Chapter 2

“Come on, I know you had a rough time at practice last night, but that's no excuse for you to sleep all day.” I could faintly feel my mom shaking me to wake up, but I couldn’t, I kept on trying to find sleep, to find that dream.

I was swimming again, arms stroking, legs flailing wildly, I would do anything. Anything to win gold, and if they give out medals for sleeping in late, I would have taken the gold there, because I was sure that my first period teacher was going to kill me, since I was already 20 minutes late, and I wasn’t even out of the house yet.


“Oh my Gosh, I thought something had happened! I called like, eighty times and you wouldn’t answer!!” Leslie said as I slid into the empty seat by her.

“So I’m late, what's the big deal?” I asked. Leslie was silent. I rolled my eyes, and said “My phone's broken. Why’d you call?”

I never got a chance to hear her answer, because just then I saw a pair of dark shoes by my desk. Oh crap “Mr. Rothskin.” I said through clenched teeth and a plastered smile. He glared at me through venomous eyes and said in long drawn out words,

“Ms. Perswan, do you have something you would like to share with the class?” gulp “uh…no sir.” “Than I would appreciate it if you and your friend would join us on page 56.” He said the last part so fast and sharp that I almost jumped.

Les and I exchanged glances. Why were we taking this class again? This year Les and I had taken US History. Worst mistake of our lives. It wasn’t that we didn’t like history, or even that the class was boring. It was the teacher. Mr. Rothskin was quite possibly the meanest man on the face of the earth. I let out a loud sigh and opened my book, no point in arguing.

…

“Man, lunch could not have come fast enough today.” Josh said throwing his backpack into one of the empty chairs and plopping down.
I looked up from trying to tie my raven black hair into a pony tail.

When he screeched the metal chair across the floor I jerked and the ponytail snapped in my hands. “Ow.” I muttered softly.
“What?” he was laughing.
Ugh, I rolled my eyes to show him that I didn’t find it funny. He didn’t take the hint.

“Dude, so not funny, how am I supposed to hold back this rats nest if I don’t have a hair tie?”

“Chill, it's not an epidemic or nothing Rose, jeez. I like you’re hair down, it always looks so…beautiful.” I looked down, Josh wasn’t my boyfriend or anything, but he had a nasty habit of always flattering me.

“Hey guys, who else made the mistake of taking Literature?” Sierra said sitting down. Just then Jordan ran up.
“Me.”
“Ugh, don’t you think ‘The Call of the Wild’ is a bit overused in this school? Sure the plots great, but I can only read about Brucks adventures for so long!” She said.

Even though I didn’t want to, I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t help it really, she acted like she's read the book so many times, but she couldn’t even get the main-characters name right. I took literature last year, and I loved that story. Sierra though, I doubted she had ever even heard of Jack London!

“Speak for yourself, we’re barely a week into the year and my Spanish teacher already decided that she needed us to write a 5 page paper about a historical event in Mexico, and it has to be written in Spanish” Miley said setting her tray down at the circular table.

“What is that?” Josh said making a face at her lunch. “I don’t really know…” She replied eyeing it suspiciously. Our school was pretty normal in that aspect, inedible school lunches always.

“Where's Jamison?” I asked suddenly. Everyone at the table was silent.
“He didn’t…tell you?” Miley asked, her face showing great pain. I knew I had been left out of something.
“Rose, it feels really bad having me and not him being the one to tell you this, but on Saturday at the Skate competition, he broke his leg. He's been in the hospital ever since.”
So that's why I didn’t know, how would I? I hadn’t been at the Skate Competition. I had had a swim meet. Everyone else had skipped the swim meet, but not me. Of course not Rose, she was too busy working for that goal. Ugh. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks. I wonder when he had planned on telling me. If he was going to at all…

Chapter 3

“How was school?” Bill asked as I walked in. I shrugged my shoulders in response than threw my practice bag onto the stone bench that circled the pool. Digging in it, I found what I was looking for, my lime green swim cap. I wasn’t in too great a mood, but still I started joking with Bill so he wouldn’t think anything was wrong.

“Let me guess,” I said sarcastically, “A 200 swim and a…400 Im kick?”
“How’d you know?” He replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. I laughed and walked over to the shallow end. Glancing at the clock, I noted when I had started and dove in.

The water felt good. It wasn’t cold, but it wasn’t entirely warm. Just nice enough to be relaxing, but cold enough to make me want to go fast. I was born to be in the water. This was right.

My legs hurt. Bad. But I had to keep going, I was in the middle of a kick set from hell, and I was glad that I was almost finished. I probably wouldn’t get much sleep at all tonight. I was still thinking about Jamison though, when I had broken my arm in a diving accident, the hospital was so boring. I was sure he felt the same way.

“Rose, take five. I can tell you have something besides swimming on your mind.’ Bill shouted right when the rest of my team entered. Well, almost the rest. Not Jamison though.

“Where is he?” Bill asked without looking up from his computer.

“Who?” I asked though I thought I already knew the answer.

“Jamison.” I looked down, just in case Bill could see the hurt in my eyes.

“He uh…broke his leg in the Skate Competition.”

“God that boy, I told him if he was serious about swimming he needed to stop skating!”

Bill said angrily. But I knew he only acted angry to hide his other emotions, Bill was worried about Jamie to. “So, that's what you had on your mind?” He asked me.

“Yeah, I guess so.” “Not the greatest day in school either I take it?”

“Not really…”
“Alright, get back in. Easy warm up and then do a few sprints. Take it easy today though Rose, we don’t want to overexert before state.”

I nodded my thanks and headed back to the pool I was going to have to forget about Jamison during practice if I wanted to get any work done.


…

“Oh my gosh.” I said looking at Jamie's leg, hoisted up and resting in a cast.

“Yeah” he said shrugging and smiling,

“I am a bit of a klutz aren’t I?”
“Jamie, why didn’t you tell me?” I asked slowly. Gosh, I had promised myself I wouldn’t ask that, and there I was blowing it.

“I wanted to Rose…but I knew that you were at the meet. I didn’t want to worry you; you wouldn’t have swum as well.” I felt tears coming,

“Oh my gosh Jamie, if you weren’t broken I would punch you right now. Do you honestly think I would have cared about that meet if I had known that you had gotten hurt?”
He was silent.

