In the morning I woke up to the sound of the circus crews’ yelling. This was the morning they were setting up the big top. I didn’t want to miss it. But the urge to just go back to sleep was unbearable.
“Gonna have to get used to that.” said my bunk mate. I had been put in a bunk with 6 beds that I had to share with 5 girls. Each of them holding their own position in the circus.
“Oh yeah, I plan on it!”
“You’re new here ain’t you?” asked the girl.
“Yeah, I’m Ilona. I was just hired to be part of the equestriennes.”
“Haha, good luck with that. Giovanna over there is a part of it too. Well, in the mean time, I’m Stacy. And, uh, from experience, I’d learn to get used to the yellin’.”
“That seems pretty manageable,” I said, “what do the rest of you do?”
“Well, you already know Giovanna is a part of the equestriennes, or the ‘dressage’ as they like to call it ‘round here, Danielle and Tiny over there are contortionists, and Serafina is an aerialist. I’m an aerialist too, actually.”
“Wow, that’s really amazing.” I couldn’t believe that I was sharing a room with two contortionists and 2 aerialists. “I think I’m going to go watch them set up the big top, are we allowed?”
“Ah, yes you’re a First of May, I forgot. Yeah, go on ahead. I’ve seen it a hundred times.” With that I began to head out the door.
“Hey, First of May? You might wanna stick with Gigi over there if you’re an equestrienne. She meets with Medusa at 10:00, and you probably don’t wanna be late.”
“Okay!” I realized how cheerful that sounded. Would that cheerfulness ware off? Would my excitement of being a part of the circus fade?

I was relieved when I found Jasper watching as the bullhands brought out the elephants to set up the big top.
“Good mornin’ Jasper,” I said stretching.
“Hey! Who’d you get put with?”
“Some pretty interesting people actually.” I responded. “One is a equestrienne like me, two of them are aerialists and the other two are contortionists.”
“What an interesting bunch,” Jasper replied, “if I were here to perform maybe I would have interesting people to tell you about, but I’m just with a buncha guys who work in the midway.”
“The midway?”
“Where they sell the food.” Jasper replied numbly, as if I should have known what it meant. After that there was a fascinated silence as we watched the elephants pull up the big top slowly.
“That’s incredible how that bullhook can control such a giant animal,” I said out of amazement. Then I thought of Mitch. Could that whip be for the elephants?
“Hey, you haven’t seen Mitch out here have you?” I asked.
“No, I haven’t actually. Still wondering what he does I assume?”
“Just a little... I plan on finding out today,” I smiled.
“You go ahead and do that.” Jasper winked. With that, I gave him a hug and said good-bye. I was about to set out on my mission to find Mitch.

I ventured all around. I passed many aerialists and performers practicing. I also passed the ring stock. I stopped for a while and leaned over the fence. I wonder which horse would be mine? Out of all the horses there was one in particular- a black Arabian in fact- who I made a connection with instantly. As he grazed he began to move closer to the fence. I clicked my tongue and stuck my hand out in his direction. He looked up and gracefully wandered over. He was very friendly- a true showman. I petted him gently on his nose and he kicked his foot in the mud, splattering it on my clothes. Well, I can’t say I was to stay completely clean on this job. I put my head on his long nose.
“You’re going to be mine,” I whispered to him. He stood there being as quiet as ever.
CRACK! I jumped. That crack came from a short distance away. It was the crack of a whip. After that I heard growls and the clank of chains. CRACK! There it was again! Some kind of training was going on around the corner. I patted the horse as a signal to continue grazing. I walked curiously to where the sound was coming from. I eventually reached my source. There was a large metal cage, with only a man and a tiger occupying it. The man held only a chair and a whip; the tiger was crouched in the corner ready to pounce, his shoulders tense. With a mighty roar, the tiger leaped. The trainer cracked his whip on the ground and lurched the chair forward. As I examined the trainer, I saw a head of familiar blond hair. Mitch! Oh my goodness, this was Mitch’s job?! That’s what he uses the whip for?! I was awestruck. I couldn’t do anything but stand at the gate and watch. Here was Mitch, locked in a cage with an animal that could eat him alive if he tried hard enough. I coughed, trying to get my self out of the daze. Mitch turned around.
“There’s the horse princess,” he said smiling as he stepped out the cage carefully, “I told you that you were soon to find out what I’m all about.”
“A tiger tamer?”
“Yes ma’am. Started out as a candy butch, moved my way up to this. The Marv saw my ability to be aggressive, so he locked me up in a cage with a 500 pound beast and gave me nuthin’ but a whip and a chair to defend myself. This ‘ventually came my trait.”
“Wow, I just can’t believe it. I mean, you’re so young, don’t you worry about getting eaten alive?” As soon as I finished asking, he pulled a shotgun out of his pocket.
“Use if necessary,” Mitch said like it was some kind of advertisement. “They give me this sucker case the big cat decides to eat me. Don’t you gotta meet wit’ Medusa?”
“Yeah, 10:00.”
“9:50 right now. You better get goin’. I gotta get workin’ anyways ‘cause if the Marv comes by and I ain’t workin’, that means hell is ‘bout to let loose.”
“Okay, well I’m glad I got to see what you do.”
“Drop by anytime sweetheart, I’ll be here all week,” Mitch said enthusiastically.
“Sure will!”
“Hey, before you go, you think we could meet up. I mean I know you’re busy and I’m pretty busy, but maybe tonight we could talk some? I wanna get to know you.”
“Okay,” I smiled, “sure, I’m not doing anything so far. See you tonight.” I turned around and my spine chilled. Mitch wanted to talk! Not only have I earned a friend and a paying job, but also a possible boyfriend who tames tigers!

