that beautiful
That everything stopped
Just to hear it.

One hand
On the steering wheel,
The other is in your hand,
At your lips.
You kiss one

By one

By one.

Then you kiss my palm,
And we keep driving.

Ill let you
Run your hands
Down it.
My curvy body,
The one you claim
To like
So much.

Ill let you play with it,
Massage it
Stroke it.

Make it feel,
Like it is beautiful.
Make it feel,
Like it is perfect.

I need you
To make me feel
Stupendous
Superior
And skinny.

I need you
To make me feel
Sweet,
Surreal
And scandalous.

All at the same time.
And if you do,

Ill let you
Run your hands
Down it.
My curvy body,
The one you claim
To like
So much.

And I’m kinda nervous

Tongue-tied


Twisted.

And it’s kinda silly

I know.

But I can’t help but blush,

And hear myself giggle

As I see you smile




And move your feet to walk away.



And I’m kinda strange,




With my smile that won’t disappear




With my fast-talking-gibberish




With my dolphin laugh


And I want you to stay.


Maybe I’ll be



…Mature…



And speak of crazy things like

World peace

And the ending of hunger.


But I don’t want to talk about that.


I want to giggle


And tug my hair

And play pretend tickle



Like I would do with my three-year-old sister


Oh… and stare at your face!


…

I wanna do that too…




But I guess those don’t seem promising,

And I guess I don’t seem enduring

And I guess I won’t be taking your hand


And walking down the hallway with you giggling

And tugging my hair

And pretend tickling.

And I guess it’s all just a waste.



But I’m kinda stubborn,

And I don’t want to let you slip
Down that hallway

And hear some other girl

With blue, blue eyes


And straight hair

Giggle at some joke you made that

I should have heard.



And I don’t want to watch you

Smile that dizzying smile

And see some other gir
l
With blue, blue eyes

And straight hair

Look at some sparkle in your eye

That I should have seen.



And I don’t want you to

Take some other hand
And watch some other girl

With blue, blue eyes

And straight hair

Melt at some emotion that I should have felt



And I’m kinda scared



Maybe
What we could have had



Won’t be there tomorrow


Maybe

Those blue, blue eyes

And straight hair,

Might make you giggle


Might make you tug her hair

Might make you tickle.




So I take my chance,

And I slip my palm


(Sweaty, so very sweaty)

Into the base of yours

And I look into your eyes

And see you looking back.


And I think to myself

Maybe I’ll be



…Mature…



And speak of crazy things like
World peace

And the ending of hunger.


Instead


I tug my curly hair
And flash my brown eyes

And I lean over and






Kiss you.




I kiss you

As if walking down that hallway, 

Would mean never seeing you again.
And I think of you telling a joke

That will make me


Laugh.

Or you smiling,

The kind that might

Make me dizzy

Or you taking my hands

And making me melt.



And

I’m kinda surprised

When I realize


That I feel you kissing back.



And your left hand

Sits,

Tugging my hair

And your right hand


Moves

Tickling my side

And your voice growls


Almost like a giggle.



And we break apart

Our breath colliding



Mist mingling together

And I look into your eyes


And see you looking back.

And I’m kinda nervous

Tongue-tied


Twisted.

And it’s kinda silly

I know.

But I can’t help but blush,

And hear myself giggle

As I see you smile.

It's been really long you know.
Long like my silk prom dress
that I wore with you to prom.
Silky and purple...
We barley danced,
But it still whooshed from beneath me,
and I felt beautiful;
and I saw I was beautiful through your eyes.
...
It's been really long you know.
Like our kisses.
Wet, moist, and tough.
Fast, and slow
All combined to an explosion of passion.
And oh, I loved your lips.
They pressed against mine
like nothing else mattered.
...
And it's been really long you know
like the sad silence
that followed the last goodbye kiss.
Trudging down that hallway
As if that goodbye was really going to take its self back.
As if that goodbye was never really
spoken.
...
It's been so long you know,
like the list of things
that I wasn’t worth.
Your time, your amusement
my worthless-ness.
Was I ugly?
Boring?
To stupid to comprehend,
that a man like you could be with me?
...
It's been so long you know,
So long since I have fallen in love
or ever dreamt about it.
It's been so long since I felt arms wrapped around me
that I wanted there.
It's been so long
since I felt someone fit into my mold,
like you did.
But I have,
and it’s been so long
since I’ve felt that.