“Well, you knew the meet ended at 9. Why didn’t you call then?”

“I feel asleep.” I suddenly felt really bad for being mad at him; it wasn’t his fault that I had chosen a meet over watching the competition. It wasn’t his fault that he had fallen asleep before the meet was over.

I didn’t bother accusing him of lying because I could see the honesty in his eyes. I felt like the biggest jerk on the face of the Earth.

“Jamison, I’m so sorry.” I said. I knew those weren’t the words he wanted to hear, but they came out before I could stop them. I knew I couldn’t be the one to comfort him.
“I uh, have to get to school.” I said dumbly, abruptly closing our conversation.

Turning to go, I felt his hand on my arm. I looked into his deep watery eyes; somehow I knew I had comforted him, not with what I had said, but with the unspoken. “Thank you.” He whispered. And then let go.

Chapter 4

I couldn’t get his eyes out of my mind as I walked down the hallway to my second period class. I had been excused from my first hour class, but my mom wouldn’t let me skip Algebra.

I had had struggles with Pre-Algebra all of last year, and she probably thought that a skipped day this year would bring a failing grade at the end of the year. Who could blame her though? In school, my thoughts were always somewhere else.

“I can’t believe you.” Sierra whispered to me as I slid in next to her.
“What? He's one of my Best friends. When I found out he was hurt I had to visit him.” I replied. She rolled her eyes and took out her notebook.
“Whatever.” She whispered. Just then the teacher walked in. Our thoughts had to turn from Jamison to Biology.

…



“Watch out Natalie Coughlin, Rose Perswan is coming!” The announcer's voice blared over the stadium. I looked up and saw millions of people, all watching me. Everyone was there, and waiting to see what I could do. I walked over to the starting block, and positioned my goggles. The water crashed invitingly before me. I was born to be in the water and I knew it. This was it, I was about to make history. History. History.


“ROSE!!” Miley shouted. “Come on, lunch is over. We have to get to History"

“Isn’t history our first period class?” I asked. “Yeah, that's US History; we took world history to remember?” I groaned,

“What kind of idiot takes two histories in one year?” I asked irritated.

“Apparently us” she said, sounding just as annoyed as I felt.

Down the hall, first door on the left was the stairs, up two flights and then take a right. Four doors down and then a left. It was always the same monotonous routine.

My mind was always other places, especially during World History, most of our important learning (You know the stuff on tests and things) is assigned as homework, so in class all she does is read our papers out loud. It’s definitely the most embarrassing class, but also the easiest.

That was why I had been daydreaming, well, until I heard my name being called and this time, it wasn’t a screaming fan if you catch me.

I looked up, straight into the brown beady eyes of Mrs. Marsin. Jeez, not even three days and this had already happened twice. I hadn’t been like this last year. What was up with me?
“Yes Mrs. Marsin” I said putting on a fake smile.
“Would you like joining us?”
“Sure” I replied, looking down at the page she had so kindly turned to for me.

Chapter 5

Miley: Girl what was up w/u in history 2day?

Rose: What do u mean?

Miley: U know what I mean, the way u talked 2 her

Rose: I don’t know maybe lack of sleep bcuz of practice

Miley: How long u gonna use that excuse?

Rose: As long as I have 2 to get 2 where I want 2 go

Miley: Whatever u say girl but remember if u keep on using practice as an excuse, that's going 2 b what gets taken away 1st

Rose: Thanks Miles.

Miley: Np

Chapter 6


I looked up from my phone and thought about what Miley had said. Maybe I did use swimming as an excuse too often. Maybe it was just because I always had it on my mind. Maybe I needed to quit thinking about such deep stuff and get in the pool.

I walked out of the locker room and started fumbling with my cap half-heartedly. Sure I lived to swim, but I was also a teenage girl with all of my personal problems to worry about. Swimming had always been most of my life, but now the rest of my life was fighting for it's fair share.

I groaned and walked over to Bill. “What's after warm ups today?” I asked.
“Do some dry lands for now. I want to work with Jordan today.” He replied. Usually he would’ve just given me a set that I could do without him, but I could tell he wanted to be un-interrupted for today and with the goals I had, I would definitely interrupt if I didn’t think something felt right. And great, if he was going to teach Jordan some new technique I was sure I was going to learn it tomorrow.
There was one good thing about dry lands though. I grabbed my headphones and pulled down a mat. Then I got in place and started pushups. 50 pushups and then 100 crunches, rotating again and again.

I had no idea how many passes Bill wanted me to do, so I just kept going. My stomach hurt, but I knew that all of this would pay out in the end.

I could faintly hear the waves crashing, but I couldn’t tell if that was my song or the pool. I sat up and took a break from my exercises for a while. I watched as Sierra smoothly glided along in lane 2.

Miley’s stroke was still choppy when she was swimming freestyle, but I could tell she had improved. Soon my gaze fell on the lesson kids. The instructor looked exasperated and I didn’t blame her, those kids were being a handful.

I glanced up at Bill and realized he wouldn’t be done with Jordan any time soon; he was helping him improve his Butterfly. Jordan stunk at Butterfly. To say that perfecting it was an overhaul would be an understatement.
I walked over and quickly asked Bill, “Do you mind if I help Amy with the lessons kids?”
“Sure Rose, but while you’re helping, every chance you get I want you to sprint.” He replied.

I walked over, and waved to Amy. “Hey Ames” she breathed a sigh of relief, “Oh my gosh Rose you have no idea how good it is to see you right now” she replied.

Amy was two years older than me, a senior, and she had taken over this class last year.

I jumped in with a smile, and said “Where do we begin?”

Chapter 7

The water felt good. I could feel it rearranging as my arms slipped in and out. I had finished with the lesson kids and now I was working on keeping my elbows high. I thought I had perfected my freestyle, but according to Bill I still had a lot to work on. It was times like this that made me feel like I would never make it, but then I would always know I had to.

The practice was a rough one, although I was working without any help from Bill, I still pushed myself hard. Glancing up at the other lanes, I saw that Sierra, Miley, and Josh were sort of goofing off. I wanted to join them, but I couldn’t. I had to work for my dream.

