School at Arborside High. Home of Armadillos! Woohoo! Go us! Boo…Just when I thought that my social life couldn’t get any worse, it dove right off into the deep end, heading for the hidden abyss at the bottom of the ocean. Great, Super, Woop-de-doo! I have now crowned myself the laughing stock of the school. My one shot at becoming a part of the popular crowd ruined! And all because I can’t talk and clap at the same time, you can now refer to me as Arty the Armadillo, your new school mascot. Just great. On the plus side, it’s always a big secret to who the mascot actually is…until someone finds out. Oh no! Stop thinking like this Abby, no one will find out, I hope. I cannot live life wearing a paper bag over my head to cover up my identity. Haley and Jane won’t even want to be friends with me when they find out! I should have listened to them; I shouldn’t have tried out for the cheerleading team. This is not good. And to make things even worse, the Annual Miss Ann Arbor Beauty Pageant is this weekend, and of course my mom is the President of the organization. Meaning that I will have to conform to the curlers and lipstick and turn myself into some fake bimbo. I’ll never hear the end of it and how my mom won three years in a row and how Emma is the reigning Miss Ann Arbor. Don’t you get it! I’m not like you mom, I couldn’t even make the dumb cheerleading team.

First day on the job, and of course nothing, and I mean nothing went right. It was worse then Ohio State’s football team! (Go Wolverines!) For starters, as I am situating the proportional disaster of an armadillo head on my noggin I noticed the reeking smell, the kind that creeps under your skin and just sits there, imprinting forever. Like rotten egg toenail am sitting in a trash can that hasn’t been emptied for 10 years, 3 months, and 5 days. EW! Maybe Neal Butts was the old mascot, you know that kid that was said to not have showered for over a year! Doesn’t everyone loves Friday Night Lights right? WRONG! Not when you have to prance around waving your arms in the air like a lunatic and “trying” to get the crowd pumped up. But let’s be real, we know that the only thing that is actauly pumping up the crowd is those cheerleaders, in their skimpy little skirts that are stuck up their butts. Noah Carter threw that perfect touchdown pass! Boom! The crowd went wild! So me and my big fat armadillo body went stampeding back to cheer in front of the stands. When my right paw/foot thing rolled and the ground crept up on me, getting closer and closer until smack! Face first on the track, ass and tail high in the air. Then it happened, my face heating up and burning into a perfect shade of red, and the crowd, exploding in laughter. No one even watched the extra point go through the uprights. All eyes were on me and my deformed body crumpled on the ground. The pointing, the cackling, the stares!

I feel like everyone is staring at me. That everywhere I walk their faces peer into my soul and just follow me down the halls. But it’s not possible! They don’t know it’s me! No one knows it’s me! I even had to lie to my best friends as to where I was on Friday night! Okay so on to the good news of this not so deadly Monday! Noah Carter switched into my AP Biology class! Ladies and Gentlemen this is no joke! AND Mr. Crawford assigned his seat…wait for it…right next to me! We sit at the same lab table which means we, me and THE NOAH CARTER are LAB PARTNERS! This is the best day ever! I couldn’t even breathe, my mouth went try! And best of all, when he sat down he smiled at me and said “Hi!” I was stuck in a blob of amber. Just sitting there, mouth open, staring, into the beautiful eyes that transport you to the waters of the Caribbean. And his smile, with those pearly whites, so perfectly orthodontic-ed. Uhh! Everyone always says that nothing is perfect, but I can prove them wrong because he is! He is my Prince Charming. Those days when I would just stare at him from across the cafeteria are OVER! Because I will talk to him! I swear! I have a plan! I will purposely leave a problem blank on my homework, so that tomorrow when he gets to class I will ask him how to solve it! Yess! Oh please just let it be fourth period tomorrow! Please GOD!