I finally came to Medusa’s trailer. Painted on the front of her trailer was a pegasus carrying a scantily clad woman- whom I was assuming was Medusa, or Madame Medusa, as the sign on her door read. Behind her trailer was a huge pullout fence, which was used for the training. I walked around to the fence and saw all the girls warming up. There was Giovanna. I figured I’d probably get to know her best.
“Hey, is Medusa around?” I yelled to Giovanna.
“Yeah, right through there. She’s waiting for you I think.” I thanked her and walked to the front of Medusa’s trailer. I climbed the small steps and knocked on the door. The door crept open slowly. The woman standing in front of me was a site to be seen. She had flowing black hair that hung to her waist. She wore lots of makeup, not the kind that is caked on, btu the kind that has been blended so well you can hardly tell it was makeup. And this woman had purple irises that were enchanting. Everything about this woman was enchanting. She really was how you would think of the Medusa in Greek mythology before she was cursed.
“You must be Ilona?” asked Medusa in a stern Italian-accented voice.
“Um, yes, I was wondering if I-”
“Yes, I already know. You’re late you know?” Darn, this is what Mitch warned me of!
“Yes I know I’m sorry this is just-”
“You wanna be a part of the equestrians am I right?”
“Well, yes that’s what I was hoping.”
“Follow me and I’ll take you to the horses.” Medusa walked on the muddy grass in bare feet as I followed. Medusa walked me to the ring stock where I had seen the black Arabian. With a click of Medusa’s tongue, that same Arabian trotted over to the fence. She whispered something in Italian to the horse as she placed her forehead on his nose.
“This is Soleil. She will become your show horse and your new best friend. You will do everything with her and train hard with her. She’s yours.” Medusa put on the bridle and lead Soleil out the fence.
“She’s so beautiful,” I said quietly.
“She’s also a good show girl. Now, I’ll take you back to trailer so you can show us what you can do.” This is when the nerves started to bounce. I’d remembered the girls in the circus doing this, and with my experience in the actual field and horse riding I should be able to do it right? Could I remember anything from those lessons?
“Come on in, show us what you’ve got!” Medusa said as she motioned for me to enter the ring. All of the other equestrians lined the edge of the fence with their horses. They all stared questioningly. I could tell what every single one of those girls was thinking. Can she do it? Even though all these circus people liked to call me First of May, I was ready to prove them wrong. I guessed that Soleil knew what to do- he was the master in this case. I put one leg over the horse and mounted. My palms sweated as I held on to the reins. I clicked my tongue and dug my heel in her side. I strategically placed my hands on the front of the saddle and pushed myself up into a full handstand. Soleil trotted gracefully around the fence. She really did know what she was doing! Okay, got through one stunt without killing myself! As I sat I tried to remember another trick I’d learned. I pushed off of Soleil’s neck and stood on her back. Carefully I brought my leg over my head. I squatted gracefully back down. Then I remembered the toughest act I had learned as a rider. I gracefully stood myself up on Soleil’s back and balanced myself.1....2....3! I back-flipped in midair and landed just as planned; right on Soleil’s back where I started. I sat back on Soleil and tapped her flank with my heel. Soleil went from a trot to a walk as we circled the arena once more. I dismounted and bowed; smiling because I knew I had done well. Every equestriennes’ jaw hit the dirt as I looked around.
“What did you say your name was?” asked a very surprised Medusa. She laughed to herself then clapped. Then the other girls started to clap.
“Um... thank you?” I said.
“Darling, there’s no need for that suspicion in your voice! You’re hired!”
“Thank you!”
“Now, don’t get so excited,” Medusa warned, “every girl in in this arena can tell you the same words I’m about to tell you. you are in love with your job. You are to train 24/7. You are not to arrive late to practice. You are not to miss a show. You’re one of the equestriennes’ now. You have to think and breathe like one. If you do not perform well or fall off your horse during a show, you’re off. And there will not be any excuses around me! This is your life now, so take it seriously. Can you do this? If you can’t I want you to leave this arena this instant.” All the girls watched me curiously, waiting for me to either leave or stay in the arena.
“I can’t leave. I’m a part of the equestriennes now,” I replied.
“That’s what I like to hear.” Medusa grinned. “Okay girls, time for practice, That means you too, Ilona.” All the girls hustled and bustled around. I did the same knowing that I would do this every day until the end of my circus days.