“Swim Down.” I faintly heard Bill say as I glided to the wall and grabbed my water bottle. I reached up and removed my cap, and then took out my hair tie, letting my black soaked hair fall around my shoulders. Plunging under the surface, I looked up at my fellow teammates. Jordan was still working on Butterfly so I knew he wouldn’t be done anytime soon. Josh and Miley were on swim down as well. I couldn’t wait to talk to Miley

…

“I thought about what you said” I told Miley in the locker room.
“What did I say” She said.
“About always using swimming as an excuse. You’re right.” She smiled.
“What do you suggest I do?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” “To spice up my life, give me more than just sleep, eat, school, swim.” I replied.
“Well, if you’re really serious about this, you know if you really want something more, than maybe you should try finding a boy friend.

I almost choked on air I inhaled so deeply, “Miley you and I both know that I could never find a guy that would put up with me always being busy with practice or meets. I could never find a guy whose idea of a perfect Friday night is watching me swim then getting a salad off the dollar menu.” I said.

“Girl, lighten up. A date doesn’t have to be on Friday night. Listen, I have a friend who’s throwing a party on Saturday night. Be at my house at 4:00 if you want to come. Dress well, but nothing too formal.” With that she picked up her bag and left, leaving me open mouthed with shock and wondering if that was really what I needed.

I peeled off my green and black tiger striped swim suit, and pulled on my baggy camouflage pants. Then I threw on my black t shirt and matching converse, and walked out into the hallway pulling my hair back into a messy ponytail as I did so. I flipped out my cell and dialed my moms number, I really needed to get a car and my license authorized soon because I was getting sick of depending on her to drive me everywhere I went.

I stood before the glass doors waiting, staring through the rain. I had the phone pressed against my ear and my other hand pressed against the glass. My eyes were red from the chlorine and to anyone passing by I was sure I would look like the picture of despair, but really I was just a teenage girl, trying to hold onto my dream in a world quickly spinning out of control

Chapter 8
I stood in front of the dresser and sighed. My white miniskirt had a stain on it, so that was out. I finally settled on a pair of black skinny jeans, a lime green t-shirt that was kind of tight, and a pair of matching converse. Just as I was starting to have doubts about the outfit I looked up at the clock. 3:45. guess this will have to do. I thought to myself as I rushed out of the house. “Bye mom.” I yelled over my shoulder and ran out the door.

Miley only lived a few blocks down, so I decided I would walk. Just as I was about to knock the door opened, and she ran out breathlessly.
“Oh my gosh.” I said inhaling. She looked freaking amazing. “You look…” I couldn’t think of anything to say.
“Thanks Rose, I love what you did with your hair.” She replied. I blushed a little because I knew she could tell I didn’t do anything special. I didn’t’ care, this is how I liked it. Hopefully I would go unnoticed the entire party.

Miley parked and immediately ran in; I started fiddling with the strings of my converse nervously. She could’ve at least walked in with me! I walked in and was immediately lost in a sea of people. I felt like turning around and running but I couldn’t, because just then I felt a hand grab my arm and I allowed myself to be dragged away, to get lost into the sea of faces.
“Miley, where are you taking me?” I shouted to be heard over the noise of the crowd. She didn’t answer. I remember her pushing me into a room and shutting the door, I stared as I heard the lock click in place. What was going on?

I looked up and was lost in an ocean of blue; I felt how I usually do when I’m swimming. I felt better than good. I felt right. It took me a moment to realize that I was staring into the eyes of quite-possibly the best looking guy on the face of the earth.

“Uh, hi.” I said blushing.
“hey” he said putting his hands in his pockets.
“So it uh, looks like we’re locked in here.” He stated bluntly. I nodded a response.
What kind of practical joke was this? I wanted to scream but I instead said,
“I’m Rose, pleased to meet you.”
“The name's Kyle and ditto” he replied. I liked his laid-back style already.

“So I, hear you’re a swimmer.” He said rekindling our dying conversation. “Yeah, seven years.” I said staring at the ground. “Whoa, you’re committed aren’t you?” He replied laughing. I allowed myself a small smile.

It started out awkward, but when he mentioned he liked Lord of the Rings the conversation started moving up hill. When we had discussed pretty much everything there is to discuss about the entire trilogy, we were starting to fight a loss for words.
It was then when we heard a key turning in the lock,
“So, their finally going to let us out?” I said smiling.
“What, you didn’t like hanging out with me?” He said. I knew he had meant it as a joke, but by the way his eyes dimmed I knew also that he was partially serious.
“No I didn’t like it,” I replied enjoying watching his face fall, “I loved it.”

“Hey Kyle,” Miley said walking into the room and ruining the atmosphere.
“Some of your friends are looking for you.” Kyle immediately walked out of the room and I was left alone with Miley.
“So, how’d it go?” She asked. “How’d what go?” was my genius reply. She rolled her eyes and playfully nudged me. “You’re time with Kyle of course!”
“Well, he seems like a really cool guy. I would love to become better friends with him.” I replied honestly.
Miley looked like she wanted to slap me. “Rose, he wants to be more than friends. I learned from very reliable sources that he's had a huge crush on you for over a month.”

I gasped; I couldn’t believe the fact that anyone could like me like that. Then there was the fact that my best friend was trying to find me a boyfriend, when I didn’t even know if I wanted one! “Come on, we’re being way too serious, we’re at a party on the weekend for Pete's sakes! Let's go dance.” I said grabbing her arm and running to the makeshift dance floor. Song after song played and we danced the night away.

Chapter 9

Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep

I twisted and turned. I threw the pillow over my head but the noise still came through.
It was Sunday morning, why in the world was my alarm clock on? I racked my mind for all possible reasons, oh my gosh! I had totally forgot, my moms boyfriend wants us to go to church with him. I looked through my closet but couldn’t find anything church-fitting. Then again, when I was looking, my mind was elsewhere…

The water felt so right, I exhaled and watched the bubbles float to the surface, the waves were crashing before me openly, inviting me to feel them crash against me. It took me a moment to realize that I was staring into a pair of eyes. “Hey” He said coolly. That was all it took.

