There were no further chances for me to complain about the forth-coming party, despite my numerous moans and groans about how parties are overrated, Bella wouldn't give in.

I found myself standing in front of the bathroom mirror, wondering, rather hopelessly, as to how I would ever be able to make myself look presentable. I had a very “holiday, don't care” look about me. Clearly, going to the beach all morning wasn't a good idea. My hair stuck out at odd angles and my bare skin was pink from the hot weather outside. Which I thought was a very appropriate look considering I was on holiday after all, who bothered to look great when they spent everyday on the beach. But I knew that Bella had been looking forward to this party since the start of the year, I wasn't about to let her down, I had to look the part. Besides, deep down I loved the idea of a Christmas party. Everyone sitting around the fire place, eating sweets and chatting amongst one another. All the festive cheer that people always go on about. I was excited to be part of it.

I brushed my hair and put it up in a half-up half-down style. I washed my face and did my make-up. Grateful that it was one of my skills. Lastly I applied my favourite red lipstick, cheesy perhaps, but it added a little something more.
I would have a hard time not looking the part, the dress I had brought with me was so glamorous, I put it on, it was very beautiful, short sleeved circle skirt black dress, and very flattering too. Well at least I looked good. I sprayed perfume onto my neck and wrists, took one last deep breath and walked out my the bedroom.

The smell of ginger and cinnamon hit me as soon as I walked out into the corridor. I followed the smell upstairs, being careful not to slip in my high heels -as there was glitter sprinkled all over the staircase. As I had suspected, Bella went all out with the decorations, there wasn't a single surface that had been untouched. Red and green glitter sparkled from every corner of the room, the giant Christmas tree had little silver fairy light hanging on for dear life at each end of the branches. There was even Christmas music playing in the background. “As far as Christmas spirit goes, you've won” I assured her.
Bella was standing at the kitchen counter, filling the ice bucket. She wore a bright red dress with a gold bow wrapped around her middle. Her hair had been curled to perfection and she wore nude ankle boots that made her legs look as if they went of for miles. I pulled at my dress.

I walked over to the drinks table, there were countless bottles of beer and coke, there were also a few bottles of brandy, how festive. “You are going to enjoy yourself” said Bella.
“Are you asking or telling?” I asked
“Well, a bit of both actually, I know parties aren't your thing, but this is a Christmas party, it's special and I think you'll have fun once you get into the swing of things” she walked over to me and sat the ice bucket down on the drinks table. “Why did you get all these drinks?” I asked, gesturing towards the assortment of booze. Clearly Bella and I didn't share the same idea of a 'festive Christmas party' “Some of us need a little Dutch courage, being the life of the party isn't always that easy you know” she said.
“Well I prefer food courage, eat take out, it makes you feel better”
“Where does the courage part come in?”
“Oh, it doesn't, I just like food”
Bella threw a piece of ice at me, but missed.
“I promise that I will try my best to have a good time, I know how much this all means to you” I said, smiling at her.
“Good. Because, everyone will be here soon, I'm sure you'll like them” she said.

I walked back to the living room and began to straighten out the throw pillows, I knew Bella wanted everything to be perfect. Moments later the doorbell rang. My stomach sank and the nerves started to kick in. The only thing I had to be nervous about were the guests. They were Bella's friends, people she had met on previous holidays. There was a large part of me that was tempted to run and hide -as parties weren't exactly my favourite things. And now that I knew that it wouldn't follow my image of a Christmas party, the whole event seemed far more daunting.

I heard voices coming from the entrance hall. Bella was welcoming a group of, what sounded like boys, inside. I walked to the top of the staircase, staying out of sight. There were five boys standing at the bottom. Bella greeted each one and gave them a warm hug. Charlie, he had orange hair and pale skin. He was very tall in an awkward, lanky sort of way. Tom, he was a little bit taller than Bella. He had straight black hair that framed his face as it had be styled with a fringe. He smiled at Bella and his brilliantly white teeth shone. Next, Bella hugged someone called Jay. He was tall and blonde with very messy hair. He was slim, but not skinny. He wore a buttoned up shirt and dark jeans, and a black bowler hat on his head. His outfit was accompanied by great amounts of jewellery, I could see his earnings and nose rings twinkling in the light. Harry was next. He had light brown hair that came just below his ears. He had dark brown eyes and pale skin. In my opinion it looked as if he had never been in the sun, there was someone unhealthy about his appearance. Last was Matty. Like Jay, he had blonde hair, only his was all in place. He wore a bright pink blazer and hugged Bella very enthusiastically, my guess was that he batted for the other team. Either that, or he was just a little bit pedantic. They were all very different, but they had one thing in common, which was really easy to spot once I had heard them talk. They were all from England.

I tried to walk back without anyone noticing I was standing at the top of the stairs, but my high heels made a loud sound as I saved myself from tripping over. Everyone turned towards me. They all smiled and waved at me -Matty's wave was slightly more enthusiastic than anyone else’s. Tom was the only one that saluted me -which I thought was a little bit strange. I waved back and told them to come upstairs and grab a drink. Bella smiled at me, I knew she was grateful that I was being really friendly, besides, she needed to wait for the other guests to arrive and the ones that were already here couldn't wait in the entrance hall.

Over the next twenty minutes more and more guests trickled in. I wasn't sure who any of them were. They were all around about the same age as Bella and I. They were all very annoying, they were loud and they drank too much. I think I was born in the wrong century, A masked ball had far more appeal than this mad house. I sat on one of the high chairs behind the kitchen counter, some random girl with too much hair was talking to me. I spoke back to her, but she didn't seem to understand anything I was saying, she was far too drunk. She just kept saying how much she liked the colour of my nail polish, I wasn't wearing any. I stop paying attention to her and she did the same to me, only I was awake and she was now using the marble counter as her pillow. I was about to drink my coke when I realised that someone had extinguished their cigarette in it, charming. I looked around the living room. The group of English boys were gathered around the table, taking up every inch of couch that there was. They were singing very loudly, to a song I didn't recognise. They were singing very enthusiastic, the tallest one, named Harry, got up and began dancing on the table. Charlie was laughing so hard that he fell off the end of the couch. The rest of the boys began to scream with laughter, Charlie could only laugh with them, his cheeks going red. Charlie got to his feet, and brushed off the red glitter that was all over his back. I couldn't help but laugh at the whole situation.

I got up from my chair, heading towards the boys on the couches. I had to be brave. Bella was sitting next to Tom she was showing him something on her phone, they laughed together as they scrolled.
I was about to sit down on one of the free chairs near them, when a girl with a dress that looked more like a top than anything else, took my seat. I was frozen, I couldn't tell her to move. How had she not noticed me, was I that invisible? I had no other choice, I carried on walking towards the couches, but rather than sit down, I picked up all the empty cups. Surely being the maid was better than being a loser who had their chair stolen. No one seemed to notice me tidying up, they were all far too busy enjoying the singing and booze. I took the cups back to the kitchen and dumped them in the sink, not bothering to wash them, I was a bad maid. I needed to escape, I could go downstairs, but everyone would see. I decided to be brave one last time, I walked across the entire living room, and opened the sliding door that lead to the balcony, and shut the door. As soon as I was outside the buzz of chatter became silent. The cold night air was refreshing, I could feel myself forgetting about the stress of the party. I stood for what felt like ages, enjoying the dark sky. It was a full moon. It shone light a spotlight on the ocean. It was strange to feel so uneasy in Hermanus, it was a safe, calm and happy place. It was the only thing keeping me sane. I knew that if the party became too wild, I could just walk out the front door and enjoy a walk on the seashore. I wondered if anyone would notice if I never returned, certainly the girl at the kitchen table wouldn't mind, I chuckled to myself.

