Her face was so beautiful; I couldn’t believe my eyes. Her head was leaning to the right, her face was as white as a piece of paper and her eyes were closed and calmness was sensible through them. If I only could consider myself that she was going to do that thing, then that mess won’t happen.

2 days before we were best friends for 21 years. We came across that day and she told me that “I’ll tell u something important on Tuesday, but first u have to promise me that you’ll be there that day at 6:30, ok?” and I answered “ok, but I’ll tell you something that will double our happiness, be ready, ok?”. She laughed and said “ok”. so we decided to call that day “golden day”. Then we entered the class. It was something I wanted to tell her for 6 years but I couldn’t.

We were neighbors so; our homes were side by side with a pace of small garden. I could see her bedroom through mine, so we used it as a privilege to connect with each other. We confronted across our and it was a part of our daily program to meet across home and walk till school. “it would be better if you bring Hazel, her sister in the golden day” and she nodded as the signed of acceptance. And we had to take our ways and separate. But she looked at me that last second in a way that all her passion transformed to me.

It was a tiresome day but I love studying and my university. During that days I saw her with a new boy –at first I thought that they are friends- and she was always giving me some ideas about him and talking with me about him.

As usual it was 8:30 and I was waiting for her across the university. And finally, she appeared and suddenly she hugged me, both me and I didn’t know the reason. We were on the way back and she was full of energy, rapidly talking and asking me weird things. On the way, I suddenly hear a kitten sound and I followed the sound, and we found a small kitten striving

“let’s take it with ourselves to home” she suddenly said “yeah and then your super clean and hygienic mom will let it inside” I continued, “also I am not in the mood of being mom for a kitten.”; “well that’s a theory but, if you promise to provide a home for it I’ll swear that I’ll be the mom” she promised, finally I answered “let’s give it a try”. She again hugged me unconsciously; this time harder than the last time and we were at that position about a minute. She took it like a baby and talking so; at last we started walking toward home. We arrived and I suddenly realized that we have a dog house inside our garden without any reason. She bought a soft rug, milk, and water and we put all those things inside that dog house. She said “you done a good job today Mr. Justin,” I said “my pleasure madam” and she shaked her hand and left me on the street alone.

I went inside home mom and dad were preparing for dinner so, I joined them because I was striving; they were speaking about a new virus named coronavirus which was spreading at an extreme speed.

 “How was your day?” I asked passionately

“well I am working on a new project, it’s an electronic engine” dad answered while his mouth was full

“oh, perfect sounds boring!” I admitted and he laughed.

After dinner I went to my room, and gazed at her room. I was considering to tell my secret tomorrow because I couldn’t keep it; I know that she will be surprised. She appeared in her room and I could see her through the window, she shaked her hand as a sign of hello and I did it so. Her eyes were shining. And my phone suddenly ringed:

She: “What’s up boy?”

I:’’ I was just considering to tell you my secret tomorrow”

She: “your choice : ), let’s play truth or dare”

I:” just 2 rounds I am tired”

She: “ok, truth, or dare?”

I:” TRUTH”

She: “as usual. Have u fall in love whit anyone till now?”

I : ”what a question tomorrow is related to this. Soooooo, yep and it’s my first and last love.”

She: “hmmmmmmmmm, I am more attracted to know it, well it’s my turn, btw, truth”

I: “what would you do if you find out that your beloved person is loving another girl”

She: “I’ll probably commit suicide!”

I: “u sure?”

She: “absolutely”

And suddenly I felt sleepy and I texted:

“gn, bf”, “u so bf”

When I get up I found her inside my room sitting beside me gazing toward me. “what are u doing here?” I asked, “we are already 30 minutes late Jason, so I came in to awake you but when I saw your childlike face I couldn’t, so move your ass, I am waiting at downstairs.” And I nodded. I was in a hurry that I didn’t know what I wore and I just jumped out she was sitting in the garden in front of the house. When she noticed me she just stand up and cleaned her butt then immediately said:

“First, would you like to tell me that thing now or later?” I said “what thing?”

“that golden day secret” she just said

“let me tell you on the way back” I responded

She immediately with a sorrow said “but I can’t wait till night”

 “that’s your problem” I started “let’s go by car” and she just confirmed.

We hopped in and I started the engine: suddenly a piece of music at the highest volume started to play it was just saying happy many times. We went on the street and I drove as fast as I could, 30mph, after two blocks she offered to drive and I accepted. Everything was ok except I puked when we arrived, she was driving 60 mph, after 30 minutes when I got better we decided to always use our legs in spite of the car even if I get up at 12 A.M.