I snapped back to attention. What was going on? Why had Kyle found his way into my daydreams? I know plenty of normal girls who wouldn’t be surprised at all to catch themselves dreaming about a guy, but me? I was never normal. I didn’t care! But what was even worse than catching him there, was the fact that when he found his way into my heart, I didn’t want him to leave.

I looked at my alarm clock again, 8:30, I remembered Kyle telling me that the service started at 8:45. Good thing it was close by, I threw on an outfit, barely paying attention to what I was putting on. Luckily, my purple pastel colored sweater worked nicely with the tan pants that I had matched it with.

I grabbed a comb and a granola bar and ran outside, I saw just what I expected to see, Kevin and my mom, sitting in the car already, waiting for me. I hopped in and we left, my first day of church was about to begin.

Chapter 10
I looked up at Kevin; he was singing his heart out. He was a great singer, unlike most of the people in the building. But that didn’t stop the others from singing also. They weren’t singing for attention, they were singing to their God. Looking around, I thought it sort of cool that all of them were gathered, just to praise the one they loved. Soon I let my mind drift, and I was dreaming about winning gold when something snapped me out of my reverie.

“Jesus” I looked up, the music had stopped playing and a bigger man had stood up and started speaking. After a few minutes of listening I was lost, Transgressions? Satan? Sin? These could have been a foreign language to me and I would’ve understood them better. These were all things that I had never heard of, never cared about.

But Kevin did care; I saw it on his face when I looked up at him. So I would try to care to, because he cared about me and my mom. Somehow I knew that daddy would be proud that mom had found such a great guy to take care of us after he found heaven. Kevin and I had something that most kids don’t have with their stepparents, I loved Kevin. And Kevin loved me. Even though it would take time, I knew if they decided to get married, I could eventually learn to call him dad.

The church bells started ringing, and when people started leaving the pews I realized that that heralded the end of the service. I was proud of myself; I hadn’t spent the entire time daydreaming about winning gold. The entire ride home, Kevin kept on talking about how powerful the sermon was.

I felt sort of guilty for not paying too much attention to what the preacher was saying. Next week I would do better though. Next week.

Chapter 11
“Rose, I still can’t believe you’re going to church now.” Jamison said, teasing smile lighting up his eyes.

“Oh come on, it isn’t that bad! I’m actually starting to enjoy it.” I replied throwing a cheeto at him. Without warning his face suddenly turned serious,
“I know. I attend.” I wish now that one of my other friends, all seated on the coaches surrounding Miley's TV, would’ve had a camera ready, because my expression at that moment, was probably priceless.

A long time had passed, and right now we were all spending some valuable Christmas break time in the company of our closest friends. Despite my protesting, Miley had invited Kyle. I had to keep my eyes away from him so that I wouldn’t get lost in that sea of blue. Eeeww!! What am I saying? I have got to stop that! What was even worse though, was he insisted on capturing my attention. I had to hand it to the guy, he was tenacious.

Miley, Jamison and I were sitting on the floor amongst beanbags. Jamison's leg was healing nicely, and Bill had given us an entire week for Christmas break. We were good with that because last year he had made us swim on Christmas Eve, even just a week was better than that! We were watching old Christmas specials and stuffing ourselves with junk food, and just enjoying one another's company. I loved slowing down like this every once in awhile, sure practice was my life, but to just take a break, that was great.

“Hey!” I giggled as a bunch of caramel popcorn landed on my lap. Looking up I saw Miley, a stupid grin on her face.
“Oh it's on.” I said smiling, and picking up a handful of holiday gummy bears. I threw it at her, but she ducked and it hit Josh, square in the jaw
That was all it took, and chaos reigned in the living room for a long time afterwards.

Laughing, one by one we all sank on to the coaches. But not in the same positions we had been in. I sat down and within seconds someone else was right next to me. I didn’t need to look to know who it was, Kyle had found me again.
We sat down and Miley started the movie. Who ever was thoughtful enough to pause it when we started the war I silently thanked, wouldn’t want to miss any part of the Charlie Brown Christmas now would we?

When the lights dimmed I felt Kyle's hand lightly brush mine. And sometime as we were watching the movie, he had grabbed it. And now I felt his thumb stroking the top of my hand. I felt my face turning red with embarrassment, but I did not pull away, because in truth I liked it.


Before I realized it, the movie was over, and the lights were flicked back on. He let go of my hand discreetly and from the way he looked at me I knew he didn’t want anyone to know. For all I cared, he didn’t have to worry, if he wasn’t going to speak of it I certainly wasn’t!

Chapter 12
I woke up to the sound of something hard hitting against my window. I looked and saw rock after rock bounce down, somehow thrown with just enough precision to get it there, but just gentle enough so that the window didn’t break. I got up and opened the window, and saw Kyle standing down below.
“Kyle, what are you doing here?” I said groggily, looking at the clock I confirmed what I already knew, it was late.

He didn’t respond, instead he made a motion for me to come down and join him. Almost every bone in my body told me to shake my head no, and get back into bed. Maybe this was all just a dream. But then that one part of me, the part that always says yes to adventure, no matter how hard I try to hold it back, that part said go. And for some reason, I listened to it. I pulled open my drawer and grabbed a hoodie, and then I quietly tiptoed down the staircase and out the backdoor, into what could’ve been the rest of my life.

“Phew, I thought you might not come.” He said it was so cold that I could see his breath in the air.
“Okay, I’m here. What do you want?”
“Well, I wanted to show you something.” He said looking down, “If that's…alright with you.”

“Sure” I said,
“I couldn’t get back to sleep now if I tried.”
“Oh, sorry about that. I just, this doesn’t happen if, this only happens early in the morning.” He said. I had to bite back a laugh; he's so cute when he's tripping over his words! Oh my gosh, what was I saying? Yuck!

So he started walking and I followed. Presently, we left the neighborhood. And we came to a rusty old white pick up truck. He hopped into the driver’s seat, and leaning over, opened the passenger door gesturing for me to get in.
“Is this yours?” I asked.
“Yeah, it's not much…but it runs.” He said caressing the steering wheel fondly. He started driving towards the lake.

We came up to the beach, and he parked. Then we got out, and he grabbed my hand as we ran towards the sand.