Later in the day it was time for me to meet with Mitch. We had agreed to meet right under the big top- there wasn’t a show tonight so we had the place to ourselves. As I made my way through the curtain of the big top I saw Mitch sitting by himself directly in the center of the middle ring. I couldn’t help but laugh. As I laughed he looked up and smiled.
“Best seat in the house, princess.” Mitch smiled.
“For sure it is,” I said back. “Couldn’t have gotten a better one!”
“Come take a seat.” Mitch patted the ground next to him and a cloud of dust rose in the air. I walked over to where he had pointed and sat.
“This is where I’ll be in a few days,” Mitch sighed looking around the tent, “oh yeah, how’d the thing wit’ Medusa go?”
“Well. they were kind of stunned actually. I did pretty well. And Medusa hired me then gave me rules.”
“You heard the rules? Yeah, Medusa is a hard woman, I’’ll give ‘er that. But once you start working with her you’ll love her. Sure you may not love all the training involved, but she’s good people. If you made a good first impression on her, she’ll love ya forever anyway.”
“That’s good,” I replied back, “I just did what I remembered. I was kinda taking a risk.”
“Why you say that?”
“Because I haven’t done it in so long. I mean, I knew what to do and how to do it, but it’s been a while since I’ve done it.”
“I gotcha,” Mitch shook his head, “oh, I forgot, I brought ya somethin’.” From next to him he pulled out a red rose.
“Wow, thanks.” I said. “I’ve only been here a day!”
“I know, but ya gotta make friends early in this business before you make enemies first.” There was a small silence as I sat there and looked at the rose.
“A tiger tamer?” I asked finally. “How did you make it? Why did you wanna do it?”
“Well, ya know, a man’s gotta make money. I started here at 16 and I’m still here. I had this fascination, ya know. Saw them men workin wit’ them animals and told myself I would get there someday. One day, ‘bout two years ago, the best trainer was killed. I’m not gonna tell the whole story ta gross ya out, but you prolly know what happened. They needed someone to take his place. The Marv saw potential in me. Threw me in the cage wit’ nothin’ but a chair between me and that giant animal. I tried hard- and got there. Now it’s my job. I love doin’ it, ain’t got eaten in two years, so I figure I’m pretty square.”
“That’s amazing,” I said, “I can’t believe that doesn’t scare you to death. Just the thought of being locked in a cage with something that big scares me to pieces.”
“It was hard at first, but ya gotta get used to it if it’s gonna be your job. So you and the horses? You say you’ve had experience?”
“Yeah, just when I was younger. The equestriennes were always my fascination at the circus when I was little. I talked about them all the time. So that was that, my parents signed me up for lessons. I took them until I was about 14.”
“You say you’re 17 now?” Mitch asked.
“Yeah, it’s been a while, but it came back to me when I was on Soleil.”
“Beautiful,” Mitch replied, smiling. “Listen, I’ve been here since I was 16 and you’re jus’ joinin’, so imma tell you the secrets and tips of life in the circus.”
“Okay,” I laughed, “but it’s a circus.”
“Exactly, ma’am. Circuses may be fun to watch, but behind the scenes this place can be living hell.”
“Okay, tell me everything you know!” Mitch then went into telling me everything he was told when he joined the circus. It would take forever to tell you absolutely everything he said. He told me that elephants are very dangerous. When he joined the circus he thought the elephants would be the easiest to work with. But after being here almost 6 years, he had learned that elephants are often more dangerous than the tigers he works with. He told me that he clowns are not fun and dandy like you see in the ring. When show time is over, they are drunk most of the time. They are mean and dirty, too. Mitch also warned me not to mess with the little people because they carried around knives. If you made fun of them being short, your throat was most likely to be sliced. Mitch also warned me of the most crucial rule of being a First of May- and that was don’t trust anyone. He told me that the circus is tricky business. You have to learn from experience and learn through others’ actions.
“I’m warning you of this, but we’ve been telling each other our life stories!” Mitch laughed.
“I know you’ve said not to trust people, but I feel like I can trust you.”
“I’m glad,” Mitch said, “just out of curiosity, I was wonderin’ if ya wanted to come meet the tigers?”
“Oh my goodness, yes! I’d love to!” I was officially excited! I got to meet the tigers!
“Now I’m telling you this from experience, if you remain calm ‘round these fellas, they will be less tempted to rip you to shreds.”
“That’s reassuring!”
“Well, I’m just tellin’ ya, ‘cause if you’re good enough we may be able to let ya pet one of ‘em. They’re all girls, by the way.”
“Why all girls?”
“It’s just like the elephants. The females are willing to work with you and give you a chance, the males are so dominant the only thing they wanna do is fight. They just ain’t trainable. And the same thing goes for the elephants.” As we rounded the corner we came upon 10 metal cages. Each cage held one beautiful beast after the next. Some were white, some were orange.
“Oh my goodness.” I said out of disbelief.
“Beauties, aren’t they?” Mitch turned to one of the cages. “Hello, Iron Maiden. How’s my girl?!”
“Iron Maiden?”
“This is my girl, been with her since she was a cub. I raised her and made her strong. I taught her her first set of tricks. She also remains to be my most loyal cat.”
“She’s huge! How old is she?”
“She’s about 3 years old now. She is also prolly one of our biggest. Come on I’ll show you the rest.” Mitch led me by the hand through the rest of the cages. There were 10 tigers- Houdini, Niia, Elektra, Shilo, Vixen, Gremlin, Teagan, Steel Beauty, Precious, and Mitch’s award winning cat, Iron Maiden.
“They’ve all ‘come my best friends here,” Mitch sighed, “since you can’t trust nobody, I figure I can trust these animals. At the same time I’ve been told not to. Just when you think you have each others love, you turn your back on them and boom! one of them could write the end of the story for ya.”
“I think they are marvelous.” I said. “After this, I wish I had someone to share my love with like that.” Mitch turned and looked at me.
“You ain’t got a lover?”
“No, sir. Been wishin’ for it though. Every day.” After that being said, the next thing I knew, Mitch’s lips were pressed against mine in a soft kiss. It was like a dream that I had been wishing for my whole life. I kissed back living so fully in the moment. In this day and a half of being in the circus I had made friends, fulfilled my dream job as an equestrienne, and shared my first kiss. So there we were, kissing amongst our audience of tigers.
“Where did that come from?” I asked after he pulled away.
“Love at first sight.” Mitch replied. “I was so glad to see your face walking in that caravan. I finally found someone here to love- other than the big cats that is.” All I could do was smile and just hug him. Mitch’s arms around me made me feel safe. He had gained lots of muscle, working with the tigers. I knew no one could hurt me here with Mitch around me.
“You wanna meet Iron Maiden, face to face?” Mitch finally asked looking down on me.
“I would love to meet her.” Mitch pulled away and reached in his pocket. He pulled out the ring of keys that held a key to each individual tiger cage. He fingered through the keys finding the one that unlocked Iron Maiden’s cage. He carefully opened the cage and placed the muzzle over her mouth. Mitch then clicked his tongue and iron maiden hopped down from her cage. I stepped back cautiously, unaware of what might happen. All she did was come sniff my feet and flop down on the ground making a strong thud!
“She wants you to pet ‘er! Go on!” Mitch bent down first and rubbed her belly as she rolled around in the grass. I followed Mitch’s actions and bent down slowly to pet her. I gently patted her on the head, eventually getting used to her.
“She does like you,” said Mitch, “I told you she was a sweet girl.” The three of us sat there on the grass for what seemed like forever. Not once did Iron Maiden ever try bite or claw. She was as calm as a house cat.
“I think it’s time for us to say goodnight to Iron Maiden,” Mitch warned.
“Okay.” I pet her one last time. Before Mitch put her back in her cage, he tapped his lips with his index finger and Iron Maiden gave him a kiss. He closed her cage and grabbed my hand.
Mitch and I eventually reached my trailer.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” I said quietly.
“Yeah,” Mitch smiled back as held my hands in his, “get plenty of rest though. Tomorrow will be the day that everyone starts serious training. And you only have a week to learn your routine.” He pulled me close and kissed me again.
“Goodnight, princess.” Mitch said like he had the night before. I watched him walk into the darkness. I got in my trailer and looked around. My five bunkmates had seen it all.
“An equestrienne and a tiger trainer. How romantic!” Giovanna said. All the girls began to laugh. I knew these girls would become my new best friends.