Like all days we had to separate across the university. The whole day I was just considering her and it caused something bad to happen; in geometry class, while I was thinking the teacher asked me something and unconsciously I said “today I’ll tell you!” the teacher got so mad and banned me out of class. I decided to go to a park near the university and take a drink. I arrived there and sit across two couples. They were shining, inseparable, and inspiring as much inspiring that I got the courage to call and tell her that secret.

I took my phone and called her it took a while, but she answered.

She: “what’s up Jason?” she said happily

I: “I love her”, I started and after a pause, “I love your sister for 2 years but I couldn’t tell you about us. This was my secret”

I could feel her shocked and hear her crying. “I know that these are happyness tears. I mean …  it’s perfect,  your sister and best friend…” and I waited for her.

“No” she shouted

“what?” I wondered

She: “No, NO, NO….”

I: “what is it?” I said in a shocked way because I really was

She: “… cause I love you …” and she cried harder

My bottle of beer slipped and fell over the earth “what?” my heart was going to stop working

She: “it is 21 years that I love you”

And her phone went off. I tried to get calm but I couldn’t; I decided to go find her and talk to her face to face. I ran till car and I jumped in and sucking fuel went over. I left everything except phone in the car and decided to run until university. When I arrived there I was breathless but it was the exact time for her to come out of class. I wait, and wait until the last person, but she didn’t come out instead she was a friend of us named Ashly. “hey, Ashly how are you, have you seen her?” I said,” Hey, yes, she was with us in the class and her phone called and she left, I think something bad happened because we could hear her crying through the door, anyway, then she came in and without any words grabbed her bag and left the class” I thanked Ashly and left the university to search the way back but no one was there. I was considering her answer about my last night question. I decided to check on her at her house, I rang the bell and her mom opened the door her mom said “hi Jason” I responded “hi Mis.Robinson. is Betty at home?” “yes but she was sad and is not comfortable to let anyone inside her room” she said, “ok, I won’t bother. I just want to know that is she ok?” I asked, “physically yes but something bothers her inside her mind, would you mind to come in?” she said and I answered “no, good night” and she wished me so. I went to check on the cat; it was ok and slept very calm and sweet.

I entered the home and dad found that I am full of sorrow. “seems ships wrecked” he started “yes dad and I don’t want to talk about it”. I went straight to my room and lean on my bed; I decided to check the window maybe I could see her through it bout she swept the curtain so all I could see was her shadow, it seemed like she was tying a rope and attached it to ceiling, but I couldn’t discover what was it and then her shadow disappeared. I kept sleeping; I closed my eyes and when I opened them it was the day. When I got up to leave I saw her across the window, she saw me so and shake her hand and made hart with her hands. And she just texted me “to the I won’t be with you for university, I’ll do preparations for our golden day, by the way, I invited every one even your parents and mine” “ok, but we have to talk” I responded, and she just said that “we will, just wait for my next text”. I prepared and left; on the way I saw Toby –one of my neighbors and classmates- “we will rock tonight at café, I’ll wait for you” and passed by me, it was pretty odd. After all that weird night and morning, I was finally a little found the chance to take a rest and class- when it was over and no one was right in- the meeting was at 7 and I received a texted of her at exact 6, ”bye, best fiancé and best friend, I loved you with all my passion. Last meeting at my room”. I gathered my stuff and left the university because I was panicked I decided to run, but I couldn’t run a lot. Anyway, I received her home the door was half-opened. I entered, and I saw that all the way till her room was followed by candles; I went through the stairs and started to climb them and I arrived the second floor there were 3 rooms 2 in left and one in right, I didn’t pay attention to anything I just went straight to her room when I clang the handle to open the door, Ashly called “hey, Jason where are you everyone Is waiting for you” she said, I took a look at my watch, it was 7:15, I answered “I am betty’s home I’ll grab her and come there as fast as I could” and she just said “ok”. I opened the door and saw a scene that was the most horror and sad seen of my life; I felt like my heart stopped beating. She hanged herself. Her face was so beautiful; I couldn’t believe my eyes. Her head was leaning to the right, her face was as white as a piece of paper and her eyes were closed and calmness was sensible through them. If I only could consider whit myself that she was going to do that thing, then that mess won’t happen. I started crying and took some steps toward her, and I found a letter I opened it and started to read”

“Hey Jason;

I don’t know what to call you, my best friend or my love. I loved you for 21 years non-stop and my love grew day by day. It was my good chance to be your friend but it was my sister's better, to be your love.

I already left my diary for you to read it, I wrote everything about me and you inside; even my imaginations about us and our future.

I seceded to leave this world because I couldn’t imagine you with my sister, let it alone to see you both. But I want bests for you to let both, live in a way that makes my soul happy.

By the way don’t forget kitten, the kitten with I was its dad, I want you too fell me whenever you touch it.

Bye”

And I cried even harder because she would never find that it was a scenario directed by me and her sister for me and betty, to say her that I loved her for 21 years too.