We had to climb over an entire dune, and by the time we were on the other side the sun had started to rise.
“This is what I wanted to show you.” He said proudly.

I gasped, we sat on the top of the dune and there below us was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.

The sun was rising behind the waves, and there was fog covering the surface. It looked so beautiful, the bright colors of the sun blending with the gentle colors of the lake.
“Oh Kyle” I breathed,
“It's beautiful.”
“I knew you would like this” he said smiling.

Before I knew what was happening he was leaning towards me, I started leaning back. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, but I was scared. I put my finger to his lips and said, “We should wait.” It tore at my heart to say it, but I knew I had to.

“Yeah, you’re uh…probably right.” He replied, even in the hazy light I could tell that his face was turning red. Before I had time to think I kissed his cheek, and then we were walking back to the truck.

It was 5 o’clock when we pulled back up in front of my house. “Thank you for a beautiful morning Kyle.” I said wrapping my arms around his neck. He kissed my cheek, and I ran inside so that he couldn’t see the smile that spread across my face.

Chapter 13
I am so stupid. I thought to myself as I looked in the mirror the next morning. There were bags under my eyes and my eyes themselves were dull. I was so tired. Last night with Kyle had been amazing I just hoped he knew that that couldn’t become a regular thing. Honestly, I wasn’t entirely sure if ‘us’ hanging out in general could become a regular thing. I mean I wanted him to but…what am I doing? If I’m going to accomplish my goal, I can’t have any distractions, and a boyfriend would definitely be a distraction.

I threw on a pair of light blue sweatpants and a pink tank top. Then I grabbed my Ipod and ran outside. Sure I was really tired, but a swimmer as serious as me couldn’t afford to slack off for an entire week. That was why I hadn’t touched the food at the movie, (well except for during the food fight, by the way if you’re wondering that took FOREVER to get all of the popcorn out of my hair thanks for asking) and why I was jogging at 7:30 in the morning

“Free to fall, fall in love, with me,
There's gonna be one less lonely girl, one less lonely girl”

I quickly switched the song, whatever was going on between me and Kyle; I didn’t need Justin Bieber reminding me about it while I was jogging.

I sighed and wiped my brow with my hand, I was now a good ten blocks away from home, and hadn’t thought to bring my water bottle. Dang it, Bill would kill me if he knew. I made one more lap around the block I was at and then started heading home.

I was starting to get really tired when a rusty white pick up truck pulled up to the curb next to me. My immediate thought was to run, but curiosity held me back. It couldn’t be…

“Need a lift” he said sticking his head out the window.

I was lost again in a sea of blue, the waves getting softer and softer, I took a deep breath and plunged under, I was gliding smoothly along, when I came to a black circle in the middle of my pool. Only then did I realize that I wasn’t looking at the ocean at all, I as staring into a pair of deep blue eyes.

“Well, Bill would really want me to finish this workout…but I’m way too tired for that.” I replied walking up to the passenger door.
“Hey, sorry about last night, I hope it didn’t throw off your schedule or anything.
“Oh no, it's fine. I loved it.”
“I’m glad you did, me and my mom used to watch it every morning, when mom…passed away; I couldn’t help but continue the tradition.”
“I’m sorry…about your mom that is.”

“Whoa, you’re committed aren’t you?” I said smiling. He laughed.
“Its fine really, she always believed.” I didn’t bother to ask him what he meant.
“Well, I’ll see you around.” He said pulling up to my house.
“Yeah, see ya Kyle.” I loved even that name it was so…
what am I saying??!!! Yuck. Please keep in mind that whenever I mention Kyle I go partially out of my mind!!!

I hugged him in a friendly sort of way, and than got out and ran up the front steps into the house.
“Who was that?” My mom said, not angrily like most parents but while wiggling her eyebrows teasingly.
“Kyle” I replied betraying no emotion.
“Well, he sure was a handsome young man.” She replied.
I laughed, she was honestly worse than Sierra when it came to stuff like that. Ever since daddy died she's been trying to play a double role. Being my mom, and being my friend. The strange this was, it was working.

…

“Welcome back” Bill said as I put the basket of Christmas treats my mom had made on his desk. “Nice to see you again Bill, and Merry Christmas” I replied.

“Alright, enough formalities people, Christmas break is over, so let's get in the water and make improvements we’re proud of!” he said raising his voice and addressing all of us. Without hesitation we grabbed our boards and leaving them behind us on the edge, we dove in.

The water felt so good. To be racing along after an entire week of missing it felt so relaxing. When I had dived in time seemed to freeze. Then I broke the surface and with every breath I was reminded of the reality, waiting for me up top.

Bill ordered instruction after instruction, and I carried all of them out, very nearly perfectly. I could stay like this forever, in the water. If Mermaids existed I would be one. Here I had no chains, gravity could not control me. It was when I got out that reality took hold on my life.

…

“You’re going to have to stop swimming for a little while.” Kevin said when I walked into the living room. My jaw dropped.
“Why?” I demanded.
“Because I have lost my job, and we have nothing to pay for it with.” I could feel the tears coming already, and with them came anger. I could not control Kevin, why did I have to suffer when he lost his job?

I ran up to my room so I wouldn’t say anything to him that I would regret. I couldn’t believe something like this could happen to someone like me.

Chapter 14


“Hey, what's up?” Miley said shaking me. I stuck my hand out of the blanket and started feeling around her face.
“What are you doing?” She asked laughing.
“looking for the off switch” I groaned.
“Dude, its Saturday, why are you waking me at…” glancing at the clock 7 in the morning!”
“It's not any Saturday, it’s the sprint meet!”
“Miley, I can’t come”
“Why on earth not?”
“Because…I can’t pay for it” I replied.
She stared at me like I had grown another pair of ears.
“What?” I snapped.
“Oh my gosh, I’m sorry.” She said, “But you already paid for this session, you already paid for this meet. Please come.”
“Miley, I really don’t want to….”

…

I walked along the tiled floor with my arms crossed. The water crashed invitingly before me, it looked refreshing but it wasn’t home. This pool wasn’t ‘ours.’

“I can’t believe I’m here.” I muttered to Sierra since Miley was in the pool swimming a fifty free. I quickly glanced at the girls in the other lanes; Miley was a shoe in for this heat. I looked again at my card, crud I was in heat #47; Miley was in heat #45, I didn’t have much time to get to the blocks.