“Parties not your thing then?” I turned around, startled by the voice coming from the darkness.
“God, you gave me a fright, I didn't know anyone was out here” I gasped.
“I'm not God, I'm Jay” He said, getting up from the chair he was sitting in. It was placed in the far corner of the balcony, out of the moonlight, it was no wonder I hadn't seen him sitting there.
“Why are you out here?” I asked him, taking a step back, he was clearly drunk and I feared he may bump into me. He ran his hand through his blonde hair, it was unkempt. “Well here's the thing, I’m a werewolf, and if I stay inside during the full moon” he pointed at the glowing moon that illuminated the sky, “I run the risk of hurting everyone” He noticed that I was trying to back away from him, so he sat back down in his chair.
“You're a werewolf? That's fantastic, I’m a Pisces” I was shocked at how lame I could be. Jay chuckled. “That's funny,” He closed his eyes and leaned back in the chair. He looked a mess and his shoes were missing. “They're by the pool” he said, having caught my eye. “Despite my effortless edgy style, I do wear shoes” He said. I looked away, embarrassed that he had seen me looking over him. “Why are you out here?” I asked.
“Reckon the life of the party is allowed a break” he said, waving his beer around like a conductors baton. He smiled to himself and put his beer to his lips. I looked up at the sky, grateful to have something to look at besides Jay. It wouldn't be too long before he realised that I was a really awkward person, then he would go back inside and join the party. To my surprise he walked over to the railing. “The moon is so beautiful here” He said, his blue eyes fixed on the bright sky. “It's nothing like the one back home” he sighed.
“We have the same moon you know.” I said smirking at him.
“Yeah, but you have clear skies, and your moon is bigger and brighter, it's beautiful”
He looked over at me as he finished talking. “I don't think many people appreciate beauty when they see it”
The sliding door behind us opened.
“Oi, mate, what you doing out here? don't be a loser, come join the party” It was Tom, I think, I wasn't too sure.
“Yeah I will do, give me a minute” He said, dismissing Tom's need for him.
“You should get back” I said, turning towards the door, my back against the railing “I'm sure they're all missing the 'life of the party'” I waited for a reply, assuming it would be a catty one, but he heard nothing. He had gone back to looking at the moon. I mean, it was beautiful, but it was just the moon.
“I feel really sick” He said, putting his beer down, it fell over and started to spill over the edge of the table. “I'm not surprised, after all that booze” I said.
“Don't be a hater, it's fun.” he said. “You're not drinking then?” He asked, looking around the balcony, expecting to see a glass of alcohol. “No, you've had enough to drink for the both of us” I assured him.
“Cheeky, I like it” He said laughing. He began to slide down the side of the railing. He was very drunk, and I feared that he may pass out. I tried to get him to his feet. “Wherever he shall fall, that is where he shall be buried'” he said in a dramatic voice. “Well I'm not burying you on the balcony, think of the mess” I said.
“How inconsiderate of me.” He went on. “You know what, I think I'm dying. I have a pain on my chest, and I have no idea where it came from” He touched his chest over his shirt, he couldn't unbutton it, his hands were far too shaky. “Do you have a bathroom” he asked.
“We have one somewhere around here” I said. He didn't laugh. A look of concern washed over his face, his chest must have really been hurting him. “Okay, I’ll help you this once” I said, lifting him to his feet, he was heavy. “You're far too kind” he said, putting all his weight on my shoulder.

We went inside. No one seemed to notice that their friend was totally smashed, they were far too preoccupied with the shots they were now throwing back. I walked down the stairs, Jay really was very heavy and my shoulder began to hurt. I decided that my bedroom was best – as it had an en-suite bathroom. I opened the door, grateful that I had cleaned up before the party. “Nice” He said. He walked forward and fell onto the bed. I thought he'd passed out, but he was still holding his chest. I walked into the bathroom and opened the cabinet. I found the plasters and antibacterial cream, I figured it would be enough to help whatever was Hurting Jay, unless he had broken a rib, in that case it would be of no use. I walked back into my bedroom. He had managed to take off his shirt. Surprising, considering he was practically cripple not a moment ago. He had a few tattoos scattered across his body, some were words, while others were symbols. I looked away from him, I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. I handed him the cream and plasters. He tried to open the lid of the cream, but failed. “Do it for me” he said. I don't think he was asking, I think he was telling. I started to feel hot, I knew my cheeks must be red. Jay slowly managed to sit up, however he didn't manage to keep his eyes open. I looked down and saw what was hurting him, there was a massive scratch across his chest. “How...” I began to ask.
“Funny story, turns out, if you fall into a bush, it hurts” I didn't ask how that happened, I don't think I wanted to know. I put cream on the end of my finger and ran it along the length of his scratch. He tried to pull away, it must have stung, but he managed to stay reasonably still. I opened the plaster slowly, I wanted to get a better look at his tattoos. They were strange, I didn't know what any of the symbols meant. I looked up at the one on his shoulder, and to my horror his eyes were open. They were a piercing shade of blue. I felt so embarrassed that he had seen me looking so closely. I slapped the plaster on his chest and got up quickly. I went back into the bathroom to wash my hands. When I returned he had fallen asleep, in my bed. I didn't know what to do, I wasn't about to tell him to leave, that would be cruel.

I knew Bella would be up all night, I doubt she would be using her bed. I walked out of the room and closed the door behind me. I walked down the passage and headed to Bella's room. It was a mess, but it would do. I threw her clothes onto the chair and I borrowed a pair of her PJ's. I took off my make-up in her bathroom, and I climbed into bed, I had to pull the covers over my head, the noise of the party was still very loud. Eventually I managed to fall asleep.

The next morning I woke up feeling very tired, every muscle in my body felt like it had been stretched and torn. I felt as if I had slept through a rock concert, there was a ringing on my right ear, no doubt that it was from last nights activities. The sun shone through the white curtains, making the bedroom hot. I felt uncomfortable and feeling hot made me grumpy. I got out of bed and went to have a shower in Bella's bathroom. I threw on a pair of maroon shorts and a black shirt and made my way upstairs.
“Sleep well?” Asked a cheerful Bella. She was sitting at the kitchen table, a bowl of muesli in front of her. “I slept, that's what matters” The news reporter on the TV started talking about the whale migration, at which point Bella turned it off. “You slept for long enough, it's nearly midday” she said, eating a spoon of her breakfast. I looked around the living room, it appeared to be spotless. “How did you clean up so well?” I asked, lifting pillows expecting to find hidden mess.
“I didn't, the maid did, she came in this morning while you were asleep, I'm a responsible host, I always clean up afterwards” she said proudly.
“Has anyone seen the milk?” said a voice from the pantry.
“Jesus” I gasped
“No, it's still Jay” Jay walked out of the pantry, he was holding a box of cereal.
“What on earth are you doing?” I asked
“Eating breakfast, duh” he said, while getting himself a bowl out of the cupboard.
“I mean what are you doing here?”
“Is she always this unfriendly?” he asked Bella.
“She's not a morning person” she said, eating another spoonful of muesli. “I've told Jay and his friends that they're always welcome in my home” She said smiling up at him. Jay put down his bowl and walked over to Bella, giving her a big kiss on he cheek. I walked over to the TV and turned it on, my gaze fixed on the news reporter. Bella and Jay were chatting rather loudly in the kitchen, so I turned he volume up.

The news reporter stopped talking as the weather man came into the picture. Apparently we could expect sunny skies, shocker. “Looks like the weathers going to be good” Said Jay, as he sat down next to me. “I'm dying to go to the beach, time to stop being pale and embrace the tan” He said, looking out the window and down at the sea. He turned back to me and smiled. “You okay, grumpy? Why aren't you eating?” he asked, looking down at the empty table in front of me.
“I'll get cereal later” I said, not looking away from the TV.
“Don't be silly, here” He said, scooping up a spoon of Froot Loops and sticking it in my mouth.
I wasn't expecting him to do that, so I almost choked. “Don't die grumpy, what will they write on your tomb stone 'Chocked to death on Froot Loops'? People would come from all of the world just to laugh at it” I couldn't help but laugh, although I was half laughing and half coughing.
“I was beginning to wonder where you lot had gone” said Bella. The rest of the boys piled into the kitchen, they were wearing board shorts and had clearly just got out of the swimming pool. “Mate, there you are” said Charlie, as he grabbed a towel from the linen cupboard. “I thought you were going to sleep all day, mind you, we would have woken you up, wouldn't want you to miss such a gorgeous day” Jay got up, leaving his cereal on the table.
“I was actually thinking of heading down to the beach later, I want to embrace my inner Mermaid”
“Pretty sure it's Merman, but yeah sounds good, lets all go yeah?” said Charlie, turning to everyone else. Everyone one agreed.
“You coming, Dani?” asked Bella, turning to look at me.
“Duh” I said.
“Jay just wants to take his shirt off though” said Tom, pulling at Jay's shirt “Any chance he gets he just whips it right off” He let go of Jay's shirt, they then started to chase each other around the living room, laughing loudly as then ran.
“You should run down the street naked, if stripping is your thing” Laughed Bella.
“Yeah, I've already done that” said Jay, laughing at Tom tried to pull his shirt off.