The next morning, the sounds of all the girls rushing around woke me up.
“Wake up, sleeping beauty, we gotta get to our practices in 30 minutes!” Stacy yelled over all the hustle. I threw the covers off myself and rushed to get dressed. I really couldn’t be late. Not after my good first impression on Medusa. Giovanna grabbed my hand and pulled me.
“Where are you taking me?!”
“You don’t have any time to do that stuff. We gotta get our horses tacked and have already warmed up by the time Medusa walks out of her trailer!” Sheesh, this was already a hassle! Barefoot, I found Soleil in the horse trailer and drug her out. I watched Gigi as she tacked her horse and did whatever she did. We both joined the other girls in the arena and did our stretching. The back door to the trailer flung open and Medusa walked out slowly.
“You’re a little behind, but that is okay because we must talk business before we get down to practicing.” said Medusa sternly. “Now, with much thought last night I have decided to do something I do very rarely. Ilona, step forward please.” I walked to where Medusa was standing. “Now, Ilona showed great initiative yesterday during her tryout and I was pleased. She proved to be very passionate about this even on her first try, which is exactly what I’m not seeing from some of you. Therefore; I’ve decided to give Ilona a solo act.” Many of the girls gasped. Giovanna smiled at me and I knew that she wasn’t jealous like everyone else. “That being said, her first performance will be this Saturday night, the opening night. We will train hard. But I will train harder and longer with Ilona. Now, everyone on your horses. That is all for announcements. Ilona you may go back to Soleil.” I walked back over looking at the ground in disbelief.
“Ilona!!!!!” Giovanna squealed. “You did it!!!!! Medusa officially loves you!!!!!”
“Is this good or bad,” I gulped out.
“It’s great! But this means you’ll just have to practice more than the rest of us, but it will come to you so fast you won’t believe it.” Giovanna mounted her horse and I did the same.
“Here we go Soleil,” I whispered in Soleil’s ear. This ride was about to get tough!

I had officially been with the circus for a week. I practiced almost 24/7, except when it was lunch and when I had an hour break in the evenings. Every night, that one hour break I had was spent talking to Mitch and playing with Iron Maiden. I told Mitch about my solo act in the equestrienne act and he rewarded me with a kiss. The three of us would watch the stars as we talked about circus life. He told me about his day of training the tigers and I told him about how Medusa could be so serious it was funny. This particular night was the night before my first performance.
“Are you nervous?” I asked Mitch as I lay in his arms.
“Not one bit,” he replied, “after 6 years you get kind of used to those stage lights. But I know you’re nervous. You ain’t gotta be. Medusa done moved you up in just a day of being here. You’re gonna do fine, princess.” He leaned down and kissed the top of my head.
“Medusa told me if I mess up, I’m out.”
“She says stuff like that most ‘a the time and it ain’t ever happened.” Mitch looked at his watch. “We gotta say goodnight to Iron Maiden again.”
“Good night, old girl.” I said patting her on the head. She moaned sleepily as Mitch pulled her up. Mitch did as he usually did- tapped his lips and received a kiss from Iron Maiden. Mitch locker had cage and grabbed my hand. He walked me back to my trailer and we kissed good night.
“Good night princess. Get good rest for tomorrow’s show.”
“I will.” We kissed again and I walked into the trailer. All the other girls were already asleep early getting good rest for the show. I quickly changed into my sleeping gown and climbed into bed. Tomorrow was show time.

I woke up early again that morning. It was the same song and dance. You got up, got your horse, warmed up and simply waited for Medusa to come out on her own time. Medusa would then take me away separately to train specifically for my solo while she left an assistant trainer with the others. The other girls only had to memorize one routine- I had to memorize two. With so much practice, I did get it down very quickly. With only a few hours left ‘til the big show, I practiced hard. During my lunch break I met up with Jasper who I hadn’t been able to talk to much due to my busy schedule. I told him everything. My job boost, the friends I’ve made, and I also told him everything about Mitch. After lunch I continued to practice. At 3:00 it was time for a costume fitting, then after that, another hour of practice.
“Ilona!” Medusa called from the fence. She had left me alone for a while to practice by myself. “Come on, it’s time to get into your costume!” Here it was. The time that all this practice would come to good use. It was almost show time. I dismounted Soleil and led her to the gate. I was to give Soleil to the assistant trainer, Giselle, while Medusa came with the girls to approve of the costumes. All the equestriennes migrated to the costume trailer. We all squeezed into our little costumes and came out of the dressing rooms in a bunch. Medusa put her hand over her mouth. which could mean a) she loves them or b) she despises them. It was silent.
“You like them Madame Medusa?” asked Daisy, the costume designer.
“These are..... absolutely stunning!” Medusa finally shouted. All of us cheered!
“It’s time to get this show on the road!” Medusa shouted again.


Before the show, Mitch and I had agreed to meet in front of the ticket stand to wish each other luck. We were assigned to wait in our trailers until we got the cues from the circus workers to wait behind the curtain. As I stood in the warm May air I watched multiple families come in with their children. Before the circus, families had the opportunity to come look at the animals and explore the circus grounds. There was also a petting zoo set up. Medusa told me that sometime I would take Soleil to the petting zoo before the show to let the kids see.
“That princess is easy to find!” Mitch yelled as he shoved through the crowd of excited children. “You look very nice, equestrienne!”
“You look nice too, honey!” And he really did. Mitch wore a black shirt with golden encrusted designs, and red pants that came up above his waist. He looked stunning, especially for the act he was about to do.
“You will be blown-away at what I got these tigers to do! I’ve been workin’ harder since Iron Maiden is my star. This is really her first year of performin’. Last year she was still too young and only performed for some of the shows. I’m real impressed that I got all ten of these galls to work wit’ me!” You couldn’t help but be happy for Mitch. The way he talked, anyone could tell that this was his passion. As excited as I was for him, there was also a twinge of nervousness that tugged at my stomach. Mitch, her boyfriend, was about to be locked in a cage with ten tigers with a live audience of about 200 people. What if one of the tigers freaked out with all the noise and just couldn’t take it anymore?
“Well, good luck Mitch! I’ve gotta go meet up with the girls and get Soleil, then we’ll be in the opening, but after that we have to go back to our trailer. But we are going to be called before you go on so then I’ll be back to watch you perform.”
“When is your act?”
“Right after yours.” We kissed goodbye and I walked back to the gathering area. Behind the curtain everyone lined up. Clowns, animal masters, little people, the freaks, aerialists, equestriennes and the “elephant girls” as I liked to call them.
“Oh, Ilona, there you are!” Medusa ran up to me. “Giselle has Soleil right over there. Go get her, quickly, Marvin is about to go out on stage!” I rushed to Giselle and mounted Soleil. Soleil was beautifully dressed in her circus attire, a true show girl indeed. I got in my position that I was told to go in during dress rehearsal. I could make out Marvin walking into the center ring with the spotlight shining on him.
“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! BOYS AND GIRLS! I WELCOME YOU TO THE GUISEPPE-PAPPACIO BROTHER CIRCUS OF 1944! THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH!” That was our cue. Everyone let loose from behind the curtain. The elephants were first. The clowns didn’t follow far behind. In front of the equestriennes, Mitch walked out with two tigers (Iron Maiden and Elektra I assumed) on chains, waving and making the tigers stand up on their hind legs. Then it was our turn. The first time I would ever be in front of a circus audience. We strode out into the lights of the ring. Waving and smiling at the audience, I could see Jasper standing between the rows with his carton of candy and cotton candy. He winked at me and gave me a thumbs up. I smiled back. The cheering of the crowd was incredible. What a rush it was being in front of a circus audience, doing what I’ve dreamed of most. The music blared from the old beat up speaker system as we all did our individual routines. The elephants sat on their big pedestals. Mitch had his two tigers standing on pedestals too. Our horses reared up as the opening came to an end. The music finished and we all held position. The crowd cheered and gave us a standing ovation. From the wink that Giovanna gave me I could tell that we had done pretty well. The circus crew rushed all the acts out of the ring. By this time we were back on our way to our trailer.
“Girls, that was beautiful, but Megan and Tasha I’ll have to speak with you after the show.” This didn’t sound good.
“When Medusa says she needs to speak with someone after the show, that usually means they aren’t coming back tomorrow,” Giovanna whispered to me. Great, that was reassuring.