I grabbed my goggles from the chair and started walking. I started thinking about how this could be my last race ever. Before I got up to the starting blocks I felt the tears coming.

I quickly pulled my goggles over my eyes to hide all emotion. I took a quick look at the other girls standing by the blocks. Lane 4 could prove a challenge, but other than that this looked like an easy race.
“Swimmers step up” The marshal called, I got up and braced myself.
“Take your mark” I bent down and grabbed the edge of the block.
The beep sounded and the light flashed, and I had plunged.

Gliding along softly I forgot about anything and everything. I forgot about the meet, and Kyle, and Kevin. About that assignment that I hadn’t started due on Wednesday, everything was lost. It was just me and the water now.

Then I broke the surface, and started sprinting my heart out, no one was ahead of me which I found strange since my streamline lasted for so long. I was doing better than usual. I could make my best time ever right here, but then when would I ever have time to beat it?

There in the water, where no one could see my face, I broke down. And let my goggles fill with tears. I swam with anger now, sprinting faster than I ever could have without that emotional push.

I came up to the wall and looked at the clock. 29.7 Finally I had broken 30 seconds. But what did that mean now? I climbed out and walked back over to my team. “Congratulations, that's your best time.” Bill said nodding. He tried his best to hide it, but I could see the sorrow in his eyes all the same.

I looked at his clipboard, all I wanted to do was go home but I had two more races. For some reason instead of following any particular order, the races were all just sort of thrown on there, any which way. I walked back up to the blocks twice, and I walked into the gym to gain my gold medal, twice. I know I should’ve looked happier, but how could I when this could be the last metal I ever earned?

Chapter 15

“Rose come on, open the door.”
“No.” I replied.
“Rose, I know this is hard for you, but you can’t just skip church.”
I rolled my eyes, it really sucked when she had a good point and I didn’t.

“Hey sweetheart, I’m searching for a job as best I can.” Kevin said when I walked down the stairs.
I grunted an unintelligible response. Glancing up at the clock I saw that we didn’t have much time before we were late. “Shouldn’t we be going?” I asked.
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Kevin replied getting up.

When my mom stood up, I saw a new ring on her finger. I gasped sharply and grabbed her hand. “What is this?” I asked.
“Just an engagement ring.” She stated calmly
“Mom when were you planning on telling me?!”
“Sweetie it was my idea that we not tell you right away, I didn’t want to overload your mind by throwing all of this on you at the same time.”
“We should probably get to church” I said


…

There was an empty seat next to me for once. I felt his presence then. When we sat down to listen to the preacher I looked up and was lost in the ocean again. “Kyle?” I asked.
“Yeah, I just started coming this week. When I saw you here, I thought why not sit with a friend?” he replied.
“Do you really think of me as that?” I asked
“As what?”
“A friend”
“Of course I do, honestly you were the only one that accepted me when I first moved here.

The final song rang out, and then we left, he walked with me and we talked on our way to the cars. “Keep dreaming for gold.” He said as a goodbye. I didn’t bother to tell him that the gold would forever be out of my reach as I walked to the car through the grey slush and icy puddles.

“So that service was powerful today” Kevin said, reminding me of my first time at church. I felt guilty that I hadn’t been listening again, and then I realized also that had been Kyle's first day to. I wonder how he felt about it.

Chapter 16

Sierra: Hey, we missed u @ practice 2day

Rose: Yeah did Miley tell u why?

Sierra: No, she said 2 ask u

Rose: Oh

I made a mental note to thank Miley, she didn’t have permission to tell, so she didn’t.

Sierra: So what's up girl?

Rose: I can’t pay 4 practice rite now

Sierra: That sucks

Rose: I know

Sierra: If you ever need a deeper talk, the entire teams here. Even if you’re not practicing with us right now, u r still our teammate.

Rose: thx

Chapter 17

School was so dull now, every day at lunch I would hear a story from the other nights practice. A month ago I would’ve laughed at every story, but no longer. All of my big dreams had been lost. Everything that I had ever allowed myself to wish for was lost, and I came crashing back to the Earth, like a fairy that learned to fly too soon.

I banged my head on the table over and over again, “Why me?!” I grunted
“Come on Rose, don’t you think you’re overreacting just a bit?” Josh asked me.
I glared at him.

…

I sat on my bed and stared up at the ceiling, throwing my snow globe from one hand to the other.
“I can’t believe all this is happening to me! I’m starting to have feelings for a guy; I can’t reach my goal, and my moms getting married!” I vented to Miley.
“Dude, don’t worry it's not like it's the end of the world” was her weak attempt at comforting me.
“Miley!” I groaned.

“Rose, think about it, when have you ever let anything stop you?”
“Well, never.” I said slowly.
“And are you going to let anything stop you now?
” “Well, I don’t really want to…”
“That's right Rose, tomorrow, you should tell Kyle your feelings.” My face fell. Turns out we weren’t on the same page at all. I was thinking about swimming, but she was thinking of Kyle.

“Miley!” I said, “I’m talking about the big problem!”
“Well, there's really nothing you can do there.” She said. I wanted to hit her, but sadly I knew she was right.

I thought about all the advice I had received.
Sierra said forget about it,
Josh said keep trying.
Miley said that there was nothing I could do.
Kevin said pray.
Jordan said move on.

I didn’t want to follow any of these, but to me it was obvious which one was the best.

…

Dear Lord, Please if it is your will that I should accomplish this goal, than please give me the strength to make it through the hard times. For I know that only through you may I accomplish the great things I wish to. Lord willing, give Kevin a solution to his job struggle, and May your guidance be in the relationship that Kevin and my mom have chosen to have with one another. In your name forever,
Amen

I looked up from my prayer and sighed. I never could make anything sound elegant. Then again, the Minister at the church we attend made it clear that God listened to any type of prayers, whether spoken from the lips of peasants or princes. I never could believe that someone who breathed the world into existence would listen to someone as unimportant as me, but I really hoped that what the Minister believed applied here.

Chapter 18


I felt better after that prayer, I don’t know why but it felt like, it's really hard to describe without using church words, it felt like a ‘burden had been lifted.’ God was going to take care of it, I didn’t need to worry.