In case you are wondering what death looks like…its me! My new best friends…the porcelain throne and the very lovely box of tissues. Perfecto! Just when I thought that I was going to serenade Prince Charming right into my arms, the bug bit me. And now I feel as though a tractor trailer ran over me, the decided he forgot something backed up over me, and then once again bam, ran right over me. Sort of like road kill, with the all the guts and blood. Haley came over to visit me today to give me the homework I missed and said that I reminded her of Frankenstein. And not some friendly cartoon version, the real live one. You no what is the worst part about being sick? Its not that you feel like crap it’s that you can’t watch TV! The only thing that is on is cartoons…for babies. Like little talking mice that you are suppose to talk too. NEWS FLASH! They can’t hear you. And then there are those Soap Opera’s, “Doctor, we are having some major difficulties…YEAH these shows suck!” SO instead of spending the day with my eyes super glued to the TV, I got lost in my own head. Like did he think of me during fourth block? What if we went on an adventure, like a road trip across the country! Just me and him with the open road and wind in our hair. But instead of this magical fantasy, mom only lets me eat her homemade soup, but you need a new recipe! Pretty sure this is making me sick!

Being a sophomore stinks…you’re not the baby of the school any more, and you’re not an upperclassmen yet. So what are we? What do you call those kids stuck in the middle, who are struggling to stay afloat? You call them sophomores. I hate nights like this when I can’t sleep, its 2:04 AM and not tired…AT ALL! THAT’S NOT NORMAL! As a living breathing human being, sleep is an essential part of the survival of the fittest. So why does my body feel as though it does not need to rest its eyes and dream wonderful things about boys and butterflies. So here I am, sitting with my pencil in hand staring at this page instead of staring at the lovely dark insides of my eyelids.
TO DO LIST:
1.
Get Haley a birthday present (it’s already 5 days late and I’m an awful best friend)
2.
Register for Driving Classes (watch out world, Abby Stewart is behind the wheel)
3.
Go to Tutorial for AP Chem
4.
Clean my room (before it gets infested with rodents because I haven’t seen my floor in over three months and for all I know it may be a rodent city under there with like little tunnels and mice streeets)
5.
Get Phoebe a new wheel for her cage (she needs to lose weight)
6.
GO TO SLEEP

Today, October 21, 2013, I will make history! Well on this day in 1949 Harry S. Truman appointed the first female federal judge in the nation. And like that lady today, I will be the first person in the Stewart Family to be in the Michigan Spelling Bee! It’s still two hours away, and I am nothing shy of COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT! My hands are on a speed of their own, they literally feel as though they are vibrating and I’m sweating. I’m going to sweat right through this shirt and have pit stains bigger than Lake Huron and Lake Eerie combined! But I’m ready. (Way more ready then I was for the dumb pageant, where I happily got last place). I have been studying for this since before I could even read. It’s the only thing I’m actually good at, I’m like a walking dictionary. Call me a nerd, its fine you won’t be the first person! Haley and Jane are always making fun of me because I am always correcting people’s English. This whole weekend I made them quiz me whereever we went, in line at the concession stand and I even studied inside Arty the Armadillo’s head while I was supposed to be fulfilling my grand mascot duties. The only place I didn’t study was in Biology, because that’s when I peek out the corners of my eyes at his gorgeousness! Today I helped him with one of his problems and tomorrow we are starting a lab! But for now I need to focus, F-O-C-U-S, focus.

I WON! I WON! I actually won! And the final word was tzimmes, pronounced Tim-iz. It is a word meaning a sweetened combination of vegetables in a stew. Wow, I know this may sound cliché, but winning is the greatest thing ever! I feel as though I am walking on air. WOOO! And I have never seen my mom, dad, Emma, and Jacob so proud of me. For once I finally feel as though I belong. They were all so happy and teary eyed, and we all went out to Macaroni Grill (my fav restaurant) to celebrate. And not once did any of us fight or argue! I know I complain all the time about how much I feel like an outcast and how I don’t get along with my family, but now I know how much they care! And man oh man is that a nice trophy! You know how they always put those cute little figurines of the perfect person all polished in shiny gold on top of a trophy? Well before the competition I was pondering this thought and like what do you put on a Spelling Bee trophy? A person standing at a podium? Nope! It’s a bee, an actual honey bee, with a cute little smile and wings. I guess it’s not as good as those sporty soccer players or gymnasts but it will do! Besides, this is the first trophy I’ve actually not one! It’s not like those dumb ones you get when you are little. The participation ones. I have plenty of those, like for soccer, even though all I did was pick daisies while all the other kids were running around.

