Isabelle
The walls are closing in. My breathing grows rapid and shallow. I claw uselessly at my face with jagged nails, digging deep into my skin until trails of blood fall down my face and puddle around my legs. My knees are drawn up to my chest with the toes of my shoes pointing towards each other. I wrap my arms around my knees and draw into myself as if I can just disappear.

I start laughing suddenly, as if something were funny. It doesn’t sound happy but more maniacal. I stand up suddenly, keeping my head hung low. My laughter grows in volume, shoulders shaking, eyes wide, face bleeding profusely. I extend one finger, my forefinger, and walk over to one of the many mirrored walls. I press my nail hard on the mirror and walk slowly along the wall, still laughing. An eerie noise rings out throughout the tiny cell. I laugh continuously as a crack spreads along the mirror wherever my nail has pressed against it. My nail breaks and now my forefinger bleeds as well.

I drop my hand as well as my laughter and stare intently at the mirror I’m currently facing. Four of me stare back. My long brown hair tangled and frizzed. My skin pale from five years of no sun. My bright green eyes wild, and crazed. More animal than human. My face torn and scarred. I suddenly become furious. I tilt my head back and let out a long, gut-wrenching scream. They did this to me. I scream and pound my fists on the glass walls. I keep on screaming and pounding even as my fists become a ragged, fleshy mess. Blood splatters the floor and the mirrors, bright and sticky, oozing out of my freshly wounded fists.

“Momma?” A sweet little girl’s voice speaks out softly, questioningly, echoing in the tiny cell. Tears of relief stream down my face.

“ Anna!” I say and run to my daughter where two guards now stand at the entrance to my cell, looking down at me wearily. I squeeze Anna tightly to my chest and weep silently. These are tears of relief and joy, mixed with loss, pain, and anger. I know that in five, short minutes, I won’t see Anna for another two months. My own daughter will be gone. Soon. All too soon. They will take her away again. Away from me…

I hold her tightly, as she buries her small blond head in the crook of my neck. I breathe in deeply. Anna. My poor little five year old baby girl. She was born here, in the mental hospital when I was taken. They told me I was a threat to her. They told me that, Anna being near me, was a threat to her very existence. A threat to her life. I was emotionally unstable then.

That was five years ago. I was sixteen then. I will be twenty-one in two months. December twenty-third… same as Anna’s birthday. On my sixteenth birthday, magical sixteen, I got and lost everything that I have ever had. I lost everything that I loved. My hopes, my dreams… They crushed them all, mercy be damned. Anna looks up at me with her brown, warm eyes, fearfully. We both know that time is up. I feel it in every emotion I have ever felt in my life. Each one turning slowly into dread. One of the guards moves nearer to the pair of us, arms outstretched. I glare at him, coldly. He smirks. He signals for one of the guards to remove Anna from t\my tight grasp. He picks her up roughly, by the arms.

“Momma!” She screams frantically as she kicks the guard in the shins. He doubles over and drops her. She scrambles away from the guard, towards me. I reach out for her and run to her as well. The guard now behind her recovers and hit’s Anna squarely in the back of the head, roughly. Anna drops to the floor, as though dead. I scream in pain, as if I could feel the blow.

“Anna!” I scream. I seize the guard and pound my fist into his gut, hitting him repeatedly. Another guard comes up from behind me, a male, and picks me off and throws me to the other side of the room, as if I weigh nothing. I hit a mirror, and it shatters, glass raining down on my already ruined face. It doesn’t matter. I get up and try to regain focus. My eyes are swimming with tears of hatred and fury.

“Take the kid to its room.” The guard that threw me says in a deep voice. It! My fury grows, now out of control. “As for you…” The guard looks at me with amber eyes. “Stay.” I move closer to him, disregarding his orders. “I said,” he starts, moving to me and pulling me roughly to the ground by my hair. “Stay.” He stands up to where I now lay on the ground, in pain. I stand up and look into his eyes.

“No!” I scream in his face. He slaps me, hard. So hard in fact that I spin and fall to the floor again. My head throbs and bleeds from the impact against the floor. My eyes swim in and out of focus. Blackness creeps into my vision. The guard spits in front of me and laughs coolly.