Everyone went off to go get ready for a day at the beach. After twenty minutes we were all at the front door. “Is everyone here?” asked Bella, looking around.
“Away we go!” shouted Matty as he jumped on Charlie s back.

It was a ten minute walk to the beach. Bella and Matty kept trying to trip each other. Charlie didn't need anyone to trip him, he managed to do it all on his own. He fell into a massive bush. Everyone burst out laughing and Jay had to hold his stomach he was laughing so hard. “Someone help” Cried Charlie from inside the bush. Jay was wiping tears from his eyes, so Tom had to reach deep into the bush to fish Charlie out. As he emerged from the bush, he began to pull twigs out of his hair. “It's a good look mate” called Harry from down the path. Charlie gave him the finger.
We carried on walking, I could hear the waves crashing on the rocks, I knew we were close to the sea. I stumbled, unaware of the roots along the path, someone caught me by my arm. “Watch your step, you don't want to end up like me” it was Charlie. He smiled at me.
“I wanted to thank you”
“For what? I didn't fish you out of the bush” I said, turning around to look at Charlie. It wasn't Charlie, he was now busy talking to Tom. It was Jay.
“You know what for, last night. I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't been there” He said.
He ran his fingers through his unkempt hair, it shone brilliantly in the sunlight. “I reckon someone would have helped me, but as far as emergency medics go, you weren’t bad” He closed one eye and gave a half smile.


“Don't mention it, it honestly wasn't that big of a deal” I said, walking faster down the path.
“Only it really was, I'll make it up to you somehow” he said, trying to catch up with me.
“Jay, just forget about it, you really don't owe me anything. It' not like I was busy doing anything at the time. Helping you wasn't hard, I didn't go out of my way” He didn't seemed pleased at my reply, perhaps he thought that last night meant nothing to me. After this morning I wasn't sure that last night had meant anything. Waking up and seeing him kiss my friend wasn't something that said 'I owe you for last night'. Not in my books anyway. Besides he was someone I met last night, and getting upset over such a small thing wasn't good. I decided to put this morning out of my mind. At least for now. “Get ready to take your shirt off, we're nearly there” I said, smiling up at him. I could see the sea now. The water was calm and I could smell the salt in the air. The beach didn't look too busy, which was surprising for this time of year. All the holiday makers could normally be found wondering around during the end of the year.
“I'm actually feeling a bit bloated today, not sure how sexy I'll look without it” he laughed. “I'm sure the whales will think of you as one of their own” I said. He took his towel off his shoulders and spread it out, he then threw it over my head and grabbed my around my middle, throwing me over his shoulder. He ran down the beach path and onto the sand. I screamed as he ran. “Whale and his prey coming through! Make way peasants” He yelled to everyone along the beach. I couldn't see anything, his blue towel was covering my head. I could hear though, and what I heard was the laughter of all my friends. I couldn't help but laugh with them. Jay dropped me a sand dune and took the towel off my head.
“You're such a s***” I laughed at him. I started to chase after him, we ran along the shore, but he easily avoided my outreached arms. We ran until I had a stitch in my chest. I fell to the ground and held my hand over my aching chest.

When I sat up, I saw that everyone was walking towards us. They were all chatting to each other, pointing at different things as they walked. Jay ran back to where I was sitting and knelt down next to me. He lay his towel out next to us. “Lets go swim Merman” said Tom, leaving Bella's side, she didn't look happy about his leaving her side. She came to sit next to me, she was smart enough to bring a beach chair, while I was left to sit on my towel. The boys all ran towards the water, pushing each other as they ran. Jay took off his shirt, kissed me on the head, his breath was hot and I could smell his cologne as he leaned towards me. He pulled away and ran after his friends. I wasn't expecting him to kiss me like that. My cheeks went bright red and I felt as if the temperature of the sun went up by ten degrees. I was glad that Jay had already ran off towards the water, I didn't want him to see me blush again, once was bad enough. Bella got up from her beach chair and walked over to me, sitting down on my lap. “So tell me, when is the wedding? You know I like to pick my outfits months before the actual event.”
“Don't be silly, Jay's like that with everyone” I said, dismissing her comment.
She began to scoop up sand and poured it onto my feet, making two little sand castles. I wiggled my toes so that her castles began to crumble. She scooped up even more sand and dumped it onto the existing pile and she patted it down with great force.
“I can't image who 'everyone' is. The only two girls here are me and you. Trust me, he has no interest in me. Besides, I’m rather fond of Tom” She said. She looked up to see what the boys were doing. They were diving in and out of the waves, body surfing and dunking each other under the water.
“He makes everyone feel special, therefore he makes no one feel special” I said, watching her as her eyes followed Tom, until Harry dunked him under the water and she lost sight of him. She gave a little jump as he went under.
“Okay, Shakespeare, but don't say I didn't encourage you” she said as she climbed off my lap which now had pieces of sand indented in it.
“They're aren't here forever, holiday's don't last for years you know” she said, sitting in her chair.
“Is that why they're all here?” I hadn't actually thought about why they were so far away from home.
“Have a holiday fling, it's not illegal, in fact it's encouraged” she smiled.
I knew that that would be how Bella saw it, she was always good with keeping her feelings in check. I knew myself too well, Jay was the boy at the party, the one I didn't know and yet would always go crazy over. At least that was how I saw it at first, now I was starting to question is. He seemed to be reciprocating my feelings, as limited as they were. Now that I thought about it, he wasn't at all like the stereotypical boy at the party. He was Jay and I knew that labelling him would be unfair. I had to give him a chance to chose his own label. I only hoped that it would be a good one.

The rest of the day passed by in a calm manner. Bella and I lay out in the sun while the boys carried on swimming and dunking each other. The only time any of them left the water was when Tom ran up to us and picked Bella up, taking her to the water and dropping her in it. To my surprise, when she surfaced, she was smiling. I wasn't so sure I would be, if someone had dropped me into the water without warning.

I wasn't in the mood for swimming and I didn't feel like sitting alone. So I got up, brushed the sand off my legs and walked towards the other end of the beach, I wanted to look at the rock pools. The further I walked the fainter the sounds of my friends became. I took a deep breath, I could taste the salty air on my tongue, and I could feel the sea breeze blowing through my hair. I felt myself relaxing, and more so, I began to feel like myself. There was always something about being around other people for too long, it made me feel as if I was losing myself slightly, I couldn't think properly. I could feel the sand sinking down as I walked. I bent down and picked up a pink shell that was being carried along by a small wave. It had a little creature inside it, it curled itself into the deepest part of the shell, hiding away from me. I wanted to keep the shell but I knew the creature would die as a result. I held the shell hard in my hand, pulled my arm back and threw it as far as I could into the sea. I turned around as I heard someone calling my name, it was Bella. “It's time to go” she called to me.