As I’m still walking in the blissful state of complete enjoyment, my days just keep getting better and better. I made the front cover of the newspaper, and I’m basically like a celebrity now...well not that extreme but still its nice to have people notice you and congratulate you for once. Then fourth period dawned, our eyes met as he cascaded through the parting cluster of people, his eyes sparkled as the setting sun glistened against his baby blues, his voice sang to me from a far. Well I wish...But we did start our lab on breeding Fruit Flies! Our hands kept touching and our eyes meeting! There was magic there, I swear. And every so often we would even get a little off topic and have a normal conversation. Not about the sex of an insect but about where he wants to go to college and football and the weather. My dream! The skies have parted and heaven is gleaming through. We are becoming friends. Two people who actually talk, like words to words, not through some dumb text message but in person! I will forever be thankful to Mr. Crawford. But that glory aside, I have never been so stressed in my life and I am only 15! I have all honors and AP classes! Why did I think that I could handle this! WHY!!! Every night I am up till the crack of dawn studying! And it sucks! Haley and Jane have the easiest classes and can always hang out! While I’m always locked in my chamber knee deep in books!

You know how I feel about Mondays…like they can jump out of a helicopter and get stuck in the propeller. It’s not even 7 o’clock and I am already feeling its teeth sink in like a bloodthirsty vampire. First my dog Skippy decided that the best possible way to wake me up would be to lick my face, and not just my face but in my mouth…I made out with my dog! Not only was that repulsive, but I get to say that the awkward encounter of a first make out is now through with, thanks to my little white ball of fluff! So that aside, I go to put in my contacts to find out that I am fresh out, and that glasses are apart of my wardrobe for the day. Just call me FOUR eyes. And then there is the beautiful thing of living in a place surrounded by lakes…the Lake Effect. Where it always rains, like way more then the average American town. So any chances for my hair to look good today just swirled right down the crapper! By 10 o’clock the mop on top of my head will have taken its primal form of a full-fledged Afro. Just how I love looking for school. The only small light at the end of this tunnel; classes are all shortened today because it is SPIRIT WEEK. So today’s festivities include the pep rally. Of course Arty will have to make an appearance, but I’m starting to get pretty attached to that guy, he’s not too bad to have around…and hide behind. Now where did all my green and white school clothes go?