“Learn your place… wench.” Relief washes over me as I walk gratefully into a long, dead sleep…





Anna

December twenty-third, the date bounces around in my head. I can escape with mommy. That will be the first birthday that I will actually be happy on. My first birthday present. My first five birthdays I spent in a mental hospital. I haven’t seen the sun before, I haven’t seen the sky. I’ve heard it’s blue. Blue and beautiful. I want to see the sky on my birthday. I want to hear my mother’s laugh. I’ve heard her scream in agony. The only laughter I’ve heard from her is one of madness. She cries when she sees me. For five minutes I can hold her. For five minutes I feel loved.

I used to have an hour; we used to have an hour. They took that away from us. We had devised a good escape plan in one hour. That’s why they only allow us five minutes now, because of last year on my birthday…






*******

“Happy birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Anna, happy birthday to you.” My mother sings in my ear softly as she cradles me in her arms “ ready?” she asks me gently. I closed my eyes just as she told me too. I squeeze them tight.

My mother holds me to her chest and jumps out of one of the windows in her cell. She uses a small bed as a stepladder to get out of the window. My mother shields me with her body against the glass. She takes off, running towards the front gates of the hospital with me in her arms. I hear dogs barking, I hear the electrical sound of a taser, I am afraid…






***********

Obviously we didn’t make it. I shudder. I hate memories. There is too much too fear in the past. The other thing that they changed after that is my mother’s cell. They kicked out the windows and built mirrors all around the room. The walls are mirrors. The ceiling is one as well. Escaping through a window is no longer an option.

Mommy will know what to do. I want to feel the breeze. I want to feel the warmth of the sun. I want to be able to smile. I don’t know how to smile…

“Hey kid.” I look up from my hands at the guard next to my door. The voice is female.

“What.” I say dejectedly.

“Are you ready to get out of here?” Confusion muddles my thoughts. What?! Who is this girl? Everything suddenly falls into place. She figured out how we can escape. My mother did. The guard comes to kneel down next to me.

“I’m your aunt. Your mother’s sister. I’m here to get you out of this hospital and back to where your mother was raised. You’ll both be safer there.” The guard grabs my wrist and pulls me to my feet. I jerk out of her grasp.

“How do I know I can trust you?” I remark coolly. The guard removes something from around her neck.

“Here” She presses a small, ruby pendant into the center of my palm. It’s connected to a small, thin, gold chain. It’s beautiful. I run my fingers wonderingly over the smooth stone of the gold capped ruby.

“This was your mother’s. It’s yours now.” My eyes widen in surprise. This is the first present I have ever gotten. Tears spill down my cheeks. I’ll have to thank my mother for this soon. I run to the guard and hug her fiercely. She smells of rain and light.

“Come.” My aunt says briskly, removing my arms gently from her waist, I’m not tall enough to reach her neck, and begins to walk from the room.

“Oh and by the way Anna,” I look up at the guard admirably. “My name is Sicily.” I smile at her as she begins to walk down the long, well-lit hallway to my mother’s cell.

Sicily… Another person I know can trust…
Sicily

“Stay here.” I tell Anna once we reach my sister’s cell.

“But-”
She begins to protest but I hold up a hand motioning for her to be silent. She crosses her arms over her chest stubbornly but obeys. I take a deep breath before entering the room. This it it. Time to test out my acting skills.

“ I open the door to my sister's cell. The guard standing there is male , about 6’5, and handsome with blond, honeysuckle colored hair and sea-green eyes. Good. This just got a lot easier.

“Hey!” I say in a an overly friendly voice. I walk over to him and rest my arm on his shoulder. I lean in closer to him.

“How’s it going?” I whisper. I’ve heard guys go crazy over this. At least that’s what I’ve heard anyway. It seems stupid that a guy would fall for something as stupid as this lame excuse I’m giving for “flirting”.