About an hour later, the equestriennes were called to line up outside the curtain. With that, it also meant it was time for Mitch’s performance. Luckily, I was at the front of the equestrienne line which meant I had a good view. The circus crew set up the heavy metal cages and the tunnel that lead from the tiger kennels to the ring. Mitch waited patiently for he crew to finish before unlatching the gate.
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!” Mitch said in his best announcer voice. “I am Mitch Carrington, your tiger trainer and father to these loving animals! Now, tonight, I will be showing you numerous tricks that my cats have learned, none of which should be tried at home. And I certainly hope you don’t know a tiger to try them on!” The crowd laughed. “Right now I will be bringing out two of my best cats, Iron Maiden and Elektra.” Iron Maiden and Elektra walked out of the tunnel. The crowd gasped when they saw these animals.
“Over here, Iron Maiden!” Mitch called. Elektra climbed onto her pedestal while Iron Maiden came to Mitch.
“Give me a kiss, beautiful girl!” Iron Maiden hopped up, placing her paws on Mitch’s shoulder and kissed him on the lips. The crowd laughed and clapped.
“Now, we’ll bring out two more of these cats!” Gremlin and Steel Beauty climbed out of the tunnel. The number of cats was getting bigger. Mitch commanded them to come to the middle of the ring. He then called Iron Maiden and Elektra to join them. Gremlin and Steel Beauty stood while Iron Maiden and Elektra climbed on their backs. Mitch raised his arms in the air, which also raised Iron Maiden and Elektra. They placed their paws in his hand. They formed a small pyramid. The crowd clapped with amusement. Mitch hurried all 4 tigers back to their pedestals.
“Bring me some more!” Mitch yelled. Two more tigers- Teagan and Houdini- appeared in the ring. Teagan did as she was commanded, Houdini wasn’t cooperating. Houdini growled at Mitch, swiping his paw in his direction. Mitch stepped back calmly and I noticed that he had his hand on his shotgun in his pocket. Mitch cracked his whip and Houdini backed away cautiously. This was becoming too much to bear.
“Now, when I said bring me more, I meant BRING ME MORE!” In that instant, the last four tigers appeared out of the tunnel! Everyone gasped. Mitch was now alone in the ring with 10 tigers. Any minute I would pass out.
“All of you beasts, right here!” Mitch tapped his whip on the ground in front of him. All the tigers moved to the middle. With a raise of Mitch’s whip, every tiger stood on his hind legs forming a tall, striped circle. Mitch lowered his whip and bowed.
“Now, all of these girls will show you how to jump through a hoop.” The circus crew member handed him a giant hoop. “Now, you see this hoop. It is almost 7 feet high. My tigers will jump from one pedestal, through this hoop, and to the pedestal on the other side. Come on Niia, show them how it’s done!” Niia jumped on the first pedestal and jumped through to the next pedestal. This progressed into a relay- there was a tiger jumping consistently through the hoop to the next available pedestal. Finally, it was the last jump. Iron Maiden soared through the hoop and landed on the last pedestal. Mitch threw the hoop on the ground and cheered. The crowd went wild.
“Girls, get in the middle. Gremlin, Iron Maiden, come on!” Mitch raised his whip again, making all the tigers stand on their hind legs again. With this he made each tiger perform a trick before being allowed to leave the ring. Iron Maiden waited last.
“One last kiss baby girl!” Mitch proclaimed. Iron Maiden did the same as the first time, jumping on his shoulders and placing her lips against his.
“Everyone give those girls a hand!” Mitch said to the audience. Mitch bowed and the audience cheered louder. He waved and left the ring.
“Girls, get into positions this is our go!” Medusa yelled amongst the chatty equestriennes. We all mounted our horses and got into position.
“Now, ladies and gentlemen, you are about to see some of the most famous show girls in circus history. I introduce you to the equestriennes!” Marvin announced. That was our cue. All of us jabbed our heels in our horses sides and ran to the ring. We waved and smiled. All of the horses lined up in the center ring. Giovanna and her horse, Trixy, were in the center and the two of them started our routine. Each of our horses trotted amongst the 3 rings as we did our tricks. I stood on Soleil’s back and kicked one leg in the air. Following that we had to ride along side our partner and put one of our feet on their horse. The crowd was already amazed. The the surrounding lights went black and the spotlight was in the center of the ring as our horses came to a stop. I knew this was my time. Soleil and I galloped in the spotlight. In the shadows I could see the other horses line the two outside rings. I dismounted and bowed before the crowd as the soft music began to play. I bowed in Soleil’s direction, which was the signal for her to bow as well. She kneeled on his front legs and waited for me to climb on. I stood on her back and tapped my foot on her rear. She then rose back up into standing position. Soleil trotted gracefully around the ring as I maneuvered myself carefully. I grabbed my right calf and pulled my leg above my head, trying so hard not to lose balance. Okay, Ilona you made it through the first move. I sat back down getting myself ready to go into a handstand. I gently threw my legs over my head and did splits in midair. The crowd ooh!d and ahhhh!d. Then it was time for my last trick. I lowered myself back into a sitting position before I had to dismount. When I dismounted, Soleil still trotted at the same pace around the ring. I braced myself for one of the most dangerous circus acts. I ran and jumped on Soleil’s back doing a complete back flip, landing on the ground on the other side of her. I landed with both feet firmly on the ground with my arms stretched into my favorite pose. The crowd stood on their feet, cheering, whistling and clapping for me. I could have never felt more proud of myself. I looked around the stadium I saw Jasper standing in the nosebleeds smiling down at me. I looked to the curtain and saw Medusa, Giselle and Mitch standing there is shock of how well I’d done. All the other equestriennes clapped vigorously and their horses reared. I had to admit- I put on a pretty good show. I bowed and motioned Soleil to bow along with me. I walked back to the curtain with Soleil’s reins in my hand. I saw Medusa’s approving smile. Mitch grabbed me and kissed me.
“Congratulations,” he whispered in my ear. “No one in circus history has put on a better show.”
“Thank you!” I replied. I walked up to Medusa. She grabbed my hands in hers.
“You were a hit!”
“Thank you!”
“Now, this means less practice for the rest of the weekend until we travel to our next destination. Then practice will be stepped up. You understand?”
“Yes ma’am!”
“You’ve done well. Now darling, go rest.”
“I will.” Mitch grabbed my hand and with that we were off.
“Incredible!” Mitch wailed. I looked back at the lit up big top. That big top would become my hall of fame after tonight.