“Rose, what happened?” Jamie asked at lunch.
“What do you mean?” I replied.
“Well you know, when you first were pulled off the team you took it really hard. What changed that?”
I smiled. Good old Jamie, he could see through me like I was made of glass.
“Well Jamie, I prayed about it.” I replied honestly.
I could feel the weight of his hand on my shoulder. “I’m proud of you.” He said staring into my eyes. I knew he meant it.

I picked up an object that might have at one time been a fish stick and biting into it hard I said, “I don’t know why, but now it seems easier to cope with. Somehow I know I’m still getting there. This is just a minor set back.”
“I don’t get it Rose,” Sierra said.
“What's not to get?”
“You. Everything's against you and still you’re positive you’ll get your way. How are you so optimistic all of the time?”
If only you knew how hard I try. I thought to myself as I nibbled on another fish stick. If only you knew…

…

History is now possibly my least favorite class. Not because of Mrs. Marsin (Well…mostly not because of her) But because of the person who sat next to me, three desks down. Every time he spoke I tried to ignore his voice, I always avoided his gaze. I didn’t want to send him the wrong message, but I just wanted to be friends. I just wish I had the guts to admit that.

“Rose, chill. He's in a ton of your other classes and you don’t freak out then.” Miley said.
“Yeah, but he's never so close to me as he is in History, and it seems like he answers so many more questions in History!” I replied.

‘Girl, you sound pathetic.” She stated unsympathetically.
The sad thing was,





























she was right.

School had been so boring. I was dragging through the day with my usually ‘cheeriness,’ but I wasn’t sure how much longer that could last. I only had one more class and then I could go home.

Luckily, that class was literature.

I walked into the room and said down at any random desk. That was one of the many great things about Mrs. Drongowski; it was never the same routine. You could sit anywhere you wanted, and she also allowed us to choose which books we wanted to read.

At the top of our list this year was Little Women. Which I had already read two years ago, but I was going through it again. I loved the list this year, most of my favorite books were options and some things that I had been meaning to read were on it as well. If nothing else would go right this year, literature class would.

…

The week passed slowly, but finally it rolled around to Saturday. I made a note on Friday night to turn off my alarm clock, and left it off so that it wouldn’t ruin my much-needed rest.

But my needed rest was not to be, because at the untimely hour of 4:30, I heard rocks hitting my window. Ugh, now was so not the time! But then again, I really did have some things on my mind that I wanted to talk to him about…maybe watching the sunset with him was just what I needed.

“Hey” I said stepping out into the open.
“Hey” he said his voice cracking. I immediately knew something was up, but I didn’t say anything…yet. We started walking, and got to the place where he parked his truck. Then he started driving towards the beach.

When we pulled up he jumped out and we started running, giggling like little children, leaving all of our worries behind us. We got to the top of the sand dune but I kept on running, and he followed me. The sun was rising higher now, and the fog blurred the sunrise colors with the water.

It looked so inviting. Without a thought of what I was doing I kicked off my flip flops and stood on the edge, letting the waves nip at my toes. I looked up smiling at Kyle, and saw a tear fall down his face. My cheer immediately left me.

“What's wrong?” I asked.
He didn’t respond.
“Kyle, I’m your friend. You can tell me whatever's on your mind.”
“Well Rose, we’re…moving.”
I thought my heart had stopped beating.
“You’re…what?” I asked.

“We’re moving. By November of next year, we’ll be gone.”
I was crushed. I knew I had gotten in too deep with Kyle, and now I was going to be hurt by it.

“At least we still have most of a year.” I said, trying to comfort him.
I saw in his eyes that it had helped.

Suddenly I didn’t want to be here anymore, I just wanted to go home.

“Kyle...let's go home.” I said. He had already started walking

Chapter 19
Now that I was in the calm sanctuary of my room, I dove into my pillow and cried. I wasn’t like me to break down like this, but this was just too much.

It was 11:00 when I finally made my descent down the stairs, hair a mess and eyes dull, daring anyone to comment on my unseemliness.

I was angry at the world, how on earth could all of this happen right now. I’m 16 years old for crying out loud; couldn’t disasters like this come sporadically? Why did they all have to come at one time? Why now?!

I grabbed the milk out of the fridge and poured a glass. Then I sat at the kitchen table and thought. Mostly about how sorry I was for myself, but I also tried to conjure up a plan to reverse this chain of disasters. Unfortunately, I had never used the more devious side of my brain, and frankly, I was scared of what it might hold. Try as hard as I might, I couldn’t find anything there that could help me.

I finished my milk and then ran out of the house; just because I wasn’t swimming any more didn’t mean I was going to stop my workout. Although I couldn’t get in the pool, the neighborhood was still open, so as much as I hated it, to get a good workout I had to jog.

I jogged all the way to the park, and there I saw Josh and Sierra playing a game of tennis so I ran over. “Hey guys” I said coming up to the fence.

“Time out” Josh yelled to Sierra and ran over. Sierra followed.
“Dude Rose, you’re still jogging?” Sierra asked. “I thought you hated to jog.” Josh said.
“I do, but I can’t use the pool and this is my only other form of exercise” I said biting my lip to hold back even more tears.

“Well Rose, you could always borrow my rollerblades…” Sierra started, and just like that instead of jogging, I was blading all over the neighborhood.

…
“Where have you been?”
“I was just rollerblading…” I replied.
“Rose, Kevin was worried sick. He thought you had run away or something!”
“Run away?! Why on Earth would he think that?”
“Because you haven’t been in your bed since 4:30!” she replied. Busted.
“Mom, I’m here. Its fine” I replied.
“Well where have you been?”
“I went down to the beach to think.” I replied more or less honestly.

She held her head as if she had a migraine and I walked up to my room, mumbling “sorry” as I walked past her. I didn’t mean to worry her honestly. I was really sorry that I did.

I threw pillow after pillow against the wall. When I ran out of pillows I got up and started retrieving them. There's nothing I can do, but I have to do something! I thought. I kept on thinking of millions of different schemes, but when I thought of how they would play out, I realized that most of them were either, illogical, impossible, or just plain dumb.