“Great but, boring.” I smile. Just the right response. At least he answered truthfully…

“I can take your shift if you want.” I look him straight in the eyes and lower my voice. His eyes narrow in suspicion. S***. His moment of thought gives me enough time to improvise.

First I kick out and hit right under his knee with the toe of my shoe. He starts to cry out but I cover his mouth with my hand as his knee buckles beneath him. The pain sears through my body as his teeth sink menacingly into my hand. I fight back the urge to scream or shout, knowing it would only give me and my sister away.

Next, I bring my knee up to his chin repeatedly until his eyes fall out of focus before hitting him squarely in the back of the center of his head with as much force as I can muster. His eyes roll into the back of his head until only his whites are showing before his body slumps to the ground. As soon as his jaw slackens, I yank my hand free.

I wince. Ow. His teeth had sunk deeply into my hand to the point where his teeth could have gone completely through it. Blood pours from my hand and I start to feel light-headed. Dizzy. The world is spinning. The ground rapidly coming forward to meet my face. And then, Isabelle is there. My one and only sister.I embrace her gratefully. She gently smooths my hair away from my face, searching my eyes with growing concern.

“Sicily?! Sicily? Are you alright.” My sister. Even though she has some mental problems, she still cares. Isabelle will always be my sister. She could lose an arm or a leg. I could be put into a position where I would have to spend every waking hour by her side and yet… I still would not care. She has done nothing but look out for me. She even took all of my father’s beatings. I begin to sob.

I sit back on my feet, my knees on the ground. I place my hands on my knees as the hot tears come pouring from my eyes. It’s as if a dam has broken and now matter how hard I try, I can’t control it.
“Izzy.” I hiccup. “I’m so sorry! I’m the one who called the cops when I heard your screams! It’s my fault they locked you and Anna away here! I’m sorry.” The tars continue to pour from my eyes. I can feel my face burning with hatred and disgust. Hatred and disgust for myself. I was twelve. Old enough to understand the importance of family. I was stupid. Stupid and scared.I sold her out. I made her this way. Izzy. My only sister. My only friend. She protected me from the abuse of our father for our entire lives. She would stand in front of me, hands at her side’s fists clenched as if expecting the pain as my father beat her in reckless anger. He would drink an entire pack of beer a day after my mother left. Izzy would take the beatings for me.
She would feed me as was the cause for so many of her beatings. Our father wanted us to starve. Starve and die. She would grab trash from our previous nights dinner if we got any. He would forget to feed us and he took that as an excuse to hurt us. She would sacrifice her own health for my own freedom.
She saved me and this is how I repay her? Izzy cups my chin and looks directly into my eyes. Her eyes are a soft, warm brown. So inviting and kind, it’s easy to forget that she is mentally ill in the first place.
“This is not your fault Sicily.” Izzy says softly. I cry even harder. It’s all my fault! It’s all my fault. Izzy holds me gently to her chest as I sob. Her compassion makes me cry even harder. I’m so upset that I momentarily forget about Anna who comes into the room just then, concern showing plainly in her warm brown eyes. The same as Izzy’s.
“Auntie Sicily?! Are you hurt?” She kneel down in front of me by her mother. They are exactly alike. They may look entirely different but Anna and Izzy couldn’t have more in common. I stand up and wipe my eyes with my sleeve, suddenly embarrassed.
“Let’s go.” I say gruffly not bothering to check to see if Izzy and Anna are following as I walk out of the room. I know they are…
Anna

My mother and I follow Auntie Sicily out of the room. I’m still shocked. I haven’t seen anyone cry before except for my mother. Even those were tears of relief. Sicily was obviously crying t\in sorrow. Is she hurt.?! I look up worriedly at Auntie Sicily. She smiles down at me, her long red hair falling over her face.

“Don’t worry.” She whispers as we near the front and only door of the hospital. “ I promise you we’ll make it out of here okay?” I nod but that’s not what I’m worried about. Auntie Sicily has the oddest expression on her face as if she were in a memory rather than in the present.

My mother grips my hand tightly, no, reassuringly as if I need to be reassured. Reassured about what? We ALL are going to make it out of here. ALL of us, as a family. Somehow I know this is not going to be the case.