The whole circus routine finally began to set in. The weeks went by, every day just like the last. Got up, trained, lunch break, trained some more, had an hour break with Mitch, went to bed. By my third week in the circus I was known all over the country for my outrageous act. I can’t say I didn’t like it- it required a tremendous amount of work to hold that position but I was willing to work for it. Mitch and Jasper were both my biggest supporters. Jasper gave me advice and Mitch congratulated me on everything I did. Medusa was pleased with me as well. I was her first equestrienne to be known countrywide. People said she was stern, but she was never stern with me. I was her star after all! I had almost been in the circus for a complete month. The relationship between Mitch and I grew stronger by the day. I loved it. Every night we went to see Iron Maiden. By now I had gotten a chance to meet a few of the other tigers up close, but Iron Maiden was the one who held a place in my heart. And she held a place in Mitch’s heart as well. He trained her daily and always talked about her. I liked to tease Mitch and say that Iron Maiden was ‘his other girl’. Our designated meeting spot was directly in the center ring under the big top- except for the nights we had a show. We would meet there and do our rounds. We wove our way through all the trailers and the cages. We circled around the training grounds and the fields until we came to the tiger cages. Then we spent what seemed like days under the stars talking to each other and Iron Maiden. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I can’t even begin to tell you how in love Mitch was with these tigers. Every day he opened Iron Maiden's cage his face began to glow. He was always happy when he was around the tigers.

The day came that I had officially been in the circus for three months. Not only was this day celebrating three months in the circus, but also the day Mitch and I had been together for three months. We were now in a small town outside of Chicago, so I was fairly close to the city. When I had free time I went to the city and bought a few things for Mitch to celebrate our three month anniversary.

I woke up that day feeling so alive. I finally felt like I was a part of something, and had been for a while. I looked at the clock- ugh 6:30! ‘Just go back to sleep’, I thought to myself. I couldn’t though, knowing that today would be such an exciting day. I threw off the covers and slipped into my training clothes.
“Good mornin’, beauty!” Giovanna said cheerfully, whipping my rear end with a towel. “You’re up at 6:30 instead of two minutes before practice! Big day or somethin’?”
“Well, today marks my third month in the circus. And the day Mitch and I have been together for three months.”
“I see,” Giovanna said as she threw her hair into a ponytail, “that Mitch is a keeper! You doing anything to celebrate? Besides just bein’ together for an hour tonight?”
“Ain’t sure yet. I bought Mitch a couple of things in the city. I’m just glad we aren’t celebrating with a show!”
“Oh, that is a blessing ain’t it? Ugh these shows are gonna be the hardest ‘cause more people show up when we are outside the city.”
“Yeah.” I agreed. “Gotta get goin’! See you at practice!”
“Ight, see ya!” I leapt out the door with a kick in my step. Today was going to be good.

