Thank you!

I guess you're right, but i didn't really want a plot, i didn't want anything to be very clear. I wanted the whole thing to sort of me a sightly comfusing mass, just as her life is

Wow, this is really good. You should definitely keep writing this!

I liked where your book was going , but I think the symbolism is a tad hard to follow. I think you should have developed your characters , setting, story , plot , etc. more. You had some minor spelling mistakes that need to be fixed as well. I didn't really see the romance in this and although I am an avid fan of the Hunger Games , I didn't find many similarities or likes between them. I wish you'd elongate the story. It's definitely got potential to be a good one. ****

Maybe she is a sixteen year old elven warrior from the middle ages? Considering where she is, it's a little hard to believe she would sound normal. She is full of herself. That is becuase she only has herlsef to rely upon and turst. To be honset, I genuinly didn't mind what the reader thought of my character, because I wanted her to be real. Real people arn't all loved or all hated, real people have far more range in the impressions they leave with the reader. I am, in fact, glad you didn't like her. It shows I did what I wanted to.

Cautionwetpaint, Hi! I'm glad you liked my story. As for your questions, you're right. This story doens't really have a plot. That's becuase it's a mild form of 'stream of conciesness' And yes, there are lots of questions left unanswered. She is, as she says hserself 'from nowhere' i sort of meant for people to invent what they wanted about her past. As for the world she lives in, something bad happend, I don't know what. Just think of the worst thing you think could happen to the world. I wanted there to be lots of questions arorud this peice, so that the reader feels the character's comfusion.

Hey Animacordis! I like this story, I genuinely do. I think the symbolism thing is really cool (I totally got that part . . .sorta) but I do have a few questions. First off, not to sound cruel or anything but where is the plot? I mean yeah, it has a plot. There's a girl living in a world of chaos? and she has to fight to survive but there's nothing really beyond the bloodshed. Like How did the world get the way it did? Are there any humans at all living in a civilized way? The only reason I ask this question is because you mention the cadges. (the bloody slave people) Like it just makes you wonder how the world got the way it did . . . . And then of course there's Jonathan at the end, but the dialogue between them was confusing, like I wasn't exactly sure what you were trying to convey there. Second, where's her parents? Does she have any family at all? Has her family been killed? What? Like in one novel I'm writing, called Demeter, Demeter's a werewolf who was annexed from her pack because she helped a mortal from the elite (magical creature killing psyhcos). She lives exactly like your girl lives but the difference between them is first off, she's werewolf obviously XD, and she has a back story, or a reason to be fighting for survival. . . . Look, I'm not trying to rag on you. The way you write is great! Throughout the whole story I could picture every single detail. It was as if I was watching a movie (like the hunger games:)). My suggestion to you is to thicken the plot, so to speak. Make it more interesting by adding details from Alaine, or Jonathan's past, try and humanize them a little bit. I can see were Unserieswriter is saying aliane is sixteen and talks like an elven warrior. Again my suggestion to you is to add onto it-try and thicken your plot, humanize your characters, and wrap all of it up with a thick helping of symbolism. Hope this bit of constructive criticism helps! Happy writing! :D

okay. you have some work to do, but then again even the best people on this site do. sometimes your wording comes off as false. she's sixteen so why does she talk like an elven warrior in the middle ages? and if she does have to talk like that work on making her sound genuine. as a character i dont like her. she sounds full of herself. main characters are supposed to be liked or hated. i doubt you wanted me to dislike her. work on her speech, and you'll get better. i mean everything i said to help, not insult you. please read chapter 15 of The Underground Network. if you have time read on, and if you like that take a look at Roman Leagues. Thanks.

I kinda liked the flow of this but the whole symbolism thing made it hard to follow. Otherwise, it is a nice story.

I like your writing style here. It's very good. Yeah, I can see why it's like the hunger games. Critique.... Um... i don't really have any. Of course, I read onlyteh first chapter.