She laid on her bed, facing the ceiling. Her thoughts wandered off to the deepest and darkest parts of her brain. She tried to shake off the unpleasant feeling that was slowly eating her. She tried to think of thoughts that manifested rainbows and sunshine but nothing came. Her life had been full of heartbreak and sadness that her evil thoughts slowly invaded her good ones. She tried to think of happy memories but that eventually lead to reminiscing about the consequences she'd faced. Consequences for what? What could she have done that made the Creator think of punishing her so much to the point where she couldn't even breathe properly anymore? Again, nothing came to her.

She got up from her position and went to the bathroom. She faced the mirror in front of her and let her eyes wander to her appearance. She had dull blue eyes, with huge bags under them, hair that fell to her chest that looked so lifeless and unhealthy, lips that were pale and chapped, pale skin, and a skinny body. The events that happened in her life for the past two years have lead her to eat unhealthily and irregularly, even skipping a few meals because she felt like she didn't need to eat. What's the point? Why would I need to feed myself when I'm going to die soon anyway. She often told herself.

She was currently studying at Martin University as a Graphics Designing student. It had been her dream to be a Graphics Designer. It was THEIR dream, but sadly, her partner-in-crime left her. Left as in one day he just disappeared without saying goodbye. Liam disappeared without a trace. He was her rock, her protector, her best friend, her first love, her first everything. When he disappeared, she was devastated. She no longer had the person who made her strong, the one who helped her through bad days, the one who loved her despite her flaws and imperfections, the one who told her that she was perfect in every way when she doubts herself. She began to feel vulnerable and helpless.

Liam's family treated her as one of their own. They were there when she needed someone. They helped her at her lowest and comforted her. They were there to save her from everything that's been happening in her life. They were there to stop her from taking her own life. But when he left, everything disappeared as well. His parents stopped contacting her. They stopped supporting her with the school fees so she had to work at least three jobs to support herself. They stopped communicating with her which was another reason why she felt so devastated. She's never felt so alone. She's never felt so tired and sad in her whole life. It was like the universe was pulling people away from her. It was like gravity had some sick sense of humor that thought it was funny to pull her loved ones away from her life.

Every night, she falls asleep with cheeks that were wet from tears. She would dream about her parents' death which made her feel weaker every morning she woke. She would have nightmares about her insecurities and imperfections, with people who would bring her down and point out her flaws. She would wake up in the middle of the night and wouldn't be able to sleep again until after three to four hours, and wake up two hours later.

She hides her true self under a face full of make up, and actions that are too staged. She hides under the facade of a happy and stress-free person to survive. Faking her expressions and her reactions was too tiring for her so by the end of the day, the weight of the burden she carries comes crashing down on her and breaks her even more.

She left the bathroom and headed to the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of water. When she was done, she placed the glass on the sink and sat down on one of the kitchen stools. She lives in a tiny apartment, with one bedroom, one bathroom, a kitchen with a small table in the middle and a chair on each side, a living room with a couch and an old TV, and a laundry room.

She once had the perfect family. A mother who cared for her and her siblings and loved them with all her heart. A father who worked hard to give his children the things they needed and wanted. Two brothers, Jason and Brandon, who protected her and defended her, and also took care of her when she was little. But that all changed when their parents died in a fire. Her dad was at work and her mom went to visit him. Brandon and her were at school, Jason was also at work, none of them having any clue on what was about to happen. The fire started at the Fifth Floor of the Lincoln Co., and immediately spread to the top floors. Her dad's office was located at the Eighth Floor. She was only eleven at that time. Jason was twenty one and Brandon was seventeen. She was the only one clueless about the fact that she wouldn't see their parents again. She was young and innocent. She never looked at anything negatively. She was the one who brought joy to their family, the light to their once dull life. She was their angel. Still, a few months after their parents' death have passed, everything was dull, and they felt numb. Before she knew it, she was suddenly losing more. Jason got married a few months after their parents' death then moved to the other side of the planet. He never came back, never visited them. Brandon had to stop school and looked for a job. He was the one who kept the two of them alive. But after a few months, Brandon got arrested for being accused of murder. She was forced to live with her grandparents. And then she met Liam. Then she felt happy again. But, like they say, nothing lasts forever.