At lunch I was on my way to find Mitch. I had gone back to the trailer to gather the things I had bought Mitch. I had bought a stuffed tiger and a box of chocolates. Yes, indeed, I did get paid pretty well being an equestrienne. I walked around the circus grounds looking for Mitch because we hadn’t set a specific meeting spot. As I neared the horse trailers, I heard the sound of grass rustling behind them. I peeked around the corner quietly. One of the aerialists, named Margaret, was kissing one of the circus boys. But when I looked at the boy, I recognized that shaggy blond hair. Mitch. I could have thrown up. I just stood there in disbelief. After standing there for what seemed like ages, Margaret's’ eyes widened. She let go of Mitch and stared at me. Mitch was speechless and his jaw hit the ground! I couldn’t do anything but cry. I threw everything I had for Mitch on the ground and stomped off.
“Ilona, baby, I can explain!” Mitch yelled. “Baby, come back!” I could have sworn steam was coming out of my ears. I heard footsteps not far behind mine. I thought it was Mitch so my walk turned into a run. The feet were still tracking behind me.
“Go away!!!!!!” I finally yelled. I reached my trailer and slammed the door shut. I lay on my bed and sobbed. Just when I had someone to love, he loved someone else, other than the tigers.
“Ilona, I can explain!” A female voice yelled as she knocked on the door. Margaret. “Come on, can we talk?” I only got up because the urge to punch her was so strong. I swung the door open.
“What do you want?” I asked through my tears.
“Ilona, I can tell you everything.”
“Well talk I don’t feel like standin’ here all day!”
“Ilona, none of what you saw was Mitch’s fault.” I couldn’t believe this already. “Ever since you’ve been dating him I’ve been slightly jealous. I wasn’t crazy ‘bout the fact that you came in here and took him. So, I decided I was going to throw myself on Mitch just to see what would happen. But I had seen how much he loved you. Even when you ain’t around he talks about you. So, Ilona, don’t be mad at-”
“He was kissin’ back, Margaret,” I said through my gritted teeth.
“I know, Ilona, but that was because I threw myself on him. What you saw ain’t really what you seen. Mitch was not kissin’ back. I was doin’ all the kissin’! Ilona I can’t tell you how sorry I am for this. At first I was so focused on doin’ this but now that I done it I can’t tell you how sorry I am. So, if you’re going to hate anyone in this scenario it’s gotta be me.”
“You promise me he wasn’t kissin’ back?” I asked with a tight fist.
“I promise you. I take the blame for everything and I understand if you hate me now.” True, I would be mad at her from now on, but her honesty was just so appealing.
“Margaret I can’t hate you. The way you been so honest just now. I can’t hate you because you told me the whole truth.” I gave Margaret a hug. “I know you did what you done, but I’m glad to hear that you are truly sorry.”
“I am! And I want you to forgive Mitch!” Margaret proclaimed. “I’m not sure where he is though.”
“The big top.” I always knew where Mitch was when he was stressed. Being under the big top calmed his nerves surprisingly. That’s why he loved being under the spotlight with his cats- being in front of everything made him feel powerful. I hugged Margaret goodbye, also reassuring her that I didn’t hate her, and jogged toward the big top. When I arrived I pushed the curtain aside and sure enough, Mitch was right in the middle ring of the big top kicking the dust on the ground.
“Mitch!” I called. As soon as he saw me, he ran up to me. He hugged me tighter than anyone has ever hugged. As he hugged me he began to cry.
“I don’t know what I’ve done!” Mitch cried.
“Mitch, you are fine! You haven’t done anything!” I told him lifting his chin with my finger. He couldn’t look at me. He didn’t like crying in front of me. In the circus, there was a tremendous amount of crying.
“Yes I have! She just... threw herself on me and I didn’t know what to do,” Mitch sobbed into my shoulder.
“Mitch, Margaret explained everything! I’m not mad at you! She told me that if I were to blame anyone in this case it would be her! Don’t be upset, Mitch! I love you so much!” I hugged him tight.
“I love you too, baby.” Mitch said back. As we embraced I heard footsteps.
“Ilona there you are! You need to get to practice!” Mitch and I looked up. It was Medusa.
“Oh! I’m so sorry! Mitch, are you all right?” Medusa asked.
“Ummmm....” Mitch hesitated.
“Here, Ilona, you know your routine well enough. Why don’t you take the rest of the day off to be with Mr.Carrington?”
“Medusa, are you sure?” I asked.
“Positive. You just take the day off.”
“Thank you so much Medusa!” With that she waved and left the big top. I turned back to Mitch.
“How about this,” I said as I fixed the buttons on his shirt, “we can spend the whole evening together with Iron Maiden. It’s been a month after all! We can spend the rest of the day with the cats and not worry about anyone else.” Mitch looked beyond me out toward the lot. He bit his bottom lip and shook his head. He took his sleeve and wiped his eyes.
“Do I look like I’ve been crying?” Mitch asked quietly. To be honest, his eyes were as red as beets and he looked like he’d been crying for hours.
“You’re fine.” I lied. After a quick peck on the cheek we were on our way to the cat crates.

The rest of that evening was spent delightfully. Mitch and I sat amongst the crates of hungry tigers as we kissed. Normally being surrounded by 500 pound animals would have scared me half to death, today was different. We snuck around the grounds, looking at all the elephants, giraffes, hyenas, hippos, and various other animals. At sun down we crept back to the tigers. We figured that we could skip dinner. I wasn’t hungry anyway. I was so full of our love that I didn’t need real food. I wouldn’t have to eat the rest of my life if Mitch held me in his arms forever. Iron Maiden sat peacefully next to us. The only movement she made was her stomach inflating every time she inhaled. As we looked up at the stars, I occasionally looked up at Mitch. I would find him staring at Iron Maiden every once in a while. He would stroke her orange and black fur. She seemed pleased. It never bothered me that Mitch paid a lot of his attention to Iron Maiden- after all, she was Mitch’s before I was. Out of the silence Mitch reached deep in his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He rummaged through it for a while before revealing an old black and white photograph.
“I ain’t ever shown you this yet,” Mitch whispered. I took the photograph. In my hands was a picture of Mitch, about 19 or 20 years old, holding a tiger cub by his front paws. It looked like the two were dancing.
“That there is Iron Maiden.” Mitch explained pointing to the tiger in the picture. “She was so small once upon a time- well, smaller than she is now.” In the photo, Mitch had a proudness about him as if Iron Maiden were his first child.
“Mitch, that is so sweet.” I said sincerely looking up at him.
“I know,” he smiled, pulling me closer to his chest. “I love you.”
“Love you too, Mitch.” As I said this, the picture began to fade. I was out cold.

When I awoke the next morning I didn’t wake up to the usual noise of my bunkmate’s rushing around. I didn’t awake to the touch of my linen blanket. I blinked and realized I was on grass. I rolled over and saw Mitch laying next to me. I smiled at him even though he was asleep. Then as it began to sink in, the noises I heard were the noises of a circus being torn down. The circus workers grunted and cussed as tents were being taken down. I jumped up, suddenly remembering that today was the day that we were packing to travel to the last destination before our fall break: Las Vegas.
“Mitch, wake up!” I yelled, shaking Mitch. “We gotta pack!” With that Mitch jumped up and started to gather everything around us.
“I completely forgot that we were leaving today!” Mitch fussed as he picked up his whip from stool outside his tent. Marvin walked through as if he wasn’t stressed at all, even though I knew he was just as stressed as he was during other pack-ups.
“Mornin’ kids!” Marvin said excitedly. “Why ya’ll just now packin’.”
“Sorry, sir, we just lost track of time yesterday and done got caught up in other things.” Mitch replied frantically.
“I see.” Marvin said knowingly. “Mitch, Travis and Cal will be by to help load the cat crates. Ilona, the performers are loadin’ on the train as we speak. You need to get in there before there ain’t any room left.”
“Right away, sir.” I went to give Mitch a hug. Marvin left us to our business.
“How many days to Las Vegas?” I asked.
“Four. But there will be stops in between. I’ll miss you.” I almost cried. After I said nothing, Mitch broke the silence. “We’ll just be away for a few days. But I’ll see you every now and then when we break. Every thing will be fine.” We kissed each other and said goodbye. As I walked toward the train I turned.
“Mitch!”I called. He turned to me. “I love you!”
“Love you too Ilona!” Mitch called back cupping his hands around his mouth. I turned back toward the train as a tear slipped from my eye. I could do this. I am Ilona: star equestrienne in the Guiseppe-Pappacio Brothers Circus, and the love of Mitch’s life.