HOLY S***! This is not real! This day did not actually just happen! I’m being punked! Where’s Ashton? When is someone going to pop out and say that this has all been one BIG SICK JOKE? After my god awful morning at home, I sprinted like Usain Bolt all the way to the bus stop, only to see it barreling down the street in the opposite direction. Not only that, but by the time I dragged my mom out of bed to drive me to school, I was late for first period. Only too then spill my coffee right down the front of my shirt (thank god I had an extra!). After third period the skies opened (literally). It wasn’t just raining cats and dogs outside, but like cheetahs and huskies all while I was walking outside to class. A disastrous day for the record books to say the least. After lunch the entire school, all 1,500 of us, gathered in the gymnasium to get PEPPED UP! It was supposed to be an event full of games and school spirit, to get those Armadillos rowdy for the game…that was on Friday. Does that make sense to anyone? Cause it beats me? Everyone was screaming and shouting, hooting and hollering as the cheerleaders pranced across the mat flashing their way to blindingly white smiles and waving those annoying sparkly pom-poms everywhere. Excuse me if I’m a little bitter, I guess you can say it’s just a tad bit of jealousy. Sooo then the games began, and members from each class partake in relays. Of course Noah was apart of the senior class team. And OF COURSE everyone just exploded in a monstrous roar every time he did something. He was honestly like a walking God or something, maybe even comparable to Brad Pitt. And then it was my time to shine, every year the mascot does all these challenges and dances and skits that are suppose to make the crowd laugh. My body was heavily vibrating at like a million miles a minute, I was so nervous I could jump right out of my own skin. So anyways I’m out there doing my thing, people seem to be enjoying it until…one profound asshole, Jake Riley, has to ruin it. He feels as though he has the power to control everyone and anything that has a pulse. Probably even his own dogs. And because he just felt the need that today would be the day he made a fool out of poor Arty, not only did he ruin my mascot costume, but he happily ruined my life in the doing. WHY DOES MY LIFE SUCK! So would you like to know how my life went from pretty below average to me digging a whole so far down I could almost smell the Earth’s boiling core. Well Mr. Riley thought that it would be absolutely knee slapping hilarious to throw his water bottle, open water bottle that is, right at me. Which then proceeded to soak me and the floor all around me. And due to the overly-emphasized-unproportionate head I was wearing I couldn’t see anything, including the water bottle that was now rolling all over the gym floor. So, I shook it off and continued on with my little routine. Until the unthinkable happened. As I was walking backward I felt something crunch under my foot, then slowly I felt as though I was running on one of those logs they have in the water, then my arms started flailing, and before I knew it I was five feet in the air, falling straight down to my back. THUMP! My whole body, including the ginormo suit came crashing down. I just lay there for a second trying to recover from the mighty blow. Slowly I sat up…only to discover the unimaginable. My head, not my real head, but the dumb armadillo head was sitting beside me. I could see the whole crowd, laughing so hard they were probably peeing their pants. My face turned a crisp red as I sat, showing my identity off to the world. Well, I guess not the world, but to everyone that I had a daily existence with! I spotted Haley and Jane in the crowd, just staring mouths open wide, I saw Noah, but I couldn’t really make out his expression because he was far more fascinated with the ground I guess. Without even one though I scurried to my paws and ran, just ran. Through hallways, tears burning my eyes. I didn’t know where I was going yet but all I knew was that I couldn’t stop running. I ran straight for the equipment closet in the gym to get this nasty suit off of me. When I tried to open the closet to get out I realized it was locked…So with that I sank down, my whole body melting into a little blob and just cried. How could a day that had been so bad, turn out to be even worse then the Great Depression. After what seemed like hours, light broke through the dark silence of the closet. When I heard a voice, one that I knew I had heard many times, but I just couldn’t match the face until the lights flipped on. And there he was…God himself. Well not exactly but Noah Carter was standing there, staring down at feeble little me. He shut the door and without even thinking he sat down next to me…We just sat there for a second, silent, because I’m not sure I had any breath in me to even talk. I was so astonished, why was he here? I couldn’t even think straight. Suddenly he broke the silence, asking if I wanted to talk about it? When I didn’t answer right away, because I still was too starstruck to talk, he just continued talking, apologizing, and trying to make me feel better by cracking some witty jokes. To be 100% honest it was all like a woosh a wind because I can barely even remember it. All I know is that he is the nicest, sweetest, most brilliant, funniest, gorgeous, and kind person to ever walk on this planet.

Even though my life just seems to be some sort of big fat joke sometimes, I guess it really isn’t all that bad. Because just when I had almost made the record books for worst day of existence, prince charming came to rescue the damsel in distress. All his glory goodness came to rescue me! ME! The girl in the costume, the girl who a month ago hadn’t even had the courage to make eye contact with him. You know it’s funny sometimes how things just work out. How even on the worst of days when you just think that the sun won’t shine, it does, and a beautiful rainbow sits in the sky. So now I’m just sitting there, for an eventful day you would think I would be frantically running around like a headless chicken. But I’m just staring at my ceiling and the dumb glow-in-the-dark stars and smiling. I probably look like that big pink and purple cat from Alice and Wonderland that never stops smiling. But hey, when you got something so good to smile at then why not! I don’t care that I’m the dumb mascot or that my greatest talent is spelling because I have a family who cares about me, two BFFS who almost s*** their pants at the news of today, and Noah. I don’t what the future holds for us, but I know that this is one small step in the right direction and one giant step for Abbey. He even asked me out to dinner tonight…is this even real life? Ooh there he is now…ta ta for now old life!