She sighed heavily and placed her head on the table, silently praying.

Please, God. Please end my suffering.  I can't take it anymore. I just want to be free from all this. I need my family. I need my brothers. I can't do this alone. Please, God. Help me. Give me the strength to hold on.

Tears were streaming down her face and she sobbed quietly.

"Mom, Dad, I miss you so, so much. Why am I being punished like this? What did I do to deserve this?" She whispered. "I miss Jason and Brandon. I don't know where Jason is and I don't know if Brandon is still alive. I don't like this feeling. Please, please, help me. I really miss you guys and I don't know if I could hold on much longer. I just need to feel your warmth." She hiccuped. "I just want to see you guys again." She continued to sob until she couldn't cry anymore. Eventually, she calmed down and lifted her head to see that the sun was already starting to rise.

She still had at least two hours before her classes start, so she used the remaining time to rest her eyes. She went to her room and cleaned her face. Then she headed to her bed and slept, dreaming of the events that had happened in her life for the past ten years.

*******

"Melissa." A soft voice called her. She turned around and looked for whoever owned that voice but she couldn't see anything. There was nothing there but darkness.

"Melissa." The voice was too familiar, but she couldn't tell exactly who it belonged to.

"Wh-who are you?"

"Don't you remember me, Melissa?" She started to panic. It was beginning to get harder for her to breathe. "Don't you remember your best friend?" Then a figure started to emerge from the darkness. She waited for it to come closer so she could see who it was. And what she saw shocked her.

"Liam? Is that-" She swallowed hard then closed her eyes. "No. No! It's not you! This isn't real!" She screamed as she gripped her hair. "Wake up, Mel. Wake up!"

"Melissa, it's me. Open your eyes. I'm here." Liam said.

"No! It's just a dream, Melissa. Wake up!" She started to hyperventilate and she started to feel the ground beneath her shake. She gripped her hair harder. "WAKE UP!"

Melissa woke up with a start, sweat dripping from her forehead, and tears streaming down her face. She recalled her dream and started to sob. Liam was the person who saved her but eventually became the one who broke her. Every time she would have an emotional breakdown, she would dream about her parents' death, then she'd dream about him after. It was the most painful thing for her.

She looked at the clock on her wall and saw that she'd already missed two of her classes. She decided to skip the whole day since she was still too tired from her dream.

Melissa stood up and went to the bathroom to take a shower and brush her teeth. She avoided looking at the mirror because she knew that what she would see will only bring her back to the state she was in the previous night.

After taking a shower, she headed to her room to change into a pair of jeans and a hoodie.  She thought that it would be a good idea to visit her parents' grave. When she was done changing, she headed straight to the cemetery.

"Hey mom, hey dad." She started as she sat on the grass. "How are you guys? I hope you're having a fun time up there." She paused, not knowing what to say anymore. "Um, I haven't heard from Jason yet. I don't... really know if he knows that I'm still here. Brandon's still in jail. I don't know if he hates me or not. I haven't really visited him since.... Liam, um, left." She swallowed hard, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. She scratched her neck and continued. "I haven't saved enough money to get a lawyer for Brandon. I'm thinking about quitting school so I don't have to spend the money I earn for school fees."

Her eyes were starting to well up with tears. "I really miss you guys. I know I already told you that last night but I really, really miss you. I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel like everything and everyone is ganging up on me. I feel like everything is trying to drag me down." She sobbed.

"I don't know how much longer I can hold on because all of this is just too much for me to bear. I want to look for Jason but I don't know where to start. I want to get Brandon out of jail but I don't know how. I just want to know if they're okay. I just want to see them again. I want to be with you guys. I want my family back. God, please, I just want my family back!" She continued to cry and it's as if the weather can feel how she feels. Dark clouds slowly invaded the sky and a few moments later, rain started to pour but she didn't care. She let her tears flow down with the raindrops. Slowly, she laid on the ground and for the first time in years, she felt at home. She could feel her parents' presence, their warmth, their love. For the first time in years, she felt happy.

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