That four days was grueling. But it did end. As much as I thought it wouldn’t, it did. It was now the night of our final show for the season. I hardly saw Mitch these past five days. Four of which were spent on total opposite ends of the train, and this past one was so busy preparing for tonight's show. Marvin explained to all of us that he wanted this show to be “better than all the rest”. With that came scrambling about, whit scrambling about came stress, and with stress came not seeing Mitch.

The nerves in my chest built up as I gripped Soleil’s reins. I listened to Marvin mesmerize the crowd by explaining the next act. Mitch and his girls were next. By now I had gotten so used to his act, it didn’t bother me anymore. I used to worry sick that one of the tigers would turn on him and attack. But Mitch knew his tigers so well that I had learned not to worry. As much as I wanted to focus on Mitch’s last act of the season (which he said he had “spruced up”), I really couldn’t. I had practiced so many new tricks and moves in just a couple of days. I was worried that I would mess up and fail my trust in Marvin. As my thoughts raced through my brain Mitch’s act was soon over. Dang. I hadn’t watched it. Now I’ve even failed my own boyfriend. I clapped for Mitch behind the curtain. He took a few bows as he dismissed his cats. Then he disappeared behind the curtain. Everyone praised his great act- which I had missed entirely. Mitch came my way with a big smile.
“You did fantastic!” I had to lie. But you could still hear the nerves in my voice.
“Thanks, baby!” Mitch said as he leaned up to kiss me. “Hey listen, you’re gonna do great! I can tell that you are nervous. But don’t worry. As long as ya got this ol’ girl nothin’ can go wrong! I love ya and I’ll be watchin’ ya!”
“Thanks, I love you too!” Mitch strode out and before I knew it we were being called to the ring. I was in a little bit of a fog. This stress was killing me. I’m so glad this was my last show!
“Give these girls a hand, ladies and gentlemen!” Marvin commanded as he walked into the shadows. The spotlight was on me. I looked side to side. Giovanna looked at me and winked. With that we began our act. These new tricks were coming to me slowly but I continued. Okay, legs around her neck. Got it. Slide off the saddle. I was upside down. My legs intertwined around Soleil’s neck, the only thing I had to keep me from falling face first. Okay, back in the saddle. I mounted myself back up. Stand up. Jump in the air. Legs spread apart. Land back on Soleil’s saddle. Good job, Ilona! You’ve got this! All right, stay standing, leg in the air, then-
“BANGGGGGG!!!!”
What was that? Oh my lord, that was gunfire. The next thing I know I’m on the ground. Most of the equestriennes are. I look out into the audience to see a horrific sight. A man, hopefully an audience member and not a circus worker, is in the stands with a gun pointed in the air.
“BANGGGGG!!!!!”
This isn’t good. The madness that has just occurred in three seconds is crazy. Audience members are running wild, horses are throwing off their riders, and circus workers run after the shooter. Just when I try to get my thoughts together, a horses gut is over my head. No, please no!
Then pain. In my chest. Its crushed. My ribs. My lungs. I’m gasping for breath. I’m not gonna survive. The pain is atrocious. My whole body feels it. I’ve gotta move. But I can’t. The only thing I see is madness after madness. There is no safe place in here. Even if there was I couldn’t get myself there. My eyes are trying to shut. It’s getting harder to breath. My vision is blurred. Two figures stand over me yelling my name. I focus my vision on them and notice that it’s Jasper and Mitch.
“Mitch...” I barely whisper. “I can’t do it. It hurts too bad.”
“No, Ilona you’ve gotta make it!” Though I’m struggling, I can tell that Mitch is crying. He is so close to my face that I can feel his tears land on my cheeks.
“Jasper, man, why are you standin’ there?! Go get help right now!” Mitch commands Jasper to leave. I’m almost convinced it’s because he wants to be alone with me.
“Okay,” Jasper replies. “I love you Ilona.”
“Love you too Jasper.” I grab his hand and he kisses it. Then he storms off to find help.
“You’ve gotta stay with me Ilona. We’ll get you help, we’ll get you fixed up and we can live together. We never have to come back here.”
“Mitch, there’s one thing you gotta know. I can’t make it. There’s no way I can survive this. If I die, leave this place. Take Iron Maiden and Soleil, no matter how badly they remind you of me. And I love you so much and would give anything to be with you until it ends.”
“Baby, no don’t leave me, no!” Mitch is sobbing now and screaming no. This is too hard to hear.
It’s getting harder to breath by the minute. Amongst all the chaos of running horses, people, and other animals, we lay there together. I look around one last time and look at Mitch for probably one last time.
“NOOO! NOOO!”
I want to say I love you again, but all I can do is take one.....last.... breath.....

You know, I used to love tigers. I didn’t just love them; I had a passion for them. Every morning when I woke up and saw those beautiful creatures I really believed there was a God because only he could create these gorgeous animals. I would train them endless days at a time. I treated them all like family, because they were the only family I had. They fit my personality just right. They were wild animals; restless wild animals in fact. Inside I was the same. ‘Built just like a tiger’ I used to tell people back then. Then I stopped. I couldn’t do it anymore. I had lost something in my life and every time I saw those tigers I thought of her.
The day Ilona died was the single hardest day of my life. I quit the circus the very following day, knowing that every day I spent under the big top would be the worst. I packed my bags, told Marvin I was leaving and took Iron Maiden and Soleil with me, as Ilona told me. She told me just a few seconds before she died to never give up on the cats even though they would remind me of her. I started a new life. Never told anyone I was in the circus for 6 years of my young adult life. It was like having a double life. I never loved another woman. I am 50 years old now, almost 30 years since the accident happened. And to this day, I’ve never dreamed of marrying someone else because Ilona was the only person I wanted to be with. The only things I had to remind me of Ilona were Iron Maiden and Soleil, who left me not long after the circus. I wasn’t paid very much and I couldn’t give them the care they needed. Both of them are buried in the back yard.
Today I lead a normal life. I manage to keep a real job. I don’t know of any one person- whether family or friends- who knows of my circus life. If they did they’d probably view me differently. Now I’m upper-class, back then I was no-class. None of that mattered.
But the one thing I’ve learned is that no matter what may happen to you, life goes on. Just because Ilona died and it felt like the earth was at a standstill, it really wasn’t. Ilona, please come back to me! I ask God every day to send her back! I wish we could have at least married before she left me. And every day, I miss her as much as I did the instant she left me, under that glorious big top.