By the time we got home, I was exhausted. The sun had drained my energy and I could see more sand on my legs than skin. Everyone went of to shower, the boys used the guest bedrooms while Bella and I used our own. The atmosphere in the house was calm, even the wild boys were relaxed for once. I walked upstairs to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of ice cold water, grateful to get rid of salty taste left in my mouth. I put my glass on the counter and sat on one of the bar stools. I turned the TV on and started to flick through the channels. I was interrupted when I heard footsteps on the staircase, moments later Jay appeared. He smiled at me and walked over to the counter and sat down next to me. “Have a good time at the beach?” he asked ,taking a sip of my water. “I did actually” I said smiling at him. “But it looks like you and the boys had more fun than anyone else. I was surprised when you came out of the water, I thought the whales would have brought you back to meet the family” I gave him the same half smile he had given me earlier that day. “They offered, but I told them I would miss too many people if I left, so I had to decline their generous offer” He took another sip of my water. It was strange how comfortable I felt with him, just sitting and chatting wasn't something I had imagined us doing after the party. I thought I would help him out and then never hear from him again. It was a nice change. “Okay, Grumpy? What you daydreaming about? Me in my swim suit” He returned the same half smile, only his was far more brilliant than mine would ever be. “I was actually thinking about how badly I want a shower, I'm covered in sand” I said. “Now that I think about it, I'm in the same boat. My hair is blonde, but it's not this blonde” He said, running his fingers through is unkempt hair. “There’s so much sand in it, I think it changed the colour of it” He laughed. His laugh was incredible. It wasn't too deep or too high pitched. I was medium toned chuckle. It was perfect, and by far my favourite sound I had ever heard.
“I'm going to head downstairs and hop in the shower. I suggest you do the same” I said. Touching the top of his hair.
“I surprised you didn't lose your hand then, who knows what sea monster is hiding in there” He laughed again, but this time he took hold of my wrist. He began to rub his thumb along the length of my lower arm. I kept my eyes down awkwardly. I could feel the tension in the air, it was almost tangible. Clearly he didn't feel anything, he was very intent on touching my skin. He kept his eyes fixed on my lower arm. Then I realised what he was looking at. Earlier that day I had drawn something on my wrist. It wasn't anything amazing, only a spiral. It was curious why anyone would be fascinated by it. “Cool drawing” he said. He let go of my wrist and it began to feel cold as the heat from his hand faded away. He stood up. “I'm going to shower” he announced. With that, he walked downstairs and vanished. I picked up my glass and stuck it in the dishwasher, then thought better of it and washed it in the sink. I dried my hands on the dish cloth and straightened both of our chairs.

I walked downstairs, day dreaming about the relaxing hot shower I was about to have. I could feel the sand rubbing between my toes as I walked along the cold tiled floor. When I finally reached my bedroom I noticed that there was steam escaping from underneath the door. I wasn't sure why Bella would be using my shower, maybe she had let Tom use hers. I opened the door and a walked through the cloud of steam that filled my room. I took my shorts and top off, dumping them on the bed. I knew Bella wouldn't mind if I walked into the bathroom while she was showering. I walked inside, I needed to get my body lotion out of the cabinet. I reached inside and found it right at the back. Then I heard singing. It wasn't Bella. “Jay!?” I screamed, hitting my head on the cabinet roof. I looked over to the shower and low and behold there was Jay. Thank the lord the steam was so thick, or else I would have seen a lot more of him than I ever needed to. “You're in my shower, naked!” I gasped.
“As opposed to 'in your shower with clothes on?” He laughed. He ran his hand along the glass, clearing the steam build up. I could see him smiling. He carried on rubbing the glass, but I shut my eyes when he started clearing it towards the lower half of his body. “No, stop!” I told him. I kept my eyes closed and felt my way along the wall, and ran out of the room. I jumped on the bed and hid under the covers, I had no idea why that seemed like a good idea. I pulled all the covers over my head. Moments later I heard the water turn off. “Wherefore art though Grumpy?” He laughed from inside the bathroom.
“Are you hiding in the closet? Or under the large pile of blankets on the bed?”
“I'm not coming out! I'm not dressed!” I called from inside the pile of blankets.
“Well that makes two of us then” I heard him chuckling to himself. There was a sound of a zip being pulled up. I figured it would be safe to come out of hiding. I pulled the covers off my head and flattened my hair. I looked up at him, he was now wearing black jeans, but no shirt. I was about to pull the covers over my head again, when he grabbed onto them. “You've seen me without a shirt before, Grumpy. No big deal” I tugged the blanket out of his hand and covered myself from the chest down. I had walked into the bathroom without any clothes on. “why aren't you using your own shower?” I asked.
“Because I wanted to get ready and the other boys are taking ages!” He said, looking around for his shirt. “It's on the chair” I pointed. “What are you getting ready for?” I asked him, pulling up the blankets before they fell down.
“I thought you knew? We're all going clubbing tonight” He put his head through his shirt and pulled it over his chest, one by one his tattoos vanished underneath it. “You are coming aren’t you?” He looked up at me.
“No, I'm not. Clubbing isn't something I enjoy if I'm honest” I said. I could see a flash of disappointment in his eyes. I felt bad, I knew that 'going out' was meant to be something fun and something you do with your friends, but it wasn't something that I enjoyed doing. While I felt bad for not wanting to go, I knew that Jay would have fun without me. Pathetically, it made me start to question whether me being there would in fact make any difference at all. “Pity. I wanted you to come. I guess you'll be stuck at home with Charlie then” He said. “Why isn't he going?” I asked.
“Same reason that you're not going, it's not his thing” He said, putting on his socks and shoes. “Well then he's going to be stuck at home with me. I hope he likes Christmas movies” I said.
“I'm sure he won't mind” He said. “You should really go shower, you're getting sand in the bed” He said, throwing a towel at me.
“Turn around” I told him. I got out of the bed and wrapped the towel around myself. I heard Bella voice coming from the entrance hall, she was calling everyone. “That's my cue” he said. He walked up to me and pulled me into a tight hug. I couldn't move my arms because they were holding up towel up. So I just stood there with my arms at my sides. He wrapped his arms around mine. I could smell his cologne again, it had notes of vanilla and musk in it. Part of me wished that he didn't enjoy parties as much as he did. I would've so enjoyed it if he were the one to stay home with me, rather than Charlie. He gave me a slow kiss on the head, once again I felt his hot breath wash over me. “Go shower, you taste like the ocean” he laughed.

After Bella and the boys left I went to shower, enjoying the hot water as it washed away all the sand. The steam misted up and covered every inch of the glass walls, but I could still see out of it, but no one could see in. My face went hot, hotter than the water running down it. Jay had been able to see out of the shower the whole time. Maybe he hadn't looked. Maybe he had. I got out of the shower and changed into PJ's. Still dying inside over the idea of what Jay had seen.

I walked upstairs. Charlie was sitting at the kitchen counter. He had put popcorn in the microwave and was waiting for it to pop, “Hello there!” He said as I walked to the TV, and opened the draw. “Hey!, what movie do you want to watch? I'm really in the mood for a Christmas one” I asked.
“Christmas films at Christmas time? you're far too imaginative for me” he laughed. “Can't we watch an action rather? I'm not in the mood for a Christmas film” he said. I was annoyed. This was my night and now Charlie was going to destroy it with his poor taste in movies. “Sorry I don't mean to be bossy but I don't think I could handle a Christmas film” he said, getting up and checking his popcorn. “It won't hurt you you know, it's just a movie” I said with a clear tone of annoyance in my voice. “Don't knock the action before you try it” he said, pouring the popcorn into a bowl. “Fine, you pick the movie then” I said, dumping The Holiday back into the draw of DVD's. He did, he chose Die Hard. He put the disk into the DVD player and came to sit down next to me on the couch. He got his own blanket form one of the lounge chairs, I wasn't about to share mine.

We watched the movie in silence, with an occasional yawn from me. It wasn't because the movie was boring, but rather because being at the beach had used up a lot of my energy. My blanket began to slip off my lap, I was too tired to pull it up. To my surprise Charlie reached over and pulled it up for me.
“Are you enjoying the film?” he asked. I thought he had a bit of a cheek to ask me if I was enjoying the movie that he insisted on watching. But I had to admit, I was enjoying it. “It's okay” I told him
“See! It's not that bad” he laughed. His phone started to ring in his pocket. I paused the movie. He answered it and began to chat enthusiastically to the person on the other end. By the look on his face he was having a hard time hearing the other person. He moved the phone away from his ear, there was a loud noise coming it. He ended the call. “Sorry about that, just my brother being a pain” He said as he put his phone back in his pocket.
“Don't worry about it” I said as I pressed play.