So finally I'm trusting you
Ill let it go, and think its true
You always seem the same to me
But just for you, ill let it be.

I was scared to tell you, and that is why I didn’t. You would understand if you were in my situation. Even though we took the chance, even though I promised I would never run away from you if, perhaps, something like this did happen, I ran anyway. I know I shouldn’t have, and if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been trapped in that situation, but I was. So I left, took one pair of clothes, and a baby stroller with me.

I took a dead end job as a cashier in McDonalds, washing myself everyday in target to avoid the inevitable grime that came with living in a box. I knew that sooner or later the workers would catch on eventually, if they hadn’t already, but my plan had been working, and my face and hair was always shiny and new. One day I saw you at target, you and your family. You were just shopping around for some video games – as always- and you looked completely the same. Not happy, but not sad. So I figured I made the right choice. Even if the tears had started to water in my eyes, I knew that I had made the right decision, and just as I was about to leave you turned towards my direction. I froze. I thought ‘this is it, this is where we finally see each other again.’ But your eyes stayed downcast, so you never did see my clean face, or my fresh hair. That’s when I walked away, and didn’t look back at everything I knew I was giving up.

McDonalds was getting tiresome as my stomach got bigger. Almost seven months now working so close to home, and no one found me. But I was adapting to life on my own. I was excited, because I had just gotten a one-bedroom apartment, and I had just bought a baby crib and a beautiful blanket. Sure, it was no baby shower, but it was still wonderful to have a roof over my head, and a bed for my baby.

I was clocking out of work, leaning against the counter waiting for some fries to be handed to me when someone said:

“Wow, you’re huge! When are you due?”

I turned around with a smile on my face to answer the woman’s question, but I never had the chance. Your mother and I eyes locked, and she abruptly glared at me coldly and ran out of the restaurant. My manager came out right away, and helped me into a seat. He later told me I had been shaking, so he added a milkshake and a double cheeseburger free of charge to my order, just to make up for it.

I knew it was coming, and I knew it was coming soon. I had been told on my day off that a man had waited the entire day for me, and every hour he would ask if I was there yet. So when I entered the next morning, it was no surprise to see you sitting in a chair, your chin lying calmly on your palm. You were sleeping, your eyes closed to the hum of the early morning. I smiled and sat down next to you, watching you as you slept. My manager glanced my way, but just nodded as I proceeded to slack off. It took fifteen minutes until you finally opened your eyes, but when you did, you only sat their silently gazing at my face and stomach as if you were still sleeping in your dream.

“Is it a boy, or a girl,” you softly asked, your face never changing.

“I’m not quite sure,” I answered back just as quietly, “ I didn’t want to know for some reason, I wanted to be surprised.”

You just nodded slowly at that, your eyes glazing over as you cast them down. We stayed like that for five minutes, never saying a word, until you coughed, sat up and walked over to the seat next to me. You stood there awkwardly for a while, not quite sure of what to do. But when you figured it out, you leaned down into my stomach, cooing to our child as soft sobs crept into my shirt. Then you wrapped your arms around me, placing my head under your chin singing happy songs as you swayed us to the beat.

“Never leave me,” you whispered into my hair.

“Never, ever leave me again.”

I didn’t say anything; I just smiled at the tears creeping down my face and kissed your chin.

“I missed you so much,” I said, leaning over to look into your eyes and smile.

“It hurt so much to be way from you…”

“Good,” you said with a grin, and a rough tone around the edges. “Then next time, when you have something of mine inside of you, you won’t take the two most important things in my life away from me.”

And you leaned down to kiss me as I started to sob, the wet mingling together as our faces collided.

You stand
In the doorway.
Your hands
Sit in your pockets,
Waiting
For the breeze
From crowds
Of walkers
To pass by.
I can tell
You are looking for me.
I sense
You are looking for me.

Come to me

I almost
Here you say.

I am right here.

I know what will happen
Already,
As I step forward.
You smile
With your eyes,
And you pull me in,
Kiss my lips,
Then hug me tight.

“ I was waiting for you, sweetheart.’

You whisper
In my ear.
I grin.


“I know, babe. I know.”

I can sense your smiling,
The way you
Hold my hand tighter
When you
Think I say something cute.
I can almost here you say it.
And it’s one of those times
That I wish you would.

I always will, sweetheart. I always will.