A guard stands stiffly at the gate. He looks down, first at me, then at Mommy, then his eyes rest on Sicily. Immediately, his gaze softens. I look at Sicily and realize she is now staring at the guard with a shocking clarity. She must know him then…

“Sicily.” He nods at her. His voice is deep, suggesting his age to be about twenty. He has blond hair with brown hard eyes. His posture is stiff, as though he is always in stress.

“Ralto! You are looking nice today. I was just taking Mad Izzy and Anna out for a breather! May we pass?” Sicily asks sheepishly, no not Sheepish, more… timid?!

“Oh of course you may.” The guard, Ralto I believe what Sicily called him, steps aside. Sicily blushes under his gaze as we pass. What is happening?! As soon as the door opens, cold, strong, wind hit’s my face, making it hard to breathe. I double over, feeling as if someone were turning me inside out. This can’t be just because of the wind. My hands slip out of Auntie Sicily’s and I fall. My back hits the ground with a earsplitting crack to accompany it.

“Anna!” My mother shrieks. My vision swims and it becomes hard to focus. Black specks flood my sight as I strain to regain my focus.

I feel Auntie Sicily pick me up. I hear the sound of multiple feet running, pounding on the ground.

“Let’s go!” Auntie Sicily screams. My eyes shut and my head lolls to the side…





**********

I wake up gasping for air. My clothes are drenched in sweat. My breathing gradually slows, my chest rising methodically in the way my Auntie Sicily taught me to do. These nightmares have been haunting me from ten years. Ten years ever since the night my mother died. She died to save me…

I look over at the nightstand table next to my bed at my alarm clock. Six twenty three… I have about an hour and a half before the bus comes to pick me up for school. I throw the covers off of me and swing my legs off the side of my bed. I walk over to the stand up mirror on the wall opposite from my bed. I stare scornfully at my reflection.

My warm brown eyes widen in disbelief. My long, blond hair, silky and smooth, reaches down my lower back. It’s stick straight and no bang covers my face. My pink tank top and sweats match in color. My pale complexion further emphasis my huge brown eyes. Fifteen years old and I am still only a B-cup. My hips are prominent though. There’s one thing to be proud of. My legs are long and my arms are about average in length. My ears aren’t pierced even though “ALL” the girls in school have them pierced. I want to be unique.

I abandon my mirror, shuck off my clothes once I am in my bathroom, and walk into the shower. I turn the bathtub knob and exhale. I can feel my shoulders relax and loosen. I use both shampoo and conditioner. Then I put a hair up in a bun. I use the combination of my white scrunchie and lily scented body wash. Everything I own smells of lilies. My mother’s middle name was Lily…

I turn off the water and step out as I wrap my “ANGELS” towel around my body. Angels are the theme of my room. My bed is white and soft like a cloud. My walls are mostly blue with about twenty gold feathers falling from the sky on each wall. My carpet is white and also soft. There is a white and gold vanity across from where I sleep on my bed. The mirror is on the wall on the right of my bed, framed in a pattern of white and gold feathers.
Five bookshelves line the corner of the wall between the vanity and the mirror, hand painted white and gold. Hundreds of book line the shelves, most about angels or at least include them. My bathroom is a small room with wall starting at the edge of my vanity and squaring off right at the door to enter my room. There is a short wall connecting the wall that my bed leans again to the wall of the main door.
The bathroom is all white and gold. I have a two in one shower and bathtub against the wall across from the door. The shower curtain is a bunch of feathers making ripples in a pond. The counter tops are white while the actual cabinets are gold. There are two sinks in the counters. There is a wide mirror stretched across and above them. The toilet is next to the counters and is white with a gold handle.
I brush out my hair after taking it out of it’s bun. I put it back up and secure it with a pin… a white pin. I dress in a white and gold swirled tee-shirt with a black impression of a pair angel wings on the front. I tug on navy blue jeans and a pair of white and gold converse shoes. Gold fabric and white soles and laces. I pull on my favorite white hoodie with a pair of gold angel wings with the word “angels” underneath them and walk out the door.