When the movie finished I told Charlie to put the disk away and I went over the kitchen to make us hot chocolate. Once he had put the movie away, he came and sat on the bar stool in front of me. “Tell me something I don't know about you” he said.
“My second grade maths teacher's name was Daniel” I answered with a very serious face. We both burst out laughing.
“That's brilliant, but I meant something more personal” he laughed.
“Well I'm insecure” I said it before I thought it through, that wasn't a very light hearted change of topic.
“Really? You don't seem it” he said, as he took a sip of his hot chocolate.
“Maybe so, but I am, I always have been. The interesting thing is that sometimes I can forget about it. I just depends who I'm with” I told him.
“Met anyone that you feel yourself with?”
I knew I would regret what I was about to say, but it came out before I could take I back. “Jay” I said.
To my surprise he smiled. “I guess I sort of knew that already” he said, taking another sip of his drink.
“You're too good for him though” He laughed. I didn't think there was anything funny about that. In fact the more time I spent with Charlie the less I liked him. He didn't have a filter, and what he said offended me.
“Jay's a good person, he has his flaws, but who doesn't “I said.
“You really think you have him all figured out don't you? You think because he makes you feel special, he has deep feelings for you? You're missing a part of the equation I’m afraid. He makes everyone feel special. It's part of his charm”
I wanted to hurt Charlie, to take the pain he was causing me and throw it back at him. How dare he preach to me, he didn't know me and he didn't know Jay. Not like I did. Jay was a good person, he cared about me and he treated me differently. 'What a rude Ginger' I thought to myself.
“Let's play chess! Reckon I can beat you” I said. We walked over to the dinning room and set the board up. I did beat him, in fact I beat him within ten minutes. He was awful at the game and I was glad that I had weakened his ego some what.

I was about to get up from my chair when I heard the front door open. Charlie got up and went downstairs to say hello to his friends. I went out the kitchen door, not wanting to see anyone. I walked outside and sat on the bench by the water fountain. The water was trickling down the pebbles that were placed at the bottom of the feature. Charlie was a complete arsehole. He was judging a situation that he didn't understand. He didn't know a thing about Jay. More importantly we would never understand what I saw in him. He had no right to say those things. I was so angry and I could feel my cheeks getting hot.
Moments later there came a noise from the kitchen, Bella and the boys were all laughing and talking very loudly, it was like that first night all over again. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but I could hear the gist of it. They were discussing how many girls they had all made out with at the club. I heard Tom say how he only got one. Then I heard Bella laugh. The next voice was Harry. “I still can't get over how Jay got four though” he laughed. I felt my chest grow heavy. I wanted to leave, but my body felt like it weighed a ton. I forced myself to stand up. I walked into the kitchen, and everyone turned to me. Jay's smile melted off his face. “Dani?” he said, his face looked shocked. None of them knew I was sitting outside.

I walked straight downstairs and into my bedroom, shutting the door behind me. I threw the pillows off the bed and climbed inside, pulling the covers over me. I curled up into a ball and began to cry. I cried into my pillow for what felt like ages, it was soaked and my eyes hurt. I felt confused. I wasn't sure if I was allowed to be upset over what Jay had done. He wasn't my boyfriend and he had never done anything more than kiss me on the head, which wasn't that big of a deal to start with. I tried to ignore the voice in my head, it was reminding me of what Charlie had said earlier that night “He makes everyone feel special” I never thought that anything Charlie said could ever be right, yet here I was. I found myself questioning everything, whether every interaction with Jay meant as little to him as I now imagined it to. He was very handsome in a unique way. He wasn't a supermodel, but supermodels had nothing on him. Therefore the idea that any girl wouldn't love to get close to him would be absurd. I pulled the blankets closer to me. I wanted to be insulated and not have to think about the awfulness that was outside my room.

I heard a knock at my door. “Go away!” I said. I heard someone turn the handle and walk into my room. Then I felt the blankets lifting up around me. Jay climbed into bed with me. I rolled over onto my other side so that my back was facing him. “Don't waste your tears” He said trying to take my hand, I pulled it away from him. “I know what you must think, but you don't understand” He insisted. I could feel the bed warming up, his body was hot after a night of dancing, and his cologne smelled even stronger somehow, maybe because I had missed it since he left. “This is going to sound mad, childish and completely insane, but I need you to believe me. When my friends and I go out clubbing, we switch names, just for fun.” He told me, trying once again to find my hand. “I know it sounds really pathetic, but it's just a silly game we play. Makes us laugh after the night is over, and, it's nice every once in a while, to be able to no longer be yourself, makes you feel free, like tonight for example, I was 'Harry' and Harry was 'Jay'. It was Harry that got with those girls, not me.” The part of me that believe him was happy, while the other part was not. The whole idea of switching names was childish and nonsensical, and just because I knew the truth, didn't mean that all of my worries had gone away. I still didn't understand why Jay had come to my room, why he was lying next to me, and why he cared enough to trouble himself with me. “That's really stupid” I told him.
“What was that grumpy? I don't speak mumble” He laughed “Come here you silly bugger” He pulled me around and onto his chest. I could hear his heart beating, it was fast. His shirt was only buttoned up half way, leaving his chest exposed. I could feel his soft skin against my check. Being close to him made me feel safe, like nothing bad would ever find me. I was happy in the moment, it may be a happiness based on false pretences, but I wasn't willing to give it up to negative thoughts, it was mine to enjoy. He began to run his fingers along my right arm, leaving a tail of fire as he touched me. I could hear his pulse quickening. I felt his hand grab my arm and pull me higher onto his chest. He held me close to him. His blue eyes were still but his heart was beating fast. He lowered me down and pressed him soft lips to mine. They were warm and gentle. Yet touching them felt like touching fire.

The sound of running water woke me up. I could hear movement in the bathroom, someone was walking around, opening and closing cupboards as they went. I opened my eyes for a moment. The room was still black from the night sky that poured in through the window. It must have been really early in the morning. I made a mental note to kill Jay for showering this early. My pyjamas felt tight against my skin, I was too hot, and the stale air didn't help. I threw the blankets off the bed. The water turned off and Jay walked out of the bathroom, wearing a black towel. “You're evil for waking me up. Ugh go away” I moaned. “You know, I was starting to think that 'grumpy' was no longer the right nickname for you. I couldn't have been more wrong” he laughed. I picked up the pillow next to me, and threw it at him. “Get up grumpy, I want to leave before the others wake up” he said.
“I don't want to see a movie now, go away” I said as I rolled over so that my back was facing him.
“Film? What are you talking about? You're half asleep, not drunk”
“Although a Christmas movie sounds good. I'm up for that” I said. I had no idea what Jay wanted from me, and I was too tired to try and understand.
“We're not going to see any films. We're going for a drive” He said, talking hold of my leg and pulling it.
“No! Go away. I want to sleep, I don't want to watch a movie” I moaned.
“I never said we were going to watch a film!” he pulled harder. “come on, get up”

When Jay finally got me out of bed, he made me take a shower. He hoped that the warm water would wake me up. It didn't. As soon as I got a pair of shorts and a t-shirt on, I walked back to my bed and fell onto it. Jay had to pick me up and throw me over his shoulder, or else I would have stayed on the bed. He carried me down the passage. “It's your fault for wanting to go see a movie this early in the morning” I moaned.
“We're not going to see a film, grumpy” He chuckled.
He walked into the garage and dropped me into the passenger side of the Jeep.
It was an off-road Jeep- the one without a roof. I wanted to sleep, not get blown away.

Despite the wind, I managed to fall asleep in the car. Only waking up when Jay drove over a speed bump. The only images I saw when my eyes opened briefly, was that of Jay, singing along to a song on the radio. His hair blowing wildly in the wind, he was smiling.

The journey felt long. I felt like we had driven so far, for so long, that we couldn't possibly have gone to a local beach. I was right. Jay drove along a dirt road. Large green bushes created parallel walls on either side of the car. I could feel the air getting denser as we neared the beach. It tasted like salt when I opened my mouth to yawn. It felt like salt on my skin, when I stretched my arms above my head, and I could hear the sound of crashing waves as the charged and smashed onto the rocks that bordered the shore.