I wanted to get my own job and pay for swim, but how unrealistic is that? I couldn’t hold a well-paying job for long, and when I lost it I would be in the same boat I am now.

…

BUZZ!!

My cell phone was vibrating. I dug it out of my pocket, my heart leapt, but then sank once more when I saw who it was. It was Kyle.

“Hello?”

“Hey”


“Hey”

“Um, I have an extra ticket to the uh, Goldrush concert and I was wondering if you would like to uh, join me.” He said.

“As friends?” I asked.

“As friends” he confirmed.

“deal.”

And just like that, I was going to a concert with Kyle.

Chapter 20

The wedding came and past sort of uneventfully, the only difference was my mom had a new ring on her finger, and Kevin moved in for real. He already practically lived at our house, always being there, but it was more official now since he didn’t have his own house to go home to at night.

And then it was the day of the concert, which coincidentally fell on the day of my birthday.

“Hey” Kyle said pulling up to the curb. I smiled and got in, waving to my mom, I rolled up the window and sunk into his leather seats.

Pretty soon we pulled up to the front of a big church, and walked up to the steps. He handed a taller guy our tickets, and then we walked in to find a seat.

There was little down time, it seemed the second we found suitable seats it started. The three girls ran from the back, and started singing their hearts out. I loved their sound.

“Step out of your comfort zone,
Step out into a place you’ve never known.
Step out into the great abyss,
Step out so that you don’t miss,
All the things the Lord has planned,
If you just step out he’ll take your hand!!”

Their chorus really spoke to me; I thought a song about stepping out of your comfort zone was beautiful. I closed my eyes as they started singing the second verse

“You feel so small and powerless, you wonder if you were made for this, gone are the things you thought would last. Your sense of security's fading fast! You don’t know where to turn; you just want to go home. But God is calling you out of your comfort zone.”


I opened my eyes took a deep breath. “Beautiful.” I sighed. Soon I felt Kyle's arm around me.

The lights dimmed and someone was playing the piano. One of the singers stepped up; I think her name was Cass? She was beautiful, her blue eyes were bright and glowing, and her cheeks were pink with love for the God she was singing to.

She grabbed the mike and started speaking in a voice almost as beautiful as her singing voice,
“Everyone today, I know that all of us are trapped in our little bubbles, the fear of getting hurt keeping us from stepping out. But with the God, Christ who we know and love, we can do all things, by relying on his strength and guidance. ‘For I know the plans I have for you declare the Lord, plans to guide you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope, and a future.’”


I gasped the verse she had just said was applicable to my life right now. I felt a small tear make its way down my cheek and land in my outstretched hand.

…


The waves crashed invitingly before me, daring me to dive in. But I recoiled. The waves splashed at me, but their touch burnt my skin. I could not get in, I would not.

I woke up with sweat pouring from my forehead. It had only been a dream. The concert had passed months ago, and now it was July.

I had been out of swim for nearing a year now, but I felt at peace with that, I had broadened my horizon, and experienced a bit of the outside world. Kevin was finding luck with odd jobs, and when Kyle moved then I would be back in swim. But right now I wanted to spend as much time with Kyle as I could. We had never started officially dating, and neither of us thought of the other like that, but we were friends. Best friends.

Sure I still had my dreams and goals, but right now comforting him was what I really needed to do.

Becoming such great friends with him was the gold.





…for now

Chapter 21


I wiped my eyes again as one last tear made its way down my cheek.

This was it, November 1st. The day Kyle was leaving.

I was really upset. We had worked on our unique relationship for so long. I had even gotten into the habit of waking up early every day to watch the sunrise with him.

Was there such a pretty sunrise in Michigan?

No. I thought bitterly to myself, no place could have better sunrises than California.


I saw something out of the corner of my eye as I turned to go, his hand. Beckoning, beckoning for me to come over. I glanced up and saw that no one else seemed to notice. I walked over, and I heard his voice.

“You’ve built of four thick walls around you,
You’re confident that nothing can break through.
You feel so safe you’ll never leave…”

“But God is calling you to believe” I started in, and then we were both singing,

“You feel so small and powerless, you wonder if you were meant for this. Gone are the things you thought would last, your sense of security is fading fast!”

I grabbed his hand as he whispered, “I have to step out of my comfort zone now Rose. I’ll call you.”

I felt a tear make its way down my face, and then he pressed a note into my hand and was gone.

I was left standing there. Staring at the rain. The wind blew and then I was reminded of the note he had so tenderly placed in my hand. I ran inside so I wouldn’t get it wet, and once I was in my room I opened it.

It said,

Dear Rose,

Thank you for opening your arms to me. And thank you for making me feel comfortable at church and school for the short time I was there. Rose, you were really one of my only friends while I was here. I will never forget you. When I graduate I fully intend to move back up here, but until then, now you’re free. I’ve always loved you, but you have to follow your own dreams as well. Go for the gold Rose, it's in your reach.

Sincerely,
Kyle

I almost choked on a sob. He thought I had what it took. He loved me. He was gone.


I collapsed on my bed and slowly let the tears fall. I knew I should’ve stuck with the water.

I heard footsteps coming up the stairway, and I debated jumping up and locking my door. I SO did not need a mom to daughter talk on this one; I think I’m old enough to handle heartbreak on my own.

The door handle was turning now, too late. “Sweetie, are you okay?” Mom asked concern in her voice.

I didn’t want to talk to her. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to be left alone. But life goes on, whether you’re on board or not.

And my swim mates had already promised to find me a less expensive sport. So, as I imagined Kyle doing whatever he was doing in Michigan, I was off and on the Tennis courts, the Baseball diamond, trying my hand at ice skating (major FAIL by the way) and even golf.

Nothing diverted my attention for swimming like Kyle had. Maybe that's why I took the break so well, because there was something else for me. Now there is nothing. Could life ever go back to being normal? I sure didn’t think so.

But maybe, life didn’t need to go back to normal. Maybe everything that had happened was supposed to happen. Maybe it was a road block on the path of life, that made me grow up. Maybe years from now, I’ll be able to look back, and see how this experience changed me. How I matured from it.


And maybe, just maybe, something will happen between Kyle and I. When he comes back, we’ve grown up…and we’re ready for it.