Jay parked the Jeep next to a large sand dune- which was one of many. He jumped over the his door, not bothering to open it. I would have liked to have done the same, but I feared my balance would betray me. I therefore opened my door and dropped onto the warm sand below. The sun was starting to rise. I could see slivers of pink, peaking over the horizon. Jay walked along the sand path, not stopping to see if I was following him. But I did. When we had climbed over the enormous sand dune, I was able to see the rest of the beach. There was a great stretch of sand and sand dunes between us and the sea. Along the way were rocks, dune plants and little sand birds that scurried hastily across the warm sand. “I love the smell of beach in the morning” said Jay. Stretching his arms above his head, his joints cracking. He brought his arm down, resting it on my shoulders. “Don't you?” he asked.
“I can think of another B word” I muttered.
“Beyonce?” I sure she smells fantastic in the morning. Can't say that I’ve ever had the experience of waking up next to her. But I'll call her up and see if she's interested in a cheeky sleepover.” he chuckled.
“I meant, bed.”
“You like the smell of your bed?” He said, turning his head towards me. “That's very strange and I suggest you talk to someone about these weird likings.” I ignored him and started preparing myself for the climb up the next sand dune. He soon caught up with me.

“Did you have a fun evening with Charlie last night? He tells me that you watched an action film. Which I thought I was very surprising, after how excited you seemed at the idea of watching a Christmas one. I was sure he would agree to with your selection” He said.
“I was mad, if I'm honest, I was really looking forward to kicking back and watching The Holiday -which is my feel good movie. But, I know how Bella would have felt if I didn't let our guest pick what he wanted” I said bitterly. “She would have told me that it was my obligation to make him feel at home. If I'm honest, I'm not very fond of Charlie, there's something about him, something very off-putting. I have very ambivalent feelings toward him, that's for sure” I said. I knew Jay wouldn't like me talking badly about his friend, but I couldn't help but feel the need to share my feelings towards Charlie. Besides, Jay clearly had no idea that Charlie had been talking badly behind his back. Last night he seemed very at ease talking about Jay in a condescending manner -something friends weren't meant to do, last time I checked.
“I'm not so sure I'm fond of him either” Jay admitted.
“I don't understand. He's your friend”
“Brother, actually” Said Jay, an unaffectionate tone in his voice.
“What? That's not possible. Since when?” I demanded. I was shocked. They didn't even look alike, how on earth could they be related, let alone brothers.
“Since about seven years ago, when his mom and my dad got together” he said indifferently.
“So he's your step-brother” I said.
“Yeah, but we were always encouraged to treat each other as if we were siblings. He sighed. “Dad thought it would help our two families bond, or some nonsense like that” he said.
“I can't imagine what reasons you could possibly have for not liking him, I've never seen him talk badly to you. I knew I was being pushy, but I was curious to see if jay was aware of Charlie's talking badly about him. And if he didn't, I really didn't want to be the person who told him. It would me churlish of me to interfere in something that wasn't my business, especially now that Jay was starting to confide in me.
“Despite our dads greatest efforts, Charlie has never treated me like a real brother. He's always been jealous of me, which has caused him to resent me in every way he can. He always tries to take things away from me. That's why I wasn't very happy about you staying home with him last night. I feared he may have made a move on you” He said, a tone of concern in his voice.
“What do you mean 'take things away'?” I asked.
“Ever since we were young, he's seen me as the annoying younger brother who always got the girls” he said. I looked away from him, but he continued. “There was one girl, her name was Janet, he liked her for years, but she didn't feel the same. She fancied me. I told Charlie on many occasions, that her feelings were not mutual, but he was so blinded by jealousy that he wouldn't see reason. Ever since then, he's had a bloodless vendetta against me”
“Wow, I'm glad I let him watch his movie then” I said. “Wouldn't want him to explode in a range” I laughed.
Jay laughed too. He took my hand again, it began to feel warm from his touch. “Can I ask you a question?” he said. “It's going to sound very blunt, but I can't think of another way of putting it”
“Go for it” I said
“Why me? Why did you pick me over everyone else is that house?” He asked. I wasn't shocked by the question, but rather, by the fact that he was the one asking it. I was certain that no matter how long a period of time I spent with Jay, I would never grow to understand him. I should be asking him, questioning his interest in me, not him questioning my interest in him. That seemed laughable. He was the handsome, smart and fun guy that many girls would cross oceans for. Why he was wasting his time with boring old me, was a question that never left my mind. I knew he was wrong for asking, but I was curious to understand his reason behind it. Why did he question himself, when no one else did?
“You're different” I admitted. I would have liked to have been lying -just playing along with his question, but what I told him was the truth.
“No I'm not. I'm just the same as everyone else. Why me?” He pushed.
“If I were standing in a crowded hall filled with strangers laughing, I would be able to hear your laugh above everyone else’s. Because your laugh would be genuine. You're doing what comes naturally to you, while everyone else is simply doing what they're told to do” I said. “You seem more real than most people, they live in their fake little bubbles. I just happen to appreciate the way you see the world, or at least how I understand you to see it. I could be wrong”
“So you chose to spend time with me because of my laugh.?”
“That's what you took from that whole speech?” I laughed at him. “But no. It's a metaphor you silly. A very theatrical one, yet a metaphor none the less.”


The weather was warm and it made me feel happy. Although, I was sure that having Jay by my side was contributing to that happiness I felt. Without noticing, we had walked across the majority of the beach. We walked along the a waters edge, with little waves washing over or bare feet. For the first time since I'd met him, Jay was wearing a pair of denim shorts, with them he wore a white shirt and a black bowler hat, his messy blonde hair sticking out form underneath it – the same one he had worn on the night of the party- I admired him, he was so carefree and everything about him screamed ' live life the fun way'. Yet he was so down to earth, and so at peace with himself. I was right when I regarded him as genuine. Looking at him, made me feel sad. Once again I began to question why he wanted to spend time with me, it simply didn't make sense. I could imagine a whole bunch of girls that would be better suited for his type. Pretty girls who didn't wear all that make clothing, but made up for it by wearing far too much make up. Even if she had no personality, his would have be sufficient for both of them. I looked over at Jay, pushing my judgemental thoughts aside.

We walked to the end of the beach and Jay began to turn around. “Wait, I want to show you something” I took his hand and pulled him towards the rock pools.
It was low tide and as a result, the rock pools were very shallow -perfect for exploring. We walked towards the pools at the far back. The water was a clear light blue, unlike the dark blue waves that surround the pools. I let go of jay's hand began to climb up the rocks – I wanted to see the other side. I saw Jay bend down and stick his hand into the pool. Something swam past it and he pulled his hand out of the water. I laughed. “Rock pools not your thing then?” I said in a cheeky tone. “Very funny” he sad sarcastically. He backed away from the pool and sat on a nearby rock. I, however, wasn't afraid of the rock pools, so I bent over and stuck my hand into it. Moments later, I spotted an orange crab. I grabbed it on its side and lifted it out of the water. “Look, I found Sebastian” I shouted.
“Now my dream to be a real Merman can come true” He laughed. I spent ages wondering around the rock pools. I thought Jay would grow impatient, but he never did. He lay down on his rock, and sang a song to himself. Of all the creatures I could find in the rock pools, none would ever fascinate me as much as Jay Camden did. It was as if he did in fact live in his own rock pool, and I had wondered into it and discovered him.

After a while, I grew bored of the rock pools. So Jay and I began to walk towards the other end of the beach. Without much thought from me, I brought of the topic of Charlie, curious to know about it.
“Can’t you fix your relationship?” I asked, certain that he wouldn’t be too please about me digging my nose into his private life. I knew it was none of my business, but I couldn’t suppress my desire to suggest a solution for the situation. Especially if it was a situation that was affecting Jay as much as it clearly was. However, I was afraid that my suggesting things may come off as being annoying. Nevertheless I only had the desire to help. “I’ve heard great stories about people who have been able to almost restart relationships, with the help of a therapist.”
“That’s the thing.” He sighed. “Our relationship isn’t like an old rusty car, you can’t just ‘fix it’ his face remained unchanged by the topic. “Think of it as a rusty car that has been set on fire and then pushed down a rocky cliff. You would need divine intervention in order to fix that” he laughed.
I looked down at our feet. Footprints followed us as we walked along the wet sand.
“I bet Bob The Builder couldn’t even fix that” I muttered, looking out at the crashing waves. I saw his head jerk towards me. I wasn’t aware that he had heard my comment. “You did not just insulted Bob The Builder? He gasped.
“What?” I proclaimed. “He’s a very creepy guy”
“Dr Phil is a creepy guy.” His face was painted with a dead serious expression. “One does not simply call my main man Bob ‘creepy’.
“Isn’t that line from Lord Of The Rings?” I asked.
“Yeah, but that’s about Mordor.” He said.
I lost track of what he was saying and looked back out to sea. The waves had large white horses that lead the way for the massive blue barrels, swallowing anything that lay in its path. A tragic end, for all who dared to face it.
“But, we’re fine” I looked back to Jay as he spoke. I wasn’t aware that he wanted to continue talking about that topic. “Over the years we’ve learned to mask our relationship. We’ve created a happy loving façade that people would never question or see past. It seems to be working so far and I don’t think either of us is inclined to change it.” He finished with a definite tone in his voice. Clearly there was to be no further discussion on the subject. I knew that the moment had long since passed, but I couldn’t shake the burning question that seemed to be a companion with me along this walk. What had Charlie meant when he said ‘You’re missing part of the equation.’
Jay was looking down at his feet, watching as they made dents in the sand. I didn’t have the heart to push the matter any further, so with great effort, I put it out of my mind.

We carried on walking along the shore, in silence, hand in hand. When we had reached a spot in the middle of the beach. Jay began to walk away from my side. I saw what he was heading towards. A small sand dune sat in front of us. The wind had blown around its side, leaving the front hollow. It made for the perfect resting spot. Clearly, Jay had already thought the whole thing through. He padded over to the shady spot and set his bag down. He spread out a big yellow blanket, and took his white button up shirt off. His golden skin shone brilliantly as the sun caressed it. His unkempt hair haloed by the warm rays. Illuminating him as he lay down on the blanket. A great part of me wanted to walk over to him, to mimic his graceful movements. To sit next to him and feel his warm arms around me, keeping me safe. But I walked away. I walked to the waters edge. I watched as the little front waves washed over my toes. The water was freezing, like a water bottle that was still busy defrosting. The water brushed passed my ankles, cooling a heat I hadn’t known was there. I looked back towards Jay. I could see his nose ring shining in the sun. The rest of him was under a cover of shade, kindly provided by the dune. The clouds floating above me were moving, as if they were being pushed by an unseen force. The sun kept coming out from behind the clouds, until, not longer after, it hid behind them again. Like one would lurk in a doorway. Unsure of their welcome. The water washed over my toes again. Leaving behind little specks of sand that clung onto my feet. I wasn’t sure if I liked the sea. It was open, yet mysterious at the same time. Like a dark forest that had a warm and open front, cunningly inviting you to begin what could end as your final chapter. There was sand stuck to my legs. Each grain a different shade of grey. It almost looked as if I had acquired scales during the walk, and they made my legs itch. There was however, one thing that made me love the beach at that point in time, and that was the blonde haired person who sat no further than ten meters behind me. No doubt, enjoying the warm that he so desperately loved. Therefore, not a single complaint would pass my lips. If being as the beach made him happy, that made the unpleasantness worth it. I wasn’t about to take any of that happiness away. I took a step forward, the cold water washed passed my knees. The sound of the crashing waves was loud enough to drown the noise of the wind as it whistled passed my ear. My feet were so numb that I felt no pain as shells shattered beneath my feet as I stepped on them.
“You coming in, then?” It was Jay. His skin was light pink from where the sun had hit him. “I’ll pass. Water isn’t exactly my favourite element.” I said, Stepping back and feeling the water sink down to my ankles again. “You’re not afraid are you?” He smirked. “Northing’s going to harm you, as long as your don’t turn into a Salmon.”
“Salmon live in fresh water you twit”
“So smart for someone who is so pointlessly scared.” He chuckled.
“Scared isn’t the word I would use” I retorted.
“Terrified a better one?” Clearly finding himself to be very amusing. He walked forward, getting the message that I wasn’t going to follow him into the waves. “Your loss, Grumpy.” And with that, he dove into the cold water.

Over time, the sky grew pink and the sun began to set. I knew we would have to leave soon, as the drive home was long and I didn't think Jay would enjoy driving at night. I didn't want to leave the beach, but Jay was standing by our towels, drying off, waiting for me to join him. We walked along the beach. He walked on the dry sand while I walked through the water, enjoy the feeling of it. We got back to the Jeep when the sun was about to set. The sky was a brilliant orange, with shades of pink scattered across it. We got into the car and drove away. I fell asleep to the soothing humming of the engine, just like I had done that morning. Walking along the beach in the hot sun, tended to drain my energy. I woke up every time we came to a stop street. At one, I wasn't too sure, but I could have sworn I felt Jay kissing me on the head, like he always did.

When we arrived at the house, Charlie was waiting for us at the front door.
He turned to Jay “Mate, there's a problem upstairs” He looked worried as he looked down at me. “I'm sure we can sort it out” said Jay calmly. “No, trust me, you can't. I think it's better if you come and see it alone” He said, gesturing to me. “Don't be like that Charlie, I'm sure it's not a big deal” I said, I pushing past him. All three of us walked upstairs. We were greeted by the sight of everyone crowed around the kitchen table. There was a girl I didn't recognise, perhaps a new friend Bella had made today. When Jay and I appeared at the top of the stairs, she turned towards us and her face lit up like the Christmas tree that was standing next to her. “Alice?” Gasped Jay. Alice smiled widely. She run towards Jay pushing me to the side. She wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed him. It all happened too fast. If I had felt sick as a result of the clubbing mix up, it was nothing compared to how I felt now. I saw everyone turn to me, looks of horror on their faces. I knew they were all wondering how I would react. Time felt frozen, everyone stood still, staring at me. Alice was still busy hugging Jay, oblivious to my reaction. Jay had gone rigid, his arms were at his sides and his expression was frozen. I could feel my muscles growing stiff, I had get out before they did. I ran.

I ran downstairs and out the front door, leaving everything behind as I went. I ran towards the beach path, the hot ground burning my feet on contact. I began to feel a chill as the cold night air brushed my skin and blew my hair away from my face. I saw the beach path in front of me, it was cool and soft and my burnt feet welcomed it. I carried on running, losing sight of the path as the tears welled up. I blinked and felt them running down my cheeks, leaving behind a trail of hot salty water. The sand sank down against the force of my steps, it was slowing me down. I couldn't run fast enough.
My chest became tight and heavy, it felt constricted and I found myself gasping for air. Between the weight of my chest and the tears running into my mouth, I could hardly run at all. I kept pushing my legs, making sure I was still running as fast as I could. I began to see the sea in front of me. The tide was high and the huge waves were barrelling towards the shore, crashing on the rocks and leaving a spray of water as it collided with the earth. As soon as I broke free of the bushy path and felt the cool sand of the shore on my feet, I collapsed into a pile on the soft sand. The tears streaming down my face and pain filled cries leaving my mouth. I sat and cried. It was as if all the water in the ocean would never amount to the volume that ran down my hot cheeks. I felt empty inside. The pain in my chest was anchoring me to the cold sand. I felt swallowed up by the pain that spread so ferociously through my body. I felt unwanted and unneeded. No one would notice if I never returned, they would carry on as if I had never been there.

It was incredible, the hurt and pain other people can cause you, or worse what you can inflict on yourself unintentionally. Caught in your own web, with a person you trusted watching you, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. To find your weakness and cause you as much pain as possible. The worst part must have been how foolish I felt. It felt as if I were standing alone in the middle of a crowded room, with everyone around me laughing, as if my humiliation was the most humorous thing they had ever witnessed. I felt as if my every attempt at opening up to Jay, had him laughing on the inside. How humours he must have found my pathetic gestures. How he must have laughed at my enthusiastic manner today.

Like a puppet who's strings had been cut off, I felt manipulated and used. I was lying on the cold ground because I was no longer needed, I was to be replaced by a better version. I was a temporary form of entertainment. It wasn't as if I had never been replaced before, but to be replaced in a relationship that I was so hesitant to enter into, only for it to end tragically, seemed cruel.
A lie this big, seemed comprehensible. Why would he do this. How could he do this. Every kind word he had spoken, was now drowned by what I had just witnessed. I had been right, yet so very wrong. Alice was perfectly suited for him. I was right for thinking he was better off. Yet so wrong for having hope.

I sat on the sand for what felt like hours. Over time, the sound of crying subsided, but the tears continued to run down my cheeks. I didn't know what to do. I knew that I couldn't sit on the beach for the whole night, but I had no desire to go home. In my mind, I knew I had to chose, but my body felt numb, as if moving was an irrelevant thing. I sat and ran my hands along the top of the ground. The grains of sand flowed throw my open fingers. I scooped up a pile of sand, turned my hand over, and watched as the grains fell to the ground. Somehow I the strength to get up.
The walk back to this house seemed to pass in seconds. When I opened the front door, I could hear sounds coming from upstairs. It was laugher. Everyone was still in the lounge, laughing and enjoying each other's company. I looked around with tired eyes, the lights were off and I had to find my way back to my bedroom, it was the only place could think of, where I could lock the door, and block anything outside of it.
Over the next few hours, lay on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. My eyes following the sounds of footsteps as the darted around above me. I heard the footsteps disappear, but later turn up right outside my room. I shut my eyes out of habit, after all my door was locked.

The next few days were plain. Everyone went about their business, hardly consulting each other as they went. The tension in the house was almost tangible. Yet, I felt numb to it, what I felt inside was far worse than what hung in the air. I occupied myself by taking long walks on the mountain path. I enjoyed wasting time in my own. I was done trying to pretend that nothing hurt me. But I wasn't going to stick away with pitiful eyes watching me. I knew everyone would be down at the beach by now. That was the reason why I chose the mountain as my haven. Besides, I was sure that If I passed Alice while walking along the seas shore, the temptation of drowning her in the wild waves, would become far too overwhelming. However, the sad truth was that none of this was her fault, she was just caught in the middle of it all-not that I pitied her in anyway. She now had everything that I would have to live without, and I was left on the ground, watching as the one thing that once made me happy, walked away, holding her hand in his. The truth was that the fault belonged, entirely to Jay. His cowardice is what caused this collision. I liked to think that I would have forgiven him if he had just been honest with me from the start, but I wasn't certain. It was interesting to think about how different the past few weeks would have been, if he had told me about Alice. How different the whole holiday would have been. If Jay had told me about her, would I still feel the same way about him? Then again, If he had told me about her, would I still have been so open to spending time with him. Would I have had the opportunity to develop feeling for him in the first place? I wasn't sure that I would have.

Alice spent her days clinging onto Jay's arm, and never letting go. Like a splinter you couldn't get out of your foot, she was always a painful companion when I saw Jay. I couldn't picture the one without thinking about the other. The worst situation was always dinner. Everyone sat around the island in the kitchen, each fascinated with their own meal. Once in a while Bella was start to talk about the days events, but conversation quickly died out. I spoke too, I wasn't going to sit there and sulk, it was my holiday too and I would be damned if Alice or Jay was going to destroy it. However, I kept my eyes down, catching Jay's eyes was worse than being pushed off a cliff, my stomach sank and my eyes threatened me with a tear. I couldn't bare it.

One night after dinner, I helped Bella and Tom with the dishes. The boys and Alice had all gone for an evening walk, to help their food settle. I decided to stay at home, as it was getting too cold outside and I hadn't brought my warm hoodie with me. I walked out onto the balcony, taking a deep breath of fresh ocean air. I could hear voices from down below. I saw everyone as the walked out of the front door, laughing and joking as they went. I saw Bella grabbing hold of Toms' hand and I saw Alice, only she was alone.
“Walks not your thing then?” I heard a calm voice coming from the blackness of the balcony. I didn't turn around, I couldn't turn around. To my horror I felt a single warm tear run down my cheek. I wiped it away angrily, frustrated at my weakness. “Go away!” I ordered into the darkness.
“I'm not going away” It replied.
“Fine. Then I'll go” I turned around, heading for the door, but Jay stepped out of the shadows, blocking my path.
“I can't let you leave I'm afraid” he said. His voice had its usual coolness about it. He didn't seem very uneasy, not like I did.
“Please, just sit down. Give me one chance to explain” he pleaded, pushing me towards the chair in the far right corner.
“I don't owe you anything, I shouldn't have to sit here and listen to anything you say” I said firmly. The truth was, I was afraid of how I would react to what he was about to tell me. If a tear had escaped after one sentence, I was worried about what would happen after he told me the truth.
Jay pushed me into one of the chairs that were scattered around the balcony. It was cold and it made me shiver. Jay didn't sit, instead he started to pace back and forth – rather dramatic in my opinion.
“Okay. I'm going to say this fast” He began, with a tone of urgency in his voice. As if he had a limited amount of time to say what he wanted to say.
“I love yo-”
“Oh get a life.”I got up from my chair. He must have been playing me for a fool, I wasn't going to sit here and be part of his joke any longer. I stood up, but his strong hands gripped onto my shoulders and sat me right back down.
“You're going to let me finish, then, if you still want to leave, you can.” He pressed on.
“Fine” I muttered.
“I love you” he went on, and I rolled my eyes. “I don't love Alice. I love you. Alice was never meant to show up here and I still don't understand why she did. She's the daughter of a very powerful man back at home. The type of man my father likes to have as a client at his law firm. Dad asked me to go out with Alice once or twice, so that I could get close to her family, and in turn bring my dad and Alice's dad closer together. It was all for business. I never cared about Alice, nor could I ever. She was just a pawn in my dad's sick chess game. I never wanted to follow through with what he asked, but he insisted that there was no other choice – it was good for business. I went out with her a few times, but I never felt anything for her. She's really boring and she smells like cats. It really wasn’t a fun situation. After a few dates, we broke up. Or at least I thought we had. I haven't seen her for months, not until she showed up here, of all places. She clearly didn't understand what breaking up meant. Believe me I was just as shocked to see her here, as you were. I didn't know what to make of the situation, and I handled it badly. I never meant for you to get hurt. The look in your eyes, the night Alice ran up to me. That's a look I'll never forget, and I'm so sorry that I caused you so much pain. I don't know how to take it back and I'm not sure I can take it back. All I can do is try and make it up to you.”
“That's one crazy cat lady” I said, raising my eyebrows.
Jay looked at me with wide eyes. Then he let out a deep breath and sank into the chair next to me, running his fingers through his messy hair. “Holy s***. That's the most tragic story I've ever heard, she needs to learn how to let stuff go” I went on. “I understand now, but I still don't understand why you didn't tell me when she first got here?”
“Believe me, I wanted to. But you saw how attached she is, she was always hanging onto me. That's why I stayed behind during the walk, it was the only chance I would ever get.” This whole situation was by far the most insane thing I had ever witnessed. I wasn’t sure why I was so okay with the whole thing, maybe I was just glad to understand it all. It seemed almost funny in a way. Most of all, I was glad Jay had told me the truth. It was as if all the heavy feelings had been lifted. I could look at Jay again, see his blue eyes as the shone in the darkness of the night. Reach out and touch his warm hand.
“I can't believe how well you're taking all of this, are you in shock?” he said, a look of concern washed over his face.
“No. I think I'm fine. Just glad that I know now.” I said.
“I have to do something, I just don't want to do it because I will have to face many unhappy people as a result” He signed. “I have to tell her to go back home.”
“You sure? I can live with her being here, now that I know she's really crazy.”
“No. I want her to leave, she's not welcome here. And I won't let her get between us like that any more.” he smiled.
“You know, this whole thing is the most ridiculous story I've ever heard.” I laughed.
“It is, isn't it? You know what the best part is though?” He said, leaning towards me.
“What's that?” I asked.
“It's only the story so far.” He whispered as he leaned over and kissed me gently.